by Rosa, C.
I looked around the darkened kitchen, confusion taking over. “Are you on drugs? I just told you I’m NOT taking the job. I’m not leaving you!”
“You need to take the job, Lex! Let’s face it…working at the bar isn’t for you. You know, and I know, that this was never going to work anyway. Take the job.”
I scoffed, completely taken aback. “So that’s it?”
“Basically,” he shrugged. “When do you leave?”
I stared at Ricky, waiting to call his bluff. “January,” I said. “After the new year.”
“Wow…that soon, huh?” Ricky walked to the living room, leaving me sitting at the kitchen table. “Well, don’t worry about it. You can stay here until then.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
He disappeared around the corner, and I followed him to the couch. He sprawled out and turned the TV back on.
“So, I guess we can be friends?” He wasn’t relenting then neither was I.
“Friends,” he said, smiling. “Absolutely.”
I waited for him to say more, but he focused his eyes on the TV. Finally, I got tired of standing there like a statue, being ignored.
“Okay…well good night,” I said.
“Goodnight.”
I headed to bed upstairs, knowing when I woke up he would snap out of it.
Chapter 24
Letting Go
THE NEXT MORNING, I expected Ricky to forget all about our earlier conversation, but he didn’t. We rode to work, barely uttering a word to each other.
The new cook Ricky hired, Sammy, didn’t know shit about being in the kitchen. After the first hour, he already managed to burn himself three times. I tried to convince Ricky that he needed to find someone else, but he brushed me off, telling me that I would have to make it work.
“He’s a nice kid…but he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing.”
“He’ll learn,” Ricky said, not even bothering to look up from his computer. “Just give it some time.” He shot me a quick smile.
Two weeks later, Ricky still hadn’t touched me, and he was still sleeping on the couch. Last night, after work, I grabbed a pillow off the bed and plopped on the couch before he did.
“What are you doing?” he asked me as I tried to get comfortable.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going to sleep. I’m not sleeping in your bed alone anymore.”
“Get up,” he commanded. “I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.”
I shook my head, refusing to move.
“Fine.” He picked me up, and set me down on the carpet, taking my spot on the couch. “Goodnight,” he said, after I hovered over him.
I gave up and made my way upstairs, reluctantly getting into bed alone. I never imagined Ricky would take it this far. I had one more week left to decide whether or not I was going to take the job. Ricky made the decision easier for me with everyday that passed. He distanced himself, hardly ever staying home after he dropped me off. At first, I thought it was just a ploy to make me feel bad. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
I tossed and turned in bed, not able to shut off my brain. I grabbed the pillow and headed back downstairs, where Ricky was still awake, watching TV.
Without asking, I crawled to the other end of the sofa, curling up at his feet like a cat. I fluffed the pillow and tried to get comfortable in the cramped space.
“What are you doing?” Ricky asked, peering his eyes over at me. The light of the TV reflected on his face, casting a shadowy sadness around his eyes and mouth.
“I can’t sleep,” I said. “Why are you still awake?”
“Can’t sleep.”
I nodded my head, and waited for him to say something else. Something to let me know that he missed touching me as much as I missed touching him. Something to tell me that he wanted me to stay. That I should call California and tell them that I’m staying put. But, all I got was silence. Silence and infomercials.
I had enough. I was tired of playing this game of who cares less. He wanted me to stay, I got it. But this relationship limbo was too much. Were we together or not?
I crawled towards him, his eyes shifting to mine as I got closer, close enough to his face that I could kiss him.
We stared at each other for a few seconds, until I made the first move, planting my lips on his. I was relieved when he kissed me back, which only made me want him more. So, I kissed him harder.
He sat up straight, and I peeled his shirt off.
“Wait, wait!” he said.
I pulled back, half shocked, half disappointed.
“We can’t do this,” he mumbled, lifting my legs off. He sat up on the couch and turned the television off.
A pain ripped through my heart. A pain I had done good to protect myself against before I let my guard down with Ricky. The pain of rejection.
Why not?” I whispered.
“Because…we just can’t.” He voice was cold and stern.
“So…you really want me to take the job?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said, lighting a cigarette.
“I can’t believe this…” I muttered. “I thought…never mind. It doesn’t matter.” I got up, grabbed my pillow and made my way to the stairs.
I flopped on Ricky’s side of the bed, inhaling his scent off of the sheets, and cried until I fell asleep.
Chapter 25
Moving On
IT TOOK A FEW days for the reality of Ricky and me broken up to sink in. After the third week, I got use to feeling the empty space next to the bed. I still hadn’t called about the job, still unsure that I was ready to leave. I had until the end of this week to make the call, and it was all I thought about.
Ricky had taken an early night off at work. When I got home late that night, I laid in bed, restless as usual, thinking about where Ricky could be and what he was doing. I knew passing on the job was insane, but I didn’t care. I was happy where I was working. More importantly, I was happy with Ricky. I knew that if I really wanted to take the job I would have said yes on the spot, But I didn’t. I was in love with Ricky, and the idea of not being with him terrified me more than anything.
Sometime around one in the morning, I heard the front door open. I shot up in bed, and ran to the bathroom, combing down my hair. I needed to tell Ricky how I felt right away and end this silly charade we were playing with each other.
I ran down the steps, seeing Ricky shirtless and smiling. I took a few more steps when it felt like the stairs were crumbling under my feet. There was Ricky, his mouth devouring someone on the couch. I tried to scamper back upstairs without being seen, but I tripped, blinded by the tears, and ended up falling a few steps instead.
“Alexa?” Ricky stumbled over to me and tried to help me up.
I shook off his arm, not wanting to feel any part of him touch me.
“Who’s that?” asked the woman, half naked on the couch.
Ricky tried to help me again before I swatted him away. His eyes were glassy and blood shot, the alcohol reeking from his pores.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed under my breath. I hobbled up the steps, hearing Ricky tell the woman to get dressed. I scampered into the bedroom, locking the door behind me.
“Lexy!” Let me in! Please!” Ricky pounded on the door and I leaned against it, sliding my back down until I hit the floor.
“I’m fine,” I lied, hoping my cracking voice wouldn’t give me away. “Just…leave me be.”
Eventually, the knocking stopped, and I crawled to the bed, knowing the first call I was going to make in the morning.
* * *
I peered over the sheets, the overcast sky making it hard to get out of bed. My eyes hurt, swollen and sore from crying myself into oblivion. I looked at the clock on the nightstand. I had finally slept in on a day off, but it was still too early to call California.
I unlocked the door and peeked my head out, listening for anyone in the house. When the coast seemed clear, I tiptoed downstairs, making myself coffee and
breakfast. Just as I was ready to head back upstairs and crawl back into bed, Ricky walked in the front door looking like he just got done from the gym.
I walked right past him, refusing to acknowledge his presence. He followed me upstairs, and headed into the shower, while I sipped the rest of my coffee.
When he was done, I tried not to notice the water dripping down from his chest over every ripple in his stomach. The sight of him shirtless was so distracting that I had to remind myself we were no longer together…his body no longer mine to admire.
Ricky dressed in gym shorts and didn’t bother with a shirt. He sat down next me on the bed, as I watched the snow flakes fall from the sky.
“I’m so sorry about last night,” he said. “I had way to much to drink and….”
I held up my hand. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Yes, I do.”
“NO….you don’t. We’re not together anymore, and this is your house. You can bring home and screw whoever you please.”
“I wasn’t going to screw her,” he said. “I can’t even remember her name.”
“Not surprising,” I mumbled.
“I’m such an asshole.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll be gone in a couple of weeks, and soon you’ll have your house back to yourself.”
Ricky nodded.
“Maybe,” I continued. “Maybe I should go back to my mom’s until I leave.”
“No,” Ricky said, shifting closer to me on the bed. “Please stay. We can have Christmas dinner here.”
“I don’t know Ricky…”
“Please,” he pleaded. “Christmas and New Year’s and then you’re back in California. What do you think?”
“Okay,” I acquiesced.
What was two more weeks?
Chapter 26
The Announcement
IT WAS CHRISTMAS Eve, and I still hadn’t told my mom, or Nick, or Mia that I was moving back to California in just a couple of weeks. Ricky convinced me that we should cook dinner tonight instead of tomorrow, since he had “special plans” as he kept saying.
I had spent the whole morning cooking prime rib, mashed potato gratin, and dried cherry stuffing, happily sipping my wine. By the time dinner was ready, I had a nice, warm smile on my face.
When we all couldn’t fit another bite in our stomachs, Ricky tapped his glass with his knife, getting up from his chair.
“Oh God,” Mia mumbled. “Not another drunken speech.”
Ricky waved her off. “I want to thank everyone for being here, and Lexy, for cooking this amazing meal.” He turned to me, raising his half empty glass. “Lexy, baby, no one can handle meat like you. I love you.”
I blushed, my mom’s face turning as red as the table cloth, not able to hide the smile on her face.
“Nice speech!” Nick laughed as Ricky stumbled back in his chair. “Let’s open some gifts!”
“Wait!” I said as everyone got up from their chairs. “I have an announcement to make.”
Everyone sat back down in their seats.
“I have some news,” I said.
“Oh my God…you’re pregnant!” Mia shouted. My mother’s face changed from red to white in an instant.
“What?” Nick shouted. “Oh my God…that’s crazy!”
“Pregnant?” repeated my mom. “Since when? Who’s the father?”
Ricky squinted his eyebrows in complete confusion. “You’re pregnant?”
“No! I am NOT pregnant. Would I be drinking this if I was?” I held up my glass of wine. “I’m moving back to California.”
The room fell silent and somehow I thought everyone preferred the news that I was preggers.
“What?” Mia said.
“Why?” Mom asked.
“I got a job. A really good job in a gourmet restaurant…and I couldn’t pass it up.”
“What about the bar?” Mia asked.
Ricky chimed in. “Sammy’s taking her place.”
Mia raised her eyebrows. “And you’re okay with this?” she asked him.
He shrugged. “What choice do I have?”
I turned to Ricky, surprised by his response. He was the one who insisted I take the job, the one who ended things between us.
He slapped his hands on his lap. “How about those gifts?”
The mood of the room changed, and everyone dragged themselves into the living room, where our small Christmas tree held a few presents.
We all oohed and aahed over the gifts, until the skirt of the Christmas tree was bare. We shared some hot chocolate, and ate the apple pie my mom made. By the time everyone left for the night, I was so exhausted that I almost fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I felt the bed bounce. When I opened my eyes, Ricky was laying beside me, a small box with a red bow sitting in the space between us.
“What is this?” I asked. We had already exchanged gifts downstairs. He had gotten me an apron, inscribed with my name, and a pair of earrings that I had my eye on when we went to the mall together to Christmas shop. I had gotten him a beautiful Movado watch with a black leather band.
“You didn’t actually believe those presents downstairs were your Christmas gift, did you?”
I smiled, the remnants of the wine still warming my blood. “You know I don’t care about expensive gifts.”
“I know,” he said, nodding his head. “But this gift is for the both of us.”
I bit my lip, and carefully peeled away the wrapping paper. In the box was the name of a hotel in New York City: The Ritz-Carlton. I read the piece of paper, confirming the Statue of Liberty view room from tomorrow until Saturday.
“What is this?” I asked, looking up at Ricky. He was smiling ear to ear.
“We’re going to spend the next few days, eating, drinking…shopping. Think of it as one last date before you leave.”
“Ricky…this is too much. This trip is going to cost a fortune.”
“True,” he teased. “But I’ve had it planned for a while. Plus, you deserve it.”
“Thank you. This is a wonderful surprise.” I kissed him on the cheek, and when I nearly missed his mouth, we both hovered our faces close to one another. I wanted to kiss him on the lips, to push him down on the bed and crawl on top of him, letting him know that I wasn’t ready to give up on him just yet.
“You better start packing,” he said, widening the space between us.
“Yeah,” I replied, feeling deflated. “Wait…what about the bar?”
“Don’t worry about the bar,” he said. “It’s in good hands.”
Ricky got up from the bed and headed towards the door, probably making his way to the couch.
“Ricky…”
He paused, an expectant look in his eyes.
“Thanks for letting me stay here until…well, you know.”
“Sure,” he replied. “What are friends for?”
Chapter 27
NYC
A FRESH COATING of snow had just fallen, covering the city in a beautiful, glistening blanket of white. As soon as we walked into our room, I plopped my bag on the ornate dark mahogany desk, and ran to the big window, drawing the curtains open. There, jutting out of New York Harbor was the Statue of Liberty.
“This is amazing,” I gushed to Ricky as we both took in the view. “There’s actually a telescope in here!”
We both took turns looking through it, before unpacking a few items out of our bags and hanging them in the large closet.
“There’s only one bed,” I said, hanging up a little black dress I brought.
“Is that okay?” Ricky said. “If not, I can always sleep on the sofa.” He nodded towards the small chaise lounge tucked in the corner of the room.
“No,” I smiled. “It’s a king size bed. I’m sure there will be plenty of room for the both of us.”
The bed was beautiful with a creamy white duvet and large goose down pillows. Everything about the room, the view, the chocolate brown leather headboard,
the big deep bathtub, screamed romance. I actually got excited at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as Ricky again.
“So, what should be do first?” I asked, flopping on the bed. It was so soft and comfy, and I nestled into the big fluffy pillows.
Ricky sat down on the edge. “How about dinner?”
* * *
It was way too cold for the dress I wore, but I didn’t care. The look on Ricky’s face when I slipped it on was worth the potential risk of frost bite.
He stared as I dabbed some lip gloss on, making the butterflies flutter in my stomach. He looked so handsome, in grey pants and a fitted black button down shirt. A black belt framed his narrow waist, and he wore his thick black framed glasses instead of his contacts. I always thought they were sexy as hell when he wore them.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked, checking my dress in the mirror.
“No,” he smiled. “You just…you look so beautiful.”
I smiled, feeling the tingling prickles of flattery start in my stomach and spread through my toes.
“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself,” I winked.
Dinner was exceptional, and the wine was so good going down that I had almost finished the bottle. By the time the check came, I was sure Ricky would have to carry me out the door.
We took a cab back to the room, and I couldn’t wait to slip off my shoes, and curl into the huge bed waiting for us.
“Thank you for dinner,” I giggled, for no apparent reason. I had an overwhelming feeling of contentment, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
“You’re welcome,” Ricky laughed. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Oh my God…enjoy isn’t the word. It was orgasmic.”
Ricky laughed harder. “You’re funny when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” I said, hiccupping.
“Whatever you say,” Ricky teased.
I reached for his hand and held it the entire ride. Ricky looked down at our entwined fingers, but never at me, instead keeping his gaze out of the window. I only let go of his hand when we got out of the cab. In the elevator, I nuzzled against the sleeve of his coat, inhaling the intoxicating smell of his cologne.
