by Xyla Turner
"Goddamn it, Bear. I hate your boxers," I blurted.
"What?" He looked down at his underwear. "What the fuck is wrong with them?"
"They age you," I said. "Guys don't wear boxers. Have you seen the underwear commercials with Matthew McConaughey or Idris Elba?"
"Fuck no," he barked as he climbed on the bed after dropping his underwear.
"It's just that..."
"Don't give a fuck," he said, as he spread my legs open and buried his face in my hot center.
"Holy shit," I exclaimed.
Bear nipped and sucked until I came all over his face, coating his mustache and beard. Those things were messy, but seeing my essence on him was enough marking for me. I still kissed him and rode him until he was trying to still me but I was having none of that. I balanced myself on my haunches and rode Bear's stiff dick until he exploded inside of me.
"Fuck, sweetheart." He slapped my ass, once he recovered. "Drunk sex, every goddamn night."
I laughed, curled into him and passed out.
Another few weeks passed and there was still no word about any of the Devil's Vipers. Well, no word was spoken to us. I had been at the compound on a few occasions and saw the men in all their glory. They partied hard and still remained respectable citizens. When I used to party hard like that, I didn’t have a balance. Most of the time I was doing it for other people and that was worse. At the end of the day, I felt horrible and still no closer to finding myself. Now, I was steadily learning. Shit, who knew at thirty I still didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up.
My mom kept hinting she wanted to meet Bear and I wanted them to meet as well, but it seemed so juvenile to ask him. So, I did the one thing Bear hated. Played a damn game which was even more juvenile.
He came home one night and I had cooked his favorite meal; barbecue chicken, corn on the cob and mashed potatoes. On top of that, I bought his special draft beer that he drank on occasions and made a cake.
“Sweetheart, you made all my favorites.” Bear walked into the kitchen and looked at the spread on the table.
“Yes,” I said. “Go freshen up, the foods ready.”
Right after I washed the last pot, my feet left the ground and I was lifted into the air.
“Bear,” I exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
Bear was smiling from ear to ear as he held me up high.
“Sweetheart, are you going to make me a father? Is that it? Are you carrying my seed?”
God dammit!
His eyes were bright and his teeth were showing, which rarely happened.
Shit.
I didn't want to disappoint him.
“Put me down, honey,” I said with a small smile.
Fuck, that wiped the smile right off his face. Bear slowly put me down and I wrapped my arms around his waist. Looking into his eyes, he reminded me about the sad bear in the forest and under the tree. He wanted kids. Like, he really wanted them.
"I'm going off the pill effective immediately."
His eyes slightly lit up, then he said, "That's not necessary."
My head shook in disagreement. "It is." Then my hands slid up his broad chest. "I'd love to have little cubs with you. Hairy mini-Bears crawling all over us."
I laughed.
"Love your smile. Those lips and my brown-eyed girl." His hands rested on my hips. "Would love to see that in my little girls."
My forehead fell on his chest as I murmured, "Bear."
"It's not necessary, sweetheart," he repeated.
"No, it's essential," I said into his chest. "Effective immediately."
He pulled me in a hug, then he quickly pulled back and said, "So, what was this meal about?"
Damn.
"Why did the meal have to be about something special?" I asked mischievously.
"Dessy. Don't like games," he warned.
I sighed and said, "I wanted you to meet my mom. That was all."
"Of course." His eyebrows furrowed. "Why did you think you'd have to convince me?"
"I don't know. Seems a little juvenile to ask my, uh, man or whatever to come and meet my mom." I chuckled. "It just seems a bit silly."
"You did all of this," he said as his arm waved around the kitchen. "Just to ask me to meet your mom?"
My head fell into his chest again as I groaned, "I know."
"Fuck, sweetheart. If my parents were living, you would have met them a while ago. It's a rite of passage. There's nothing juvenile about that. If you would have introduced me as your boyfriend and not your man….” He looked at me. “Now that's juvenile.”
I laughed.
“Noted.” My head nodded. “I wanted you to meet her but I just wasn't sure how that would go?”
“Why? She have an issue with me?” Bear asked.
“Not you, per se.”
“With what then…she don’t know me,” he replied.
Fuck.
“Dessy,” Bear warned. “What does she take issue with? Bikers? Older men? White men? What?”
“Well...” I let it hang. “Maybe all of the above. You have to understand she hasn't had good experiences with any of those types of men. My father was an older man. That didn't end well. Bikers were after me. That didn't end well. She's also from another time when the colors didn't mix. Not that they always do now, but still. I think she might be a little fearful. I'm not sure if that makes sense.”
“Sweetheart, fuck what the world thinks about age, creed, color or my club. All that matters in our world, in our house, is what we think. You understand?”
“I do, but she's my mom.” My eyes lowered to the floor. “I just want to you to meet her. I don't share her beliefs.” I waved to him. “Clearly, but I guess I've come to understand it in a way.”
“Not me. I don't understand shit like that. A man, is a man, is a man, is a man. There are good ones and bad ones of all shades, ages and club affiliations. You can't discount an entire group for what a small minority do. Shit, even the large majority. If that was the case, I would have kept running from you because that damn cousin of yours is bat-shit crazy. That doesn't make you crazy, right?”
I nodded.
This conversation wasn't going the way I wanted.
At all.
Maybe meeting my mom wasn't a good idea.
“And,” Bear continued because he was on a roll. “She's a dreamer. She should know. I'd never do anything to harm or hurt you. She can't see you're my life?”
“She saw you, Bear. But I'm not quite sure what she saw. I was mad with you when I saw her last so we didn't discuss you. All she said was that she wanted to meet you.”
He nodded.
“But let's revisit this later, okay? The food is getting cold.”
I smiled.
“Changing the subject?” He called me out.
My eyes lowered as I nodded my head.
“I'll give you that but we will revisit this.”
“Okay, Bear.”
We ate and it was mostly Bear carrying the conversations because I had nothing much to say. My mind kept twirling around and thinking about where my mom could fit into our lives.
If she could.
Bear was no boy and if my mom said the wrong thing, he'd put her in check. I guess like I wanted his sister to be put in check. Bear, also, did make total sense but she was still my mom and it wasn't sitting well with me.
8
Birthday Girl
Bear
Swag, Shiz, Razor, Bronx and I were doing surveillance at the old club. The Vipers still used it to conduct business, but the only two that hung out there most of the time were Stone and Rick. Bronx confirmed they were the shits that he beat up that day when Haz put a knife to Shay. Instead of nabbing them, the plan was to scout and get intel on all the members of the temporary club house to use as leverage when the time came.
Swag and his crew of men were going to help with this before we showed our faces since it would throw them off. We all wore the Guardian patch but they would
know we had numbers and specifically members all over. The plan was set and Swag had his orders.
During that time, Dessy wasn't herself. She seemed distant and the only thing I could chalk it up to, was the last conversation we’d had about her mother. She obviously was having second thoughts about wanting me to meet the woman but there was no place for that sort of shit in my life. That meant there was no place for it in hers either. I'd known plenty of folks that had their issues and prejudices but it was always made clear I wasn't cool or down with that shit. I'd seen too much to know that it didn't matter if a man was young or old, biker or white collar, brown or beige. A person’s character, their beliefs and morals were what guided them. Period. And they could either be fucked up, upstanding or simply ignorant of real life. Whichever it was, that was how I based my opinion of them.
Always.
After the emergency meeting and no thought to how Dessy would react to my next move; I mounted my bike and rode to Harrisburg.
As soon as I rode up to the address Bronx gave me that he had from Shays wedding invitations, the door opened.
A small-framed woman came out with mostly gray hair and appeared much older than I expected Dessy’s mother would look.
“You must be my Deseri’s Bear. The name is Rachel,” she said as she took one step onto the porch.
I took off my sunglasses, squinted up at her and said, “You saw me coming.”
“Sure did.” Her head moved up and down. “Reckon, you wanna come in?”
“You'd be right.”
I stopped at the bottom of the steps as she looked me over.
“Come on,” she said and waved her small hand for me to follow.
The house was fairly small and dark, but very clean and tidy.
“Tea?” she asked.
“No, thanks.”
She stopped moving towards the kitchen and said, “Well, let it out.”
“Dessy doesn't want us to meet,” I started. “Seems she's scared about what might erupt into fireworks. So she's trying to keep us happy and away from each other like I've done with my own sister.”
Her eyes closed and she nodded. “Sounds like my Deseri.”
“She's not happy, Rachel.” Her eyes raised to look at mine. “It doesn't sit right with me when she's not happy. Especially about something like this. I'm not sure what your issue is with bikers, older men or the fact that I'm white. But I need my woman happy. So we need to get some things straight.”
To my surprise, she burst out laughing, then said, “Typical.”
“Pardon?”
“Fucking, typical. You bring your ass to my house, sit in my living room and call yourself running shit over here in Harrisburg. Y’all are all the same. You think this world belongs to you. Let me clue you in on something, Bear.” Her eyes narrowed. “It doesn't.”
“Lady, what are you most mad about? I'm curious.”
“It's the combined package.” She sat up and leaned towards me. “Your arrogance coupled with the goddamn audacity. Then you throw my daughter in the mix, makes me equally mad.”
I nodded.
“So noted, but you should know I don’t give a roaring fuck what your prejudice is about or based on. The only reason I brought my ass to Harrisburg and sat in your house is because the reason I breathe is upset. She's not like you and shit, she's not even like me. She's different and that's something we both need to take heed to. I love that woman. She's given me purpose. She's going to have your grandchildren. I don't even like the concept of marriage after my last, but if she wants that, I'll marry her. That's what I'm here about. Now how about you?"
The thin lines around her mouth smoothed out when she smiled and nodded.
"I didn't see this." She finally spoke. "It's funny. I saw you coming but I didn't see this. I wasn't sure what Dessy told you about me but I'm from the old school. We tend to our own and mind our business. I was taught that was the way of it and raised that way. It's saved my life and all I want is for Dessy's to be saved to. It's better if she was with her own kind.”
“How do you figure that?” I asked as my blood started to boil with anger. “She’s better with me. We’re better together.”
She laughed. “What, you think you can protect her with your live free or die trying attitude? While you’re riding around the country on your bike, she's at home taking care of your kids. Asking me to watch them cause their daddy is away? You need to think about that. Is she really better with you? She'd settled down quite nicely without you. My girl just needed to be around someone positive. She's got her cousin Shay for that. You,” she pointed to me, “aren't needed.”
I scoffed.
“Lady, you have no idea how many times I thought those same things. How many nights I've held her and wondered why she chose me. How often I pushed her away because I knew I didn't deserve her. But it boils down to the reality that Dessy is mine and you'll have to accept that. I ain't letting her go. You're right. I'm better with her but I bet you my life, I'll take care of her better than any man could.”
“I know guys like you. You have silver tongues and it all sounds good in the beginning,” she sneered. “I'm sure my girl is taken with you but if you think by coming out here and talking to me, you'll get some sort of blessing, you're wrong.” The woman scoffed. “I know first goddamn hand how the likes of you are. So, go back and live in your little fairy tale. Keep telling yourself the lies that you're feeling something permanent my girl. Don't worry, mama will be here to pick up the pieces. Like she always does.”
She stood up and walked toward the door.
Shit.
I stood because no words would convince her, maybe action or just time, but I didn't care what she thought. Dessy was mine and that was all that mattered.
As I left the threshold of her home, I half turned and said, “We’re having a gathering in two weeks. It's to celebrate her thirtieth birthday. I'll get you the information but it would mean the world to her if you came.”
She grunted.
“She'd want you there.” I clarified, “I would too. This is a milestone.”
“Fine by me.”
“Good.” I slid on my glasses. “I'll be seeing you soon.”
“Likewise.”
Shay and I planned Dessy's party but mostly Shay did the work. I just approved, argued or was ignored throughout the process. The event was held at Peppers and it was a surprise to Dessy who only knew she had to work that night. When she saw the entire place decorated with a big banner that read Happy Birthday Dessy, tears came to her eyes as she scanned the room until she found me off to the right. Her smile widened as we all yelled Happy Birthday. Shay led the group with the song as she ushered Dessy over to her cake. Once it was revealed that the cake was the shape of a barbell with shot glasses along the edges, everyone erupted in laughter. Dessy made a wish, blew out the candles and we all cheered.
It seemed that the entire Manor Guardian chapter was in attendance and even Swag and his Norristown crew were stopping through. He kept saying, he wanted a Manor woman because we had all the good ones. Yet, it was clear, he only had eyes for Vita, Lori’s friend. As long as I had Dessy, he could have whoever the hell he wanted.
To my surprise, Dessy's mom did come and so did my sister, Carol. She called me to apologize a few days before the party and wanted to apologize to Dessy. I warned her that I wouldn't tolerate anyone, including her, fucking up her day. She gave me her word, so that is what I had to go by. They spoke briefly over the phone and Dessy was cordial but not emotionally moved. Shit, I couldn’t blame her.
Everybody was on point, even her mom spoke to me by smirking and nodding her head. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but it was evident once Dessy saw her mom that she was not only in shock but afraid.
I kept to the other side of the bar with Razor and Apollo, while Dessy made her rounds, thanked the party goers and then finally made it around to me. I figured she’d be hesitant to introduce her mom to me, knowing how the woman felt, bu
t it took an entire twenty minutes before she brought her over.
"Bear, this is my mom, Rachel." She gave me a smile.
Her mom’s eyebrows rose, then she gave her daughter a bewildered look.
"Mama." Dessy started shaking her head as if to silently ward her off.
"What?" her mom asked innocently. "I'm just trying to figure out why you are introducing us when we’ve already met?"
Damn.
Dessy's eyes squinted as her head reared back, then she said, "What? You mean in a dream?"
"No. He came to talk to …" Her head lifted and then turned toward me. "You didn't tell her?"
A small smile crept onto her face.
"Wait, what?" Dessy exclaimed.
"Your, uh...," her mom started.
I cut her off and said, "Sweetheart, I went to see your mom a few weeks ago. Thought we'd talk for a bit."
Dessy’s first reaction resulted in her forehead scrunching up in confusion, then all her features darkened and red-hot anger crossed her face.
"Wait, let me get this straight. You went to see my mom, did not tell me about it, even when you knew I was apprehensive about the two of you meeting?" she asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "I didn't like the way you were moping around. Being distant from me, like you had to choose. I'm not sure what there is to choose. I've chosen you. You know that."
"Bear," Dessy said rather slowly. "You had no right."
"The fuck I didn't," I quipped. "I had every goddamn right."
"Now, now," her mama chimed in. "Seems all that entitlement doesn't get you far here either."
Her nose was up and her lips poked out. Before I could say anything, Dessy turned around and snapped, "Mama, don't you dare talk to him that way. You don't know the first thing that man has done for me. Won't do for me. He doesn't deserve that and I won't let you talk to him that way."
"Mind your manners," her mom snapped back. "I'm still your mother."
