by M. Garzon
We ended up talking about school. For the first time ever, Seth had gotten better grades than me in everything except chemistry and math.
“How do you get away with missing so much school?” I grumbled to Jaden, remembering how often he’d been at the barn.
“Easily,” he said smugly. “I have excellent recall.”
“Is that a fact?”
I was on the couch; he came and leaned across the back of it and spoke low in my ear.
“Yes. For instance, I still remember every bad name you called me when I had you over my shoulder at the track.”
I blushed at the memory. “Oh, right... sorry about that.”
“I had it coming. Still, I have to admit I was surprised at your vocabulary. Or is Dec not as opposed to that kind of language anymore? I learned to duck after cursing around him.”
“Trust me, he’s still just as weird about it,” I assured him fervently.
“In a way, I appreciate it now,” he mused. “It made me find more creative ways of expressing myself.”
“And look where that got you — law school, eeww.” I laughed and faked a shudder.
He made a grab for me, but I’d spent a lifetime dodging Seth’s long arms and I rolled off the couch and danced out of the way easily. He soon caught me, though, and proceeded to tickle me mercilessly. I tried to retaliate between shrieks but he wasn’t ticklish at all... just my luck.
We tumbled back onto the couch, still laughing. Jaden pulled himself into a sitting position; I was on my knees next to him, and impulsively I straddled his lap, facing him. His startled look morphed into a hungry one as I ran my hands from his shoulders, down his chest, and over his muscular stomach. As I lifted his shirt, though, he caught and held my wrists.
“Let’s keep our clothes on for now, shall we?”
“Why? I’ve seen you shirtless at the barn before.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it,” he chided.
I gave a mental sigh. I had never been in a rush to have sex — I hadn’t been in love, or felt the supposed peer pressure, nor been pushed by boys to accommodate them. And now that I had finally found someone I desperately wanted to make love to, his overprotective tendencies were standing in the way. So, in typically reckless fashion, I decided to embellish a bit. Okay, a lot.
“You know, Jaden,” I said slowly, looking down at my captive wrists, “I think you may be under a misapprehension... about me not having sex before.” I phrased it carefully so it wasn’t an outright lie.
I felt him tense slightly.
“Reaaally?” He drew out the word. “Well, this is something of a surprise.”
I chanced a look at his expression. It did hold surprise, but there was something else in his eyes, something I couldn’t identify.
“When did this happen?” he asked conversationally.
“Um, last year... with a boy from school,” I manufactured.
“I thought you and Kyle weren’t serious?” he demanded. Oops — I’d forgotten about Kyle.
“We weren’t. I was mostly curious, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” I said. Which was perfectly true, in a sense — I did want to see what the fuss was about, now. “So, if you’re worried about me, well, you don’t have to,” I finished lamely, staring at my hands again.
“I see,” he said. I peeked at his face; he looked thoughtful. “Well, that changes things.”
He stood suddenly, cradling me in his arms, and carried me down the hall. We were in the bedroom before I clued in. Excitement coursed through me, along with a touch of apprehension, which I tried hard to keep from my face.
He deposited me on the bed, hesitating by the edge. Slowly, he stripped off his T-shirt, while I watched, my heart thudding madly. His torso was even more impressive up close, and I admired the play of muscles under his skin as he moved to lie next to me, wearing only his jeans. We locked eyes as he leaned in to kiss me, caressing my face with his hand. Our lips had barely met when he rolled on top of me; as always I loved the feeling of his body pressed into mine, but this time, in addition to my racing heart, I felt my mouth go dry. Jaden’s kisses were usually slow and lingering, but his mouth was already moving down to my neck, and one hand trailed down over the swell of my breast. My breath caught in my throat. I pulled his face back up; I needed to feel his lips against mine as his hand continued downward. He had gotten as far as my zipper when he rolled us back onto our sides.
“Just how far are you planning to let me go with this?” he inquired casually.
I blinked, confused. His eyes seemed to look right through me, and his expression was exasperated.
“I — I don’t know what you mean,” I countered, though I was afraid that I did.
“Téa, look me in the eye and tell me you’re not a virgin,” he ordered.
I stared at him defiantly, willing myself to say the words, but once his eyes caught mine I just couldn’t do it. I turned my face into the pillow, embarrassed.
We lay without speaking for a moment until he stroked my hair and sighed, “Are you all right?”
“That depends,” I mumbled into the bedding.
“On?”
“On how... easy, or not, this is for you,” I said awkwardly. I hazarded a look at his face — torn between concern and confusion — and had to smile, albeit tremulously.
“I know, that barely even made sense to me,” I said.
Jaden was lying with his head propped on his elbow. He leaned forward and kissed the outer corner of my eye, then skimmed his face down to my ear.
“I understand,” he murmured, his voice husky, “and for the record, it’s far from easy.”
The tightness in my chest eased, and I threw my free arm around him and pulled myself close, burying my face in his neck. He ran his hand down my back, and as I kissed his bare shoulder I felt his heart accelerate against my chest. His lips found mine again, and although they moved slowly, gently, this time the fireworks within me ignited even faster. I mashed myself against him, hitching my knee over his hip even as I wondered whether he would object. He didn’t — instead, he wrapped both arms around me, holding me fast, and I felt his hips move against me, nearly driving me out of my mind.
“I want to feel your skin against mine,” I whispered. He gave his head a small shake against my shoulder. I managed to wriggle my arms down to my waist and started pulling up my shirt. He froze.
“I’m not undressing,” I promised breathlessly, “just lifting it a bit... please?”
He didn’t protest further, so I quickly yanked the thin fabric out of the way, and with a sigh fused the bare skin of my belly to his. He groaned, his face buried in my neck, and after only a few seconds, to my dismay, he disengaged himself gently.
“We’re getting a little carried away,” he warned, still breathing hard.
“I don’t mind,” I told him, grinning.
“You’re unbelievable,” he complained. His reproving tone probably would have been more effective if his eyes hadn’t been shining so tenderly, and his hand hadn’t caressed my arm so softly.
“Tell me something,” he said, “what if I had believed you earlier? What if I had gone ahead and... Weren’t you nervous?” His eyes were serious now.
I held his gaze. I wanted to deny it — my nerves weren’t going to help my case — but I also felt a new compulsion to be truthful with him.
“Yes, I was. Very.”
“But you wouldn’t have stopped me.” It wasn’t a question.
“No.”
He leaned in, suddenly intense, and cupped my face with his hand.
“Téa, that’s crazy. We’re together now; there’s no need to hide your feelings from me anymore. And you don’t have to trick me to get me to sleep with you. In fact,” he laughed softly, “it may be quite a trick for me to wait.”
“Why are we waiting, then?”
He studied me, the same tender expression he’d worn earlier warming his face. “For one thing, we haven’t been toget
her long. There’s no reason to rush the physical aspect of our relationship.”
I nodded; that seemed reasonable. Frustrating, but reasonable.
“For another,” he said, hesitating, “I’ve never been anyone’s ‘first’ before. I want to do it right.” He watched me, slightly anxious, as though confessing to a major shortcoming. Joy swept through me at his revelation.
“Really?” I smiled, kissing the corner of his mouth. “So — in a way — it’s a first time for you, too.” I felt his lips pull up into a smile under my mouth.
“Yes, it is,” he murmured. “A very momentous ‘first’, because I hope to be making love to you for a long time to come.”
At that I started kissing him in earnest, wrapping my arms around his neck and rolling him onto his back. Something wasn’t right, though, and as we broke apart I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing as I identified the source of my discomfort. I was ashamed. Jaden had obviously deliberated this question, and his reasons for waiting were perfectly valid. I felt not only immature but almost... treacherous, for having tried to deceive him. I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart.
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said in a small voice. “I won’t do it again.”
His hand covered mine. “I know,” he said simply.
There was a pause.
“So, um, how long do you think...”
He laughed. “When the time is right, we’ll know. But for now,” he sat up, pulling me with him, “we’d better get off this bed. I think we’ve courted temptation enough for one day.”
Seventeen
We were off to another show that weekend, and Seth had gotten into the finals at his swim meet. Which was great, except that he was supposed to be helping at the show.
“Why don’t I come help you?” Jaden offered when I complained I’d be short-handed.
“Are you sure?” I asked doubtfully. “It’ll probably be boring for you.”
A day of hard work at a horse show was a far cry from Jaden’s usual role when playing polo. At the tournaments, he hopped onto horses that were groomed, tacked up and warmed up for him. All he had to do was ride onto the field and play, and afterward, go hobnob and drink champagne.
“I’ll be there,” he assured me.
Jaden arrived in time to watch Emma win third place in her equitation class.
“Can you help Emma put Chip away?” I asked him. “I’ve got to get ready for my classes with Cameo.”
When Cameo was ready I went into the tackroom of our temporary stabling to find my riding jacket. Julia was lounging on one of the folding chairs, yawning. I was just pulling on my jacket when Jaden walked in; he stopped dead at the sight of me. I sighed.
“I know, it makes me look about twelve,” I grumbled. “Karen insists that I wear them in the pony divisions, she says it’s more appropriate than breeches and boots.” I was wearing jodhpurs and paddock boots, the garb that children traditionally wear.
“Karen likes it because it makes the judges think you’re younger,” Julia said placidly. “It works, don’t you think?” She directed her query at Jaden.
He swallowed. “Yes, definitely. I feel like a pervert for ever even thinking you were hot,” he said to me.
“And yet he’s still checking out your ass,” Julia stage-whispered to me, giggling.
Outside, Jaden gave me a leg up onto Cameo. “Good luck, little girl.” He grinned and winked at me.
Jaden’s wish for me came true; Cameo was fabulous and won Reserve Champion. The only ones to beat us were Teri and Picasso, so my mood was jubilant when I ran into Robin on my way to the washrooms.
“Téa, you’re just the girl I was looking for. Could you catch-ride a horse for me?”
Robin was a friend of Karen’s. She was a good coach, but she and Dec didn’t get along. I had a feeling there was a story there, although I wasn’t privy to it. He wouldn’t be happy if I rode one of her horses... still, it couldn’t hurt to find out more.
Robin filled me in on the details on our way to the schooling ring; the horse was entered in the 1.25-meter jumper class. Most of the older coaches still talked in feet and inches, but all horse shows were now metric to conform to international standards.
“His rider just got hurt, but I’ll hop on and show you how he goes, and then you can decide,” Robin said cheerfully.
She rode up a minute later on a massive bay horse with three flashy white legs and a stripe down his long nose. It quickly became apparent why his rider might have been hurt; it had been a long time since I’d seen such an intractable horse at a show. He threw up his head and shied, tried bolting, and pranced sideways when he should have been walking. I was about to tell Robin to forget it when she started jumping him — and then I couldn’t speak because my mouth was hanging open. He was enormously powerful, his hind legs propelling him upward like rockets. He overjumped everything by a mile, and he wasn’t particularly tight with his legs, but then he didn’t need to be because there was no chance of him touching the fence. That horse had potential stamped all over him in neon.
“What do you think?” Robin chirped as she pulled up.
“How long do I have before his class?” I needed time for some schooling with this horse.
“About an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll be right back.”
I ran back to our stabling to make sure my students were taken care of, and to let Jaden know I’d be gone for a while.
“Hold on a second,” he said, frowning. “What do you know about this horse?”
“I saw him go, and I know his rider’s coach. It’s okay, Jaden. I take catch-rides sometimes, it’s extra money.”
“I’ll come with you.”
I hesitated. “You don’t need to, really. The kids need you here.” Before the words were out of my mouth I knew I’d said the wrong thing; he stared at me suspiciously, saying nothing.
“Fine, then, come on,” I muttered.
Robin was still riding the bay horse when we got back to the schooling ring.
“That’s your catch-ride?” Jaden turned on me in disbelief. “That snorting, plunging monster?”
I nodded.
“No,” he said flatly.
I bristled. “What do you mean, no?” I demanded.
He crossed his arms and stared at me in frustration. “Do you remember when Karen asked you to ride that bucking bronc? I wanted to say no to you then, Téa. I wanted to have the right to stop you.”
“And you think you have that right now?” Because I certainly thought differently.
“At the very least, I deserve a say when you make a decision to risk your life,” he said, his voice sharp.
“I already told her yes. I’m not backing out now.”
He glared at me.
“What was I supposed to do, Jaden? Run all over the showgrounds looking for you so I could ask your permission?”
He flinched. “It’s not like that. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said bitterly.
“Don’t take that tone with me,” he snapped, angry now. “I’m not casting aspersions on your skill. It doesn’t matter how good you are, you don’t have enough time. You can’t retrain the horse in the schooling ring.”
“You’re right, time is short. So I’d better go.”
I turned and headed toward my mount, feeling deflated and small after our argument. A hand on my elbow turned me around; he studied me silently for a moment before speaking.
“Just promise me you’ll withdraw if he’s too much for you,” he said. “There’s no shame in that.”
For you, I thought, but I nodded. He gave me a lopsided smile that wreaked immediate havoc with my body — I wished so much that I could kiss him. Worry was still clear in his eyes.
“Don’t worry on my account.” I grinned at him. “I hear only the good die young.”
He rolled his eyes but looked marginally more cheerful as he headed ba
ck to supervise my students.
I had no time to dwell on Jaden’s unhappiness, because the horse — whose name, appropriately, turned out to be Hades — required every last bit of my strength and skill to manage. The shying and jogging and head-tossing I could handle, but he had one habit that repeatedly threw me off balance, and it was something I’d never encountered before. Every so often he would grab the bit and wrench his head downward, jerking me violently forward. He was a huge horse, with a tremendously powerful neck. I had no hope of stopping him, and not much time to convince him to trust my hands enough not to yank on them. I tried, though — I rode him as gently as I could, keeping a very soft contact with his mouth. When I started jumping him I nearly laughed aloud; the feeling of barely contained power exploding underneath me was unbelievable. Even Blaze hadn’t had this kind of voltage.
My number was called far before I felt ready. I rode past Alex at the in-gate. I’d barely seen him this season but we’d exchanged a few words earlier.
“Good luck, Téa,” he called out. He looked concerned.
I went into the ring with my heart racing. Hades snorted and raised his head as I pointed him toward the first line of obstacles. He jumped it fantastically, but on landing he wrenched his head down hard and I felt a ripping pain in my right shoulder. I had to ignore it, though, because our next fence was coming up. We raced through the rest of our course; I could barely steer Hades and I couldn’t slow him down because my shoulder didn’t seem to be working properly, but we stayed on course and, thanks to his incredible thrust, we didn’t have any rails down. I gritted my teeth to keep from crying as we walked out; now that the class was over he seemed perfectly relaxed, and cruised out quietly on a loose rein.
The rest of the afternoon was very busy, and I was able to hide my injury until we got home. As I was unloading Splash from the trailer he pulled my arm, and a whimper escaped me before I could quash it. Jaden’s head whipped around. When he noticed that I was holding the lead rope in my left hand he came and grabbed it huffily. I followed him into the barn as he led Splash to his stall, furtively rotating my shoulder to assess the damage. Jaden emerged still scowling and planted himself in front of me with his arms crossed.
