‘I’ll wake you at oh-five hundred hours, sir. If I can.’ The Sergeant was laughing as he left.
‘Get your stripes stitched on and you can join us,’ Bob called to his retreating back.
‘Thank you, but one of us must be in a fit state to get up in the morning.’
‘Cheeky sod.’
What a lot of people. Danny trotted along, holding tightly on to Auntie’s hand. He was going to get new shoes. Dieter had come along too. He gazed up at the tall man walking on the other side of him. Perhaps he was having new shoes as well?
He was nice. He could play piano smashing, and Em’s mum had said he could play the organ in the church. He’d like to hear that. Danny reached up and slipped his hand into Dieter’s and was given a nice smile.
They went into a shop, and he sat on a chair while a lady looked at his feet, then brought him a shiny pair of black shoes. She slipped them on him and sat back, smiling. He had a good look at them and wriggled his toes about. He couldn’t do that in his others.
‘How do they feel?’ Auntie asked.
Dieter lifted him off the chair. ‘Walk up and down, Danny. See that they are not too tight.’
He walked slowly, head down, never taking his eyes off the shoes. They felt funny, all stiff, but they were nice.
‘Are they all right?’
‘Yes, Auntie.’
Dieter knelt in front of him and pushed on the toes. ‘There’s plenty of room for his feet to grow.’
‘Good. We’ll take those, then.’ Auntie made him sit down again and took the shoes off.
‘Are you having new shoes as well? Danny asked as Dieter was taking some money out of his pocket.
‘Not today, but I’m taking you and Auntie out to lunch when we’ve done our shopping.’
‘Can we have fish and chips?’ Danny beamed in excitement. That was his favourite. ‘With lots of salt and vinegar on them?’
‘Of course.’
‘Oh, good.’ What a lovely day they were having.
Angie wasn’t happy about Dieter paying for Danny’s shoes. Children’s clothes were so expensive. Her mothering instincts were telling her to keep him at a distance and not to let him into their lives any more than she could help. But how could she be so cruel? Anyone could see how much he adored his son, and how anxious he was to take on the role of father. She couldn’t blame him for that. When she had seen him walking away from John and found out who he was, she had believed it would be hard to like him. But that wasn’t true: it was proving all too easy.
She watched him at the cash desk. He was a tall man with a haunted look in his eyes, wearing clothes that had obviously been given to him, along with an army greatcoat. Nothing fitted properly, and yet there was an unmistakable air of dignity about him. He had arrived in this country with only a small bag and the things he was wearing. He had lost his family, home and country. It was impossible to imagine what pain that must have caused him. John would be paying him a farm labourer’s wage, and, although she didn’t know what that was, it couldn’t be much. He couldn’t afford to be doing this, but he looked so proud to be buying shoes for his lovely son.
Her eyes clouded. His son. How had he felt when he’d found out? It must have torn him apart to discover that Jane was dead and she’d had his child. Angie had no idea if he had loved her cousin, or if it had only been a passing attraction for him, but she was certain of one thing: Jane had loved him.
Dieter came back and handed the parcel to Angie, and then he swept Danny up in his arms. ‘I think it is time for our fish and chips now, don’t you?’
Danny slipped his arm around Dieter’s neck and grinned. ‘I’m hungry now.’
It always gave Angie a jolt to see them together like this. Danny was a little duplicate of his father. As they walked out of the shop, she said quietly, ‘You must let me pay for lunch.’
‘I would not dream of allowing you to do such a thing.’ He hoisted Danny higher and smiled at her. ‘Do not be concerned. I have enough money to pay for this.’
The smile made her heart flutter. His intense grey eyes and flashing dimples were almost identical to Danny’s. There were deep shadows in this man’s life, as there were in hers, but he had suffered far more, and it showed. Each time she saw him she liked him more.
She nodded agreement to his paying and couldn’t help wondering what the future held for the three of them. She was under no illusions that it was going to be easy. There were tough times ahead, and adjustments and compromises to be made by each of them.
They found a fish and chip shop with a few tables in the back of the shop, ordered and sat down.
Once Danny was settled on his chair, he swivelled round to Dieter, who was sitting next to him. ‘Em’s mum said you can play the organ.’ His expression was animated. ‘Can I hear you?’
‘I’ll ask the Rector if we can go in the church, shall I?’
‘Oh, please!’
‘I shall also arrange for you to have two piano lessons a week with Mrs Poulton. Would you like that?’
Danny’s eyes opened wide as he reached across the table to grab Angie’s hand. ‘Can I do that? You said we couldn’t afford it.’
‘Dieter is going to pay for your lessons, darling. He’s very impressed with you.’
‘Are you?’ He shunted back again to face Dieter. ‘Do you think I’ll be good like you?’
‘I am sure you will be better if you try hard and keep it up.’
‘I will, I will.’ Danny wriggled with pleasure and gazed up at Dieter in admiration.
‘Thank Dieter for the lessons, Danny.’ She couldn’t help wondering if Dieter had been this enthusiastic about music at such a young age. But then she remembered that he’d said he could play almost before he could walk. This was a talent Danny had inherited from him.
‘Yeah, thank you.’ He knelt on the chair and leant over to kiss Dieter on the cheek, blushing shyly.
Angie was sure she saw tears cloud Dieter’s eyes at this show of affection. Her heart ached for him and she wanted to tell Danny at that moment, but there were practical details to be worked out first. Danny obviously liked him and would probably accept him as his father, but what was Dieter going to do? Was he going to stay in this country for the foreseeable future, or did he intend to return to Germany soon? If they told Danny and then he disappeared again, the little boy would be dreadfully upset. Or, even worse, he might try to take Danny back to Germany. That possibility made her feel ill. He had no legal right to do that, of course, as she had adopted him. In a way she wished there was some doubt about his being the father, because fear of what he might do was casting a shadow over her. If only she could be hard-hearted and keep him out of their lives as much as possible, but when she saw them together, she just couldn’t do it. He was such a likeable man and she didn’t want to doubt him.
She gazed down at her hands and silently prayed for the strength and wisdom to deal with this in the right way. And the only way was what was best for Danny. She was trying so hard to put him first, but her own feelings for Danny kept getting in the way. She loved him so much. But she must not forget one important thing. Jane had trusted her with her son; trusted her to do what was right for him. Her own selfish fears must not get in the way. But, oh, how hard that was proving to be.
‘Angie.’ Dieter touched her arm. ‘Do not let your meal get cold.’
She hadn’t even noticed the plate being put in front of her. ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’
Dieter was carefully cutting Danny’s fish to make sure there weren’t any bones, and when he’d finished he looked up and spoke softly. ‘Do not be so worried. We shall work it out.’
He’d read her mind. She nodded, picking up her knife and fork to eat a meal she no longer wanted. It was no use ignoring the situation any longer. Dieter was here, he loved his son, and it was time they sat down and discussed what was to be done. ‘We must talk.’
Relief showed in his eyes. ‘Tonight. We shall talk tonight.’
/> By seven that evening Danny was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open and prepared for bed quite willingly. It was often a tussle to get him to bed, for he seemed to have boundless energy, but not tonight.
When he was washed and dressed in his pyjamas, he trotted up to Dieter. ‘Night, night. I’ve had a nice day.’
‘And I also. Practise your scales and do as Mrs Poulton tells you. At the end of each week you shall show me what you have learnt.’
‘I will.’ Danny gave an impish smile. ‘You won’t forget about the organ, will you?’
‘I promise.’ Dieter stooped down and received a kiss from Danny.
Two in one day, Angie noticed. It was definitely time to sort out what they were going to do.
As Danny was too tired for a story, she was soon back in the front room. There was a good fire burning, and the room was warm and cosy. So much better than London, she thought as she sat down, sighing deeply. Dieter was watching her every move, his lovely eyes quiet, waiting for her to speak first.
She pitched straight in. ‘The thing worrying me most is whether you are going to stay in this country. And I don’t mean for a few months, I mean for years. I don’t want Danny to find out who you are if you intend to go back to Germany soon.’
‘I’m staying here until my son is a grown man.’ He waited for her to speak again.
‘Will you find that hard to do?’
‘I do not believe so. There is nothing for me in Germany. Everything I want is right here.’
That eased her mind a little, but there were still gnawing worries. Was her darling boy too young to understand? ‘How often do you want to see Danny?’ She immediately regretted the question when she saw his expression change.
‘Every day!’ He spoke sharply. ‘I was denied the first three years of my son’s life; I shall not be kept from him a moment more.’ He stood up and faced her. ‘If you are trying to limit my visits, then I shall not allow it. I do not want to fight you, but I will if I have to.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ Angie was alarmed at his warning; his eyes had turned a stormy grey. ‘I only meant that we will need to set aside time for you to be with him. He goes to the church hall twice a week. Two piano lessons a week, and then there are days with John and Hetty. He plays with Emma …’ She was babbling.
‘And I have my work at the farm.’ He glared down at her. ‘I shall come every spare moment I have. It does not matter if he is doing something. I will watch.’
Oh, good gracious, she was making a terrible mess of this.
‘Would you have been this obstructive if I had been English?’
The question jolted her. ‘It wouldn’t have made any difference. I’m only concerned about Danny.’
‘You lie, Angie.’ He sat down again. ‘Let us be honest with each other, yes?’
‘All right!’ He was far too perceptive. ‘I’ll be honest. In the beginning it knocked me for six when I found out you were German and had been in the Luftwaffe, but that doesn’t matter now that I know you better. Jane was only seventeen when she met you. You shouldn’t have made her pregnant. That was wrong. Your home is in another country, and you’ll want to go back there. I just know it.’
Dieter waited until she ground to a halt, and then said gently, ‘I have promised that I will stay in this country. I do not lie about that. I could not leave my son now I have found him. If neither of us can see through these shadows, then we are going to make a lovely boy very unhappy.’
‘I know you’re right, but it’s so hard.’ She took a deep breath, trying to still her agitation and fears.
‘For me also. Do you not think that I feel shame about Jane? I should never have left her, whatever she said. And when I finally arrived home, do you not think I raged with despair when I saw my home razed to the ground? I was consumed with grief when I could find no trace of my family.’ He was leaning forward now, elbows on knees. ‘I am not proud of my country’s part in the terrible war, or my own, but it is over now and we must put the past behind us.’
‘You are right, and you have as much right to be angry as me. The war blighted many lives.’
‘The only important one to be considered is a small child who is not responsible for this tragedy. Now, I will see him as often as I wish, and when he is more used to me being around, we shall tell him who I am. That decision I will, reluctantly, leave to you, but it must be soon.’
‘Christmas is only three weeks away. We’ll all be at John and Hetty’s, and that will be the time to tell him. If that’s all right with you?’
‘I agree.’ Dieter stood up. ‘Now you must rest.’
As soon as she heard the front door close, Angie curled into a tight ball in the armchair, exhausted. She hadn’t meant to say all those things, but they had just poured out. He was right. If they couldn’t put aside the past, there wasn’t much hope for the future.
20
The large barn was leaking badly, and Dieter was on the roof, where he could see that it needed extensive repairs. He sat astride the ridge and looked down at John as he appeared at the top of the ladder.
‘You stay there, Mr Sawyer. Slide the planks of wood up to me and I will fix them in place.’
‘Be careful.’ John frowned. ‘Doesn’t look any too safe up there.’
Dieter tested a section with his foot, but it held firm. ‘It is not too bad where I am. The trouble is right in front of me. That is where the rain is getting in. The roof is rotten just there.’
John swore fiercely. ‘I should have checked it before winter set in.’
‘Well, if it stays dry for a few hours we should be able to make it watertight.’ Dieter peered up at the grey sky, threatening heavy rain. ‘We will have to work quickly, though.’
With another muttered curse, John disappeared, and Dieter shoved his hands in his pockets to keep them warm while he waited. There was a biting wind whistling around him in this exposed position. He gazed across the fields and let his mind wander. Christmas would soon be here, and he was looking forward to spending more time with his son. He wanted to give Danny and Emma a present, but he didn’t have much money left after yesterday, so he would make them something. Quite a few of the prisoners in the camp had made wooden toys for the local children, and he was sure he could still do it. The last one he’d made had been the little truck, and as Jane had loved the toy he had let her keep it. He sighed deeply. Little had he known she was going to have a son who would also love the toy. It had brought back many memories when he had seen it on Danny’s bedside table, but also pleasure to know how much he treasured it. He would make Danny a car this time, and perhaps a dolls’ house for Emma. Oh, dear me, no. He chuckled. She was a pretty girl, but she didn’t seem to have any interest in girls’ toys. He had better make her a station house, or a control box for her train set. Yes, that would please her more.
John cut off his musing by appearing at the top of the ladder again, hauling up a stack of planks on a rope. ‘I’ve told Hetty to keep lunch for us later. We’ll never finish before the light fades if we stop to eat.’
Blowing on his hands first to bring some life back into them, Dieter reached out to catch the rope John had thrown to him. Tied in a bag on the stack of wood was a hammer and nails. It was a shame they had to do this today, when Danny and Angie were here for their Sunday visit, but it couldn’t be helped. There had been quite a gale blowing last night, and that had ripped away some of the rotten roof. With more bad weather threatened, it had to be done immediately.
Holding nails in his mouth, he edged forward and began to hammer. It was a long job and by the time the last plank was in place the light was fading fast. The days were so short at this time of year. He was looking forward to the spring. He would take Danny out to many places. Perhaps they would get bicycles and ride around the country lanes. They would have fun together.
‘Come down now,’ John called.
‘Just a moment more.’ Dieter stretched out until he was almost flat, checki
ng to see if the roof was secure.
‘You can’t see what you’re doing now.’ John held on to the ladder they had laid across the roof to enable Dieter to climb to the top.
‘I’m coming.’ He rested both feet on the top rung and edged his way down to John.
‘Good lad.’ John caught his ankles and guided him to the same ladder he was on. ‘You can leave that one on the roof. It’s tied securely. We’ll take it down some other time.’
Once on the ground they went into the barn and shone torches up to inspect the repairs.
‘Looks good.’ John patted Dieter on the back. ‘That’s enough for today. You’ve done a grand job, and you’ve hardly seen Danny.’
‘That is true, but you did let me have time off yesterday so we could go to buy him new shoes.’
‘And he’s real proud of them.’ John became serious.
‘If you’re short of money –’
Dieter shook his head. ‘I shall manage on what you pay me, Mr Sawyer. I am going to see if I can get work playing piano in the evenings. I wish to pay back the money you gave me.’
‘We don’t want it back.’ John waved away the suggestion. ‘Now, let’s go in, I’m starving.’
Dieter followed. They might not want to be repaid, but he owed them a debt. They would get their money in full, along with his gratitude for their kindness to him. It was the least he could do. The Rector had asked him to play the organ at the Carol Concert three days before Christmas, but he would not take payment for that. He would make inquiries in Bridgewater; there should be something there.
‘Ah, there you are at last.’ Hetty came into the kitchen just as they arrived. ‘Sit yourselves down. You must be famished. Just wash your hands. Don’t bother changing.’
‘We’re filthy,’ her husband protested.
She eyed them up and down. ‘When is that a novelty working on a farm?’
John winked at Dieter and spun a chair out from the table so he could sit down. ‘Looks like we’ve been let off a wash and brush up tonight.’
Fighting with Shadows Page 19
