"And what about Tanner? Does he know about Cece?"
"Not exactly," I muttered, looking at the floor.
"Daphne!" Her mouth was agape, her eyes open so wide I could see white all around her bright blue irises.
"I know, I know. It's just so odd. I don't know how to explain it to him."
"But he knows about your friendship with Evan, right?"
"Yeah, I told him about Evan from the start. He doesn't mind. Besides, he knows that Evan talks with me about the women he's interested in. We agreed to be friends. And I think we both know that's best."
"And Tanner's okay with it?"
"Yes, he seems to be. I think he knows that Evan and I are just friends. We just go to concerts and hang out occasionally. I try to convince him to date nice girls and move on. He's still not really over his ex."
"Yeah, I know."
"Besides, Tanner likes him. My friendship with Evan is so different from the one I have with Cece."
"Well, with everything I know about Tanner, he wouldn't appreciate you hiding this from him, never mind the fact that you haven't told Cece yet. That's deceptive, Daphne. It's so not you." Morgan looked terribly disappointed in me. "Look, you told me how much he appreciates honesty and dealing with things as they come about. He doesn't like secrets. You're playing with fire."
Morgan was right. I knew she was. I wasn't acting like myself. I was too afraid of rocking the boat. Things with Tanner were going so well, and I was afraid of putting any sort of barrier between us. I didn't want him to question my feelings for him. And I didn't want to lose Cece. The thought of hurting either of them was unbearable. Cece continued to be a living, breathing connection to the man I loved for years. Tanner was absolutely fantastic and so different from my first love in many ways, yet he evoked many similar feelings. I was falling for him quickly. It terrified me, just as my feelings for Mayson once did.
"I'll tell them both. Soon."
"I hope so. Okay, changing subjects. I need to talk to you about Matt." Uh oh.
"What about him?" I did my best to remain casual as I took a bite of pizza.
"He's acting really, really strange lately. I'm worried he's gonna break up with me." Morgan looked alarmed. I needed to calm her fears without giving away any information about Matt's plans to propose.
"Why on earth would you think that?"
"Lately he's working even longer hours than usual. Our trip to the Bahamas is next month and all of a sudden, he doesn't want to talk about it at all. We've been planning this trip for months. I'm terrified he's going to break things off right before we're supposed to leave. You know, like Carrie did to Mr. Big in the first season of Sex and the City." It was hard for me to not laugh at Morgan. She was definitely over thinking this.
"You're reading too much into it. You know Matt's a hard worker and I'm sure he's just trying to get ahead of the game before traveling. Morgan, I see the way he looks at you. Regardless of his recent behavior, I'm certain he's very much in love with you."
"Hmph," Morgan uttered. She wasn't convinced. Crap. I wasn't sure what else to say without being obvious that I had more information than she did on her upcoming trip.
"Promise me you'll wait until after your trip before saying something to him. The last thing you want to do is put a damper on something you've been planning for so long."
"But, now it's going to be awkward. Knowing me, I'll bitch him out on vacation. And fly back home by myself."
"No you won't. If he acts weird on the trip, then bring it up when you get home. I know you'd regret it if you brought things up too soon. And if he cancels, I'll kick his ass. Okay?"
Morgan stared at her food for a moment before answering, "You're right. Maybe he is trying to get ahead of his work load. That does sound like him."
"Does he just seem preoccupied?" I asked, knowing that Matt was absolutely preoccupied. Knowing him, he was excited to propose while on their vacation and was able to think of nothing else. His longer hours at work were probably a desperate measure to keep his poker face intact.
"Yeah." Morgan nodded, wide-eyed, relieved that I understood.
"I'm sure it's work stuff. Try not to over think it, okay?"
"Fine." She shrugged. "But, I'm still suspicious."
Thank God I'd convinced her not to confront Matt before they left on vacation. In a few short weeks, they'd be boarding a plane, headed towards an incredible getaway--one that would include a proposal. Morgan had no idea what was in store for her, but I did and I was thrilled. If only she could hold it together until then.
#
Chapter 26
Firsts
Streams of light flowed into my apartment window, making the room glow in its warmth. On this lazy Sunday afternoon Tanner and I were snuggled up in my bed. He was reading the Sunday business section of the newspaper as I laid my head on his chest, enjoying the rise and fall of his ribcage. Gently, my fingers wandered up and down his thigh in an attempt to finally find a ticklish spot on his body.
"It's no use, sweetheart," Tanner insisted. "I told you I'm not ticklish."
"Everyone has a weak spot," I said confidently.
"That's true. But not everyone's weak spot is a ticklish one."
I sat up and stared deeply into his speckled eyes. His cheeks quickly turned a deep shade of crimson. He knew I had him figured out. Instead of glancing away or making a joke, Tanner simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled.
"Come on, you know I'm crazy about you," he said.
"Really? I thought you were just using me for my Sunday paper," I teased, avoiding his straightforward nature. I wondered if I used to make Mayson feel like this when I was blunt and to the point with him. Did I make him feel ill at ease the way Tanner did? Did I make him as tongue tied as I felt right now?
"Well, I do like the business section," he joked. "But no, Daphne, you are, in fact, my weakness. You have to know that by now."
"I'm starting to."
"Sometimes it's hard for me to think clearly when you look at me like that." He lovingly stroked my cheek with his knuckles. I closed my eyes, enjoying the soft touch of his fingers.
"Like what, exactly?" I asked Tanner, not to torment him or make him uncomfortable, but because it drove me crazy knowing how much I excited him.
"When you look at me with those eyes. They're so sexy I can hardly stand it. C'mon, you know you drive me senseless."
"Senseless? Well, that doesn't sound like a good thing," I said, pouting slightly. I was digging. As hard as it was now for me to express myself, I loved hearing Tanner confess his feelings for me, and I wanted to hear more, so much more.
"Oh, it's better than good. You drive me insane in a way that no one else ever has. The way you glance at me when you think I might be looking your way is one of my favorite things in the world," he said dreamily, stroking my hair with his fingers.
"Tell me more."
"Sitting across the table from you at Henry and Elise's dinner party was the best possible torture. You kept glancing my way, thinking I might be looking back at you. What you didn't realize is that I never stopped looking at you that night. You were all I could think about."
"I felt the same way," I finally admitted, not wanting Tanner to think his confessions were the least bit one-sided. Reaching out, I gently played with the whiskers of his goatee. Tanner responded as he always did, by breathing in deeply and closing his eyes tight. I knew how to turn him on and I loved it. I couldn't get enough of this feeling, this feeling of having power over another person's emotions and desires. I was wrapped up in Tanner in a way that was new yet somewhat familiar. He was so unlike Mayson, honest and direct.
"God, you're gorgeous," Tanner said as he opened his eyes. He looked at my cheeks, my forehead and my nose, exploring every curve of my face.
"Thank you," I said, laughing, "but, you don't have to butter me up to get in my pants."
"Oh really?" he asked as he pulled me on top of him, my legs straddling his. I pushed up on my
knees and kissed him on his forehead, cheeks and chin. He sighed.
Tanner looked hopeful as he gazed into my eyes. "I want you so badly."
His hands smoothed my hair down as he pushed it past my shoulders and nuzzled into my neck. I moaned, enjoying the feel of his tongue on my skin, of the stubble from his goatee grazing my neck. His lips found the fleshy part of my ear, pulling on it with his teeth, a shiver ran down my spine as his hands roamed under my shirt. My heart raced as he unhooked my bra with ease. Tanner pulled away slightly before lifting my shirt over my head, tossing it aside. The lace of my bra hung low, exposing my breasts. He stroked them with his fingertips. They rose to meet the heat of his touch.
"Are you sure you're ready? We can stop if you want to wait," he said, his voice strong yet cracking a bit with emotion. His brown eyes were sweet in their expression as he attempted to suppress the building desire within his body. We'd been dating for several weeks, and we agreed to take it slow and we had. But today, things were different.
"I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Please, Tanner, I need you, every bit of you." Reaching down, I found the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it from him, revealing his tan, toned pecs. I took in the sight of him, excited by his smooth skin and firm muscles.
His mouth once again pressed to mine. Parting my lips, I invited his tongue back into my mouth. Just as he began to submit to my kiss, I tugged swiftly on his shoulders and flipped him onto his back. Putting my hands on his chest, I smiled giddily. His muscles were tense and firm as a look of astonishment spread across his handsome face.
"Wow, you're pretty determined, aren't you?"
"I told you I was ready. And I won't let you talk me out of this."
"I wouldn't dare." He laughed as I slowly nibbled on his neck.
Cupping his face with my hands, I pressed my lips against his, letting him know that I was in no mood to stop. I wanted him desperately. He shifted himself slowly and moaned quietly into my mouth. Message received.
The leather of his belt was heavy in my hand as I released the buckles and pulled it from his cargo shorts. My fingers pressed inside the fabric and released the button, pulling at the zipper. Pushing to my knees, I removed his shorts and boxer briefs. He sprung free and I knew he was as ready as I was. Removing my shorts and panties, I straddled him again, enticed by the feel of contact between us. I thought being intimate with someone other than Mayson would be scary or unnatural. But, as I felt Tanner's arousal pressed to me, I realized I'd never been so turned on in my life.
I rocked into him again and again until he pulled his mouth from mine. His eyes seared mine as he flipped me onto my back and kissed me passionately, holding my arms above my head with one hand. With the other, he slowly traced an invisible line down to my shoulder blade and a delicious shiver ran up my spine. He was driving me wild and he knew it. He pulled away and gazed down at me lovingly. He grabbed his shorts and fished a condom packet from his pocket. Ripping the foil, he quickly rolled it on. Laying above me, his eyes looked into mine. He pushed my bangs from my eyes and caressed my cheek with his strong hand. This sweet, simple gesture sent me into a frenzy as he pressed my legs apart and entered me slowly.
Wrapping my legs around his back, I pressed into him again and again as he moved inside of me. Our tongues and bodies danced and twisted together in a rhythm I'd never experienced with another man. It was so passionate yet so effortless. I couldn't seem to get enough as he moved above me, stopping every so often to gaze into my eyes.
I stared at him in awe, urging him to continue as the pressure built inside of me. It was agonizing, yet beautiful and I never wanted it to end. Tanner pushed me to the edge and I felt myself breaking apart as I cried out his name. His body tightened above me as he found his own release. He laid down beside me, both of us speechless. Every part of me tingled from my fingers to my toes. As I struggled to catch my breath, he slowly traced the curves of my side with his fingers, leaning in to plant tiny kisses in the small of my back. After several minutes, I finally found the energy to speak.
"That was...wow."
"I know," Tanner said, clearly proud of his accomplishments.
"That was honestly the best 'first time' I've ever had."
"That's awesome," Tanner said, astounded. "You're awesome. That was, by far, my best experience...ever. I'm so wrapped up in you, it's ridiculous," he said, lovingly threading his fingers through my hair.
"I haven't been this wrapped up in someone since...well, it's been a long time."
His brow furrowed as I almost mentioned Mayson. "Look, I know it must be really hard with everything you went through, but---"
"What is it?"
"That was our first time together. It was amazing, but your mind went back to him. I feel really weird about that."
"I--I'm sorry..."
"I can't be a rebound. I won't. You mean so much to me and the thought of coming in second with you is more than I can handle."
"Tanner, that's not fair. There's no comparison."
Tanner sat up quickly, his eyes boring into mine. He was obviously not happy with my answer. "I'm not asking you to compare us, but, I need to know that I'm not your recovery guy, the one who helps you get your groove back or whatever."
"You're not a rebound. I swear."
"I need to know, Daph. That you actually want something real with me, because I've never wanted anything more."
I looked away from him, again uncomfortable with how blunt he could be.
"I'm sorry if that scares you."
I shook my head. "Of course I want something real with you. I'm not comparing you to him."
"It sure as hell seemed like it."
"I loved Mayson, I did. I'm sorry if that's hard for you to hear."
"That's not it at all. This isn't my first relationship either. I've had plenty of girlfriends, Daph."
"Then, what is this all about? Why do you seem so pissed?"
"Because I've never felt like this. It's fucking scary. And I don't want to be in it alone."
"You're not. I promise."
"Are you over him?"
That question was loaded and I knew my honest answer would make this conversation so much worse. So, I did my best to answer him without really answering him.
"I'm ready to move on...with you."
"Are you?" Tanner questioned, his eyes turning frustrated.
"Yes! I don't know what else to say."
"I don't know. I didn't expect that. You really threw me."
"Do you think I have sex with every guy I date? That was a big deal for me."
"And me," he said.
"Then, please, just give me a little breathing room. I'm doing the best I can...playing the cards I've been dealt."
Gazing into his eyes, pleading for patience, I reached out to run my fingers through his beautiful chocolate-brown hair. He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.
"All right." He nodded. "I'll work on it."
"I don't want to lose you...not over this."
"You won't. Just know that I'm not giving up on you. I'm going to fight for this, for us. I want you to move on...really move on."
"I hope so." I shivered, pulling Tanner's arms around me, regrettably thinking of Mayson and wondering if he'd ever stop causing obstacles in my life.
#
Chapter 27
Rooftop
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I teased Tanner, knowing full well he was ready to meet my family. We were joining them at a rooftop Cubs game along with several of my other relatives. A yearly event in our family, we raised money for Lou Gehrig's disease. My grandma and great-aunt had lost their battle with Lou Gehrig's when I was in high school. Since then, my mom and her siblings were determined to raise money for research. Rooftop baseball games were a hit and brought in a lot of money for much-needed research.
As we stood on the platform, waiting for the train that would take us down to the city, I stopped to admire my handsome boyfriend.
>
"What are you doing, sweetheart?" Tanner tilted his head to the side curiously.
"Just admiring you," I said.
"Hmmm," he said, pulling me into his arms, "I could get used to that."
"Me too," I said, planting a small kiss on his lips.
"So, remind me again, what are the topics I should avoid with your Dad? Politics, religion...anything else?"
"Hmm, stick to talking about baseball and you should be all set." I laughed. "No, seriously, everyone will love you. Just don't mention that you're a Tigers fan."
"I'll keep it a secret, don't worry." Tanner laughed. "How long do we need to be dating before I'll be able to be honest about that?"
"Hmm, it may be a few years yet."
"A few years? Nah, they'll love me right away and I'll convert them."
"You think so, huh? That's another sign that you're not from Chicago. There are no converts in this town."
"True. It's a good cause, though, so I'll stick it out."
"It is."
After a short train ride, we arrived at the Sheffield Building to watch the Cubs game. As we climbed the three flights of stairs, I fended off Tanner's roaming hands as he tickled and pinched my bottom. We reached the entrance and saw my Dad waiting for us at the top. I turned to look at Tanner who grinned sheepishly.
"Daphne, honey, you're here." My dad smiled and extended his hand to Tanner.
"Mr. Harper, it's great to finally meet you. I'm Tanner."
"I'm glad you're able to make it. We've been waiting for Daphne to bring you around. Come on, let's grab a beer." He slapped Tanner on the back and gave me a wink. As they walked away, I heard my Dad ask, "So, tell me, are you a Cubs fan?"
"Daph, honey, you made it!" I turned to see my Mom heading towards me. She was radiant in her Cubs visor and top; she'd live at the ball field if we let her. "I saw your father talking with Tanner. He's handsome."
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