by Rosa, C.
“I’m so sorry for not recognizing you. I hate flying and had taken something for the flight. I was a little out of it.”
Ethan smiled, his pale blue eyes sparkling with the light of the candle on the table. His face was clean-shaven tonight, and the button down shirt and black pants he wore were doing a good job of showing off his toned frame. He was far from the kid that passed me funny notes in class, but I could still make out some semblance of his boyish charm.
Turns out, he started law school near Philly in just a couple of weeks, and he even volunteered in the hospital once a month. He didn’t have one single tattoo, rarely drank, and his last relationship was a year ago with a girl he dated for three years.
I ate every last bit of my lamb, every bite melting in my mouth. It felt good to be around that kind of food again. Burgers and fries at the Mug weren’t exactly palate stimulating.
The car ride home seemed to go by a lot quicker, and I discreetly checked my phone, a little disappointed when I didn’t see a call or text from Ricky.
When we finally made it back to my mom’s, I saw Nick’s car parked in the driveway. The house was completely dark, and I cursed at Nick under my breath for forgetting to leave the porch light on for me.
Ethan got out of the car and walked me to the foot of the porch steps.
“Thanks for a really great time,” I said, fishing for my key.
“Do it again soon?” he asked.
I nodded my head, watching Ethan as he took slow deliberate steps in my direction, closing the space between us. I closed my eyes as he leaned in, waiting for our lips to merge, when someone obnoxiously cleared their throat from the porch. Rising up out of the darkness, Ricky stood like a worried father waiting for his daughter to come home from her first date.
“Dammit Ricky…you scared the shit out of me!”
Ethan’s eyes darted from Ricky to me. “Ricky? I thought your brother’s name was Nick.”
“It is,” I said. “This isn’t my brother. He’s my boss.”
“Your boss?” A long awkward pause developed. “Um, it’s nice to meet you.” Ethan extended his hand, but quickly dropped it when it was obvious Ricky wasn’t into the whole act of civilized introductions.
“Okay…well.” Ethan turned to me and opted for a peck on my cheek. “I’ll call you.” He winked and walked back to his car, just after I mouthed the words I’m sorry.
I stood, frozen by complete and utter disbelief.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, throwing my hands into the air.
“I wanted to see how your date went.”
I charged past him on the porch, trying to open the front door.
“Why is this door locked? Where’s Nick?”
He’s at my house with Mia. I borrowed his car.”
I turned to face Ricky. “Let me get this straight. You borrowed my brother’s car so you could come here…and spy on me.”
“Well, when you put it like that it just sounds creepy.”
“It is creepy! I can’t believe you did that…He probably thinks your some stalker ex-boyfriend now.”
“Good,” he said. He was smiling ear to ear, his hands tucked into the pocket of his jeans. “I can’t believe you were going to let him kiss you,” he said, following me into the house.
I rolled my eyes as I flicked every light switch I passed.
When I turned to face him, his eyes were wide and dark.
“That’s what you wore? You’re barely dressed! I’m pretty sure I can see your-”
“Just...please! Don’t finish that sentence,” I said, holding up my hand. “You are wildly inappropriate, you know that?”
“I consider that a compliment.”
“Ugh…” I stomped past him and headed up the steps; too frustrated to notice he was following me all the way to my bedroom. He stopped just at the threshold, waiting for me to invite him in.
“Go home, Ricky,” I said. “I need to get to bed before I have to wake up to your incessant honking tomorrow morning.
“You never answered my question.” He leaned against the frame of the door, his arms crossed, and his hips cocked to one side.
“What question?” I asked, rummaging through my drawers for something to change into.
“Did you have a good time?”
I sauntered over to the door, getting as close as possible to his face without actually touching him.
“Like you had with Heidi the other night?” I said in just above a whisper.
Ricky smiled, his eyes sweeping from my eyes to my lips back to my eyes. This close to him, I swear I could see the storm brewing behind his long lashes, the grey in his eyes swirling like incoming clouds.
“You know that was just for show. I took her straight home.”
“Am I supposed to believe that?” I said, raising my eyebrows.
“No,” he replied, suddenly becoming so serious. “But it’s the truth.”
And it was written all over his face.
At that very moment our lips collided, like two magnets no longer able to resist the pull they felt towards each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into my room. He staggered in, startled by my strength. Kissing him again reminded me just how much I enjoyed it the first time. I reveled in the feeling of his lips on my skin, gently pecking up and down my neck.
“Your skin smells so good,” he moaned. I closed my eyes, inhaling the scent off his shirt. I felt the bed behind me and sat down. Ricky’s lips never broke from mine, his hands cradling my face.
In that moment, I knew I had to make a decision: stop now or give in to it. Ricky sensed something and stopped, grabbing both of my hands in his.
“We don’t have to do this tonight,” he said.
I peered up at him, his admission breaking any doubt for me. Ricky froze in place, only his eyes moved as he watched me get up. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, I pulled it over his head, tossing it on the floor. I ran my fingers from both his shoulders, down his chest, grazing each ripple in his stomach, until pausing at just past his navel. Our eyes were locked, a hypnotic energy buzzing between us.
Ricky grasped my hand as I reached for the buckle of his belt. “Are you sure?” he asked me.
I unfastened it, pulling it from his waist in just a few tugs, letting the action speak for me. It had been six long months since I had gone this far, and I was ready to reward myself for good behavior. I peeled off my dress, tossing it on the floor beside the bed. I sat back down, scooting further back towards the headboard.
“Holy shit,” he mumbled in a drawn out breath.
“What’s the matter?”
He hesitated before answering. “You’re beautiful.”
“Stop,” I said, blushing. I’ve heard him say it a hundred times to every girl within a five-foot radius. Somehow it felt different this time, like the real meaning of the word had just occurred to him.
“I mean it, Lex. You’re gorgeous.”
I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, yet so in control at the same time. I nodded him over to the bed, and he made a slow crawl next to me.
He brushed back my hair and kissed me on my lips. I pulled him on top of me, and we relinquished any clothing that remained between us. He placed himself in between my legs, and we stilled for a few seconds, forehead to forehead. I grazed his arms, encapsulating me from both sides, feeling every tense muscle.
I closed my eyes the moment I felt him inside of me, the feeling of being so close, overwhelming. I dug all ten fingers into his back, pressing him closer and deeper.
He thrust his body into mine and a low moan poured out of me. With each movement of his hips, I came closer and closer to spilling over the edge. I felt every move he made. When we both couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed one more time before collapsing on top of me.
The moment was bittersweet. It was exhilarating to feel so wildly attracted to someone, but I was also terrified by what it would mean. I was sticking my hand into the fire again. This time
I knew exactly what would happen. Wanting a relationship with Ricky was like wishing to take a ride on a unicorn. You could hope all you wanted to, but it was never going to happen. So, I made myself a new promise. I wouldn’t let myself become emotionally attached. I would become the female version of Ricky. It was the only way to survive this.
We laid in bed, Ricky on his back, while I nuzzled my head into his chest. His fingers grazed up and down my bare back, spreading goose bumps all the way down my arms.
“Promise me something,” Ricky said.
My head shot up with a sickening feeling of déjà vu.
He laced his fingers with mine as I waited for him to continue.
“Promise me that you’ll never go out with Ethan again…or talk to him.”
“Are you jealous?” I teased.
“How can I not be? I’ve only been waiting for you to come around since the fourth grade.”
I laughed and propped up on my elbow. “Fourth grade? You seemed to have kept yourself pretty busy since then.”
“That’s because you would never give me the time of day.”
“Yeah, right,” I protested. “After tenth grade you barely even looked at me.”
“That’s because I was playing hard to get.”
I laughed even harder. “That’s the woman’s job.”
“Oh.” He leaned up, and planted a soft kiss on my lips.
“I’m serious,” he whispered. “Promise me.”
I nodded my head, giving him a silent yes.
He flopped back down on the bed. “Aren’t you going to ask me the same thing?”
“Promise me you won’t go out with Ethan ever again,” I said, looking up at him.
“You know what I mean!”
I exhaled. “I’m not going to make you promise me anything. The last time I did that it backfired. You are who you are, and I’m okay with that.”
I think.
Ricky shot up from the bed again as I sat up, creating a space between us.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he said.
“It means I know sex is sex, and I’m not going to try to convince myself that it’s anything more than that.”
Ricky scoffed, swinging my comforter off of the lower half of his body. He grabbed his boxer briefs off the floor and slid them on.
“So, that’s it then, huh?” he said, turning around. “You won’t even give me a chance because of what you think you know.”
“I’m not trying to be a bitch. I just don’t want to play any games. This time I refuse to convince myself that this is any different.”
The words were falling out of my mouth like a damn that had busted open.
Ricky stood stock still, his hands on his hips, his fingers just touching the curve of his obliques. “Oh, what? You had one fucked up relationship so now you think you’re an expert?”
“What do you want from me Ricky?” I asked, defeated. I sunk my head into my hands.
I felt the bed shift, Ricky’s hands pulling mine away from my face.
“I want you to give me a chance,” he said. The storm in his eyes was settling, the grey shifting to a lighter shade.
“Okay,” I said. “I promise.”
Chapter 13
The Letter
I LET RICKY sleep in while I snuck downstairs to make breakfast. The smell of Spanish omelets and bacon must have woken him. When I turned around to plate the food he was leaning against the counter in just his unbuttoned jeans.
“Morning,” I said with a smile. “Hungry?” I placed the plates on the table and rummaged through the fridge for what was left of the orange juice. I felt Ricky’s arms wrap around me and his head nuzzle into my neck.
“I love it when you cook,” he crooned. He unfastened the tie to my robe and ran his hands down my torso.
“You’re going to make me drop the juice,” I teased, nudging him away.
Sitting at the table, watching Ricky inhale his breakfast, I felt hopeful that this could actually work.
“So, have you thought about going back to working a real job yet?” He darted his eyes over to me as I took a sip of my coffee.
“Are you trying to fire me?”
“No,” he said. “But you can’t be happy doing it.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know…the money isn’t too bad. Plus, my boss is kind of a hottie.” I winked, and Ricky smiled wide and bright. I caught a little blush to his cheeks.
“It’s just that it was always your dream to own your own restaurant one day,” he said.
I scrunched my eyes. “How do you know that?”
“Mrs. Rossi’s class. We had to write a paper about what we wanted to accomplish as adults and read them out loud to the class. You said that you wanted to take over your dad’s restaurant.”
“You remember that?” I asked, astonished.
“I remember a lot of things.”
“Such as?”
He paused, holding the fork mid-bite. “You coming to visit when my mom was sick. You weren’t…you weren’t afraid to come over, not like a lot of other people. Even when she got really bad. ” His eyes flickered back down to his plate.
“Your sister was my best friend. I wanted to be there for her. I’m just sorry I couldn’t make it back for the funeral.”
“So, what happened?” he asked “With your dad’s place?”
“My mom shut it down,” I said. “He was going to leave it to me, but since I was still so young he left it to my mom instead.”
With that accident, I lost everything I knew…my dad, my dreams of cooking with him, carrying on the restaurant he worked so hard to build. I had begged my mother not to sell it, but she wasn’t convinced that I could handle it on my own.
“Well maybe one day you’ll get another chance,” he said.
I smiled. “Maybe.”
Ricky finished the last bite. “I’m stuffed.”
I smiled and took his plate to the sink, hoping that he was right.
* * *
“Stop at the mailbox a second, I haven’t checked it in a while.”
Ricky slowed the car just close enough that I didn’t have to get out to open the mailbox. I shuffled through three days worth of mail full of bills and grocery store circulars. All the envelopes were addressed to my mom. All but one. My heart dropped at the sight of the scraggly handwriting scrawled across the white envelope. There was no name, just a return address.
“What’s the matter?” Ricky asked.
I shoved the mail into the side pocket of the door. “Nothing.” My heart was practically beating out of my chest. “Just stuff for my mom.”
Ricky hesitated before driving off. Every once in a while I caught myself bouncing my foot against the floor of the car. I had to tell myself to calm down since Ricky would steal a look my way every few minutes. He didn’t say anything to me, but I could tell he knew something was up.
When we finally got to the bar, Ricky headed home to switch cars with Nick and catch a shower before coming back to work. I thought about what it was going to be like working together after last night. Danny and I were so good at hiding our secret that none of our coworkers caught on. Here, they noticed when someone came in wearing a different kind of deodorant.
I walked into Ricky’s office, plopping my purse with all the mail onto the shelf next to Ricky’s desk. It was too big for its place in the room, and nine times out of ten I ran my thigh right into it.
Thank goodness that we were slow because all I could think of during the small lunch rush was the letter in my purse. I tried to think of how Danny would have gotten my address when I remembered I had given him my mom’s name and number for my emergency contact at work. He laughed when he saw that the address was in New Jersey, commenting on how quickly my mom would be able to arrive in time to be any use. I didn’t know anyone else who lived closer.
Ricky finally strolled into the bar at three o’clock. Heidi rolled her eyes as he wandered over to me and whispered in my ear while I cleared a
table. I giggled just to piss her off even more.
“What’s happening here?” Mia asked from behind the bar, her finger waving between Ricky and me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You two…you’re both smiling from ear to ear. Something happened, didn’t it?”
“Back to work!” Ricky teased.
I grabbed the stack of menus I just finished wiping down and returned them to their holder up front.
“Dammit!” Ricky yelled from his office. I heard the familiar sound of the metal shelf reverberating through the room, and then the plop of stuff falling on the floor.
I peered into the doorway to his office.
“I gotta’ move this fucking shelf,” he said, rubbing the front of his thigh. He bent down to grab the stuff that had fallen, which included my purse with all the mail.
Before I had time to react, Ricky held the letter in his hands, staring at my name written on the front.
“For you?” he asked, holding it in between two fingers.
I nodded my head, trying to think about what I was going to say.
“Who would be writing to you from California?” His tone was soft and low, which made me even more nervous.
“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet. It’s probably from Lauren...she was my neighbor. We wanted to stay in touch.”
“Really? Like pen pals?” he baited.
“Something wrong with hearing from a friend?” I said, trying to deflect.
“No.” He tossed the letter, along with the rest of the mail back on the shelf. “It’s just a phone call might have been a little easier.”
He wasn’t buying my story.
I looked back as Heidi sat a couple in my station. “I can’t talk about this now. I just got sat.” He ignored me, and stared down at the writing on the envelope.
“Hey,” I said, snapping him out of it. I tenderly grabbed his cheeks with my hand. “It’s nothing. Stop worrying.”
I planted a soft kiss on his lips and walked away, hoping I was right.
* * *
I grabbed the letter out of my purse a few minutes after I heard the shower running. Ricky tried to get me to join him, and although the offer was more than tempting, the curiosity about the letter was eating away at me.
