“Dana?”
As she was about to race up the stairs, his voice stopped her, and she spotted him. Apparently he’d decided not to stay upstairs, and was back in his chair.
From his position, she figured he’d been sitting forward, his face buried in his hands. Those hands now fell limply between his knees. But it was the incredulous, hopeful look on his face that gave her the courage she needed to back off the first step and rush to him.
She dropped to her knees before him. “I can’t go, John. Please don’t ask me to. I love you. I love J.J. I don’t want to be anywhere but here.”
For an instant he stared at her as though he doubted what he was seeing and hearing. Then he caught her face within both of his hands. “What did you say?”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“Not that. The other.”
She wished she could smile, but she was still too afraid. “I love you. I’m tired of fighting it and of being scared of what it means. I—”
She didn’t get any more said because he began kissing her then. Desperate, sweet kisses that he spread over her cheeks, her forehead, her chin. All the while he used his thumbs to brush the rain from her face. Or was it tears? The latter was a strong possibility since her vision seemed awfully blurry at the moment. But as relieved and happy as she was, she knew something remained off.
“Not like that, darling.” She stilled his hands before slipping her arms around his neck. “Like this.” She showed him what she wanted, pressing her lips to his and kissing him with the passion she’d been denying herself for too long. Joy rushed through her as John groaned and suddenly crushed her closer, then angled his head to seek more, to take everything she was offering.
He was like a starving man, but rather than being unnerved by that, she reveled in it. After all, she thought blissfully, hadn’t he been showing her for weeks that she was no less precious to him than his son?
He plumbed her mouth and sipped from her lips only to deepen the kiss again. No matter at what angle or with what intensity he tried, he couldn’t seem to get enough of her, and it was the same for her.
“Sweet heaven…don’t stop. Don’t stop until I convince myself that this is real,” he muttered against her lips.
“It’s real.”
“I can’t believe it. Just when I knew I couldn’t go through another day of wanting, needing you, and knowing there was no hope. Not unless you could deal with your own fears and feelings.”
“No man has ever been as patient as you, John.”
“I love you. I’m crazy about you. What else could I do but try to hold on and keep the faith?”
He broke her heart and made it soar at the same time. Wanting to be as open and giving as he was, she leaned back in the circle of his restless arms and determinedly, if shakily, fumbled with her belt. Despite the pounding of her heart in her throat, she parted the coat along with the jacket of her suit.
“Make love to me,” she whispered, her gaze imploring.
The words barely got out, but it didn’t matter. She could tell by his expression that he understood what this was costing her, and how moved he was by the gesture.
His powerful giant’s hands were no steadier than hers when he slowly slipped them inside her jacket to close around her waist. They both stared at the differences between them—his windburned, dark and callused limbs, her fair and so much softer skin. Then she couldn’t keep her eyes open because he was moving, stroking his thumbs upward in a magical journey of exploration that threatened to overwhelm her.
She couldn’t stop the shiver of anticipation that raced through her as he traced the lower swell of her breasts, nor the gasp of pleasure when those great, gentle hands wondrously moved to cover her completely. But it was when he brushed his thumbs over her nipples and lowered his head to replace his fingers with his mouth, that she had to grasp his shoulders hard to keep from toppling backward.
“You’re beautiful…so beautiful,” he rasped.
How could she have ever thought he frightened her? Even in his passion he was infinitely careful, and that only accelerated the long dormant needs inside her. Emboldened, she slipped her hands into his unbuttoned shirt, sighing with pleasure to relearn the sculpted wonder of him.
“That feels so good,” he said on a sigh. “Do you know the hours I’ve spent fantasizing since we last kissed? I’d work myself into such an ache, I wouldn’t get an hour’s sleep. But nothing, nothing begins to get close to the real thing. Nothing ever will.”
The more he touched her, the more ardent yet gentle he became, and yet a faint frown began darkening his brow as though he was in some unique torment. Dana thought it might simply be his intense concentration, but she knew it was far more when he suddenly groaned, and abruptly tugged her clothes together to cover her nudity.
“John…?”
“No more.”
“But I thought—”
“Wait. Give me a second.”
He crushed her close and buried his face against her hair. For several seconds all she heard was his heartbeat, matching the frantic racing of her own, and the harsh cadence of his shallow breathing. But just as she was about to ask again what was wrong, she heard him exhale shakily. He added a kiss to her throat and finally a lustier one to her lips.
“We’re going to do this properly,” he told her, smiling tightly.
She didn’t understand what he could mean. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Nothing at all.”
“But I thought we would—”
He kissed her silent. “It was a wonderful thought. Generous. The best. But you’re going to marry me first. In a church wearing the white dress I’ve been imagining you in for years. What’s more, the first time we make love, it’s going to be up in that great bed upstairs.”
Dana looked longingly at the pillows and blankets glowing invitingly in the flickering firelight. “I think that looks pretty romantic.”
“Don’t remind me. I’ve made up my mind.”
To keep from getting weepy again over his generosity, Dana narrowed her eyes and murmured, “You’re getting dictatorial again.”
“Too dictatorial?”
She decided she could do with a little spoiling and, smiling, shook her head. Then she leaned closer to offer him her mouth in compensation.
“Mmm…” Not too long afterward, he had to break for air. “Have you ever fantasized about a New Year’s wedding?”
Her insides still humming, Dana had difficulty thinking at all, let alone trying to remember daydreams. “Would that be legal?” He’d only just gotten his divorce, and considering the difficulties they’d faced with J.J.’s christening…
“Yeah. I think.” He frowned, suddenly not as confident. “I’ll check. Damn, it better be legal. I want your name next to mine on a marriage license before I wake up and realize this is all a dream.”
“It’s real, John,” she said, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “And things will work out. Thanks to you, I finally opened my eyes and saw it was time to put my past behind me.” Well, both him and Kay, but that explanation could wait for another day. Nevertheless, she couldn’t help being haunted by the near miss they’d experienced. “You’d have thought when you married Celene, that I would have—”
“No, definitely not then.” He linked their fingers, as though concerned that the memory alone would tear them apart again. “I’d frightened you, and what happened in Abilene only added insult to injury. You were justified in your anger, and needed to work through that. For my part, I needed to earn your forgiveness…and to learn that I didn’t have to be in control all the time, nor was it necessary to throw my weight around to get my way.”
“We both made big mistakes,” she replied. “I should have given you credit sooner for trying so hard, for growing so much. But my pride wouldn’t let me.” She kissed him softly. “I’m so sorry, but I promise…we will make it this time, John.”
“I’m beginning to believe it, too. But�
��” His gaze wandered downward and he winced because her clothing had opened again, offering him an inviting view, and more. “Will you do me a favor and go up and find something more…concealing to put on?”
She laughed softly and began to rise, only to have him stay her.
“Wait. Before you do…” He parted the coat and suit a bit more and lowered his head to her breasts for two more hungry kisses.
“John…John.”
As quickly as he began, he put her at arm’s length, wrapped her back in her damp things, and spun her toward the stairs. “I’ll try to make that last,” he muttered thickly.
Chapter Ten
T he wedding didn’t happen on New Year’s. In fact, the wait for the big event seemed to take forever, but they were finally married on St. Patrick’s Day.
A sign of good luck, John decided, as he watched his bride walking down the aisle of the same church J.J. had been christened in. Especially since interspersed in the bouquet of freesia Dana carried were a dozen four-leaf clovers.
She’d never looked lovelier to him. As he’d visualized, she wore white; however, instead of a traditional gown, she insisted on practicality.
“Where am I going to wear a wedding gown again?” she’d demanded, back when he was trying to talk her into splurging. “And they’re so expensive these days.”
“Who knows, maybe our daughter might like to wear it one day at her wedding,” he’d countered, picturing her swollen with his child, and radiant.
That provocative proposition had gotten him a pleasurable amount of attention, but his lady had remained conservative. Well, he mused now, conservative had never looked better.
The satin suit in a mellow ivory had a pearl-trimmed princess collar to show off the diamond and emerald heart that was his gift to her. As bright as it looked against her creamy skin, it didn’t begin to match the stars in her eyes.
God, he loved her. It scared him how much, and he hoped to heaven his shaking legs wouldn’t show through the slacks of his rented monkey suit as he watched Durango walk her down the aisle of the empty church. They followed Kay carrying five-month-old J.J., who hugged his “aunt’s” neck, but kept his eyes fixed on the woman he’d already treated as his mommy.
Like father, like son. John sucked in a deep breath, proud enough to burst. And if Bud gave him one more spontaneous hug around the neck, he was going to make a fool of himself again and cry like a baby. Who cared that the church was otherwise empty? That’s the way they’d wanted it—intimate, personal. They had a ranch full of guests waiting for them to get home and start celebrating, and he knew what ribbing he’d have to put up with if he returned looking like he’d been to a wake. But could he help it if the woman turned him weak-kneed and soggy-eyed?
Things only got sane again when Durango handed Dana to him, and he felt her trembling fingers within his. The moment she returned his secret squeeze, he sucked another deep breath into his lungs and knew everything was going to be all right.
Before them, Father Patrick, his beatific countenance strangely auric, began, “I feel a great love filling this blessed place today, and for that we’re truly thankful.”
Adding a silent “Amen,” John eagerly lifted his head, ready to begin reciting his vows.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to take him with us?”
Dana smiled down at the ever-watchful J.J. before meeting Kay’s inquiring gaze. She didn’t even hesitate in shaking her head. “We’ll be fine.”
“We’d love having him,” the redhead continued, stroking J.J.’s dark hair. “You know the kids are fascinated by him, and now that Josh is out of diapers and into cleats, I kinda get lonesome for the feeling of chubby arms around my neck.”
“I appreciate the thought, but today we really start our life as a family, and we want to be together,” she replied gently. She leaned over and kissed Kay’s cheek. “I know you understand.”
They’d become good friends in the last few months. It had been Kay who’d gone shopping with her for her wedding dress, and Kay who’d sat her down to talk about intimacy, something Dana was ashamed to say she was still abysmally ignorant of because her mother had been chronically shy about such things.
Oddly enough, she felt calm now, calmer than she had in ages. She knew it was because her life was finally in order. She’d been joined with the man she’d been born to meet, she was going to be the mother of a child who needed her to both offset and complement his father’s considerable power and charisma, and she’d put a great number of ghosts behind her. Not quite all, though.
“There’s something you can do for me,” she said, her smile turning rueful.
“Name it.”
“Forgive me?”
Kay, glorious in emerald green brocade, slumped back against the wall of the baby’s room and stared openmouthed. “Whatever for?”
“The lecture you had to deliver a few months ago.”
“I did no such thing.”
“The one about cheating John, and cheating myself.”
“Oh, poo on that.”
Generous Kay. It was exactly in keeping with her personality to do what she had to, and then let the ashes of conflict be carried away with the wind. “Yes, that. And it was nothing less than I needed to hear. So whether you want to take credit or not, it’s yours. Thank you for being there when I needed you.”
Blinking hard, her matron of honor reached out and embraced her tightly. “Oh, you’re going to be happy. So happy. And I’m going to be as proud of you as I would my own sister.”
“I love you, too,” Dana whispered, aware that except for John, J.J., and her mother, she’d never said that to anyone before.
It was early evening before the last of their guests departed, and Durango and the other hands retired to the bunkhouse. Not, however, before Durango wrapped the top layer of the wedding cake he’d baked and stuck it in the freezer—to be saved for her and John’s first wedding anniversary. Then he snuck off with the rest of it.
Laughing when he heard the story, John locked the back door and shut off the kitchen light, leaving the two of them in a shadowy luminescence, thanks to the outside lights. His laughter died to a sigh and he crossed to her, the question in his eyes as stark as the shock of hair falling over his broad forehead. He’d stripped off his jacket and bow tie over an hour ago, and looked a bit rakish but wonderfully familiar as he approached her.
“Did you have a good day, Mrs. Paladin?” he asked, carefully drawing her into his arms.
“The best of days, Mr. Paladin.”
He kissed her left temple, and then her right. “Are you overly tired?”
Enchanted, she smiled. “Not overly.”
“Would you like to go upstairs first?” he continued, his voice growing more gravelly yet seductive as he bent to kiss the sensitive spot just behind her left ear.
“Not particularly.” She closed her eyes and let herself drift with the sweet dizziness that had nothing to do with the half glass of champagne she’d indulged in during all the toasts. “It would depend on how long you would be.”
“Ah. Well, I could come with you right now. In case you discovered you still had…a question or two about drawer space or…whatever.”
Dana slipped both arms around his neck. “I have lots of questions.”
She reveled in the fire her words lit in his eyes. She thrilled at his strength as he carried her upstairs and into their bedroom. J.J. had been put to bed over an hour ago and could be counted on to sleep until John’s regular waking hour of five o’clock, and so he only half shut the door before carrying her to the king-size bed in the center of the room.
He stretched out beside her, and smiled down into her eyes. In the light of the one bedside lamp she’d lit earlier, he looked a bit pagan, but oh, so dear.
“At last, Irish.”
“At last, Paladin,” she whispered back, taking his hand and moving it to her breast. For weeks he’d been touching her less and less, but she knew why. The waiting,
the anticipation had been as costly on her nerves as his. But it was over, she vowed silently. “Make me yours.”
“You always were,” he whispered solemnly. “You always will be.”
This time she understood. Smiled. “And you’re mine.”
If a trace of nerves lingered, he soon soothed them. If she wasn’t as experienced as she might have liked, he soon made her forget that, too.
Before they broke their first kiss to catch their breaths, John proved he was more than capable of bridging all gaps, and sensitive to letting her experiment at whatever curiosity and confidence coaxed her to. But more important than that, he proved that no matter how eager, how hungry, how desperately he needed her—he never forgot that this was all new to her.
Like a swan sailing in the embrace of a summer breeze, Dana let herself be carried from one shore of her life to another. And even as she struggled against exhaustion, she smiled up at her husband, wishing she could find the words to thank him for making this moment perfect for her.
He’d been watching Dana drift off to sleep when the sound of J.J. gurgling drifted across the hall. Wide-awake himself, John carefully slipped out of bed, snatched a towel from the bathroom to wrap around his waist, and went to check on his son.
“Hey, little guy,” he whispered, leaning over the crib. The night-light illuminated the room enough to let him see that the boy was wide-awake. “How’s it going? You owe me five, you know,” he said, playfully taking his boy’s tiny hand and sliding it against his massive one. “Kept my promise, didn’t I?”
“And just what promise is that?”
Dana padded barefoot into the room in her short terry-cloth robe. J.J. let out a delighted shriek and rolled over onto his tummy to grasp hold of the crib bars in order to get closer to her.
“Oh, we’re just indulging in a little man talk,” John replied, lifting his son. “Right, pardner?”
“It sounds suspicious. Am I in for trouble?”
“Bunches,” John replied, leaning over to kiss her tenderly. “But nothing more than you can handle.” J.J. added his own excited agreement to that and launched himself at her to offer a much damper kiss.
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