by M. Garzon
He exhaled in relief.
“Me too,” he murmured, nuzzling my cheek. “The best by far.”
I was thrilled beyond belief at his words. I knew Jaden had had other girlfriends, at least one of them serious, and he was twenty-three, after all — I was sure he had slept with some of them. The fact that our little romp could make him as happy as it did me was just unbelievably reassuring.
“The best, really?” I smiled at him a bit shyly. “Even though we’re not... we didn’t...” I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it.
“It’s all about who you’re with,” he murmured, winking.
I felt like it was only his body lying on mine that kept me from floating away.
“You know,” I began hesitantly, not sure how to bring it up. “If you want... um, we could-”
He eased off me, his expression tightening slightly.
“Is something wrong?” I asked worriedly.
“No, querida,” he reassured me quickly. He brushed my cheek with his fingers, studying my face, and then pulled me close and kissed me gently. I was all for getting carried away again, but he pulled back, grinning.
“Easy, Sparky.”
He knew how much I hated that nickname. I swatted at him and he sprang away, laughing. I had barely begun to give chase when he turned and caught me up in his arms. He carried me back to our shade tree and sat down under it, leaning his back against the trunk and settling me sideways in his lap. I nestled against him. He had one arm around my shoulders, and his other hand went to my bare legs — I was wearing shorts. He made a sound low in his throat, almost a sound of pain.
“What?” When I looked at him his eyes were closed.
“You have the softest skin of anyone I’ve ever known,” he explained, his voice rough. His eyes locked onto mine; they were smoldering. My stomach fluttered madly in response, but I must have still looked puzzled.
“It’s very arousing,” he explained.
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to that.
“Maybe a little too arousing,” he continued wryly. He took his hand off my leg.
“Oh, that’s right,” I laughed, “because we’re trying so hard not to turn each other on today.”
He laughed with me, squeezing me tighter against him. The smile lingered on his face, but his eyes were serious when he spoke again.
“I still can’t believe that I’m touching you like this.” His fingers trailed up and down my arm, and I tried to ignore the thrill that shot through me so I could concentrate on what he was saying.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to do that,” I confessed, turning my face into his neck to hide my blush.
“It can’t be as long as I’ve wanted to.” His voice was almost bleak. “I tried to deny it for a long time; I was so ashamed of myself for thinking of you that way.”
“Why?” I asked softly. “I mean, I had reservations too, but you seemed more-”
“Stupidly stubborn?”
I kissed his jaw.
“I think ‘troubled’ is more accurate.”
He sighed. “Téa, you’re my little cousin.” He didn’t flinch away from the word, as I sometimes did. “I thought of you as someone I was supposed to protect, and help, and love like a sister.”
“And now?”
He cupped my chin with his hand. His eyes were unapologetic; they held mine steadily as he bent his head and kissed me slowly. The butterflies invaded my stomach again, and I wondered idly how long it would take before my heart stopped trying to fling itself out of my chest every time he touched me.
“I’ve surrendered,” he said somewhat grimly.
I made a sound of contentment and melted against him. I reveled in his closeness; I ran my hand slowly over his chest, his shoulder, and down his arm. His forearms were detailed like a Thoroughbred’s, and I traced my fingers over each distinct muscle and vein. I felt a shiver go through him, and he caught and held my hand. I pressed my lips to his neck, inhaling the addictive scent of his skin. It made me want to get even closer. Maybe Jaden was getting similarly distracted because he spoke again.
“So, when did you know, exactly?” he asked quietly.
I understood right away what he meant.
“It was that night I went downtown with Ter and Jules,” I admitted somewhat hesitantly. I didn’t want to remind him of how childishly I had behaved just two short months ago. As if to confirm my fears, I thought I saw him wince.
“The night I manhandled you and made you cry.” His voice was flat.
I stroked his cheek, wanting to comfort him.
“That’s not the way I remember it,” I said. “It was so confusing at first... I did my best to ignore my feelings, but — well, we both know how well that worked out,” I finished wryly.
He ran his hand down my back, pausing midway and following the curve of my ribs forward. My breathing got shaky as his hand trailed down to my stomach.
“You’re thin again.” His eyes were liquid with remorse.
“You’re not to blame for my inability to feed myself.”
In answer, he kissed each of my eyelids. “I’m sorry for every tear I made you shed.”
“None of them were your fault,” I protested. “I’m just not as self-sacrificing as you are. I was selfish enough to want you, no matter what the consequences.”
“Disregarding consequences does sound like your m.o.,” he agreed, his mouth tugging up a bit.
I felt his smile drawing me in — it made me want to touch him, kiss him again, but there were questions that I’d waited too long to have answered. I didn’t want to get sidetracked, so I shifted off his lap and sat on the grass. He kept my hand in his.
“What about you? When did you know?”
“The night of that party, I already suspected that my feelings for you weren’t what they should be, but I managed to justify them to myself.” He glanced down at me, his eyes unreadable. “I had to make an effort not to hurt that boy, you know. The one who was plastered against you.”
I tried to hide my surprise. I hadn’t realized to what extent that scene had bothered him.
“But I told myself it was only natural that I felt protective of you — after all, you’re young, and you had placed yourself in what was potentially a very dangerous situation.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile, letting me know it wasn’t a rebuke.
“Did you end up admitting it that night?”
“No, I managed to delude myself a bit longer. Until the day you tackled Davis, in fact.”
His body tensed, and a shadow crossed his face. I couldn’t bear to see it. I kneeled in front of him, straddling his legs, and took his face in my hands.
“Don’t be sad,” I whispered. I knew he was blaming himself for something he had only considered. The fact that he had never acted on the impulse didn’t seem to matter to him; I didn’t know what to say to make him feel better. A sudden question distracted me. “Wait — is that why you stayed away so long?”
He took my hands and held them in his.
“Yes. I was trying to get a handle on my feelings. It was my reaction that day that finally convinced me; I was so terrified you’d been hurt that I was shaking. After that, I couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t care more than I should.”
I lowered my eyes; the memory of my idiocy — and of his fury — made it hard to look at him. I studied our hands. He raised one of our entwined pairs and brushed my cheekbone with his fingers.
“I want you to know, I never thought about hurting you, querida,” he said quietly. “And thank God, or I wouldn’t deserve you. I’m sorry I let you believe that I did.”
My eyes flew to his; a smile was growing inexorably on my face. “I knew it! I knew you wouldn’t do that. You’re way too chivalrous to ever hit a girl.”
“Chivalrous?” He raised a brow.
“Don’t bother denying it.” I grinned at him. “But then why...” I lapsed into thought, wondering at the lie.
“Dec
had already jumped to that conclusion,” he explained. I could see how the thought hurt him, though he tried not to show it. “It was easier to just go with it... after all, what other explanation could I offer? I couldn’t admit the truth. And in the end, I made the same decision you did and tried to subdue those feelings.”
“You still touched me, though,” I said slowly. I saw surprise flit across his face. “The day you came back, you put your hand on my shoulder.”
“You remember that?” He sounded amazed.
I gave a short laugh.
“Jaden, your touch is not something I can forget. Or ignore.” His eyes were starting to smolder again, and I felt my pulse react. “You only stopped touching me after Stacey’s party,” I remembered.
“Ah, yes. Stacey’s party.” If those words were terse, the next ones were a growl. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
I was still straddling his lap; he raised his knees and I slid forward, thudding into him. His arms snaked around me, holding me fast. He rubbed his cheek against mine.
“How dare you,” he growled softly in my ear, “come to a family event looking so utterly desirable, and then proceed to ignore me for the duration?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer because his mouth came down on mine, the frustration he had felt that day still evident in his kiss. I was soon reciprocating just as intensely; the feeling of his body against mine had me unhinged in minutes.
We stopped to catch our breath, leaning our foreheads together.
“It seemed wiser to avoid you,” I said when I could speak, “considering that what I wanted to do was this...”
I wove my hands into his hair — it was surprisingly soft — and he leaned his head back against the tree trunk, closing his eyes.
“And this...”
I kissed his eyelids, his cheekbones, his jaw. His breath was coming fast again, but then, so was mine.
“And especially, this...”
I pressed my lips to his, trying to emulate the way he had kissed me the day before. It wasn’t long before we were rolling onto the grass again; I ended up lying on top of him.
“You know, I was under the impression you didn’t like my new look that day,” I said.
“Are you serious? Téa, when I walked into that yard and saw the girl in the yellow dress, I was attracted to her. My body reacted to hers. When you turned around, and I saw it was you, I couldn’t believe it. I’d worked so hard to convince myself that you were too young — even if you weren’t my cousin — and then you show up, looking not only years older, but also... delicious. I was going out of my mind.”
“Delicious, really?” I brushed my lips against his. He clamped his arms around me and set about proving his words. He was very convincing — I believed him.
We lay side by side on the grass and talked. I could still scarcely believe that I could touch him anytime I wanted, and Jaden seemed similarly bemused because he was constantly reaching for me as we spoke, stroking my hair, my face, my arms.
“What does ‘querida’ mean?” I asked. I’d started picking up some Spanish on the polo fields, but that wasn’t a word I’d heard before.
“It means ‘beloved’; I guess we use it like ‘darling’,” he said tenderly. I smiled; I had a new favorite word.
“What time do you need to be back?” Jaden asked finally.
“I don’t have a lesson until two, it can’t be that late yet.” I didn’t want to leave. Ever. But my traitorous stomach had other plans because right on cue, it growled.
He laughed. “Come on, let’s get you home so I can feed you.”
“No,” I protested, “I’d rather stay — who knows when we’ll be alone like this again.”
“You are not missing another meal because of me,” he said. He was already getting to his feet, pulling me with him. He put his hand on my cheek. “We have all the time in the world, querida. Now that I have you, I’m not going anywhere.”
Sixteen
I floated through the rest of the day without any idea what I was doing. Jaden went to the polo club but was due back for dinner, and it was incredible that after waiting all these months, I didn’t know how I was going to survive the few hours until I saw him again. Unfortunately, when I did see him, we couldn’t be alone. Dec was home and it was time to eat.
“So, kiddo, what’s this I hear about you and Kabir?” Dec asked after we sat down. “Have you finally relented, then?”
“There’s more gossip than riding going on in this place,” I grumbled. It was hard not to look at Jaden since he sat right across from me. I caught a glimpse of his face; he looked amused and aggravated at the same time. Beside me, I could feel Seth carefully not looking our way.
“Is it true?” Dec pressed.
I sighed. “No, Dec, nothing’s going on with Kabir. The whole thing’s been blown way out of proportion.”
“Well, you could do worse,” Dec asserted. “Kabir’s a great kid.”
Aggravation was winning out over amusement on Jaden’s face now, and I gave him a small, apologetic smile when Dec wasn’t looking. His answering smile was so dazzling that I was glad I was sitting down.
Later that evening we snuck out to the shed. Jaden went first; I followed a few minutes later. After bolting the door I turned to look at him hesitantly, but he opened his arms and I threw myself into them joyfully.
“Sorry about that,” I murmured.
“I have only myself to blame,” he sighed, holding me tight. “If I hadn’t been so stubborn you wouldn’t have had to resort to drastic measures.”
“You know what I think?” I asked, looking up at him seriously.
“What?”
“I think it’s been far too long since you’ve kissed me.”
“An egregious lapse,” he agreed.
I tilted my head up, but he didn’t start with my lips. He kissed my forehead, my temple, the corner of my eye, my cheekbone, then trailed slowly down to my jaw. My arms were around his waist; I started to pull them free but he tightened his hold so I couldn’t move an inch.
“Patience,” he breathed in my ear, a hint of a smile in his voice.
There was a workbench along one wall, and he picked me up easily and strode over to sit me on it. My arms were still captive but I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling myself close. He brushed his cheek against mine, then took my earlobe into his mouth, and I felt his teeth press into it gently. Something between a sigh and a gasp escaped me, and I pressed myself against him as hard as I could. My heart was thudding, and the desire to feel his mouth on mine was already becoming overpowering. His mouth moved to my neck, and his tongue traced circles down to my collarbone. He kissed the hollow at the base of my throat; I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and my own was coming in shallow gasps. He skimmed his face up my throat and kissed my chin. Our eyes locked as he moved to the corner of my mouth. My lips trembled, and he finally covered them with his, kissing me softly, slowly, and relentlessly, until I thought I would faint.
When he set me back on the ground my legs were shaking.
“I think I need to sit down,” I said. I couldn’t believe the reaction he’d been able to evoke in me — I was in even bigger trouble than I’d thought. He gave a throaty chuckle as he supported me over to the old tack trunk in the corner.
“I must have done a good job,” he said, pulling me onto his lap. His eyes were dancing.
I stared at him in outrage.
“You’re a — a tease!” I accused him.
He flashed a wicked smile before murmuring in my ear, “Anticipation is half the fun.”
I shot him a doubtful look before nestling my head into his shoulder. He smelled wonderful.
“I don’t know how I’m going to stay in my own room tonight.” I sighed.
His sigh echoed mine. “That’s going to be a challenge for both of us,” he agreed, “but I won’t touch you in Dec’s house.”
“In that case, I’m glad we have a shed.” I smiled
at him.
“It’s completely arbitrary, I know,” he said. “It’s bad enough we’re carrying on in here.”
He felt guilty, that much was obvious. I was suddenly worried.
“Are you having second thoughts?” I whispered.
“No, mi corazón,” he murmured, kissing my hair.
I looked at him quizzically.
“It means ‘my heart’,” he said softly. “I have no regrets — we can’t go back to how things were. You are my heart now.”
The lump in my throat didn’t allow me to speak, but I held his face in my hands and kissed him. I’m sure I was a lot less skillful than him, but he seemed to enjoy it all the same. Afterward, we sat, contentedly silent until my burgeoning anxiety prompted me to speak.
“Why do you feel guilty?”
He considered for a moment, his fingers doodling aimlessly on my shoulder blade. He answered my question with another one.
“Do you know why Dec would approve if you chose Kabir?”
“Sure, he’s intelligent, respectful, obedient... Dec’s probably hoping some of that would rub off on me.” I snickered.
He watched me with only the ghost of a smile. “You forgot one.”
“What?”
“He’s seventeen.” His eyes tightened with worry, and his hand seemed to go to his hair of its own accord. I reached up and took it in mine.
“I fail to see how that’s in any way significant,” I told him firmly.
“You’re young, Téa. Sometimes... I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”
“Taking advantage of me to do what, exactly? To give me what I want most in the world, the chance to be with you?” I was speaking passionately now, needing to convince him. “Jaden, if you weren’t twice as strong as me, I’d be taking advantage of you right now.”
His brows lifted. “Twice as strong?”
“What — too high?” I teased.
He was still laughing as he carried me to the door.
* * *
I floated through the rest of the week on a cloud of happiness, living for my few stolen moments with Jaden each day. For people living in the same house, it was surprisingly difficult for us to find time alone together. For one thing, I had never before fully appreciated the extent to which the barn rats — the dedicated lesson kids — trailed behind me. They followed me constantly, and I had to develop ploys like sending them on time-consuming errands, in order to get away. The kids also loved Jaden; he played with them, teased them, and helped them in almost equal measure and as a result, they were dogging his footsteps, too. And naturally, we had to be extremely careful whenever Dec was around. The one time of day when we did usually see each other was during the final check of the barn at bedtime. Seth would come out with us as a cover, and Jaden and I would climb into the hayloft for a few minutes alone. But while those moments were blissful, I craved far more.
