by Evie Harper
“She wants the money, Slate… for Rex. To get him far away from Louisville. Away from her family, so he can get a fresh start.”
Slater presses his lips together, squints his eyes and looks out over the dirt, sprint track. “I can respect that. She’s doing it for her family, but so are we, and it doesn’t change the fact that you will beat her.” Slater bangs on the roof and says, “You got this.” He backs away, heading for the fence, but his eyes stay on me, examining me. Can he sense how conflicted I feel?
I watch as Lana stares straight ahead with a focused, intent glare. She grips the steering wheel tight with both hands and lowers her chin. I notice she mutters some words to herself before she looks back up to the road.
The cars in front of us take off for their race and Lana and I drive forward slowly. In only a matter of minutes we’ll be taking off too, and only the best racer will win.
Winning will mean taking away Lana’s hope.
I know she’d never hold it against me, but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I will hold against myself.
A skinny blonde in tiny shorts and a white bikini top steps out in front of Lana and me and says, “Get ready, lights go green in two minutes.”
The woman leaves the track and I rev the engine three times. Fang sounds beautiful. The bar jumps up in RPMs nicely and the rhythm sounds like a dream. My gaze once again finds Lana. My center, all that matters in my world. She’s busily throwing her hair up into a high ponytail and I notice her chest is rising and falling heavily.
This is Lana’s first race and so much rests on the outcome for her.
I wind the passenger side window down. Lana sees me and does the same.
Leaning toward her, I state, “Calm breaths, Dove. I’m with you, all the way to the finish line.” I point to the end of the dirt strip. “You take off the same way as you did from my house this morning and you’re gonna do fine.” I wink and then notice the racing light turn orange.
Ready.
I grip the steering wheel and stare down the long four-hundred-meter racing strip. All of this will be over in only six seconds. Whether I win or lose, the Kings will still be in the top three to go into the Death Race, but if I lose today and if we lose our next two races, we’re out of the top three, no advantage going into such a dangerous game.
And worst of all, Slater’s plans will be lost to the wind. He’s told me of his intentions for our family. If we win and if Slater’s ideas come to life, our futures will change drastically. Right now we’re in the lead, the team all the other teams know they need to knock out first, during Death Race, if they want a chance at winning the money. Being in the top three means we get a head-start in the deadly race, one we need.
Yellow Light. Set.
I shift gears to first and my breathing quickens.
I wrap my hand around the handbrake and continue accelerating Fang. My body tenses and the vibration of the engine flows through me like an adrenaline rush you can’t get anywhere else. There’s no feeling that compares to this.
Breathing in the petrol fumes and soaking up the strength of my muscle car. It’s as if I’m a man becoming a superhero. Strong, immortal—the possibilities endless.
Slater got into racing to feed and house our family. It’s how we all started, and Slater still sees it that way, but not me. Now it’s a passion I could never give up. Once your heart races to the point of exploding and your breathing quickens, all that’s left is freedom. The car, the dirt road and me. Nothing but a long stretch of nothingness.
Peace.
Stillness on the inside.
When memories of my childhood come to the forefront, it’s not an easy task to lock them back away. Racing definitely helps. Along with the garage, my family and Lana, they give me purpose, something to focus on. And usually, I find I don’t think or have nightmares about my past for months at a time. I live for today, tomorrow and the future. The past is the past. Gone. Slowly I’m replacing each torturous memory with a better one.
Some would say I need to see a shrink and talk all that shit out, but that’s not me, never will be. I’m not something to fix. I’ll deal with the brutal and vile memories one step at a time, in my own way. It also helps that I know the fucker is dead and that he died at my hands.
Those who say revenge never helps have obviously never tried it before.
And yeah, a lot of people would pity me for my start in life, but I think about my brothers, my sister, and Lana. I consider my now self, to be very lucky.
Peering over to Lana, my chest squeezes painfully. She’s freaking out. Her hands seem to be slipping off the steering wheel and she’s trying to dry them on her shirt. She’s also blowing out enough breaths to start her own tornado.
She wants this. Desperately.
Glancing at my brothers, I spot Della with them. My family who are depending on me to win. Fuck.
Green. Go!
I drop the handbrake and floor the accelerator, my tires spin as I quickly change up through the gears to third, and then like always the thrill begins. I’m pushed back into my seat while dirt flicks up and all around my car.
I’ve crossed the starting line in no time at all. I peer into my rearview mirror looking for Lana, but I don’t see her. My heart pounds against my chest. Is she okay?
I glimpse over my left shoulder and fuck me, she’s right by me. Our bumpers moving back and forward, both of us fighting to be in front of the other.
“Wahoo! Fuck yeah, baby,” I shout out. However, Lana doesn’t look over or give any indication she heard me. She’s staring straight ahead, arms straight out on the steering wheel and her eyes focused intently on the finish line.
We must change our gears straight into fourth and then into fifth at the same time because we both take off and neither of us gains any ground on the other.
Suddenly Lana shoots straight past me and my smile dies instantly.
Too soon baby. Too soon.
I press the red NOS button on my steering wheel. I’m pushed back into my seat as I shoot past Lana easily.
The finish is coming up, the race is mine.
Lana pushes her second hit of NOS, she’ll make it to me and then I’ll take the win with my second push.
I glance over my shoulder as Lana comes up alongside me and passes by, her car, half a length in front of me.
My finger hovers over the NOS button. Fuck, my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. Press it, Mack. Win the damn race. My thumb lowers, but suddenly as if a rope around my heart suddenly tightens, I pull back.
The finish line appears. I’m over the line. I lost.
Chapter Fourteen
Lana
I can’t believe I actually won. How the heck did I win? Who cares, I won. I’m giddy. My walk isn’t just a normal stride. I’m bouncing.
Mack just dropped me off out the front of the hospital and I’m on my way up to tell Rex the good news. Mack’s driving back to the house for a few hours before he comes back to pick me up, later tonight.
I’m not sure how I expected him to act if I won. Heck, I never thought I had a chance against him. However, he’s actually happy for me and it’s not pretend because I can tell when that man lies, he presses his lips together and looks away. Solid giveaway. Slater also seemed pleased that I won. He hugged and congratulated me.
Entering Rex’s room I find Corey, Kodi, and Reed sitting around my brothers bed.
They jump up when they see me and Corey asks, “Did you win?”
I called Corey from hospital phone when I knew that I wanted to race. He was apprehensive at first, but I explained why and he couldn’t argue with me any longer. Corey called Mickey and set it all up, the car and me racing in Rex’s place, even though Corey was the one meant to race today. That bit of information we didn’t fill Mickey in on. Anyhow, Corey said Mickey was excited about the idea.
“Come on, what happened?” Reed begs.
My mouth widens into a grin and I squeal, “I won.”
***
Mackson
Stepping into my house after dropping Lana off at the hospital, all I want to do is head up for a shower, but I know I have to go and sort out shit with Slater first.
He knows I didn’t use my second NOS. He’s pissed and I understand why, but he’s going to have to get over it. I did what I did and there’s no changing it now.
I wouldn’t change it even if I had the chance.
The pure joy on her face when she jumped out of the car. Her smile. The hope she exuded was suffocating and hard to ignore even for my family, who congratulated her excitedly, even Slater.
Which I’m grateful for, because for the first time in my life I knew that if Slater or any of my brothers treated Lana as an enemy or disrespected her for winning that race, I would have harmed one of them.
The shock hit me hard as it came out of nowhere. I’ve never felt the compulsion to protect anyone over my family before. Yet Lana has it, and now she owns me.
Slater didn’t give me one look, not even a single glance. He left almost straight away. The rest of my family following him closely.
Walking straight through the house toward the back screen door, I pass Pacer on the sofa and Dell and Kelso in the kitchen getting dinner ready. No one says a word. They know where I’m going and what’s about to go down.
At no time has Slater ever been the brother to be disappointed in us. Never raised his voice or fist to us. He’s the father figure of our family, but he’ll never admit it. He already carries around a heavy weight on his shoulders for us even though we’re safe, healthy and strong. Adding a title he deserves would only seem to burden him further, especially if anything were to happen to any of us.
I accept our past and can move forward without it weighing me down, but that’s where each of my brothers differ, we all carry our scars in a different way. Slater moves on by making Piper, me, and my brothers and sister, his top priority. I’m not sure when he’ll stop and look around and notice what we have or keep fighting his whole life for us to have better, to have more.
I reach the garage glass door and slide it open. I’m hit with a cool breeze from the blaring air-conditioner.
Slater is leaning on Chevy’s bonnet sipping a beer.
“Slate,” I start, my voice rough, ready for a battle, but he cuts me off before I can go on.
“Don’t,” He grits out, still looking away from me toward the tool wall. “I get it.” He pushes off Chevy and turns to look at me, pointing his finger in my direction, the same hand holding his beer, he continues, “I know why you did it. I don’t fucking like it, but I understand it.”
Silence stretches through the garage as Slater walks over to the beat-up old sofa we have in here for lunch breaks. He sits and sighs. “Fucking women. When we made our plans, we never thought we’d have to think about more than our family.” I nod and walk over to Chevy and lean on the driver’s side door, facing my brother.
“Doesn’t have to change our goal, Slate, just how we get there.”
Slater takes another sip of his beer. “Yeah, I know. We’ll be good. I got backup plan, after backup plan.”
Gesturing to the house. “You gonna fill them in yet?
Slater shakes his head. “No. Not until we have solid plans which won’t be for a while yet. I don’t want to get their hopes up.”
I nod in agreement and Slater stands and we fist bump, both of us acknowledging we’re all good. “The future still looks bright, brother,” I state.
“Brighter now that you have pussy on tap,” Slater replies with a sneaky grin.
I laugh out loud and we spend the next few hours shooting the shit in the garage until Dell calls us up for dinner.
After a delicious meal, I go pick up my girl and when we return we head straight up to our room.
I’m stripping off Lana’s top and jeans, leaving her only in a black bra and panties when she says, “Kodi said you let me win. He said there’s no way I should have won today.”
Stopping, I look her in the eyes. “Motherfucker needs to watch his mouth. You won, fair and square.” It crosses my mind to tell her that if I’d used all my NOS, then I would have beaten her. But I didn’t use it. I was indecisive and too slow, so technically she did win by being focused and intent on winning. So I’m not going to take credit for something that isn’t mine to take.
Lana lowers her eyes and smiles at the same time. “From memory, you only pressed your NOS once.”
My eyes pop open. “Who the hell has been teaching you shit about race cars?” NOS isn’t noticeable, it’s as if someone just moved up in gears, to know… you’d have to be looking for signs of someone boosting at the right time.
Lana laughs. “Rex has shown me a little, but you forget I’m around car fanatics all the time.” She points to her ear. “I listen.” Lana’s smile turns into a soft straight line. “I can’t believe you did that, Mack,” she whispers softly. “I meant it when I said losing the race wouldn’t come between us.”
“I know. And honestly, you won. I was slow to hit my second NOS, a split second can make or break a race, Dove. You won today, end of story.”
“Well, for the record I want a do-over soon. I will beat you, and next time you will use all your NOS,” she says poking my bare chest and grinning.
I bend and wrap my arms around Lana’s thighs.
She squeals as I throw her backward onto my bed.
I climb up her body slowly. Taking in every lush curve. Licking my lips as my eyes roam over her tanned, smooth skin.
“We can race again, for a price,” I tease as my mouth touches her warm neck and my body begins to hum with need.
“A price?” Lana asks, breathlessly.
“I win, we fuck on Fang as many times as we can, on the race strip, late at night when no-one’s around.”
“And if I win?” Lana asks softly as my mouth moves down toward her pert nipple which is poking through her lace bra.
I suck hard on the material over her nipple, causing Lana to moan and fidget on the bed.
“Anything you want,” I reply, lifting my head to look into her eyes.
She smiles. “If I win, I want to have sex on your car, at the race strip, late at night when no-one’s around.”
My mouth widens to a broad grin. Christ, I love her.
“Well, tonight, I’m gonna see what a winner tastes like and then I’m gonna drive us both crazy while I try and make ecstasy last as long as possible.”
Lana moans. “Stop with the teasing then and start reciting the alphabet.” She pushes my head down to her sweet hot spot and I feast on my girl.
***
Three days later.
Lana
Corey dropped off my car at the hospital today, so I could finally start driving myself around. Although getting into my crappy Altima after being driven around in Mack’s Skyline really sucks. I’m kind of wishing I wasn’t so independent for once.
I come back to Mack’s to grab some lunch and to also have a break from the hospital. Rex was weaned off the drugs yesterday and finally woke up last night, and since then it’s been really tough. Dr. Evans warned me of the withdrawal symptoms–heightened anxiety, psychosis, paranoia and profound depression. Even after hearing the doctor say he may have some of these symptoms nothing can prepare you for when you’re talking to a loved one and they beg you to kill them or untie them and let them go.
Rex is bound to the bed because he lashed out at a nurse trying to leave, and spouting that he needed to wash away his sins.
How my heart can still break anymore is beyond me, but it still does each time I see him writhe on the bed like a madman, a stranger. On the outside, that’s not my brother and I’m scared that it won’t be long before his insides match his exterior.
But when I arrive home, I go in search for Mackson and find that he isn’t here. Freezing, I realize that word keeps popping up in my thoughts. Home. Nowhere will be my home, but the house I grew up in with my brother. But as I l
ook around the interior of the King’s house I can’t help but feel safe, cared for and always welcomed.
I can have two homes, right?
Something suspicious seems to be going on, because when I appeared at the garage, all the guys were surprised and each of them give me a different location where Mack was supposed to be. Then Slater adds, “He’s on errands today, he’ll be going to all those places and it’ll take him a few hours.”
Smiling brightly, I turn and bounce on my heels all the way into the house and then stop and shake my head.
Men. They’re terrible liars.
Walking purposely through the house to the living room, there’s something I’ve learned since living here. Slater is a control freak with his siblings, especially since Della was shot. He now has a little black book with dates and where everyone will be. I’ve only heard from Mack what it was like for them to be nowhere near home when Rex threatened Piper, and I can only imagine the pain Slater and his brothers must have gone through on that car ride home.
I reach the television unit. It’s new and there are drawers along the bottom. The top one is Slater’s and everyone knows it’s where he keeps his PlayStation games. I happened to see him slip his black book in there once as I was walking past.
Opening the drawer, I spot the book and pick it up quickly. Flicking through the pages, I come to the middle of the book and the last page with writing on it. I scroll down the names and stop when I see my own.
Lana - Hospital. He added me? Warmth floods my chest. Slater cares about me? Wetness pricks my eyes, but I dash it away feeling silly.
I continue to search the list.
Piper – Work.
Della - Food shopping.
Mackson - T.
I scrunch up my face. T? What does T stand for? Maybe for the errands he’s running? Perhaps I’m thinking too far into the guys’ reactions to me being back early.
I shrug and place Slater’s book back exactly how I found it and decide to make my lunch and hope Mack drops back in while I’m here. I’m halfway to the kitchen when I hear the familiar rumble of Macks car.
