“Damn it,” she said to no one in particular, breathing deeply to regain her composure.
When she felt like she had a handle on herself, she stood and took the album back to Erin’s room, placing it at the foot of her bed. She stood in the doorway for a moment, staring back at the book before she turned and headed out to the kitchen.
Lauren glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was just after six. Michael would be finishing up his test any minute. She walked over to her purse and grabbed her cell phone and the scrap of paper with his number on it, sending him a quick text.
Hey, it’s Lauren. Everything’s fine. Erin’s sleeping. You might want to pick up some Pedialyte at the grocery store on your way home.
She tossed her phone back into her purse and walked back over to the couch, grabbing the remote and sitting down next to Erin. She turned the television on, lowering the volume, and quickly found a sitcom rerun.
And she sat there, staring at the screen, but she couldn’t make her eyes see anything but the image of her and Michael, forever immortalized and happy in that photo.
True to his word, Michael arrived home shortly before seven, carrying a bag from the grocery store.
Lauren glanced over at him as the door opened, and he smiled softly, taking off his jacket.
“Hey,” she said, standing from the couch and stretching.
“Hi,” he answered softly, tossing his jacket over a chair as he walked toward her. He placed the grocery bag on the table and glanced past her into the living room. “How is she?”
“She’s okay. She’s been sleeping for a while now.”
Michael nodded, running his hand through his hair as he exhaled. “Thank you again. I’m sorry you had to give up your evening.”
“It’s fine,” Lauren assured him with a shake of her head.
He nodded, walking past her into the living room. For a second he stood there, looking down at Erin, and then he exhaled a heavy breath, sitting down on the recliner beside the couch and dropping his head into his hands. “You can’t imagine what this does to me,” he mumbled.
“She’ll be okay, Michael. It’s just a virus. It’s almost over,” Lauren said, following him into the living room.
He shook his head, still looking at the floor. “That’s not what I meant.”
He looked totally dejected, and Lauren stood there, watching him but not pressing him further. Instead, she battled the innate reaction she had to cross the room to him, to kneel in front of him and wrap her arms around him, anything to take that look off his face.
“The only reason I’m even going back to school is for her,” he finally said, glancing up at Lauren. “But it means I have to leave her when I could be spending time with her. It means I can’t take care of her when she needs me.”
He shook his head and looked over to where Erin lay sleeping on the couch. “Her mom’s not around. I’m hardly around…” He trailed off before looking back at Lauren. “It’s just, like, am I doing the right thing? Is it worth it? I just…I just wish I knew, ya know?”
Michael sat back against the seat and closed his eyes, sighing heavily.
“Hey,” Lauren said softly, walking toward him. “You’re doing the right thing. You’re building a future for her. Most parents are away from their children during the day. It’s the whole reason I have a job,” she added with a tiny laugh, hoping he would smile in return.
His eyes remained closed, but the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, and Lauren smiled, closing the distance between them and kneeling on the floor next to the chair. “It’s the time that you do spend with her that counts,” she added. “And you’re doing an amazing job.”
Michael laughed humorlessly. “You’re still the same,” he said with a shake of his head.
“But you are,” she insisted. “She’s smart, she’s motivated, she’s so kind to everyone, Michael. She’s a perfect little person. And she adores you.”
Michael opened his eyes fully then, looking at Lauren with such intense emotion that she felt her legs falter under her weight, and she dropped gently from her kneeling position to sit on her calves, her eyes falling to the arm of the chair in between them.
After a minute of silence, she heard him shift in the chair. “You know something?” he said softly, and when Lauren looked up, she saw he was sitting up now, closer to her, his eyes intently on hers.
“That first day I dropped her off…the first time I had to leave her…the only thing that kept me from running back in to get her was that I knew she’d be with you.”
Lauren’s breath left her in a soft rush, her eyes locked on his, and he smiled gently. “It’s true,” he added.
“Miss Lauren?” Erin’s tiny voice called, and both of them whipped their head in her direction.
“Hey baby,” Michael breathed, sliding off the chair and kneeling beside his daughter. Lauren could only watch him, still stunned into silence. “I’m here now. You okay?”
“I don’t feel good, Daddy,” she said with a tiny whimper, and he brushed the hair away from her face and pressed his lips to her forehead.
“I know. You’ll feel better soon.”
Erin pulled her knees up into her chest, lying on her side, and Lauren wondered if her stomach was hurting her again. “Is Miss Lauren gone?”
“No, I’m right here,” Lauren said, finally finding her voice again.
“Can you stay with us tonight?” Erin asked softly, closing her eyes.
Michael glanced back at Lauren, his expression startled, before he turned back toward his daughter. “Honey, Miss Lauren can’t stay here. She has to go home.”
“No,” Erin said, pulling her brow together. “I don’t want her to leave.”
“Erin,” Michael began, but Lauren cut him off.
“I’ll stay, sweetheart.”
Michael turned toward her, and Lauren quickly mouthed, “Just until she falls asleep.”
He nodded, bringing his attention back to Erin, and Lauren crawled over to them, sitting on the floor by Erin’s feet. Michael stroked her hair for a minute before he turned, sitting up against the couch by his daughter’s head.
Lauren turned to look at him; he was so close now, the small trash can being the only thing that separated the two of them. Just as he turned his head to look at her, a loud, grumbling sound filled the space between them, and she raised her eyebrows, glancing down at his stomach.
He laughed softly, pressing his palm to his stomach, and Lauren asked, “Have you eaten anything?”
Michael shook his head. “No, I came right home.”
“You must be starving,” she said, standing from her spot on the floor. “Let me make you something.”
“No, you’ve done enough already,” he said, making a move to stand up, and Lauren held out her hand.
“No, stay with her. I’ll throw something simple together,” she said, walking out of the living room before he could protest further, and she heard him sigh in acquiescence as he leaned back against the couch.
Lauren opened his fridge, and after scanning it for a minute, she pulled out what she’d need to make him a sandwich. When she was finished, she grabbed a bottle of water from the door of the fridge and brought both out to him.
He was still sitting with his back up against the couch, but his head was resting against the cushion and his eyes were closed. She stopped, wondering if he had fallen asleep, but then he rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes.
“Hey,” he said softly, shifting to sit up, and she walked over to him, handing him the plate and the water before she sat back down on the floor in front of Erin’s feet.
“Thank you,” he said as he picked up the sandwich and took an enormous bite, making a contented sound in the back of his throat.
Michael sighed around his mouthful of food, chewing slowly before he swallowed. “Sorry. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until you brought this in here,” he said, taking another bite and putting the plate down between them to open
his water. He looked back at Lauren and lifted his brow, motioning toward the sandwich, and she shook her head.
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
He nodded, taking a sip of water and swallowing the bite he had just taken. “Damn, that’s good. What’s in this?”
Lauren laughed. “Whatever was in your fridge. I just used what you had.”
He picked up the sandwich and turned it slowly, his brow furrowed like he was studying an ancient artifact, and then he shrugged before he took another bite. “It never tastes this good when I make one for myself.”
“You’re just hungry. It’s all relative,” she said with a laugh, leaning back against the couch and bringing her eyes to the television.
After a few minutes of silence, broken here and there by the sounds of appreciation Michael uttered as he finished his sandwich, Lauren said, “So, how was your test?”
Michael ran the back of his hand across his mouth, swallowing the sip of water he’d just taken. “It seemed fair,” he said. “I probably did okay.”
Lauren smiled and rolled her eyes. “Which means you aced it.”
He laughed at her annoyance, his expression confused. “Why are you saying that?”
She lazily rolled her head to the side, looking at him. “You always used to do that. You’d always belittle how you thought you did on a test, and you’d end up blowing it out of the water.”
“That,” he said, pointing at her with his bottle of water, “is absolutely not true.”
“Sure it is. The ones you failed, you blew off on purpose. But when you actually cared about a class?” She moved her hand through the air smoothly. “Straight A’s. Just like that.”
He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “Apparently, your memory of me is a little warped.”
Lauren felt her smile drop. “No, I don’t think it is,” she said softly, looking away from him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him looking at her, although she couldn’t make out his expression. Eventually, he turned his head, slowly spinning the cap back on his water bottle. She heard him take a small breath before he cleared his throat.
“So,” he said tentatively, “do you like living in Bellefonte? Or do you miss home?”
Lauren inhaled deeply, trying to shake off the awkwardness of that last moment between them. “I like it here. I mean, of course I miss home, but I see my parents whenever I want, and I have dinner with Jenn once a month, so,” she said with a shrug.
“Jenn?” Michael said, his brow lifted. “Jenn Powell? You guys are still friends?”
Lauren laughed softly, remembering their tumultuous relationship. “Yes.”
“Holy shit. Jenn Powell,” he said slowly. He shook his head and leaned against the couch. “Is she still the same?”
“You’d probably think so, yes.”
He smirked. “So is that who you were with last weekend?”
Lauren bit her lip, the corners of her mouth going up. “No, I was out with a friend.”
Michael looked at her for a second before he nodded. “Ah,” he said in understanding. “Well…did you have a good time?” There was a forced casualness to his tone now, like he knew it was the appropriate question to ask, even though he had no desire to hear the answer.
She looked down, a tiny smile on her lips as she thought back to the previous weekend. “Yeah, I did. It was…nice,” she said, her smile growing a bit more pronounced.
She felt Michael shift beside her. “Did you meet this guy at school?”
This time, Lauren pressed her lips together, but they twisted up in spite of her attempt. “No, he was my doctor. My chiropractor, actually.”
There was a beat of silence before she heard a grunted, “Hmmph.”
She turned her head toward him. “What?” she asked, trying not to sound defensive.
He looked at her, his expression derisive. “Must be a good guy.”
She shifted toward him fully now, folding her arms as her brow knitted together. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh come on,” he said, his expression matching his condescending tone. “Aren’t there rules against that kind of thing? Aren’t there lines doctors aren’t supposed to cross with their patients? I don’t know. The kind of guy that would take advantage of something like that just doesn’t earn himself any points in my book.”
Lauren could feel the need to justify herself—to justify Adam—swelling in her chest, battling with the overwhelming desire to tell him to mind his own business. She felt her teeth come together, and she took a steadying breath, trying to keep herself calm. Was he really going to have the audacity to sit there and question Adam’s morality? After what he’d done to her?
“I’m sorry, do you even know him?” she snapped. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not your book he needs to be earning himself points in anyway.” Despite her best efforts, the bitterness was dripping from her tone.
Michael was looking at the water bottle as he rolled it slowly in his hands, his expression unreadable.
“And what about you?” she asked, turning roughly back toward the TV. “Still dating the winners?”
For a minute, there was nothing but the quiet murmur of the television between them, and Lauren thought he might not answer her. But then he spoke, his voice so soft that she almost had to strain to hear it.
“No. I don’t date anymore.”
Instantly Lauren felt the anger drain from her body at his tone. She hated that his vulnerability still had that effect on her. She inhaled slowly and blew her breath out in a huff, ridding herself of the last bit of animosity she had been feeling toward him. Wasn’t she supposed to be over those feelings anyway? Hadn’t she promised Jenn she’d left that all behind her?
“Yeah, I guess you don’t have the time, huh,” she said softly.
“No, I could make the time if I wanted to. But…I won’t do that to her.”
Lauren turned toward him. “To who?”
“Her,” he said, motioning behind him to Erin. “I’m not gonna go out there and play the field, date around. She gets very attached to people. And I’m not gonna…”
He looked down, pulling his brow together, and Lauren watched his shoulders rise before he lifted his eyes back to hers. “I would never allow someone into this house unless I knew they were worthy of her.”
Lauren’s breath caught in her throat. There was no mistaking the meaning behind his words, behind the look in his eyes. There was no ignoring the fact that she was in his home right now, caring for his daughter. Lauren stared at him, unmoving, and as her breathing finally picked back up, so did her heart rate.
She knew at that moment that coming to Michael’s house was a bad idea. Between Erin’s earlier comment, the photo album, and now this, she could feel emotions brewing inside her that were supposed to be long gone.
It suddenly felt like there was a magnet in her chest, like some unseen force was pulling her toward him. Lauren pressed her hands into the carpet, trying to stop the imperceptible forward motion of her body.
What did her body even want her to do? Hug him? Kiss him? Rest her head on his shoulder in comfortable silence, the way she had so many times before?
His gaze was implacable, and as much as she tried, as much as she knew she needed to, she couldn’t look away from him.
Her heart leapt into her throat when finally, he moved toward her. It was the tiniest movement, but she noticed it nonetheless.
“Lauren,” he said, his voice gentle, and suddenly it was like someone dumped a bucket of water over her head. She jerked back slightly, her eyes widening.
“I think she’s asleep,” she said, looking everywhere but him as she fumbled to stand up. “I…I, um…should probably go.”
She stood quickly, her movements uncoordinated, and he moved back to his original position, his eyes on the floor.
“Yeah, you should go,” he said, running a hand through his hair and nodding, like he had just convinced himself that what he
was saying was true.
Lauren hurried into the kitchen and grabbed her purse, concentrating on slowing her breath. She needed to get the hell out of there. Quickly.
No sooner than she had her purse in her hands, she heard the soft cry. “I don’t feel good. I need the bucket!”
Lauren rushed back to the living room just in time to see Michael jump up and grab the bucket. He held it in front of Erin as she retched over it, missing the bucket slightly and getting some on Michael’s hands and the floor.
She put her purse down and turned toward the kitchen, gathering some paper towels and wetting some. By the time she came back into the living room, it was over, and Michael was speaking in soft, reassuring tones to Erin as she laid back down on the couch.
Lauren knelt beside him, using the wet paper towels to wipe his hands, and he glanced over at her. “Thank you,” he said softly, and she nodded, looking away from him to start wiping the floor.
Once everything was cleaned, Lauren went into the kitchen to dispose of the dirtied towels while Michael went to the bathroom to wash out the pail. When they both returned, Erin was sitting up on the couch. She looked exhausted, but marginally better. “I’m thirsty,” she said, her tiny voice raspy, and Michael looked over at Lauren.
“Pedialyte?” he asked, and Lauren nodded.
She walked with him into the kitchen, grabbing a cup while he took the bottle out of the bag and read the directions on the back.
“Put that in the fridge after you open it,” Lauren said. “And only a little at a time, or it will just come right back up.”
He nodded, screwing the cap off and pouring about an inch into the cup that Lauren held out. As she brought it out to Erin, she heard the sounds of him putting the bottle in the fridge.
“Here you go sweetheart,” Lauren said, sitting on the couch beside her. “Little sips, okay?”
Erin nodded, holding the cup in two shaky hands as she brought it to her lips, taking bird-like sips, and Lauren ran her hand soothingly over Erin’s hair.
Michael entered the living room, kneeling on the floor in front of his daughter. “How’s that?” he asked gently.
Kiss Kiss Page 40
