by P. O. Dixon
“Pray my mother, my father, and my sisters are not so ill qualified to represent themselves that you would rather not speak of them at all for fear of injuring me.” She placed her hand on his arm. In turn, he placed his free hand atop hers. She said, “Tell me about my parents—my mother and father. What are they like?”
It feels wonderful to be touching her again—to be touched by her. Indeed, it reminds me of the closeness we have long shared. What might I say that would not meet with her objection? “Pray why does it matter what I think?”
“For one, your good opinion is rarely bestowed. If my Bennet family satisfies your discerning tastes then, I know that I need not have any apprehensions.”
“I really do not know what to say other than to prepare yourself to be very concerned.”
Elizabeth’s expression clouded. She withdrew her hand from his. “What are you saying, sir?”
“The fact is that I found the Bennets wholly lacking in terms of decorum and good taste. Mrs. Bennet is a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. Mr. Bennet comes across as being so odd a mixture of sarcastic humor, reserve, and caprice as to render him wholly detached from the rest of his family, and the daughters are silly, wild, and uncouth.”
His harsh reproach nearly took her breath away. “But, Jane …”
“Pray forgive me. Miss Bennet, I must excuse from all this. Having met her, you can fully discern she is above such censure.”
“Indeed, she is. I fear your account of the rest of my family defies reason in light of the example Jane sets.”
Elizabeth moved a short distance apart from Darcy. She crossed her arms over her bosom and stared out into the darkness. After a moment’s reflection, she turned and faced him. “My aunt and uncle, Mr. And Mrs. Gardiner, are nothing at all as you describe my Bennet family either. Mr. Gardiner is a sensible, educated man. Mrs. Gardiner is intelligent, her conversation is wise, and her taste is impeccable.” Her voice heightened, Elizabeth said, “Might your low opinion of my Bennet family be colored by their lack of fortune? Their want of connection?”
Darcy walked to Elizabeth. How he wanted to embrace her and reassure her that his opinion of the Bennets of Hertfordshire had in no way affected his feelings for her. How, in his own struggle to come to grips with the truth, he had weighed the advantages as well as the many disadvantages and all those things considered, cared for her as much as ever.
He said, “Were that only the case, but it’s more than that. The behavior of the younger girls was appalling. All of them are out before the eldest is married—to say nothing of the total want of decorum exhibited by Mrs. Bennet in her unabashed attempts to force them off on rich men. It is just the sort of thing that you would find appalling as well.”
He was standing so close, forcing Elizabeth to strain her neck to meet him eye to eye. “I do not know that I would judge Mrs. Bennet ... my mother,” said she in a voice barely above a whisper, “not knowing all the particulars.”
“From what I was able to discern, the Bennet family’s situation is dire, owing largely to an entail of the estate. Should Mr. Bennet pass away, his wife and daughters would be destitute.”
“Then that would explain my mother’s behavior, would it not?”
“It is no excuse for the total lack of propriety and discretion on her part. She boasted aloud of an impending marriage between Miss Bennet and my friend Charles Bingley when the truth is that their acquaintance had only been of a few short weeks. It was as though she was determined to force affection when there was nothing more than fond admiration between the two of them.”
“Having seen Mr. Bingley with Jane, I would say he suffers more than fond admiration for her.”
“Perhaps, but I dare say you would not say the same as regards Miss Bennet’s feelings for Bingley.”
“She seemed quite delighted to be in company with him.”
“It is true, her look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but I do not believe that is a strong basis for my friend’s future happiness.”
“She was not smiling very much once he had taken his hasty leave. I believe she was heartbroken.”
Now it was Darcy’s turn to be silent. Elizabeth was showing too much concern for what she supposed were Miss Bennet’s true feelings for any good to come from further discussion.
Elizabeth said, “Your friend Mr. Bingley lives in Hertfordshire, does he not?”
“It is true he has let an estate there, but I would not say he lives there.”
“That is merely semantics, Mr. Darcy. Having an estate regardless of its being let qualifies one as a resident and as such, he and Jane are likely to be thrown into each other’s path again. Perhaps the next time they will meet with greater success.”
Her spirits now more animated than when she first joined him in the gazebo, she said, “At least that is my fondest wish. I shall look forward to seeing it all unfold.”
“What are you saying? Are you planning to be there—in Hertfordshire?”
“I admit that I have not had much time to consider what I shall do. I am sure that when I think about it, I will find that I must return to my family’s home.”
Darcy colored.
“You look as though you do not approve of my doing so.”
“It is not my decision, but there is the matter of your Montlake family - your mother ... your brother.”
“I love them with all my heart, but for as long as I can recall, I have felt as though there was a part of myself that was foreign to me. For so long, I have suffered vague memories of another life — a life so distant from my own that I began to attribute them to a wild imagination. I owe this to myself. I owe it to my true father and mother, and to my sisters, to reclaim my rightful place in their lives.”
Chapter 28 ~ The Answers Await
Everything Elizabeth brought with her to Pemberley was now loaded into a carriage with the Gardiners’ things. Elizabeth had refused Avery’s offer of the luxury barouche with the excuse that she might as well start accustoming herself to her new circumstances.
Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and Miss Bennet had boarded the carriage already and waited for Elizabeth to join them.
Elizabeth had spent the better part of the morning with Lady Sophia and Avery. A solemn mixture of apprehension and sadness filled the air as they said their goodbyes amidst promises that this was not to be considered the end—they were now and would always be a family.
When Mr. Darcy joined them, Elizabeth silently pleaded for time alone with him. Lady Sophia and Avery willingly conceded. When the latter two quit the room, Darcy took Elizabeth’s hands in his and raised one and then the other to his lips.
He did not want her to go away with the Gardiners—not like this and certainly not in the absence of a formal declaration between them.
Elizabeth felt her pulse quicken. Darcy erased any remaining distance between them. Placing his hands along her neckline, he traced his thumb under her chin. Leaning forward, he lifted her head and brushed a soft kiss upon Elizabeth’s lips. His touch was so sweet, gentle, and reassuring. This was their first kiss ever. She prayed it would not be their last. How she wished now more than ever that there was some other way to see things through.
Breaking the kiss, he gazed into her eyes. He brushed his thumb across her cheek. “I’ve fallen in love with you. I know you feel the same about me.”
Elizabeth took his hand in hers and brushed a kiss across his knuckles. Not for the first time that day, tears borne out of sorrow and confusion threatened to fall from her eyes. Stepping away, she said, “That is what makes what I am about to do all the more difficult.” She turned away. “I know you, sir. Despite your words, you cannot truly want a life with me now—not as I am.”
“How can you say that?”
“I cannot help thinking it is true. Would you have me believe that you rejoice in the possibility of having such inferior, and by your own firmly avowed sentiments - such objectionable - relation
s in comparison to your noble relations? Surely you do not expect to be congratulated by your family and your acquaintances on the possibility of a connection with the Bennets, a country family with a meager estate named Longbourn, somewhere in the wilds of Hertfordshire. You cannot deny it.”
His throat constricted. “I have no wish to deny it.” He moved closer to her. “Elizabeth, you are not of Longbourn, not in the ways that matter. You are Lady Elizabeth Montlake.”
“You must not call me that!”
“Then, what shall I call you?”
“Do you not see? That is the essence of my struggle. I no longer know who I am or where I belong. I am filled with all these uncertainties and doubts and so many questions.”
“And you believe the answers await you in Hertfordshire.”
“My most ardent wish is that they do indeed.” It pained Elizabeth to cause this man whom she adored so much disappointment. What else was there to be done? Theirs was a painful situation.
Not long thereafter, Darcy escorted Elizabeth outside to the awaiting carriage. He stepped aside to allow her to say her final goodbyes to Avery and Lady Sophia—goodbyes not without a fair amount of tears and embraces, but rendered tolerable by the assurance they would soon see each other again. Avery handed Elizabeth into the carriage and then escorted his barely composed mother back inside.
Darcy stood there watching the woman to whom he had declared his ardent love embark upon a path that would lead her so far away from him with no actual promise of a return. He had feared that events would unfold in this manner once the truth came out—that it would be the means of separating them. She said she needed time to sort things through. He understood.
Still, he stood there as though frozen in time as the carriage drew farther and farther away, silently pleading, look back at me.
Elizabeth sat beside her sister Jane and they immediately joined hands. She smiled at the loving couple who sat opposite her. She had admired them from the moment they arrived at Pemberley. In time, she was sure she would love them, especially her aunt Mrs. Gardiner. Her gentle kindness had provided a great source of strength to Elizabeth over the past few days.
Leaning forward, Mrs. Gardiner said, “You’re going home, my dearest Lizzy.”
Only time would tell if Elizabeth’s new circumstances indeed afforded her a place in the lives of the people she was leaving behind. All she knew with certainty was that her presence among the people in the carriage was precisely where she needed to be.
Prior to quitting the parlor, she had waylaid what she suspected was Mr. Darcy’s intention to offer his hand in marriage by mentioning the possibility of their seeing each other again should he find himself a member of the Netherfield party once the timing was right.
I think he understands that now is not the time ... but one day. Closing her eyes, she bit her lower lip and released a soft sigh. One day. Another thought then occurred to her. If I look back and find Mr. Darcy is still standing there, I shall consider it a good sign.
She quickly turned and looked back. A frisson of hope washed over her. A good sign, indeed.
Chapter 29 ~ His Instinct
Longbourn Village, later that same day …
Try as he might not to dwell on past events, the urgent express he held in his hand from his brother brought remembrances of the most horrific day in his life front and center in Mr. Bennet’s mind. If there was a chance in the world that the news from Derbyshire was of a similar nature as the heartbreaking news Mr. Gardiner had delivered nearly a decade and a half prior, Mr. Bennet wanted, nay, desperately needed to be situated in the private sanctuary of his library when reading it. There he might contemplate how best to prepare his family for what surely would be a crushing blow.
Silently berating himself that he should never have ignored his instinct by allowing Jane to accompany the Gardiners on the trip, Mr. Bennet pushed the letter aside and buried his head in the palm of his hands. First, my Lizzy, and now my Jane. His heart thumped loudly in his chest. How is such sorrow to be endured?
Mr. Bennet’s morbid prognostications halted when his wife waltzed into the room.
She pranced right over to his desk. “Mr. Bennet, Hill informed me that an express letter came from Derbyshire today. Is it from Jane? What does she write to say? Is this the good news that I’ve been praying for? Is she engaged to Mr. Darcy?” Her barrage of questions ceased when a closer look at her husband’s face combined with his silence must have given her to know not all was right. “Mr. Bennet?”
“The letter is not from our Jane.”
“Then who is it from? My sister?”
“It is from Edward.”
“My brother?” Her demeanor now entirely subdued and unanimated, she said, “What does my brother write to say?”
“I—I have yet to read the missive.”
“What are you waiting for? You must read the letter at once! What if - heaven forbid - something terrible has beset our Jane? What if?” Mrs. Bennet spun around and threw herself into the nearest chair.
Mr. Bennet could not put it off any longer. Whatever his brother had written about - for better or worse - he needed to face it head on. He opened the missive and began to read it. The words written therein brought tears to his eyes.
“Mr. Bennet?”
After the better part of nearly two decades of suffering, of wondering and waiting, the thing that he had finally taught himself never to hope for again was coming to pass. Covering his mouth with his hand, he gazed at his wife.
“My Lizzy is coming home.”
Acknowledgments
Centuries have gone by since Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice. Yet, we keep coming back for more. In that spirit, I offer you another ‘what-if’ story inspired by Miss Austen’s timeless classic.
Heartfelt thanks to Betty, Regina, and Lisa for all your help in making this story a pleasure to read.
Parting Thoughts
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Author’s Books
§ Pride and Prejudice Everything Will Change Series:
Lady Elizabeth (Book 1)
So Far Away (Book 2) ~ Available in Winter 2015
§ A Darcy and Elizabeth Love Affair Series:
A Lasting Love Affair: Darcy and Elizabeth (Book 1)
‘Tis the Season for Matchmaking: A Lasting Love Affair Continues (Book 2)
§ Pride and Prejudice Untold Series:
To Have His Cake (and Eat It Too): Mr. Darcy's Tale (Book 1)
What He Would Not Do: Mr. Darcy's Tale Continues (Book 2)
Lady Harriette: Fitzwilliam's Heart and Soul (Book 3)
§ Darcy and Elizabeth Short Stories Series (Stand-alone Books):
Pride and Sensuality (Book 1)
Expecting His Proposal (Book 2)
A Tender Moment (Book 3)
§ Darcy and the Young Knight's Quest Series:
He Taught Me to Hope (Book 1)
The Mission: He Taught Me to Hope Christmas Vignette (Book 2)
Hope and Sensibility (Book 3)
§ Pride and Prejudice Variations Collection Series (Stand-alone Books):
Almost Persuaded: Miss Mary King
Bewitched, Body and Soul: Miss Elizabeth Bennet
Love Will Grow: A Pride and Prejudice Story
Still a Young Man: Darcy Is In Love
Only a Heartbeat Away: Pride and Prejudice Novella
Matter of Trust: The Shades of Pemberley
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Copyright © 2015 P. O. Dixon
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This book is a work of fiction. The characters depicted in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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