“You cannot. You are what you are, Sydney. Now, more than ever.” Kellan gestured at Emily. “She wanted the change enough to risk everything. Why must you fight it so?”
“I don’t have her reasons. Honestly, I don’t know if she wanted to be a vampire, or simply wanted to escape herself.” Sydney held up a hand before he could question her further. “Wait. Wait. She drank from me. Not much, but I managed to get some of my blood into her. Could that have affected her change? The books said the essence of a latent has special healing properties, even beyond those of a vampire. We’re made up of the best—and worst—of both worlds.”
“You certainly healed me.” Until you ripped me open again….
“Kellan.” Her faint embarrassment tickled him in light of all that had come before. “Maybe I should give her more, if it would ease her turning. I don’t want her to suffer.”
“She’s not suffering.” Gently, he nudged Emily’s mouth away from his arm. The wound was already closing. “She’s resting.”
“When she wakes, she’ll need more blood.”
“Yes.”
“And sex.”
“Very likely.”
Sydney bit her lip. “We should call Lucas.”
“Don’t want to share me?” He meant the question as a joke, as he certainly had no intention of having sex with Emily, with or without Sydney present. But her head whipped around, and her placid green eyes glowed.
“Sharing you is part of the deal?”
“No. We both sired her.” Sydney could probably get an exemption from the council, as she wasn’t a full vamp. But there would be no exemptions for him. He had turned his allotted female.
His gut clenched, but not from hunger. Now Sydney didn’t have to worry about him making her a full vampire against her will. If he sired another human, he would risk death. If she desired to be a vampire, the only one who could sire her was Lucas.
A more twisted foursome, he’d never fathomed.
“So she’ll want us both?”
“She may,” he said, grateful Sydney hadn’t yet realized how irrevocably their lives had changed. “It could mean one thing to us and another to her when she awakes. Her urges toward us may be strong.”
“I can handle her.”
“What about me?” He brushed a lock of silken dark hair away from her cheek and fought not to ruminate on what couldn’t be altered. Not now. “Can you handle me, Sydney?”
“We should call Lucas,” she repeated, again worrying her lower lip between her teeth. But he could see the tips of fangs piercing that plump, reddened flesh.
His cock hardened against the fly of his jeans. God, he didn’t have any reserve against her. And no matter the situation they’d found themselves in, he couldn’t forget his lust for even a moment.
There were two ways he could handle this. He’d planned on finding her and telling her he wouldn’t leave until she came back with him. Until she agreed to embrace the change. But now changing meant something entirely different. Now she’d have to bind herself to Lucas for eternity, just as he’d bound himself to Emily.
And he was getting ahead of himself, because she hadn’t agreed to be turned, nor had she agreed to a relationship with him. She wouldn’t allow herself to be strong-armed into a life she didn’t want. Loving her was the way to get her to see she could have more than she’d ever dreamed if they built a life together. Demands would accomplish nothing.
And that might mean he had to walk away.
Again.
He hated to leave her alone with Emily, just in case. Calling Lucas was one solution, but he feared for Sydney’s safety if Luke discovered his opportunity to sire his mate had been lost. The truth would come out eventually, of course, but sometimes delayed beheading was best.
“We can’t stay here,” he said into the heavy silence. “If you’d prefer to return to your apartment, that’s fine. Do you have close neighbors?”
“One neighbor. Upstairs. It’s a split-level house. You’re not going to insist we go back to your place?”
Already he sensed a difference in her. Her normal suspicions were intact, yes, but she had also revealed a sense of curiosity she hadn’t often displayed. He hoped that meant she was more open to the possibilities.
“No.” He buttoned Emily’s blouse. “I’m not going to demand anything from you. Not anymore.”
“Why not?”
A smile lifted his lips despite himself. “Because you are a smart, fully capable young woman. You can make your own decisions.”
“Yes. I can.”
“We’re in agreement then.” Kellan turned his head, still smiling. “A first, to be sure.”
“Not true.” She inclined her chin. “We were in agreement when you asked me if I wanted to go for a ride that first night. I did. I wanted you from the first moment you walked in here, wearing the brim of your hat tipped low and that cocky grin.”
All it took was a mention of that night on the side of the road and he hardened even more. “You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, with all that dark hair that fell over one eye and the smile you seemed to save just for me.”
“Were?” Her voice softened. “Seen?”
“Are. You take my breath away, Sydney.”
“You don’t have any to breathe.” But he could tell he was teasing from the way she dipped her head, allowing her swing of dark hair to fall across her face in the manner he’d just described.
His fingers ached to scrape back her midnight locks until he exposed the vulnerable line of her throat. Then he’d sink his fangs into her flesh and take from her as he’d sipped from her wrist, not stopping until he’d finally made her his.
But that wasn’t the answer. Never mind the very real possibility of death—unless he and Sydney went into hiding, and what sort of life would that be for her?—if she didn’t come willingly, he’d never know if he’d ever really had her at all.
“You’re a little vixen, you know that?”
“No.” Now her teasing smile bloomed beautifully. “I’m a vampire. And don’t you forget it.”
Joy coursed through his veins, as syrupy thick as the blood she’d given him. “Since when—” his voice wasn’t steady, so he cleared his throat and tried again “—do you believe that?”
“It’s not a matter of belief, is it? I am one whether I admit it or not.”
If only that were true. If she were already a vampire, he wouldn’t have to think about her being sired by his best friend. She could stay like this, caught between two worlds, and it wouldn’t matter to him. He’d love her regardless. But now, if she chose to embrace what he’d longed for her to accept, he’d be, in essence, sharing her permanently with Lucas.
She eased Emily’s head onto his knees, carefully supporting her head. She still hadn’t stirred. “Is Luke at home?”
“Actually, no, he’s not. He’s away on business.”
And thank the gods for that. He’d waited until Lucas’s plane had taken off before he’d gone after Sydney, on the off chance that she would come home with him. Or more likely, if he’d dragged her to his man-cave like the oversexed vampire he was.
He didn’t miss the relief that flowed into her eyes. “For how long?”
“A week.”
“A week,” she repeated. “Okay. This is what we’re going to do.”
His lips twitched. How he’d missed her. “Do tell. What are we going to do?”
“We’ll take Emily back to your place. I’ll stay with her. We’ll take Luke’s bedroom. Luke’s bed,” she added pointedly, rising.
“Together?” He wasn’t sure if he liked that idea.
“She’ll probably do nothing but sleep for a while, right?”
“Probably.”
“And if she wakes, you’ll know it.” She gathered some wet paper towels and did a quick clean up job on the blood spatter on the floor, then disposed of the waste and returned to his side. “Now help me get her up.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Rather than assist her in her fumbling attempts to lift Emily without disturbing a hair on her head, he simply scooped the other woman into his arms. He glanced at the gleaming black bags of coffee that lined the shelf in front of the cash register. “You still sell that Kenyan dark roast?”
“Of course.” Smiling briefly, Sydney picked up two bags of coffee on her way to collect her purse. She dug out her wallet and carefully counted bills before depositing them in the cash register. Then she hurried ahead of him to hold open the door.
“You owe me $19.50,” she said as he passed. “Plus tax.”
He had to laugh. “Put it on my tab.”
It had been all well and good to suggest spending time at Kellan’s, except for one vital problem. Being trapped in close proximity didn’t exactly give her a lot of mental headspace for her to come to a rational decision about their relationship. The lust he aroused in her was another issue, but she’d sublimated her need for sex by raiding the meat freezer the minute they’d arrived. As if he’d somehow known her tastes, four prime Porterhouse steaks had been iced and waiting.
Feeding took her less than ten minutes. Showering and changing another twenty.
Now what?
She’d forgotten yet another salient point. They were nocturnal creatures. That left plenty of hours of dark where she had nothing better to do than to prowl his house.
After the tenth time Sydney bumped into Kellan drinking the coffee she’d bought him—which he still had not reimbursed her for—at the kitchen counter, she decided a conversation couldn’t hurt. She barely knew him outside of bed. Besides, being friendly didn’t indicate she was ready to devote herself to the dark side.
“You really love that stuff, don’t you?” she asked, jerking a thumb at his empty coffee mug. He had to have drunk three or four cups already. Did caffeine affect full vamps? Did any drug? God, she had so many questions, and unlike Emily, she didn’t consider cozying up with a thick book her idea of fun.
“Yes. It’s delicious. Besides, this coffee led me to you.”
She cleared her throat and took a seat at the narrow kitchen table. It barely seated two people, as she saw when he sat across from her. His hands were inches away from hers, so she dropped hers in her lap. “Do you get a buzz? From coffee?”
His mouth curved. “I get my buzzes in a different fashion.”
When she sighed, he leaned back and regarded her seriously. “Caffeine gives us a pleasant jolt, but not to the extent of a human. I rarely feel tired to begin with, as long as I get a little sleep every few days. Surely you’ve noticed that, as well? Even though you’re not a full vamp, you must experience some of the benefits.”
“I never liked coffee, so I haven’t seen a change.”
“A barista who doesn’t like coffee. My, you are a contradiction.”
“It’s a job.” She shrugged. “I get to meet lots of interesting people.” Interesting vampires. Hmm, maybe she should’ve stuck to the much more wholesome juice bar across the street.
“What about other benefits?”
“Like needing to masturbate six times a day to avoid attacking any man within sniffing distance?” She pushed her forehead into her hand. “It’s not that bad, but—”
“Your attraction to other men is natural. I don’t blame you for your instinctive reactions, Sydney. Nor do they alter my feelings for you.”
“But you said once a vampire found their fated mate, the desire for others lessens.”
“It lessens, but it doesn’t disappear entirely. And there are other reasons people—and vampires—feel arousal besides the need to copulate. Emotional reasons. The need for connection is extremely strong. Affection often leads to sexual interest. And if you’re not sexually active with your mate, your needs remain. Vampires need sex. Not every six months or on special occasions, but regularly. Almost as regularly as we need blood.” He toyed with the handle of his mug, running his fingers up and down the curve. “You desired Lucas, did you not?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Would you sleep with him again?”
She shivered under his scorching, golden gaze. Sometimes it felt as if he could see into her soul. If she still had one. “He’s a handsome man. I like him. And he understands. The pool of available men has shrunk exponentially, unless I want to start chewing on my dates.”
“There are many of us in the world, Sydney. Many. In this town alone, we’ve encountered a number of our kind. You’d be surprised who walks among us.”
Sydney twisted her fingers together. Sometimes the sheer volume of what she didn’t know about her new condition made her head hurt. “What about you? You must feel urges, too.”
“I do. But I’ve also had much longer to learn to control them than you have.”
“What about Emily? I saw you checking out her breasts earlier.”
He let out a soft noise that almost sounded like a snort, except it was much more dignified. “You think I’d poach on Lucas’s mate?”
“He poached on yours.”
“At my urging. Ill-advised or not.”
“So let’s say he gave you the all-clear. You’re telling me you wouldn’t do her?”
“I seriously doubt he would do that, so the consideration is moot.”
“But you’re her sire now and—” She stopped, pieces clicking into place. “Wait a second. I thought you said each vampire could only turn one human or risk death. Does it make a difference if the vampire had no choice? Like with what happened with Emily? You had to save her or she would’ve died.”
His jaw tensed as he pushed his coffee mug around on the table. “The VRC’s not big on gray areas. The rule of one usually stands.”
“But could it be counted as my one turn?”
“You’re, at best, a half-vamp. I think your partial humanity would exempt you. At any rate, you didn’t complete the change. I did. Which makes me Emily’s sire.” He grimaced. “Officially.”
“But what about me? If I decide to change, then what?” She saw the truth in his eyes. She’d waited too long. Her chance for Kellan to be her sire had passed.
“If you decide to change over completely, Lucas would have to do it. Or another vampire of your choosing.” To say he looked pained was an understatement. “I’m sorry.”
“Another vampire of my choosing?” She used her anger to avoid thinking about what she’d lost. Even if she hadn’t been ready to accept what he offered, now that the option was gone, she felt bereft. Why couldn’t she ever realize what she wanted before the possibility was extinguished? “Do you think I know that many?”
“I could contact someone for you, if you’d rather it not be Lucas.” He let out a slow breath, as if he were trying to calm himself. “Does this mean you’re ready to accept being a vampire? To acknowledge your true nature?”
“I already called myself one. Sounds like I’m getting there, right?” She hated her snappish tone, but it couldn’t be helped. First, she’d had the niggling worry that Kellan and Emily would want to get frisky. Now, Lucas would have to sire her. “What will this mean?” she asked after a moment.
“What?”
“The four of us, the way we’re tangled up…the lines have blurred between us. Fated mates or otherwise, you bring bloodletting into the equation and we’re all wrapped up in each other. If Emily ends up being attracted to you, and maybe even me, thanks to our suck-neck session, and I end up being attracted to Lucas—”
“More than you already are, you mean,” he said dryly.
She ignored him. “It gets real complicated, real fast.”
“Why do you think most mates are sired by their loved one? It can become difficult otherwise. We all have sires, and we don’t all end up with them. Lucas and I have fared well enough without Alysia in our lives, but had she been, we both would have been pulled. It’s an unbreakable bond.”
“You don’t even like Emily,” she muttered.
“Neither did you, the last time you were here.”
“Touc
hé.” God, she wanted to scream. Why did everything have to be so hard? “He won’t want to sire me. He’d rather kill me, after he learns what I did.”
“You had no choice. I had no choice. He should damn well be grateful to us he still even has a mate. Foolish woman, playing with things she thinks she understands.”
“Kellan, you don’t know her background. I don’t know it all either, but what I do know is not good.” She shuddered, thinking of what she’d seen in Emily’s eyes as she’d spoke of killing her rapist. “She was at the breaking point.”
“Regardless, her impulsive act altered the course of four lives. And in time, she’ll understand just what that means, for all of us.”
She almost pushed him for more information on that subject, but she decided she’d had enough for one evening. She still had other, less explosive questions to ask. “What about your family?”
“What about it?”
“Do you have one?”
“A father. He died a few years ago.”
Her head cocked at his emotionless tone. “You didn’t remain in contact with him?”
“No. Lucas and I ended our association with our families once we’d changed over. It’s the usual way of things. Vampires mostly keep to their own, other than searching out snacks. Or lays.”
“What about Luke’s family?”
“It was harder for him. He had a bunch of sisters, his parents, cousins. Severing that link was difficult, but it had to be done. Living in this world is hard enough. But trying to straddle two? Watching your family age and die while you don’t change breaks the hardest heart. Easier to leave early on and pretend they’re still living their lives just fine without you.”
Sydney stared down at the table. All of a sudden, the enormity of the changes in her life weighed down her shoulders to the point that even breathing ached. “I have a mother,” she whispered. “She’s remarried a bunch of times, and now she lives down south. You’re saying I wouldn’t be able to see her again.”
“It would be your choice. But as the years pass, it would become more difficult for you.” He exhaled noisily. “And Sydney, if you don’t take a sire, you will die yourself. You’re not immortal now, just harder to kill. According to those books of Emily’s, your lifespan would be extended, but it’s not infinite.”
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