“But you want me to accept you, this, just as it is?”
He nodded.
She sighed. “I guess I can. I mean, I’ve accepted you up until now. I can’t think that what you’re hiding is anything bad. I just think you aren’t comfortable with your feelings. With getting close to people.”
“You’d be correct on that last one,” he said. Then he leaned forward to nibble on her neck again. God, every touch was electric.
She moved her arms to his back, scratching lightly with her nails as his mouth moved to hers, covering it.
His lips were so soft, so insistent, that she parted instantly and felt his tongue sweep inside. He kissed ravenously, hungrily, as if he were reveling in the way it made her squirm in his arms.
She’d never been kissed like that before him, in a way that heated her down to her core and made her ache to have him inside her immediately.
In a way that she wanted to have every day when they got home from work together, so she could approach him for one of those kisses whenever she wanted.
Everywhere she touched him was hard, velvet muscle, and he felt so damn good.
She moaned against his lips, and he pulled back, his eyes intently surveying her.
She loved the look of his dark lashes against those icy eyes. The dark hair with his pale features. The hardness in his jaw that seemed to relax when he smiled. The way a muscle ticked near his temple when he was irritated, which was a lot.
Yet, over the past couple days, it felt as if it had lessened.
“I love your hair,” she said, putting her fingers in it.
“I love when you touch it,” he growled, bowing his head slightly at her touch to give her better access.
She put both hands in it, stroking lightly, watching his eyes close in sheer pleasure. Oh yes, she would have to do that again.
She reached for his shirt to undo the buttons, but he got off her and stood by the bed as he began to strip. First went the jacket, tossed to the ground. Next was the shirt, hastily unbuttoned. Then an undershirt, also strewn on the carpet.
Then his hands reached for the waist of his pants, and she gasped at the click of his belt. Even the sound of him undressing was erotic.
When he removed the belt, he made quick work of his pants, sliding them down and kicking them off, leaving him only in tight boxer briefs that accented huge, taut thighs and a small waist.
He was V-shaped, with broad but sculpted shoulders and arms that tapered to strong but flat abs.
He was physically perfect, and she could savor every inch of his skin much better now than she could the other night on the blanket.
“My goodness, you are beautiful,” she said, putting a hand to her mouth.
“Not as much as you,” he said, getting on the bed with her and pulling her onto his lap so he could reach for her pajama bottoms. He slid them off easily but kept her curled against him as he tucked his head over hers for a second.
He grabbed her hand and pulled it back to hold it against his chest. “Can you feel how hard my heart is beating just from you watching me? What do you do to me, Ada?”
She turned in his arms and kissed him, getting on her knees so she could reach up. It was her turn to be aggressive and voracious, and she kissed him with every one of the feelings she’d had for him over their five years together.
Frustration, impatience, admiration, affection, and then finally love. A love that went much deeper than what he looked like. A love that was about what he was.
She would never be able to know too much about him. She wanted to uncover every crevice of his heart.
But after five years, it might not be possible. So she would take what was possible. Pure lust.
He flipped their positions again and tore off her panties, making them give with a rip. Then he removed his as well, leaving them both completely naked.
It should have been awkward, having known each other as friends for so long.
But it wasn’t. It felt right and safe and like home. As if they’d always known they could trust each other.
This time, Theo picked up his pants and pulled something out of the pocket, and when she looked closer, she saw a foil packet holding a condom.
She pushed up on her elbows in response. “I thought you said I couldn’t get pregnant by you.”
“I was telling the truth,” Theo said. “But you shouldn’t have had to take my word for it. I was caught up in the moment, and I’m positive you are safe, but I want to show you that I care. I want to be careful.”
She nodded as he slid the condom on with some difficultly, wincing as he did so.
Didn’t they make condoms in a size that would fit someone that big? It was a shame to do anything to strangle that beautiful dick.
But Theo was determined, and once the condom was on, he came back over her, parting her legs and looking at her ravenously.
“I’ll never get enough of looking at you,” he said quietly. “I just… You’re the most beautiful thing in the world. I should have told you sooner. I should have made you mine.”
She widened her legs invitingly, already wet and aching from his kisses, and he pushed into her.
It was much easier this time.
He fit better, and his eyes closed in pleasure as they were fully seated as one. Her whole body felt filled with sensation, and she’d never felt more beautiful than she did as he looked down at her right then.
His blue eyes were glowing, the color almost flickering in the dim light. His arms propped him up, his hands planted on either side of her.
A drop of sweat formed on his forehead, and she found the thought that this was so good for him that it was hard to hold back incredibly hot.
“Theo,” she said, putting a hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat.
“Ada,” he said back, taking a deep breath and releasing it.
She wanted to ask him what all of this meant, what they were doing together, what he really wanted long term.
But she didn’t want to ruin the moment. The feel of the room with his clean, masculine scent mixing with hers. The way he seemed utterly happy in a way he was almost uncomfortable with.
The way her body sang with him inside.
She clenched around him, and he startled, glaring down at her in shock.
Then a grin curved one side of his lips, and he began to move, grabbing her hips and sitting back to drive into her.
She felt so helpless, flat on her back with him kneeling, driving into her over and over, lighting her up with pleasure that was almost too much to take. When she was so close she couldn’t stand it, he paused and slowly came out of her, letting her down gently on the bed.
“What the—”
He came over her, covering her body with his, leaving them chest to chest as his knee nudged her legs apart and his hands entwined with hers. “I want to be close to you when you come for me.” Then he pushed in again.
Ada screamed, a rush of sensation overtaking her, the strongest orgasm of her life, and then she felt Theo go rigid, joining her in the depths of pleasure.
Her nails dug into him as wave after wave of sensation obliterated her senses, made the entire world fade away in the background of her bliss.
She glanced up and saw he was there also, encased in his own storm as his body was racked by release.
She missed the feel of him spurting inside her but appreciated his care for her well-being. The thought of a baby with Theo was almost breathtaking at this moment.
Something perfect and both of theirs for all time.
But it was also horrifying because they weren’t truly together. Because who knew what the future held? Of course they were hot for each other—that was fairly proven by now—and they were good friends.
But whether they could hold down a marriage? That remained to be seen.
Luckily, she thought as she bit his shoulder, she didn’t have to worry about that because she wasn’t getting pregnant.
She could just enjoy b
eing with Theo and leave without harm.
She didn’t need to ask him about long term or marriage because all she needed was moments like this, as many of them as she could get, so she could look back on them fondly when she was gone.
Chapter 13
A week passed faster than Ada could have ever imagined. It was a storm of surgeries, dates, quiet nights with Theo, not-so-quiet nights with Theo, bike rides up in the mountains, sunsets, and picnics.
It was as if they had packed five years’ worth of good times into just a few days.
And it wasn’t even close to enough.
But Theo had never mentioned anything about the future. He never brought up commitment or any stages past dating, so Ada figured he must be on the same page as her.
He didn’t like that she was leaving, but he wasn’t planning on there being anything between them long term.
She had just finished up with surgeries for the day when she felt her stomach lurch and ran for the bathroom.
She wasn’t the type to ever vomit and had always had an iron stomach, so she knew it wasn’t nausea from watching the surgery.
She grasped the toilet, gagging as she emptied her guts, hating the awful, ragged feel of it as everything she’d eaten was torn out of her.
When she was done, she leaned back against the stall, gasping.
She listened and was relieved when she didn’t hear anyone else around.
She rubbed her hand over her stomach gently and wondered how she could have gotten sick so quickly. She’d been nauseous that morning, but she thought it might have been from riding on Theo’s bike too much.
Not that there could be too much.
She felt a bit dizzy as she stumbled out of the stall and washed her hands, dabbing her face with a paper towel and hoping she looked slightly normal. There wasn’t much she could do about the redness in her eyes.
As she was going out the door, her stomach lurched again, bringing with it a wave of nausea.
Ada wasn’t sure what was going on. She pulled out her phone to check the calendar, wondering when she should have her period. Shouldn’t it have shown up already?
Oh no.
She hadn’t even thought about it because she’d been spending so much time with Theo. There hadn’t been time to sit around and think about the absence of Aunt Flo.
But Theo had said he couldn’t get her pregnant, and besides that, he always used protection…
There was just that one time on the blanket out in nature, their very first time together. Had Theo been wrong?
Rubbing her hand nervously over her stomach, she tried to think about the timeline. It would only have been about a week and a half ago, so it would have to be the perfect storm for her to get pregnant.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
Don’t be paranoid. How could you know this soon?
But she technically could, and she knew that. Plus, she’d always heard there was a kind of intuition a woman could have, and if she wasn’t wrong, she had it.
It was just an odd sensation that she wasn’t alone anymore. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking.
Wait. No, it wouldn’t be wishful thinking. She couldn’t have Theo’s baby. They’d never talked about the future, and she was still leaving, regardless of how good the sex was.
This wasn’t the time to start a family, yet… She couldn’t imagine ever getting rid of Theo’s baby.
On the other hand, if she didn’t tell him and moved, she would never get the closure and new start she was seeking.
There would always be a part of Theo with her, reminding her of everything she couldn’t have.
But maybe she could have it. She’d never thought they could get along so smoothly or have so much fun together. They’d begun to fit seamlessly into each other’s lives.
Couldn’t that be a long-term thing? Working together, living together, raising a baby?
She wasn’t certain. What if Theo thought she had trapped him? That would be the worst situation. What if he was cold and pragmatic and suggested she terminate it, hating her if she didn’t?
A cold chill went over her as she tried not to think about all of the worst options.
She went to her locker for her things and slung her purse over her shoulder, trying to ignore the ache in her diaphragm from throwing up.
She just needed to get home right now. Well, maybe get to a store for a pregnancy test or something. Could it even be detected yet?
Who knew?
She was almost to the automatic doors that led out to the parking lot, breathing a sigh of relief that she didn’t have to see Theo, when he surprised her by popping up in front of her, blocking her way.
“Hi, beautiful,” he said, handing her flowers. He’d been bringing them to work lately. She was sure her co-workers found it weird, but with Theo’s value to the hospital, no one was going to second-guess him.
“Oh, thanks,” she said weakly, trying to look happy as she looked down at the peonies and roses in her hands.
“What’s wrong?” His gaze sharpened. “You don’t look so well. Have you been sick? Off? Do you need surgery? I know a good surgeon.” He winked.
On any other day, she would have laughed with him, been pleased he was coming out of his shell. But not today, when she might be pregnant with his baby.
“Theo…”
“Yes?”
He held her arms and looked down at her with an expression of serious concern. Such beautiful blue eyes. Would their baby have those eyes?
He blinked at her, waiting. “Did you want to say something?”
“No,” she said, putting a hand over her stomach. “Maybe I’m just hungry.”
“We can stop for something on the way home,” he said eagerly.
“No.” She put up a hand. “I need to go home and take a nap first. I think I’ll feel better after that and some food. You can come over after.”
Or she could always call and cancel if she wasn’t feeling up to it.
“I don’t get it,” Theo said, folding his arms stubbornly. “You usually love when I come straight home with you, and you could nap easier in my arms.”
That was true. She loved when he held her, making her feel safe in an uncertain universe. But it wasn’t what she needed right then.
She just needed to be alone. “I promise I’ll text you when I’m up.”
“Okay,” he said, pressing his lips into a firm line. “Because we have to go out tonight. I have to show you something. It’s a surprise.”
She perked up at that. Was he going to talk about their future? Was she silly for even thinking that? She sighed, knowing it was probably just a place he wanted to eat.
They would have to have a difficult conversation, and nothing was going to change that.
“Okay. As long as I’m feeling better.”
He rose to his full height. “If you aren’t, I’m coming to check on you. If not as a boyfriend, then as your doctor. There’s nothing I can’t fix.”
She grimaced. “Okay, then.” A dark part of her knew he was right; he could probably fix it. But not in a way she would want to be fixed.
As far she knew, Theo either hated or feared children. He was always eager to save their lives or operate on them but was uncomfortable whenever they were around, like they were going to attack him or something.
But she could still imagine him as a father. Gentle but stern, trying to balance work and family.
Oh gosh, she had it bad.
He walked with her out into the sunlight and insisted on taking her over to her car. He opened the door for her, and she sat down heavily, waiting for her stomach to settle.
He leaned down. “Will you text me when you get home?”
She smiled. “You’ve gotten downright needy.”
“Your safety is everything.” He shrugged.
She flushed at that, putting on her seatbelt. She might have more than herself to keep safe now, and the thought still made her want to pass out.
/> She wasn’t ready. She’d never thought about this situation. She wanted to move to her new place and find a man and start a family. This was happening all backward.
“I’ll text you when I’m home,” she said quietly. Then she pulled the door shut, yanking it softly from his grip so it could close. She pulled away, glancing at his confused expression in her rearview mirror.
She knew he wanted to just be with her. She knew, normally, she would have been overjoyed to be with him.
Hopefully, a pregnancy test would be able to clear up all of this.
* * *
A pregnancy test did not clear everything up. Ada’s palms were sweating as she waited for Theo to come over.
She’d texted telling him that she didn’t feel like going out, and he’d insisted on bringing something over. She didn’t have the heart to turn him down.
Not when they had something important to talk about anyway.
When she heard a knock on the door, she snapped out of the daze she was in and went to answer it, opening it to see Theo, who swept her into his arms.
She’d never thought he could be this affectionate or joyful or any of the other emotions she was starting to see from him when they were together.
Maybe he’d really meant it when he said he needed her around as more than a nurse. Could someone really have feelings and not be aware of it for a time?
She’d always been painfully aware of hers.
He held up a bag. “Takeout. Italian. I’ve heard the lasagna is to die for.”
She smiled and led the way to the kitchen. Her stomach growled, finally hungry again, and she smiled up at Theo as she took a seat and let him serve her the lasagna.
“Listen, Theo,” she said when they were both served and seated, and Theo twisted spaghetti on his fork, looking at it quizzically.
“Yes?”
“What do you think about children?”
“I don’t think about them.” He shook his head. “Not when I don’t have to. Awful creatures.”
Well, that went over like a hot pile of dog crap. Ada’s nails bit into her palms as she kept her hands on her legs under the table. But maybe he just meant other people’s kids. Didn’t people say it was different when it was your own?
Starlight Page 9
