“I have to admit, I’m pretty psyched. Let’s not forget to include him in something soon. He seems to be having a rough time of things lately.”
TJ held the door to the back seat opened. “Scooch in. I promise we’ll make it up to him. In the meantime, stop worrying and let’s have some fun.”
*****
On the car ride to the cemetery, Mama Cecelia took the wheel. “Thank ya fo’ coming along. We don’t get much time together anymo’, just ya n’ me.
“I’ll make a point to do it more often.”
“No pressure. I understand ya busy making a new life fo’ y’self. I couldn’t be more proud. Ya father feels da same way. I’m confident of dat.”
“Thank you, madea. That means a lot. I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt. I was never quite sure of your take on my choices in life once I left for New York.”
“When I first saw ya wid Mitch, it was striking how different he was from Jesse.”
“I wasn’t seeking a replacement.”
“Dat’s obvious. Ya n’ Jesse seemed such an ideal match. When ya introduced me t’ Mitch, I feared ya were settling fo’ da direct opposite.”
“My love for Mitch is very different. But, it’s just as strong, and it grows with every year.”
“Dat’s clear. It didn’t take long fo’ me to see how well ya two meshed.”
“Standing by his side, I know it’s where I belong.”
“Ya two look good together.”
“Thanks, mama. It’s the first you’ve told me that.”
“I must admit, it took me a lil’ to warm up t’ Mitch.”
Antonio smiled. “He has that effect on people. I don’t know if I found Mitch, or if he found me. My life is far from what I imagined. But with him is where I am meant to be. When we met, there was something that happened–something unexplainable, something inexplicable, something that no words could adequately describe. It was a pull on cellular level. I fought it briefly. Mitch insisted we were powerless against it. He was right. Once I opened myself up to it, look at what it has brought us.”
“Ya have an amazing family.”
“I have an amazing life.
“I’m glad. Mitch is a fine man. His integrity is solid. It emanates from him. Ya must understand, I cared fo’ Jesse, too. It’s hard t’ let go of da people ya love.”
“I realize that all too well.”
“We’re almost dere.”
Cecelia swerved up the windy road to Red’s gravesite. Her eyes watered as she got out of the car and took her son’s arm. They came to the cemetery on a fittingly gray afternoon. Antonio held her hand as she led him to his father’s grave. She split her bouquet in half and replaced the decaying flowers with the fresh ones she brought. Then she handed the other half to her son. “Time t’ make peace wid da past.”
“I try to make them proud. It’s not always easy to know how.”
“Nobody is perfect.”
“In my mind, they were perfect.”
“Dat’s because ya seeing dem shimmering in da glow of da afterlife. Leave perfection to da dead.”
“It seems like only yesterday when papa died.”
“Twenty-five years, seven months n’ five days.”
Antonio nodded his understanding of her pain.
“Ya father ain’t really gone n’ neither is Jesse. Don’t ya see? Jesse is visiting ya through Mitch’s devotion, TJ’s charm, Ricky’s smile, and Danny’s innocence.”
“That’s a nice thought, mama. Don’t you think it’s time for you to start a new dream? If there is one thing I’ve learned, loving someone else won’t diminish the love you have for another. If anything, it strengthens it.”
Mama Cecelia began to cry, releasing her regret. “He was my soul mate. How could anyone compare?”
Antonio helped his mother to kneel down next to his father’s tombstone. “Love isn’t a competition, mama. I’m going to tell you the same thing you told me when I left for New York. The people you love will always be in your heart. There’s no need to bury it with the dead. Your heart is too big to keep locked away.”
Mama Cecelia wiped her tears with her shawl to smile at her son. “Sage advice.”
“It surely is. You should heed it. Papa wouldn’t want you to grow old alone.”
“I’m not alone. T’ dis day, I still feel his presence. I go t’ sleep wid him at night n’ I wake up wid him at my side. Not t’ mention, I had my son. Ya da perfect blend of da both of us–our greatest creation.”
“Aw, ma.”
“It’s true. Nearly killed me when ya went off on ya quest t’ New York, leaving all ya memories behind, including those of us still alive.”
“Sorry, mama. It’s where I had to be. I wasn’t deserting you. I was moving toward something. At the time I didn’t know what it was. I just knew I couldn’t stay. The pain was immense watching Jesse die. His body was weak, but his spirit was strong, and his soul,” Antonio’s own tears began to fall, “was magnificent.”
“It’s not just our loss, it’s da world’s loss when we lose someone so special.”
“He was a better person than all of us.”
“P’haps dat’s why his life was cut short–he had nothing else t’ gain by being here.”
“He was an angel.”
“Chile, he still is.” Mama Cecelia hugged her son. “Here I thought I was bringing ya here fo’ closure. Maybe ya brought me here fo’ new beginnings. Go t’ Jesse. Go t’ ya angel. Place the remaining flowers by his marker. Have a good long talk wid him. I’ll wait here wid papa. Come back when ya done.”
*****
Antonio decided to leave the car to take the long windy walk up the hill. It started out much the same way as the procession on the day of Jesse’s funeral. There was a bleakness in the sky. Low dark clouds hovered above a dense fog. Antonio stumbled his way along the path remembering the words fresh in his mind when he fell into his mother’s arms. That boy loved you as much as you loved him. He would want you to be happy. They were empty sentiments at the time.
A gust of wind whooshed up supporting Antonio’s back. It jarred his thoughts and he felt Jesse’s presence.
Sorry I didn’t treasure your memory the way I should have. From here on out, I vow never to shut it away again. It was selfish of me to keep you all to myself. I want my men to know of you. I want more people to know just how wonderful you were–to learn from your short experience here on earth.
The half-mile hike was a trek he needed to take. The closer he got to the place Jesse’s body was laid to rest, the tighter his chest got. His breathing shallowed automatically to the torturous question that plagued him whenever he entered a cemetery. Today it came back with the same intensity as the first time he asked it. Why would God give you to me just to take you away?
By instinct he was pulled to the plot. Falling to his knees, the flowers he was holding scattered to the ground. All these years later the loss was just as raw under the heavy cloak covering that part of his heart. It knocked him off his feet.
Laughing at the absurdity of his position, Antonio scuttled to gather the flowers. A sharp reminder kicked him in the side. When Jesse became sick, what good did all that speed do me? Where the hell was I going? Antonio rubbed away the stitch in his right flank. He placed the rescued flowers in the empty vase and stared at the plaque marking Jesse’s short life span. In the passing stillness, a song of a sparrow rang out from the rustling leaves. Don’t miss me. I never left.
You were right, Jess. You said there were many more people in this life I was meant to love. I never would have guessed it would have been so many at once. Antonio smiled. All this time, I thought it was my job to protect you, and I failed. I didn’t know it was you that was sent here to save me. Why was I so afraid? You always lifted me up even when I was carrying you. My little phoenix.
Rays from the sun broke through the dense clouds, washing over him with warmth. He had knelt down with grief and rose with peace. “I’m happy, Jesse. Thank
you.”
Chapter 9
Awaken the Lion
Danny carried his tired little dog upstairs to the boys’ room to put him in his crate. He tiptoed away once he was confident Nicky was asleep. Quietly, he entered Antonio’s old room and sat on the bed with his legs crossed. Biting his nails, he spied on Mitch through the corner of his eye.
Mitch was checking his phone for the third time.
“Why you doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“That thing with your nose.”
Mitch sighed. “What thing?”
“Where you pinch it and make that face.”
“What face?”
“You’re doing it again!”
“Am I?”
“Yes! Am I in trouble?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Stop answering my questions with questions! You’re always pinching your nose whenever I aggravate you.”
“Hmm. I wonder why?”
“Miiittchh!”
Mitch placed his phone on the dresser and came over to the boy on his bed. Ruffling Danny’s hair he said, “As far as I know, you’re not in any trouble. And, I can assure you, I’m not aggravated with you.”
Danny gave him a sideways glance. “Then, what is it?”
“If you must know, I’m a little frustrated that TJ and Ricky aren’t answering my text.”
“Oh.”
Mitch looked at Danny, wondering if he knew more than he was letting on. “You haven’t heard from TJ have you?”
Danny snickered. “The last two messages I got from him was over an hour ago. It was a selfie of his tits and a vid with his tongue hanging out while Ricky swung his butt in the camera.”
Mitch shook his head. “Yeah, I got the same ones.”
Danny laughed. “You should spank him for getting Ricky drunk.”
Mitch lifted a serious eyebrow. “It may come to that.”
“Oh,” Danny said a little anxiously. “Well, don’t be mad at Ricky. Whatever they’re up to, TJ is probably to blame.”
“Thanks for your input. I’ll take it into advisement.”
“Seriously, make TJ pay for corrupting Ricky.”
“Seriously, from here on out your input is not required.”
“Why not? Don’t you think by now I’d be an expert on when someone needs to be punished?”
Mitch chortled. “If only it were that easy.”
“It is that easy. Spank TJ. He’s the real troublemaker. ‘Sides, he kinda likes it.”
With an ironic smile, Mitch took a seat on the bed. He tugged Danny in close. “That’s not how discipline works. It’s meant to be a learning process. I don’t get to pick and choose based on preference.”
Danny’s anxieties for himself evaporated under Mitch’s comforting arm. “Okay, I get it. It’s just that I hate it when you punish Ricky. He doesn’t ever do anything wrong.”
“I don’t particularly like punishing him either. But, he’s a grown man with a phone. If he is being led astray, then it’s by his own accord.”
“What’s wrong with having little fun? I wanna be out there with ‘em.”
“I know you do. There'll be time for that when you’re older.”
Danny rolled his eyes adding an exaggerated sigh.
Mitch tweaked his nose. “I don’t begrudge them having fun. All I’m asking is for one of them to let me know where they are and when to expect them back.”
“Oh.”
“Do you think that’s asking too much?”
“Well, no.”
“If Antonio was here, he’d be requesting the same thing.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Just, nothing.” Mitch lifted the hem of Danny’s shirt. “Up.”
Danny raised his arms to allow Mitch to undress him. Mitch stripped him to his underwear and socks before pulling back the covers. “Climb in and let Daddy worry about the other two boys.”
Danny complied without argument. As soon as Mitch went to shave, he dove off the bed for the phone left in his crumpled jeans. He quickly sent several messages for TJ and Ricky alerting them of Mitch’s annoyance.
*****
TJ was whistling and clapping enthusiastically in front of the stage his lover was playing on. As the band was jamming and leading up to Ricky’s solo, TJ reached for his phone to record it. When the band stopped to take a break, he turned it off to save the battery. TJ wished the others could have been there to see Ricky in action. He decided to turn his phone back on to send them the video. In shock, he finally noticed all the missed messages. “Uh-oh!” he frantically waved Ricky down.
Grinning from ear to ear after his performance, Ricky was oblivious to his lover’s panic. TJ helped him off stage and pulled him aside to whisper in his ear. “Shit, kid! We fucked up.”
The corners of Ricky’s mouth dropped. “What do you mean?”
“Mitch has been trying to reach us. Danny just texted to warn us that he’s pissed.”
Ricky’s eyes went wide. He instantly went for his phone. Sure enough, there were three missed calls. “Oh crap! We’re in for it.”
TJ couldn’t help but laugh. Seeing this side of Ricky had tickled him. He liked being in cahoots with him. “We’ll have to come up with a good excuse, fast.” He quickly called for a taxi. TJ elbowed Ricky to shake the sickened expression that crossed over his face. “Don’t worry. A cab will be out front in six minutes. Let’s get our drinks in a go-cup, no point in wasting beer if ya don’t hafta. Gotta love N’awlins.”
“What are we going to tell Mitch?”
“We’ll think of something outside where it’s quieter.”
Ricky took TJ’s hand as he led him through the crowd. On the way out, several people slapped him on the back to compliment his playing. Even though most of his beer sloshed over his hand, it helped to lighten his mood. Exhilaration took over as TJ ushered him through the door. Once outside, TJ turned to soothe Ricky’s anxiety. He smiled in surprise to see him bouncing on air.
“I had such a blast. No matter what happens, I won’t regret this night.”
TJ winked. “I keep trying to tell you, it’s fun to be bad sometimes.”
“I wasn’t trying to be bad. I had my phone off while I was playing. It’s a habit. I hope Mitch won’t be too mad.”
TJ’s penis twitched at the thought of both of them getting reprimanded together, and possibly even spanked. “There’s our ride. We’ll come up with a plan on the drive back.”
TJ opened the door for Ricky to get in while giving their address to the cabbie. After shutting the door, he snuggled up to Ricky. He lifted the phone to their faces and snapped a picture. Then he sent it to Mitch with a text, Sorry. Home soon. Will explain when we get back x.
“So, any ideas?”
“Why don’t we just tell him the truth? We were having fun and didn’t realize how late it was, or that he was trying to call.”
“The truth?” TJ cocked his head to think about it. “That’s just crazy enough to work.”
Ricky made a cute little snorting noise. “Yeah, crazy, ain’t it?”
TJ ran his hand up under Ricky’s shirt and teased his nipples. “I like this side of you.”
Ricky snorted again, and covered his nose and mouth, embarrassed by the sound he was making. TJ removed his hand to kiss him. They slid down the back seat to hide from the driver while they made out.
By the time they reached home, all too quickly, their mood had sobered. They tiptoed through the house, even though they had no illusions that Mitch would have been satisfied by the text and gone to sleep. Nonetheless, they yelped in shock when they turned on the light to see Mitch sitting on their bed with his arms crossed.
Trying to stifle nervous laughter, they covered their mouths and avoided looking at each other. TJ was the first to speak up. “Where’s the brat?”
“Sleeping in my room. It wasn’t a good idea for him to be alone tonight.”
“Oh, right, sorry. Is he okay?
”
“He’s fine. I think you know I didn’t come in here at two am to talk about Danny.”
“Before you say anything, let me explain.”
Mitch lifted an eyebrow and waited.
“It’s my fault. I turned off my phone–‘fraid I’d run out my battery by taking too many pictures. We were having such a great time. You shoulda seen Ricky out there.”
Mitch didn’t appear moved. In fact, he didn’t move at all.
Ricky tried next. “I’m really sorry. I turned my phone off, too. I always keep it off when I’m playing. It’s a habit.”
Mitch nodded his head in understanding. “I’m glad you were having a good time. I like seeing you happy. Just remember that there are others of us at home concerned.”
“I know. I am so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“You both have to remember that I need to be able to stay in contact with you when you’re out. I know we’re not in New York anymore, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying. If you’re out together, one of you must keep your phone on.”
“You’re right, Mitch. I was being careless, and um, thoughtless,” TJ jumped in. “I promise it won’t happen again.”
Mitch pressed his hands to his knees and stood up. The lecture he planned was almost superfluous. Deciding there was no point in wasting an opportunity to be hyper vigilant about safety, he added, “I realize that we’re on vacation to relax and enjoy ourselves, but the image of a gun pointed to Ricky’s head will be forever burned in my mind. Please be aware of that when you’re out having fun, and I can’t get a hold of you.”
Ricky immediately began to choke up. He threw himself against Mitch and swung his arms tight around his waist. TJ piled in behind him, throwing his arms around the both of them. Mitch gathered them into a hug. “You should both know better,” he said, patting his oldest boy’s back. “Next time you won’t be getting off so easy.”
TJ answered with a sincere “Yes sir.”
Ricky gave a muffled heartfelt apology into his protector’s broad chest. Mitch slapped TJ’s backside. “Brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”
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