by M. Garzon
“Really?” I was surprised he would ask, considering he hadn’t said a word to me all evening. He noticed my hesitation and sighed. “I know he’d be glad to see you again. And his work is worth seeing.”
I shrugged. “Well, I’d like to, but we may have to talk Dec into it.”
He gave a ghost of his normal smile. “Leave it to me.” He went to sit by Dec.
By the time we left it was all arranged. I said a warm goodbye to Ethan, who hugged me tightly. Without his company as a distraction the party would have been even more uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe I had hardly spoken to Jaden at all. My plan to distance myself from him was obviously working, but my success left me feeling painfully empty.
* * *
There was only a month of school left, so in theory, I should have been studying a lot more, but I was hopelessly distracted that week. I only saw Jaden once; he dropped in on Wednesday before heading to the club to play in the weekly practice game, or club chukkers, as they were known. We exchanged a few polite words, hardly looking at each other.
“Well, Téa,” Dec announced during dinner, “you’ll be happy to hear I’m taking your advice and building more paddocks. Including a pasture with a run-in shed, so we can keep some horses outside during the winter.”
“That’s good news,” I told him, perking up.
“And Jaden is helping,” Dec added. “So he’ll be staying here four or five nights a week.”
My stomach plummeted.
“It’s the least I can do since you refuse to accept board money for my horses,” Jaden told him.
I felt Seth’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. I was too afraid my face would reveal my dismay. Jaden in my house five days a week — how was I supposed to keep a safe distance from him now?
* * *
After a phone consultation with Julia, I decided to wear my edgiest top and jeans to the art gallery. Seth drove into the city; I probably wasn’t very good company, as I was still preoccupied with the coldness I’d felt from Jaden on Sunday. It was strange, we’d been so close these past few months — had I imagined the distance on Sunday? I shook my head, I’d find out soon enough.
The art gallery was a long, narrow space. I found myself scanning the room for Jaden as soon as we were inside, but I didn’t see him.
“Hi there,” Chris greeted us, smiling. “Thanks for coming, Ryan will be happy to see you.” My return smile was genuine. I’d forgotten how friendly he was.
“I’m so glad to be here, I can’t wait to see his work. Oh, this is my brother, Seth.” I remembered to introduce him after he elbowed me.
“Can I get you some wine?” Chris offered.
Seth grinned down at me and answered for both of us. “Sure.”
We weren’t of age, but it wasn’t as though this was a bar. An art gallery wasn’t going to get raided for fake IDs.
Chris was back in minutes with two glasses of white wine. I didn’t really like wine, but hey — I was in the city on a weeknight, at an art gallery, seeing an exhibit by an artist I actually knew. Those were some pretty exciting firsts for me, I wanted to do the other new things that went along with them. Seth and I started off at the front of the gallery, while Chris wandered off to mingle. I quickly realized that Ryan’s work was incredible. We were admiring the third painting along the wall when a long arm reached over my shoulder and plucked the wine glass out of my hand.
“I doubt Dec would be very impressed if I brought you home drunk,” Jaden said.
I spun around, my heart racing. I noticed my mouth was dry too — when had Jaden’s presence started making me nervous? I’d gotten used to his touch making my body overreact, but he wasn’t touching me now. This was getting downright ridiculous.
Jaden looked phenomenal. He was always frustratingly gorgeous, but I usually saw him at the barn, when we were both working and dirty. Tonight he looked like he belonged in a magazine spread for urban fashion.
I closed my mouth with some effort. “Hi.”
He smiled at me, but it wasn’t with his usual warm affection. His eyes remained cautious, appraising. They flickered quickly over my clothes, and I felt suddenly self-conscious about what I’d worn. I hoped I looked okay.
“Hand it over, Seth.” He held out his hand for Seth’s wine. “One of you has to drive home tonight, and I took responsibility for the pair of you, remember? I should have my head examined.” The grin he gave Seth seemed totally natural, I noticed with a pang.
He wandered off, drinking the confiscated wine and stopping here and there to chat. He seemed to know a lot of the people here... people who were all older and more sophisticated than me, I thought wistfully. Seth and I turned back to the canvases, but it wasn’t long before his attention wandered. I could see him shooting glances at a girl sitting on a circular leather couch in the middle of the gallery; she was probably in her early twenties, and very pretty. She looked at home in an art gallery. I smiled. Seth didn’t have a physical ‘type’, but a girl like this one would naturally capture his interest. The fact that she was older, and in a unique — for us — setting would just make the challenge that much more fun for him.
I nudged him. “Why don’t you go talk to her?”
“You don’t mind?”
“’Course not.”
He flashed me a grateful smile before heading off. I did feel a bit self-conscious once he was gone and scanned the room for Jaden again, but I didn’t see him. I couldn’t help thinking that the fact he hadn’t returned yet meant that our presence — well, my presence — wasn’t that important to him. Which was a good thing, I tried to tell myself.
Chris returned then. “Where’s your brother?”
I pointed him out, cozying up to the pretty girl on the couch. “He saw something he liked.”
“Well, he’s a real cutie, I’m sure he’ll have no trouble making friends,” Chris laughed. He linked his arm through mine. “C’mon, I’ll show you around. Ry wants to see you, too.”
Going through the gallery with Chris was fun. He was good-looking, chatty and gregarious; he introduced me all around and made me feel at ease. When I confessed that I didn’t know anything about art, he laughed and threw his arm around my shoulders.
“It’s nice to have someone admit they don’t know about it for a change, we get so many posers coming to Ry’s shows.” His eyes were a very light brown for someone with an obvious Asian background. I was wondering about his ancestry when I felt eyes boring into me. I turned around. Jaden was across the room in a small knot of fashionable people — mostly women, I noticed. I gave him a tentative smile, and he half-smiled in return. Chris, his arm still wrapped around me, followed my gaze.
“Speaking of works of art...” He grinned, trailing off.
I tried to hide my sinking feeling. It was true, obviously, but that’s not what made Jaden so incredible. Well, it wasn’t the only thing, but it was the one element that ensured he would always be surrounded by girls, most of whom would be more beautiful, exotic, or accomplished than me. Not that it mattered, I reminded myself.
Chris resumed towing me around and we found Ryan.
“Téa’s worried that she doesn’t know anything about art,” Chris informed him after we’d said hi.
“You don’t need to know about it to appreciate it,” Ryan reassured me. He was soft-spoken, and I liked his unassuming manner, especially considering how unbelievably talented he was. “You just have to know what you like.”
“Well, I love everything here. You’re now officially my favorite artist,” I said. Ryan walked me around and talked about his creations. I found myself having a good time, even though Jaden’s conspicuous absence was always on the periphery of my awareness. And then, suddenly, he was there. With a blonde.
“Ry, you remember Summer?”
Summer.
The infamous ex-girlfriend. I tried hard not to let my face betray my shock as Summer air-kissed Ryan. She was stunning, of course. Tall — maybe five foot nine —
and slender, with the kind of soft physique you only see on someone who has never developed their muscles. Her light ash-blond hair fell straight past her shoulder blades, and large grey-blue eyes dominated the pretty face. Her whole appearance, from makeup to clothes, was very polished.
Jaden turned his gaze onto me. I couldn’t read the look he gave me, it seemed almost angry, though I had no idea what I could have done to deserve it.
“And this is my cousin, Téa,” he introduced me. I felt the weight of his stare as I shook hands with Summer; I had no clue what I said to her. Summer flitted off to join some friends.
“I invited her because I thought she could help you,” Jaden said to Ryan. “She has a lot of social contacts — gallery owners, agents. She’ll do you a favor, for my sake.”
I’ll bet she will, I thought bitterly.
I had a hard time concentrating after that. I hung out with Ryan, and occasionally Chris, and tried to deny how bothered I was by Summer’s presence. I watched surreptitiously as Jaden joined her in a circle of what were surely mutual friends of theirs. He brought her a glass of wine; the smile she gave him as she took it was almost giddy. Luckily for me, Chris and Ryan were both very easy to be with and didn’t seem to notice my distraction.
Toward the end of the evening, Ryan and I were collapsed on the round white sofa where Seth had earlier joined the pretty girl. They had long since disappeared somewhere — probably downstairs; it turned out there was another floor to the gallery, where more of Ryan’s brilliant works hung in various rooms. Ryan and I had really bonded that evening. He was so kind, with an unexpected, barbed sense of humor. Even though he was in his early twenties, he looked much younger with his dimples, big curls, and bright new-penny eyes. I glanced over at him and smiled. My smile dissolved, though, as I caught sight of Jaden over his shoulder; at the look on my face, Ryan swiveled around too.
Jaden and Summer were in the corner. As I watched, he put his hands on her small waist and drew her toward him. The look on his face was one I’d seen only once before — with Brianna. I sat frozen, feeling the blood drain out of my face, as he lowered his head slowly until their lips met. She seemed to respond with enthusiasm and soon had her arms wrapped around his neck. I tore my eyes away, feeling an echoing tear somewhere deep in my chest. I was gasping, staring at the fists clenched in my lap; my entire body, though shaking, felt leaden and cold. How could I have been such a complete, total, deluded idiot?
Ryan put his arm around me.
“I thought he was your cousin?” he asked quietly.
I looked up at him, blinking back tears. “He is.”
“Well, that sucks ass,” he said with feeling. “C’mon, let’s go get drunk. I’m sure there’s some wine left.”
I nodded gratefully, and we headed for the makeshift bar at the back of the room. I was halfway through my third glass and feeling pretty tipsy when I found it being pulled away yet again. This time, however, I held on.
“Let go, Téa,” Jaden said impatiently.
I wish I could, I thought to myself. The sight of him caused the pain in my chest to flare fiercely; I was going to be stubborn but Ryan came to my rescue again.
“It’s best to humor him when he gets like this, sweetie,” he told me conspiratorially. He gently took my glass away and handed it to Jaden, giving him a cold look for good measure. Jaden’s eyes widened in obvious surprise.
“Where’s your brother?” he snapped at me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m not his keeper.” I giggled at my own weak joke — wow, I must have been tipsier than I’d thought.
“Great,” he growled. “Stay here.” He jabbed at the spot where I was standing with his finger and turned on his heel, presumably to find Seth.
I turned to Ryan, despair welling up inside me. “That went well.”
Jaden eventually came back with a chastised-looking Seth trailing behind him. He walked us to our car without saying a word. Once I was buckled into the passenger seat, though, he leaned down and inspected me, frowning.
“Will you be okay? You look kind of green.”
“I’m fine,” I said shortly. I was starting to feel pretty nauseous, truth be told. I thought he was going to berate me for drinking, but he straightened up silently, looking troubled.
It was a tortuous drive home. I tried to be happy for Seth, who’d had a great time and was hoping to see the gallery girl again, but my thoughts were roiling muddily. Jaden was following behind us in his car; he was spending the night, which meant I would have to face him in the morning. My stomach curled with anxiety at the thought. Jaden was right — I needed therapy, but not for the reasons he thought.
* * *
I awoke feeling awful the next morning. And it wasn’t just because my head was pounding and my stomach queasy, either. I’d managed not to throw up until after we got home, and had crawled into bed exhausted, but sleep had eluded me... and even though I hadn’t been thinking too clearly, I had reached a conclusion about Jaden’s distant, cool behavior of the past week. An appalling, humiliating conclusion, but one that made sense. He must have realized how I felt about him. It wasn’t surprising, really — my body gave me away every time he came near me. So, having guessed my totally inappropriate feelings for him, he was pulling away from me. I wasn’t sure whether he was simply upset, or whether he was making it clear that — obviously — there could be nothing between us. Either way, it would explain why he kissed Summer right in my line of sight. Not that he needed any excuses, I remembered, cringing.
I was utterly mortified at the thought that Jaden knew. I wanted to avoid him, to hide, but we were playing club chukkers that afternoon. I considered faking illness, but then he’d think I was ducking out because I was hung over, which was a weak and pathetic excuse. Crazy as it seemed, I still didn’t want him thinking badly of me. Thinking worse of me, I should say.
I stayed in bed as long as I could before tottering to the washroom. The morning dragged by. I didn’t see Jaden, which was a relief, but I knew I couldn’t avoid him all day. He was in the kitchen when I went in for lunch. I said hi without meeting his eyes.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked.
I glanced up; his face was reserved, unsmiling.
“Fine,” I responded.
We treated each other very politely as we got lunch together. I wasn’t very hungry — my stomach was still uneasy, as was I. Jaden noticed my lack of enthusiasm.
“You won’t have the strength to play if you don’t eat more than that,” he admonished. He sounded so much like his old self that I glanced up with a smile half-formed on my face. Our eyes locked for a brief second, and I was taken aback at the unhappiness I saw in his.
After lunch, I was in the barn tacking up Schweppes when Jaden came in.
“I’m going to drive,” he said abruptly. “Piba’s sore, and I don’t need Kermit today. I’ll meet you there.”
I nodded, surprised. We had always ridden to the club together, and I couldn’t imagine why he was giving Kermit a day off on a weekend. He must really want to avoid being alone with me. I felt hot with embarrassment as I finished bridling Schweppes. Well, I wouldn’t impose my presence on him. I resolved to be as indifferent toward him as possible — that should help restore his peace of mind.
I only played in the first chukker, and it didn’t go well. I was distracted, my head hurt, and I felt weak, but worse than any of those was the shame I felt at playing so badly in front of Jaden. I was relieved to ride off the field when it was over.
“You look sad, muñequita,” Mateo commented. He was riding a horse I didn’t recognize. I had discovered that ‘muñequita’ meant ‘little doll’. I was less than overjoyed with the nickname, but I didn’t want to antagonize Mateo by saying anything.
I shrugged.
“Do you want to come for some stick-and-ball practice with me?”
I looked up at him, surprised. Mateo had warmed up to me considerably since I’d avenged Belita, but this
was the first time he’d actually sought out my company.
“All right,” I agreed. I needed the extra practice, for sure.
We rode around the thin line of trees to the practice field. We started hitting the ball up the field, taking turns, though I missed a lot more than he did. Mateo turned out to be a good coach; he was harder on me than Jaden was, but I appreciated that. I was used to demanding teachers, and I liked to push myself.
“You’re bending your elbow again!” he reproved me when I’d hit the ball only to see it, once again, roll only a few feet. “You won’t get any force behind your swing like that. Here.” He rode up and demonstrated a full swing. “You see how I lean to the right? Do that, and keep your arm straight.”
I tried again, at the walk. The ball left the ground and flew twenty feet.
“Yes! You got it in the air!” he congratulated me. He rode up for a high five. I had just slapped his hand, grinning broadly, when Jaden rode up. His expression was stony.
“Mateo, we need you in the next chukker,” he said curtly.
“Okay,” Mateo replied lazily. He looked over at me and winked. “See you later, chiquita.”
“Shouldn’t you be going home?” Jaden’s words were clipped, his face tense. What was he mad about now? I hadn’t done anything.
“I was just getting in some extra practice,” I said defensively.
“With help from Mateo.” The angry mask slipped for an instant, and I thought I saw hurt in his eyes before he looked quickly away.
“Jaden...” His name was a plea; I hated the tension and awkwardness between us. His golden-brown gaze met mine, and in that instant, I could have sworn he hated it, too. Then the hardness returned.
“You’d better get home, or Dec’s going to change his mind about allowing this.”
I nodded slowly and turned Schweppes toward home.
* * *
The year’s first big polo tournament was the following Sunday, and our whole family, as well as our friends, were going to watch Jaden play.
“There’s a dress code,” Jaden reminded us over lunch on Wednesday. “You’ll have to wear a dress again, Téa.” The look he gave me was carefully neutral.
