Seeing the hall now made me want to break down and weep. There were children of all ages everywhere, somewhere amongst them an infant was crying with high-pitched screams. Makeshift beds and cardboard partitions had been set up haphazardly to give some semblance of privacy.
It didn’t work.
There was no escaping any of it.
We walked through as haunted faces stared back at me. Children as young as two and three were fending for themselves. They were far too young to know how to survive, especially in this world. Tears started to sting my eyes but I wouldn’t let them fall. I had to be numb, I just had to be.
It was the only way to survive.
A child of about five almost knocked me over as he ran past. I jumped out of the way and gripped the wall to keep my balance. He disappeared into the crowd just as quickly as he had buzzed by.
“It’s a bit chaotic in here,” Oliver said apologetically. He wasn’t kidding. There were people everywhere. Some were merely sitting in private misery on the floor with their meager possessions. Others were bustling about intent on some task or another. But it was the ones just standing, looking lost, that made my heart contract.
“Do all these kids live here?” I asked, because just the thought of it made me want to run in the other direction and forget everything I had seen.
“Some do. Some are just here for the food or company.”
“Is anyone looking out for the young kids?”
The sad look on Oliver’s face answered me before his words did. “Everyone’s doing their best but nobody was really equipped for this, you know? It’s pretty hard looking after others when you can’t even do it for yourself.”
We passed a set of double doors that were wide open. I jumped when I saw the ghost standing in the space between. She was probably about forty-something and staring intently at a little girl curled up asleep on the floor. The kid was aged about four, maybe five at the most.
I didn’t make eye contact with her, I couldn’t. The moment the woman realized I had seen her she would harass me until I did whatever she wanted me to. I kept walking, trying to take a few deep breaths to stop my shaking hands.
We wove our way through the maze of makeshift beds and people until we joined a long queue. About a hundred feet away I could catch glimpses of the food serving area.
I leaned in closer to Oliver. “Where does everyone get their food from?”
“Here, mostly. Volunteers cook and serve once a day for lunch. After that, everyone is on their own.”
“Where do the volunteers get the food?” If they had a source, I wanted in on it. I wouldn’t take any more than I needed, but I did need something. I couldn’t go back empty handed and waste the whole horrible experience.
Oliver leaned in closer again so we couldn’t be overheard. “Mostly from stockpiles that were found after the Event. Nobody is making any new food so it all has to come from old stock.”
“There aren’t any farms anymore?”
“Who would run them?” It was even worse than I had thought it would be. Of course there wouldn’t be any farms, it was stupid of me to assume children would take over where their parents left off. Kids of farmers had no more obligations than the rest of us.
We spent the longest time possible in the shelter line as we shuffled forward inch by painful inch. I longed to leave and go to my house on the hill. The hall was too noisy, full of nothing but sadness and grime. At least my house only held the endless chatter of the ghosts and not groans from the living.
The smell of food made my stomach grumble loudly as we reached the front of the line. A girl of about sixteen handed me a plate that was half-full of canned vegetables. They were probably stale but they were hot and edible, it didn’t matter what they tasted like. I would have eaten cardboard by that stage.
“You’re not going to eat?” I asked Oliver as he kept by my side, plate-less.
“No, I’m fine.”
“But you waited in line for so long and-” He held up a hand to stop me mid-sentence.
“I’m fine, Everly, really. You eat up while we talk.” He led me out of the hall and down a corridor. We found a patch of grass outside in the cloudy sunlight and sat down.
I forced myself to eat slowly and not make a pig out of myself, even though I wanted to shovel the food into my mouth as quickly as possible. Soggy, stale carrots had never tasted so good before.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you here today,” Oliver started. I could sense he was only just gearing up for a lecture.
“I told you, I ran out of food.” And I had to make sure he was alive, but I didn’t tell him that.
“These people could really use your help. You’ve seen how bad it is now and this is only the beginning.” There it was, the compliment that headed directly into requesting me to do things I couldn’t do. I focused way too intently on my peas instead of his penetrating stare.
“There are plenty of people here helping. One more set of hands wouldn’t do much,” I replied. I would have told him I had leprosy and was highly contagious if it convinced him to leave me alone.
“You know you would be more than that.”
“Nope, that’s it. Ten fingers, it’s all I have.”
He shifted his weight as he sat and moved his feet so he was sitting cross-legged. “Everly, don’t pretend. You have access to the kind of information they need.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you want information, you should go to the library and read a book. I’m sure it would be more helpful than me.”
“You can speak with the dead, Ev.” He paused as my head shot up to look at him. I wasn’t sure if I had heard correctly.
Nobody knew about my abilities.
I certainly hadn’t told anybody.
How on earth did Oliver know?
Chapter Four
I had to protect my secret at all costs. I couldn’t look at Oliver as I lied. “Speak with the dead? Yeah, right,” I said sarcastically, brushing the idea off as ludicrous.
“Come on, I’ve known you forever. You really think you can lie to me?” Oliver laughed and I knew it was impossible to avoid his questions any longer.
But I wasn’t going to give up so easily. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“So you can’t see ghosts?”
“No.”
“Sure.” He rolled his eyes and it instantly made me remember the last time we had hung out together. It was in my bedroom, we were studying ancient history. I was trying to convince him Cleopatra was a made up figure and he was shooting me down by applying logic and reason. He had rolled his eyes at me then too and I thought it was adorable. Now, it was frustrating.
“I swear,” I insisted.
“Miss Everly Anne Hilton, you are too bad of a liar to actually do it convincingly. Quit it.”
I couldn’t keep up the charade, no matter how much I tried. Oliver had a way of seeing right through me. It only left one question: “How long have you known?”
“A while.”
“I don’t want anyone else to know.”
He nodded, back to being completely serious again. “I can respect that. Nobody needs to find out.”
I needed him to understand just how much was at stake with my secret. Even though I trusted Oliver more than anyone else in the world, he could still make a mistake. “It’s just that, if people know, then the ghosts will all know too. Sometimes it’s too much and they won’t leave me alone.”
“Maybe there’s a reason why they won’t leave you alone.”
Yeah, it was because they were desperate, needy, and some of them didn’t even realize they were dead. “I can’t help them.”
“No, but they could help the living,” Oliver replied. My brow wrinkled as I tried to work out what he meant. No matter how much I stared at him, the answer didn’t magically appear on his forehead.
I would have to ask him. “What do you mean?”
“They could pa
ss on their knowledge to those here. If they explained to you, you could explain it to everyone else. We could rebuild the city with that kind of information.”
I shook my head fervently. I could not be responsible for that much. All I came down here for was food, I could not get roped into the burden of rebuilding the entire city. I just couldn’t.
I got up, the city suddenly feeling like it was suffocating me. I had to get out.
Oliver stood too. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You can’t ask that much of me, Olly. I’m not strong enough to act as some kind of psychic mediator. I can’t handle the spirits that won’t leave me now.”
“Look, I really am sorry.” The sadness in his eyes made me stop for a second to hear him out. “Just stick around for a little while longer. I promise I won’t mention it again. You can think about it for a while.”
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
He chuckled with a nervous laugh. “You rarely do. But please think about it. You’ve got a gift. I can help you use it, I can be there for you.”
Oliver was one of the nicest guys on the planet, but he didn’t know what it was like constantly being hounded by the spirits. He couldn’t know what it was like to listen to their pain and know there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’ll find some food for you to take home.” He left me alone in the courtyard.
I sat back down again and leaned against the cold brick wall of the building. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I wished I was somewhere else. I wished the Event didn’t happen and I was sitting in the schoolyard again waiting for sixth period English class with Mr. Brown. If I concentrated hard enough, I could still picture all the students, laughing and talking in groups.
But Mr. Brown was dead now.
All the teachers were.
Many of the students, too.
I shook my head to get rid of the memories. That was the reason why I didn’t want to come into the city. The memories were too strong when everything looked so familiar.
Across the way, a little girl of about seven waved to me. Her red curly hair shone, even though the sky was still cloudy with smoke and blocking out the sun. I didn’t wave back, I couldn’t risk it. I would make no connections here, I couldn’t.
As I went to turn away, a piece of food in her hand was ripped away by a group of boys as they moved past her. They knocked her to the ground as they ran away.
I hurried over and helped her to her feet. She swatted at the dirt caked on her knees and hands. “Are you okay?” I asked. Up close, I could see her big green eyes as they fought back tears. She nodded, trying to be brave. “Are you hungry? Do you want more food?”
She shook her head and her curls bounced with the movement. “I was almost finished. I can’t go back for more, it’s against the rules.”
“Is there someone we can tell? They shouldn’t get away with stealing your food or knocking you down.” Stupidly, I looked around for a teacher. Of course there wasn’t going to be anyone supervising the courtyard, they were all dead.
“There’s no-one. What’s your name?”
I didn’t want to tell her my name because then she would tell me hers and then she would be a real person to me. Yet looking into her innocent eyes, I couldn’t just walk away. Not when she reminded me so much of Faith. “My name is Everly.”
“That’s pretty. I’m Lilia. Are you staying here?”
“No, just visiting.”
“I don’t live here either.”
I stared at the little girl. She had a sadness that no child should ever know. But every child here did know it, they knew it well like a worn teddy bear. “Who is looking after you?” I asked. If I could hand her over to someone, I could walk away.
And I needed to walk away.
“Nobody. I’m looking after myself,” Lilia said proudly. My heart leaped for her. Even in the broken world, she still took pride in her ability to survive. I guessed it was something to be proud of since the Event.
It was either survive or perish.
“Do you know a girl named Faith?” It was worth a shot, I had to ask.
She pursed her little lips together as she gave it great thought. My hopes lifted, perhaps she had seen my sister. “I don’t think so. Who is she?”
“Nobody.”
“Will you help me wash my hair? I’m not very good at it.” Lilia gave me that piercing look again, the one that was just like Faith. I guessed I could help her while Oliver was busy, it probably wouldn’t take very long.
I nodded reluctantly and she slid her little hand into mine. I fought back the tears, because if I closed my eyes, I could pretend she was my sister. But when I opened my eyes again, I knew it would just be another lie.
Lilia knew her way around the place surprisingly well. She guided me through the chaos of the hall and out the other side again. We walked for two blocks before we stood outside a building that had been partially destroyed. Whether it was from a lack of maintenance or human intervention, I wasn’t sure what had caused all the damage.
“This is your home?” I asked. She nodded and led me through a broken door. I had to duck and let go of her hand just to follow. The hallway was like a small dark tunnel. For someone as tiny as Lilia, it was easy to negotiate. I was a little bigger so I had to crouch down to move along.
Lilia passed through another door, this one was only barely hanging onto the wall by a broken hinge. It was going to fall down completely sometime soon. Hopefully that time wouldn’t be now. I tried not to touch it as I went underneath.
“This is my home,” Lilia declared with pride. It was a small, dirty room. But all four walls were intact and the window actually had glass in it. She was doing a lot better than many other people.
On the floor was a thin layer of blankets, another one balled up to act as a pillow. It was the only thing in the room. “You sleep here every night?”
She nodded, actually managing to summon a smile in the horrible conditions. “Nobody can find me in here, I’m safe. You won’t tell anyone, will you?”
“Never,” I promised. I doubted I would be able to find my own way back anyway. Kids were better at hiding than they had been since I was last in the city.
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” Lilia curled up in her poor excuse for a bed and lay down. I sat next to her, tucking the blanket up to her chin.
“Yeah, I’ll stay. Don’t you want to wash your hair?”
She shook her head, her curls bouncing. “Changed my mind. It’s too cold.”
“Sleep well.”
Her sleepy eyes were already starting to close. “Everly?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think they’re coming back?”
I rubbed her back, unable to answer her question. It wasn’t because I didn’t know the answer, because it was a firm no. But I didn’t want to be the one responsible for taking away the little girl’s hope. It was all we had left. Hope was a commodity in short supply. The more you had, the richer you were.
“Go to sleep,” I whispered instead. Lilia settled into the bed further and sighed. Such an innocent little child, she didn’t deserve to be fending for herself.
I considered taking her back to my house on the hill but I knew it was useless rescuing every child I came across. It wouldn’t even create a dent in the problems of the city. Lilia was probably better off here anyway.
I waited until Lilia’s breathing became rhythmic as she drifted off to sleep. I crept out as quietly as I possibly could. I needed to find Oliver and get the food so I could go home. I’d had my fill of the city for one day.
For a lifetime.
I stood at the door to the hall and tried to spot the face I knew so well amongst the many that I didn’t. It was possible I did know lots of the people here but they had changed so much since the Event I couldn’t recognize them.
“Hey, there you are,” Oliver said behind me, scaring me half to death. I spun around out of instin
ct, my hand ready to punch him in the face and defend myself. “Whoa, it’s okay. It’s just me.”
“You shouldn’t sneak up on a girl like that. You might lose your teeth or something.”
He gave me his famous wide grin that always made me want to smile too. “I’m not scared of you. Especially when I’ve found you some food.”
“You did?” That was a relief, I could be on my way home and not have to return for a very long time. I would make the food last as long as possible, living off the barest of minimums.
“Come on, I’ll show you.” He waved me along to follow him. I trailed close to his heels to make sure I didn’t lose him amongst the people or debris.
We skirted around the outside of the hall until we reached the back of the kitchen area. Oliver pointed to a box on the stainless steel bench. “Take that box, it should keep you going for a while.”
“You’re sure it’s okay just to take it?” My old sense of decency screamed that I was stealing. After all, I hadn’t done anything to work for the food, and money hadn’t been used in a long time.
“If you were staying in the city you would be given a daily meal. This is the same thing. Take it.” I studied Oliver’s face to make sure he was okay with it. His eyes were nothing more than sincere. I stepped forward and picked up the box. It was heavy with food, it should last me as long as I’d hoped it would.
“Thank you,” I said gratefully. I would have hugged him if my arms weren’t full.
“I take it you’re going to go straight home now?” Oliver asked, a sad resignation to his voice.
“Before it gets too dark, yeah.”
“You haven’t changed your mind about staying?”
“No.” I wanted to give him a different answer, I really did. But coming into the city had only strengthened my resolve to hide away and pretend it all wasn’t happening. We could live out the end of days until we all destroyed each other.
It wouldn’t be too long.
Oliver suddenly smiled. “You can always change your mind.”
“I’m not going to.”
“But you can.” There was no use in arguing with him, we could do it all night and the only outcome would be fatigue.
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