by Roslyn Bane
“Oh yes. I understand. But I wouldn’t call this lucky.”
Kris yawned and shook her head trying to stay awake. Irene noticed. “Kris, honey, don’t fight it. Go to sleep, I will be here when you wake up.”
“Okay. Sorry,” she mumbled as she slipped into sleep.
***
The counselor sat down by the window next to Sam. “Sam we’ve received several calls from your family asking for updates on your condition. While that is certainly common when people are first injured it is less common later. Is there a reason why you are not keeping your parents and siblings up to date?”
“They’re my foster parents.”
“I see. How long were you with them?”
Sam was quiet for several long seconds while she thought about what she had said. She started to bounce her leg. “Since I was eight. That really wasn’t fair, what I said. I mean they are my foster parents, but I was with them longer than my father was ever with me or my siblings.” Sam noticed the look on the counselor’s face. “My father left us. My siblings and I were together for a short period after that, but eventually, we were separated. I don’t know where any of them are.”
“A woman has called and said she was your sister, Lauren.”
“Oh, that’s my fost…yes, I would say she is my sister, not by blood. But it’s better. She, they, wanted me in their life. I…I don’t want them to see me like this.”
“That’s common, Sam. You are feeling weak, and scared. A good many warriors don’t want their loved ones to see them when they’re first injured.”
“I don’t want them to think they have to keep taking care of me. They’ve done enough. I have to be able to do this by myself.”
“You don’t have to do this by yourself. In fact, trying to do it alone will make it infinitely harder. We’re here to help you. All the staff is here to help you recover, but you’ll still do the actual work. How well you recover has a lot to do with the effort you put in, but also the support that you receive. Use your resources here. The staff, the counselors, all the others in here who are injured can and will help. The activities that are available are helpful too. You lost more than a part of your leg. Ask for help.”
“I will.”
“Now what do you want to do about your parents? They’re worried and want to see you.”
“They can come. Can you call? I’m not sure that I can talk with them right now.”
“We’ll take care of that for you. They should be able to stay in family quarters at Fisher House.”
“Great, thank you.”
Chapter Ten
KRIS AWAKENED AND LOOKED about the room. Her mother sat in a chair looking tired as she thumbed through a magazine. Kris noticed for the first time the lightening of her hair at the temples, as the light brown gave way to wisps of gray. The crow’s feet along her eyes had deepened, and her cheeks were thinner. Irene took a deep breath and glanced over at Kris, eyes widening when she realized she was being watched.
“I didn’t realize you were awake.” Irene stood up, walked over to her. “How do you feel?”
“I’m okay.” Kris’ voice cracked, and she reached for the water cup, wincing as pain seared into her chest.
“Let me get that.”
Kris sipped from the cup, and nearly sighed as the cool water soothed the soreness in her throat. After several seconds she nodded, and her mother pulled the cup away. “Thanks, Mom. Why didn’t you go back to…where are you staying?”
“We’re here at Fisher House. It’s only a few minutes away. I wanted to be here when you woke up. So, we could talk privately until your father comes back.”
“You spoke with the surgeon?”
“Yes, both the plastic surgeon and the orthopedic surgeon. The skin flaps look healthy. They had done muscle flaps during one of the earlier surgeries.”
“I remember him saying that. He said I could eventually have reconstruction, but that’s a long way off. About a year.” Kris heard her mother’s sigh, “What’s wrong?”
“It seems as if you’re only worried about your breast. I know to you that is the more obvious injury, but you can live without your breast, Kris. Your arm was damaged too, and you have yet to ask about it. What they found and what they did to repair it.”
“They told me previously there was minimal damage to the bicep and deltoid. But that it would heal well. The bones and cuff were not damaged. I was lucky, I realize that. It doesn’t hurt at all, or not in comparison to my chest. Or what’s left of it.”
Irene pulled the chair closer to the bed. “Does it worry you? I’m sure you have some concerns.”
“Mom, I’ve done mastectomies. It was an injury, not cancer. I know what the women who have their breast removed worry about.”
“I know you do. However, this is the first time you’ve felt it as a patient. Stop trying to be so analytical. Let yourself feel something. Don’t be so stoic.”
“What do you want me to do? I can’t fix it.” She tried to lower her voice, but she felt a lump rising in her throat. She rubbed her temple and swallowed hard. “I trust these guys like they trust me.”
“I’m not questioning their skills. I want you to tell me how you feel. Not as a physician but as my daughter. I imagine you’re scared, at least a little.” Kris stared at her mother in silence. “Okay Kris, I misunderstood. I thought you might have some concerns and that you would want to talk about it. Losing a breast is a very personal thing. I am here if you want to talk about it. How did…never mind. Would you like some more water? Are you hungry? They should probably be bringing your lunch soon.”
“How did what, Mom?” She stared at her mother and waited as the seconds ticked by.
Irene sighed, “I was wondering how Shelly took the news.”
Kris’ cheeks started to burn, “It caught her off guard. But we’ll be fine. She’ll be back later and I’ll explain it to her in more detail.”
“What about your shoulder? What did the surgeon say about that?”
“Nothing. Mom, do you talk to your patients about their treatment outside your specialty? No. We have to wait for the orthopedic doc. But it doesn’t hurt. In fact, it’s like I can’t even feel it.”
Kris saw her mother’s eyebrows arch. “You can’t feel it, or it doesn’t hurt?”
“It doesn’t hurt. See my hand works…” Her voice drifted off. She attempted to move her fingers, and they stayed motionless. What? Oh, My God. She reached over and grabbed her left hand with her right. She felt nothing with her left. She tried to form a fist with her left hand. Her heart raced, and the room became overly bright. Her breath burst in and out. “Mom! I can’t feel it. It’s not moving. I can’t…Oh no!” Buzzing filled her ears. She started shaking, and sweat slid down her face and neck. “How did I not see this?”
Irene was instantly at her side. She scratched along the back of her left hand leaving abraded skin. “Do you feel that?”
“No.”
Irene reached over and pressed the call bell.
***
At Kris’ insistence, her parents remained in the room while the orthopedic surgeon performed his evaluation. He tested her sensation and muscle function in her left arm and scribbled some notes down. “Your arm is definitely not responding normally. I am ordering x-rays to make sure some metal wasn’t somehow left in there. If that’s normal, we’ll get an MRI to see if we can see anything with the nerves. While you were in Germany, you had movement in your hand. The sling was to minimize your arm motion while the blood vessels and grafts healed. The good news is we know the entire arm is getting excellent blood flow.”
Kris spoke, “And if that is normal, then what?”
“We’ll take you back in and look around. I’ll have to avoid cutting through the healing graft, so the approach will be unusual. I’m going to request the tests now. I’ll be back after the results are available and we can talk more. I will tell you that this is unusual. Whatever it is, we’ll find it.”
Chap
ter Eleven
GOD, THAT’S ANNOYING. THE rhythmic click and squeak of the crutches were irritating. Can’t they make quiet crutches? Everyone turns around and watches.
The corpsman interrupted her thoughts. “Where you going, Major?”
“To that window at the end of the hall.”
“Great. You’re pushing yourself. You almost got there yesterday. There’s a nice view of the garden from there. I’ll let you take a rest and come back to get you.”
“Good. I want to see something other than these walls.” She paused to wipe sweat from her brow, and wiped her hand on her shirt. After a few more steps Sam sat down on the couch and placed the crutches on the floor. She settled in and stared out the window. Fluffy white clouds whisked along in the bright blue sky. Forsythia bushes and daffodils, heavy with their yellow crowns, moved soundlessly in the breeze. She watched as someone moved a wheelchair out next to a bench and held it while their companion shifted from chair to bench. Together they sat holding hands, and after some time she saw them lean their heads against each other. They have each other.
A heavy sigh had Sam looking over her shoulder. A woman with brown hair, which almost reached her shoulders, was coming down the hall using a cane and breathing heavily. Around her waist was an assist belt, and a corpsman walked beside her encouraging her to continue. They reached the window, and she stopped and leaned against it. Sweat ran down the woman’s pale face. She was ashen, with dark shadows under her eyes. Her exposed hand was bruised and swollen. Sam almost cringed imagining the pain that came with having a hand that looked like that.
“Do you want to sit down, Commander? I’ll get another chair.”
“Okay, but only for a minute.”
“Sit here.” Sam reached for her crutches and started to get up.
“Don’t get up. There’s enough room for both of us.” Kris sat down, wincing as she scooted back further. “Thanks.”
“Let me take that belt.” The therapist unfastened the belt, “I’ll leave you here. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Sam watched as the therapist walked down the hall, and the woman next to her whispered, “Christ this sucks. Whoever thought it would be so hard to breathe.”
“I feel the same way. Even sitting up hurts,” Sam said quietly.
“It does.” The woman looked at Sam for several seconds. A puzzled expression appeared on her face before she extended her hand. “I’m Kris.”
Sam’s stomach clenched uncomfortably, and she hesitated briefly prior to shaking Kris’ hand. The skin was soft and damp, her grip firm. “Sam. Nice to meet you. How long have you been here?”
“One week. How about you?”
“Two weeks.” Sam looked outside. “Looks like a nice day out.”
“Sure does. Although I heard it was chilly.”
“I am hoping to go outside to that little garden.” Sam pointed out the window. “I think they’re afraid I might make a break for it though.”
Kris smiled, “I can create a diversion if you like, but you need to swing back around and get me.”
Before Sam could respond the corpsman returned. “Ma’am, you have to get moving. You have an appointment down in the orthopedic clinic.”
Sam retrieved the crutches and pushed herself up, grimacing from the discomfort. She turned back to Kris, “Good luck.”
As Sam moved down the hall she stopped and looked back at Kris. I’ve seen her somewhere. Where?
***
Sam returned from physical therapy as the orthopedic physician arrived. “How are you doing this morning, Major?”
“Good. Therapy is going well. They’ve added more hip extension exercises. They were worried about me getting a contracture.”
“Yes, I’ve read your therapy notes. We’ll keep an eye on it. How is your skin?”
“I think it’s healing well. It’s not hot or red as it was a few days ago.”
“Good. You’ve been checking daily with the mirror?”
“Yes.”
“Let me look.” He carefully unwound the bandages on her leg. “As soon as the stitches come out we can get you in a stump shrinker to help with the swelling. It will also help to shape the leg, preparing for the prosthesis.” He quieted as he examined the stitches that ran along the stump. “This looks great.”
Sam exhaled forcefully, unaware that she had been holding her breath. “A shrinker?”
“Think of it as tight sleeve you will wear on your unleg. It helps to squeeze the swelling out and shape your leg. As the limb shrinks, they’ll be able to start making the socket for your prosthesis.”
“When will the stitches come out?”
“Two or three weeks. You’re doing well, Major. Keep up the good work and remember every day to do the checks, and whenever something doesn’t feel right with your leg. Make it a habit. You need to do it daily.”
As he left the room, Sam gave a silent fist pump. Using her crutches, she headed over to the shower, undressed, placed a waterproof bag over her leg and stepped inside. She propped the crutches against the wall, lowered the shower seat, sat down, and turned on the water. It hit her full blast in the chest “Shit! Damn, that’s cold.” She curled her arms across her chest until it warmed. You’ll remember that one, won’t you? Aim it away before you turn it on.
***
Kris, Shelly, and her parents sat and waited, filling the time with small talk about local events, and what had been going on while Kris was overseas. When the orthopedic physician returned they all asked simultaneously, “Well?”
“We can’t find any problems on the MRI. I’ve added you to the surgical schedule tomorrow. We’ll take a look and see if we can find what’s causing the problem. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight. Someone will be back to restart your IV. The respiratory therapist will be by again tonight, and I am going to ask for another session tomorrow prior to your going into the OR.”
Her parents stayed a few minutes longer and then departed. Shelly closed the door and sat on the bed with Kris. “Are you nervous?”
“Concerned. I hope they find whatever is keeping it from moving.”
“I’m sure they will. It’s getting late. Do you want me to go?”
“Can you stay for a few more minutes?”
“Absolutely.” Shelly leaned over and kissed Kris softly on the lips. “Do you want to watch TV?”
“Okay. Will you lie up here with me?”
“I don’t think that’s allowed.”
Kris scooted over and patted the bed next to her. “Sure it is. Trust me. I’m a doctor.” Shelly crawled in next to her and Kris sighed. “I missed you. You smell good. You feel good. How long can you stay up here before you head back home?”
“I’ve been working remotely and sending in reports. I have a few more days until I have to go back.”
“That’s good. I’ve missed you.”
Shelly kissed Kris on the forehead as Kris settled in to lay her head on Shelly’s shoulder. She sighed, and a few minutes later was drifting into sleep.
“I’m going to go. Get some rest, hon. I’ll be back tomorrow.” She kissed Kris quickly and walked toward the door.
Kris pulled the sheet up and noticed Shelly pulling her phone out. As the door closed, she heard, “Hi. Where are you? I’m leaving now. Okay, see you soon.”
***
“Ooof! Huh?” Sam rolled on the floor gasping for air while her hip protested from impacting the floor. Flipping to her back, she grabbed her chin to slow the blood flow down her face. Soaked in sweat and trembling she slid across the floor on her back, as warm blood continued to spread. As she reached a chair, the door burst open and the room flooded with light.
“Major, what the he…. Here, let me look at you. What were you doing?” The nurse and a corpsman knelt beside her.
“I don’t know what happened.” She stayed still while the nurse checked her quickly and pressed gauze to her bleeding chin.
“Other than your chin everything looks okay. Are you
hurting anywhere? How’s your leg?”
“The missing part hurts. I want to get up.”
“Let us help you.”
“I want to do it alone.”
“That’s admirable, Major, but you’re not ready yet. Getting up from the floor is different. Let us help you.”
The corpsman and nurse placed their arms under her arms and helped lift her. She wobbled momentarily on her foot, and started hopping toward the bed.
“Major, how did you get out of bed? The side is still up.”
“I don’t know. I was dreaming.”
The nurse looked at her chin. “I’m going to have to get someone up here. You’re going to need stitches in your chin, and we need to check under your bandages and make sure your wound didn’t break open.”
Chapter Twelve
THE ORTHOPEDIST SAT IN the room with Kris and her parents. “We looked with the scope and also opened the arm using a posterior lateral approach. We checked everything. There is no break in the nerve or scar tissue build up. The blood vessels are healing well, and the muscle tissue looks healthy.”
Kris trembled, and her voice quivered. “What could be keeping it from moving?”
“Well, it’s possible that the nerve was hit sufficiently hard enough that it’s been bruised and has not yet recovered. We’re going to get you started in therapy and get a brace fitted for your arm. We can’t have you developing contractures. In a few days if there is no improvement we’ll order some nerve conduction tests. I want to give your arm some time to recover from this latest surgery. Any questions?”
“I understand,” she said weakly. What am I going to do? I can’t operate one-handed. I can’t do anything. I’m a surgeon for God sake. I need to have both arms functioning. I can’t start over. Struggling to control her breathing she puffed air in and out, over a count of five. She watched vacantly as the surgeon left.
“Kris, calm down. Breathe.” William’s deep baritone voice got her attention. “Slow it down. That’s better. You’ll get through this. Give it some time. It’s still early.”
