by Jill Shalvis
At the reminder of what he'd done to her in her bed, at how fast he'd driven her to climax with his mouth and fingers, she'd nearly moaned out loud.
He'd half groaned, half laughed. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he threatened softly. "Because I'll be happy to show you what that look on your face does to me."
Now, in her office with her two grinning, meddling sisters waiting for answers, Zoe cleared her throat and wished it was as easy to clear her mind. "For your information, I had to work on the books," she said primly. She reached for Socks, who was snoozing across her desk. He meowed a lazy greeting, rolled on his back and offered his belly for scratching.
"Coward," Delia said to her, moving back to the door with Maddie. "That man is crazy for you. And I think you're crazy for him." She paused and looked meaningfully into Zoe's eyes. "And you do deserve him, Zoe. You, more than anyone I know, deserves a chance at real happiness. At letting a man love her."
Love. Her stomach tightened. "No one said anything about love."
Delia smiled sadly. "No one had to."
"I'm fine, Delia."
"I hope so. This wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with thinking you don't know who you are, would it?"
Zoe sighed and rubbed her temples. "Delia—"
"It's so ridiculous, hon, I'm sorry. You are who you make yourself." She let out a little laugh. "No one knows that better than me. Except for maybe that man out there, the one who's trying not to pay any more attention to you than you are to him."
"How did we get on this subject?" Zoe asked, lifting her hands in exasperation. "I don't want to talk about this."
"You never do," Delia murmured.
"I am a coward," Zoe told Socks when she was alone, snuggling him closer. "But God help me, I have no idea what to do. How do I tell him how I feel when I'm not even sure I know?"
But deep down, she knew that was a lie. She knew how she felt, she was just too afraid to admit it.
* * *
Triple M began to show promise. A few reservations trickled in for fall. Just enough to generate excitement and rejuvenate energies.
No one, least of all Zoe, was able to predict success, and everyone's pocket was stretched to the limit, even Ty's. Still, the feeling of such pride was immeasurable.
Ty was thankful for the long, busy, tireless days. It gave him something to do other than think.
But the truth was, he had finally come to terms with Ben's death, and he knew Ben would be happy with what Ty was doing for Triple M. The loss still hurt, but the mountains, the clear air, the utter peace the wilds gave him worked like a healing balm.
So did Zoe.
He wasn't sure why that was, when for every step he took forward, she shoved them back three, but he just accepted the fact. Zoe had changed his life. For the better.
He was on his horse, checking and retracing one of the day paths they intended to use for guests, when he came upon her. It surprised him, for she was on one of the horses they'd purchased, and she was by herself. A beginner, she'd taken to the saddle the way she took to everything. With utter concentration and conviction. She didn't ride often, she didn't have the time, but he hoped that would change simply because he loved the expression on her face right now. The quiet peace he saw there gave him hope.
Maybe he wasn't the only one the wilds of Idaho had helped to heal.
"You look good up there," he said, and she did, with her hair free and cheeks red from the outdoors. "Like you belong."
"It feels good," she admitted. Beneath her, Misty shifted, impatient to run. Just a moment before that impatience had been her own. She'd wanted to race into the hills, where the wildflowers lined the winding trails through deep woods, along spongy marshes and sagebrush flats. She'd wanted to go and never stop, until she could laugh aloud with the freedom of it all and not be heard.
"Are you happy?"
Ty's sudden question surprised her; the seriousness in his voice did not. He had a hat on today. His dark hair was getting long, his face tanned from the long summer days. He sat in the saddle as if he'd been born there, his broad shoulders relaxed, the reins light in his hand, looking like a man well fitted to his life. To her life.
He was a part of her, she realized with some surprise. She'd spent some part of every single day with him for months. He could make her laugh, he could make her cry. He could make her angry.
And he could make her weak with just one, dark, hungry look that tugged at something so elementary, so deep, she couldn't define it.
Truth was, he made her feel, and she could no longer envision her life without him in it. "I am happy here," she admitted, a little unnerved by her realization. I'm happy when I'm with you.
He shook his head. Sliding off his horse, he came closer, reaching up a hand so that she had no choice but to get down as well.
When they were face-to-face, with him still holding on to one of her hands, he said, "That's not what I asked. Are you happy, Zoe?"
Around them, birds chirped and insects hummed. The trees blew in the slight breeze. Far above, majestic mountain peaks framed their valley, outlining their home. Staking their territory. It was easy, enjoyable, unspoiled, uncrowded, unhurried. Perfect.
It should be a simple thing, happiness. "I'm…" She blew out a breath, confused.
"You don't know, do you." He considered her with a tilted head and warm eyes. "Or maybe you don't even recognize it."
"Maybe I'm afraid to admit it."
He was startled briefly at her honestly. "It's okay, you know," he said. "You do deserve it, Zoe. Just reach out and grab it." His smile encouraged her. "No one else can do it for you but you." He touched her face, just a light, barely there touch, and Zoe found herself turning her cheek into his callused palm.
She sighed. "I'm happy right now."
His smile was slow in the coming, but worth the wait. Wide and sexy, his lips curved, his eyes smoldered. "What would make you happy all the time?"
"To know who I am."
She could see both compassion and temper mingle in his eyes. "You're Zoe Martin. You're a rancher in Idaho, a woman who loves her sisters. It's that simple."
"It's not," she argued, wishing it were. "I want to belong, and I know that's pathetic, but that's how I feel. I want the truth."
"The truth is right in front of your nose. No one is ever going to make you leave. I'd give you my last penny before that happened."
"I don't want your last penny! I want a birthright."
His eyes softened. "Your life starts now, Zoe, with each passing second." He gave her an endearing grin. "See? Just wasted two of them."
He was something. And he made her laugh. No man had ever done that before. "What do you see in me?" she wondered, amazed that this man could want her.
"Are you kidding?" He seemed stunned at the question. "From the beginning, I knew. I took one look at you that night on the porch. You were terrified then, lost and afraid and in a new place that wasn't half of what you'd expected, but hell if you'd let any of that show. You were so brave." He smiled fondly. "I saw an incredible woman I couldn't take my eyes off of. Your pride, your passion, your everything drew me like a moth to a flame, and I've been getting burned ever since." He let out a little laugh. "Don't you see? You stopped me in my tracks, brought me out of my too-driven goals. Reminded me as I haven't been reminded since Ben was alive that there is so much more to life than work, work, work. I'd gotten locked into that, trying to live my life for a dream that wasn't even mine."
"But Ben wanted—"
"My dreams are different from Ben's. It took me a while, but now I know that he would hate for me to be living my life for him." He reached for her. "I have to live it for me, Zoe. You taught me that, watching your joy over this place, watching you come alive … that's what showed me."
He meant it, she realized with surprise and hope and fear. He meant every word. And she understood that he meant it because she felt the same way.
"There can be no one else for me,"
he told her, his eyes steady and sure as he drew her closer. "No one but you, but until you realize and believe that, it does me no good."
Heart racing, she stared at him, absorbing the first verbal commitment she'd ever heard from him. "You … want me. Just me?"
"Hell, yes!" His fingers plowed into his hair, leaving it standing up in little spikes that should have been comic. Instead he looked fierce and wild and as if he could devour her on the spot.
Being devoured didn't seem such a bad thing, but before she could figure out how to make that move, another horse came up the trail. It was ridden by Maddie, and from the look in her eyes, Zoe knew it was going to be bad.
She dismounted and came immediately to Zoe, took her hands and stared into her eyes, her own filled with tears.
"Maddie, you're scaring me," Zoe said urgently. "What is it? Delia?"
"No. Zoe, honey … we just heard from Cade." She looked at Ty and some unspoken communication passed between them. Clearly Maddie decided Ty should stay. That or she figured it would be impossible to get him to go.
"Cade wanted to talk to you," Maddie said. "He's leaving for here now, but I think this will be … easier coming from me."
Zoe's legs felt weak. Maddie never overreacted. Never. "God, Maddie, what? What is it?"
Ty slipped an arm around her waist, silently offering her his support for which she was grateful when Maddie spoke.
"It's your parents, Zoe. Cade finally located them. The files were opened by the judge and Cade was able to trace an old address down."
Relief, fear, anger and then more fear ricocheted through her. Cade had found them. After so many years she could contact them if she chose and … God. Why had she wanted so badly to find her mother? Obviously the woman wanted nothing to do with her. How pathetic that she'd spent so much time and energy. Pathetic and asinine and stupid.
"She's dead, Zoe. Oh, honey, I'm sorry. But your mother has been gone since the week after she left you at the home. She died from an aneurysm in Arizona, which was why Cade couldn't locate her. She was staying in a hotel where your father had once worked, and when she died, no one knew about you."
It seemed to Zoe that her world stopped. Abruptly. The buzzing insects went silent. The birds went quiet Even the air stopped moving.
Her mother was dead.
She'd not been purposely deserted.
These realizations hit her at once. She'd spent so many years wasted on regrets and fears, all of it useless.
Maddie's anguish was clear. "Your father's name was Brian Willis."
Brian Willis. Both Ty and Maddie looked at her while she absorbed this. The name meant nothing, no matter how hard she strained to remember.
"He died only weeks before you were born, Zoe," Maddie said. "He was killed in a car accident."
The truth sunk in. They were both gone, both of her parents.
"According to what Cade learned from the owner of the hotel, your mother loved your father madly."
"The owner remembered?"
Maddie's smile was sad and haunted. "Yes, Zoe, he did. It's amazing, I know, but he said he never forgot your parents, the way they were deeply, madly in love. Your mother never recovered from his death. She left you so she could go to the hotel to be close to him in spirit. She was poor and had to work a lot, and couldn't bring you. She planned on coming back."
"She didn't want to live without him," Zoe murmured, the memory coming from nowhere. She backed away from both Ty and Maddie so she could think. "She couldn't live without him."
And Constance was not her grandmother. The thought came from nowhere. The ranch was not hers.
And her life became fragmented, falling apart right in front of her eyes. All she'd ever wanted, poof, gone.
Her fingers came up to her mouth. No crying, she told herself firmly. No being selfish in front of Maddie or Ty, who had both suffered far more in their lives than she ever had.
"Zoe." It was Ty, speaking gently, with a warm, caring tone she couldn't handle. He'd come close and put a hand on her arm, but if she let him so much as touch her, she'd fall apart. And this time, she'd never be able to put herself back together. "No, I'm fine. Fine."
"Zoe, sweetheart, please. Let me—"
"No." It was the endearment that did it, for she suddenly knew the truth from the emotion blaring out of his eyes.
He loved her. God, what would she do now? Unable to stand it, she turned from him.
Her parents were dead, and they'd been dead all those years she'd harbored bitterness and resentment at them for deserting her. Guilt hit, stabbing at her for every negative, mean thought she'd ever had.
Ty was right behind her, not touching her, but she felt his presence in every fiber of her being as he silently gave her his strength. Maddie, too. "I just … need a moment," she said, staring into the lush meadow before her.
She was truly an orphan, always had been, but not because she'd been deserted on purpose.
She wasn't Constance's heir.
And Ty loved her, the real her.
But how was that possible when she didn't even know who that her was? Ty was still right there, so was Maddie, and they were clearly worried sick. "Please," she whispered. "I need a moment alone."
"No," Ty and Maddie said at the same time.
Ty reached for her, drew her slowly and steadily into the circle of his arms, undeterred when she struggled. "Shh," he said, holding her to his chest.
Maddie stroked her back.
"I want to be alone, you know." But she clung to him.
"Sorry," Ty murmured. "But not ever again."
She kept resisting, kept pushing, to no avail. And a small part of her was so very grateful.
With the sun overhead and Maddie and Ty holding her, Zoe stopped struggling and closed her eyes, absorbing their love.
* * *
Chapter 17
« ^ »
"All right, that about wraps it up, then," Zoe said, addressing the group in front of her. "Any questions?"
She sat on a log in front of the place they'd held their "truth or dare" bonfire a couple of weeks ago. Around her sat Maddie, Delia and the three ranch hands they'd hired for their fall season.
Cade was there, too, he'd come up twice in the past week, both times to offer Zoe as much support and information he could. He was still determined to figure out which of the two remaining sisters was Constance's heir.
Ty watched the informal staff meeting, both annoyed at and proud of the woman sitting there so stoically.
He wanted, as he'd wanted all week, ever since she had gotten the news of her parents, to shake the hell out of her. Shake her until she broke, until she started to deal with everything going on in her head. Until she let it all out.
Then he wanted to yank her close, bury his face in her hair and never let go.
He was losing it big time.
"So we work in twelve-hour shifts?" This from Cliff, who had practically begged Ty to be switched from Ty's ranch to Triple M. Not that he hadn't enjoyed his work at Ty's ranch, but he was excited at the prospect of working with people.
"Yes," Zoe said. "Long days, I know, but you'll only be on four days a week. Thursday through Sunday for now."
"What about if reservations pick up?" Red asked. He had come from a neighboring ranch, a huge man, with a loud, boisterous voice and a quick sense of humor to match his carrot-colored hair. He was also an excellent worker who came greatly recommended.
Zoe smiled at his question, though only Ty knew by its brittle edges that it didn't come from the heart. "Not if, Red. When." Laughter erupted. "And when we get too busy, we'll reevaluate the schedule. We'll decide whether to open more days or just be more picky about who we let in."
Ty would bet on the first. He knew Zoe's drive, knew she held high hopes for a booming, reputable guest ranch that people would talk about from all over the States.
Which was fine; he wanted that, too. But what he wanted even more was Zoe's joy back. Her zest for life, the one
she had just been beginning to nurture.
"I don't know about you guys," Delia said dryly to everyone. "But I like that schedule. Three days off to play."
"I look at it the opposite." Maddie sighed with pleasure and clear joy. "Four days in which to be in that kitchen all day, concocting huge meals for people who will be starving."
Ty smiled in spite of himself. Delia and Maddie had dealt with Zoe, mothering and fussing over her. He remembered when he had been part of a unit that tight. When Ben had guessed his every move, had anticipated his every word. When he'd been loved.
It was over now. Ben was gone, and Ty had accepted that. Finally.
But he wanted love again. Wanted to both give and receive it. And looking at the petite, auburn-haired beauty who had made him feel this way, he wished he could have it with her.
The small staff dispersed. Delia and Maddie and Zoe all hugged, then Delia and Maddie set off toward the house.
Zoe stood still, alone in the circle, staring off into the mountains.
Ty came up behind her, knowing he was giving her one more chance to shove him away, but unable to help himself. "That went well," he said.
She shrugged.
He swore.
She glanced at him over her shoulder, her expression frighteningly flat. "Is something wrong?"
"Yes, something's wrong." Pain blazed out of her eyes and broke his heart. "You're what's wrong."
"Ty … not now." She walked away from him with a shake of her head, gasping in surprise when he hauled her back.
"That's it," he muttered, pulling her along, stirring dirt up as she dragged her heels, not stopping until they were at his truck. "Get in."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I have work—" His short oath told her what he thought of that. "Get in." Leaning past her, he opened the driver's door, not so gently pushing her in, climbing in after her before she could fight him.
"Where are we going?" The peal of the tires in the dirt and the quick acceleration of the truck had her leaning back in the seat, in a deceptive pose of acquiescence.
But Ty didn't let down his guard. He knew if he slowed down, she would be out of the truck in a flash and back out of his life.
