“Do you have the information I requested?” Beth asked, popping in the door to Sam’s office.
Sam glanced up. “I’m working on it right now.” She took the decorative hair tie off her wrist and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.” Determination marking her brow, she told her boss. “Give me till lunchtime.”
Beth nodded. “That’s fine, Samantha. Call me if you need anything, ok?”
“Sure,” she mumbled, gaze lowering to focus on the complicated task of arranging a flow chart to get people and equipment efficiently moved cross country for BS’s upcoming tour. By one o’clock, she was done and hit send after making multiple backups of all the documentation. Stretching her hands over her head, her stomach grumbled. She couldn’t remember if she’d eaten breakfast. Lately, she hadn’t felt much like eating at all.
Needing some fresh air, she pulled her purse out of her desk drawer and grabbed her jacket. She’d just passed by the recording studios on her way outside when she glimpsed a shock of familiar blond hair on the long legged figure turning the corner in front of her. She stopped. Every muscle in her body tensed. Her heart began to pound erratically. She started to back up to go another direction when he turned around.
Grey eyes met mossy green, neither moving nor speaking for a very long time. JR didn’t look so good. His beard was untrimmed, and his hair was messy. Usually he was impeccably dressed, too, but not today. The hurt and sorrow in his eyes she knew was reflected in her own. So much had been lost for both of them. Such a waste.
“Sam, I need…” He shook his head and didn’t finish the thought. His brow creased. “How are you?” he redirected in an even tone. “You look…good.”
“I’m alright.”
“I’ve been so worried about you.”
“JR, please don’t start.” She cut him off.
He lips flattened and he took a step back, as if taking her usage of his nickname like a physical blow.
“I saw the apology on CNN. Thank you for that.”
“I wish I could take it all back. I am so sorry. If only…” He took a step toward her reaching out his hand.
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Just, don’t.” Her voice cracked. “Nothing’s changed…” She shrugged unable to finish.
JR nodded once and turned away, every muscle in his broad shoulders in a hard line.
Sam stood there motionless, her hands so tightly clasped that her nails dug crescents into her palms. She stared in the direction he’d gone long after he’d turned the corner out of sight. The shock of seeing him for the first time since the hospital caused unwanted emotions to resurface. An internal struggle raged inside of her. A large part of her desperately wanted to chase him down, to touch him and offer her comfort, but reason prevailed. She’d be twice the fool to stick her hand into that fire again.
Her heels muffled by the carpet runner, Sam sadly turned and headed back toward her office, no longer having any interest in going outside. Her head suddenly swiveled as she heard the unmistakable sound of a fist slamming into the wall followed by an obscenity. A gut wrenching moan brought immediate tears to her eyes. He must have been around the corner, just steps away from her the entire time.
Swallowing back a sob, she closed her eyes but it didn’t help. She could see the misery in his moss green eyes as if it was permanently tattooed onto the back of her eyelids, and she felt his pain as if it were her own. Warm tears fell onto her cold bloodless face as she fled down the hall, praying for the day to come when things would get easier.
“Fuck!” JR pulled his throbbing fist back to his chest. Assessing the damage, he wiggled his fingers and was dismayed to find out he couldn’t move one. Hopefully, it wasn’t broken. Marcus was going to kill him if it was. “Shit. Shit.” That would cause major problems for the tour. How the hell long would it take to heal?
He turned the corner hoping for a last glimpse of her, but she was already gone. He’d been unable to make himself leave, knowing the entire time she’d been so close but so unreachable. Seeing her just made everything worse. How could she so easily dismiss his longing for her when it practically radiated off his skin? He wished with every fiber of his being that she would take him back. How long was it going to be this way? He cursed again, but it didn’t help. Nothing did. The familiar ache in his chest returned two fold. She’d given him his walking papers. Why the hell couldn’t he accept that and move on?
Outside of the building, JR crossed his arms and hunched his shoulders against the cold autumn wind. Expression dark, he made his way purposefully down the sidewalk looking for liquid consolation.
Several hours and too many drinks later, JR became vaguely aware of someone’s hand on his shoulder. Struggling to lift his head off the bar, he twisted around.
“Ok, Cupcake,” Marcus said. “It’s time to go home.”
“Piss off, asshole,” JR slurred as he squinted his eyes trying to bring a single image of Marcus into focus.
“Nice! Now let someone with some compassion try,” Dwight said, scowling at his brother. “JR…Bud. We just want to help you get home, man.”
“How’d you find me?” JR asked, willing the room to stop spinning.
“James called me,” Marcus said, nodding at the bartender. “I used to spend way too much time in here myself. Come on big guy,” He and Dwight got up underneath JR’s arms and helped him to his feet. “Believe me this stuff isn’t going to help. You’re gonna feel like crap tomorrow.”
After getting JR back home and to his bed with a trashcan strategically placed nearby, Marcus and Dwight stepped out of the entrance of the loft apartment.
“Do you think he’s going to be ok?” Dwight asked.
“Probably,” Marcus answered, shrugging. “He got himself to that bar all by himself. As far as I’m concerned he can deal with the unpleasant after effects all by himself, too.”
“Cold, little brother. That’s pretty cold. I’m going to stay here until he sobers up, just to be safe. We can’t have our drummer choking to death on his own vomit. Anyway, I wasn’t talking about his hangover.”
“What then?”
“Haven’t you being paying attention to what’s going on in your band?” Dwight raised a brow. “Things have gone straight to hell for JR. The press conference, the kidnapping, and then Sam breaking it off with him. The dude’s been a wreck all week.”
Marcus ran a hand through his hair. “Pretty oblivious, huh?” He paused. “I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied lately.”
“A little?” Dwight rolled his eyes. “Do you and Avery ever leave your apartment?”
“Watch it bro,” Marcus warned. “Can you really blame me for wanting to have her all to myself before we go on tour? You and I both know how things can get on the road.”
“Yeah, I do know, and I understand. Hell, I worry about how it will affect Lisa, too. But listen I’m more worried about JR right now. He’s been on a real downward spiral, even for him, and things don’t seem to be getting any better. Did you notice his right hand? It was all swollen and shit.”
“Dammit. What the hell did he do to it? Do you think he’ll be good for the tour?”
“Physically, I don’t know. Mentally, I doubt it, unless we can do something to help him get things resolved with Samantha before we leave.”
Marcus nodded. “You’re probably right. It’s just so bizarre to see JR all messed up over a woman.”
“Yeah, well, I think he really loves her.”
Marcus raised his brows. “He’s got a real weird way of showing it.”
Dwight gave him a wry look. “Do you really want to go there? After the way things went down with you and Avery.”
Marcus snorted. “Ok, point taken. What do you suggest we do about it?”
“I don’t really know exactly. Getting them talking again would probably be a good start. But I think it’s gonna take more than just the two of us to figure this one out.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Why don’t you talk to Avery? She has
a soft spot for JR and we could use a woman’s perspective.”
As soon as Marcus stepped off the elevator, Avery flew into his arms. “How is he?”
“Shit-faced as usual.”
“Oh.” Her face fell.
He moved his hands down and grasped her cute little ass and pulled her closer. He heard her sigh and watched her gaze lower to his mouth. And that was all it took to amp him up for her yet again.
He smashed his lips against hers, moving hungrily, tasting and feasting on those delectable full lips. The ones that had driven him crazy when he’d thought she’d been a man. Even though they’d been together nonstop since his proposal, his craving for her hadn’t lessened. If anything knowing how good they were together just made him want her even more. She was like oxygen to him, if oxygen could be addictive.
Marcus lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso. In two long strides he had her backed up against the wall and pinned in place. His hands tunneled through her short silky hair and cradled her face. He brought his mouth down to hers again and began pillaging it with long hot strokes. She tasted exotic like the cardamom and cinnamon in the spiced chai tea she favored.
After giving her mouth the attention it deserved, he began blazing a heated trail down the side of her neck, pausing to spend extra time in the area where her neck and shoulder met. He knew from experience that this was one of those spots for her. She turned her head to give him easier access.
“Oh, Marcus,” she breathed.
His name on her lips like that… it was insane what it did to him. Any defined thoughts he might have had up to that point about JR or the band totally evaporated. He repositioned his hands underneath her and strode down the hall to the bedroom. “Hold that thought Ace,” he told her entering the bedroom and kicking the door closed.
The next morning, Avery was sprawled across Marcus’ bare chest in his huge king sized bed, lazily tracing her finger over the cursive BS script on his shoulder. “Marcus.”
“Hmmm.”
“I’m worried about JR.”
His brow furrowed. “Dwight said the same thing yesterday. He wanted me to talk to you about it, but I got a little distracted.”
She blushed, looking away from him as she framed her thoughts. She knew that when it came to the band it was best to tread carefully with Marcus. “I had a conversation with JR yesterday.” Her tone lowered. “He told me he was going to propose to Sam before the thing with Danny.”
Marcus eyes widened. “That explains a lot. But does anyone know if she feels the same way about him?”
Avery chewed on her lip. “Before the press conference I would’ve guessed she did. Now…” she shrugged her naked shoulders. “I don’t know. She seems really sad, but I don’t know if that’s because of what happened with her father or because she still has feelings for JR.”
Marcus didn’t comment, seemingly absorbed in tracing circles on her back.
She shook her head. “I don’t think either one is going to get over the breakup anytime soon, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
Marcus scooted up in the bed, and pulled Avery closer. She stared at him. She was more enamored with him now than when they had first met. The shoulder length brown hair, the blue eyes, the masculine jaw, and those lips…wow. What he could do with those lips. If she’d known then, what she knew now, she wouldn’t have lasted more than five minutes in her disguise.
Besides the obvious, her second favorite pastime was looking at him like she was now, freely and unabashedly without worry of repercussion. It had become a total time suck for her. She hadn’t written any new material in her journal in weeks. She could easily read his current expression… brooding. He did that one a lot.
“Do you think Sam would listen if you and I went in to talk to her?”
Avery arched an auburn brow. “Probably, but I’m surprised you would want to do that.”
Looking embarrassed, Marcus replied. “Well, it’s adversely affecting the band for one thing. And besides,” he ran a calloused fingertip down her cheek. “I’m starting to see things differently now.”
Sam glanced up from her paperwork to find Marcus and Avery standing in the doorway to her office.
“Can we come in?” Avery asked with a sweet smile.
“Absolutely,” Sam replied easily. She hadn’t been around when Avery had been disguised as a guy, and really didn’t understand how anyone could have been fooled. Tall and thin, her curves outlined in low rise skinny jeans and a long sleeve green Henley, Avery took a seat in the chair on the other side of the desk from Sam. Marcus stood behind her, arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.
Wondering what was up, Sam asked, “Is there something I can do for y’all?”
Avery’s knee started to bounce and she twisted her black wrist band before answering. “We wanted to talk to you about JR.”
Sam stiffened. “Is this a professional or a personal inquiry?” Though she appreciated Avery’s directness in not beating around the bush, JR was a topic that was strictly off limits. Apparently, she needed to make that clear.
“Both,” Marcus interjected.
Sam frowned at him. “I really don’t think that I want to talk about this.”
“Please just hear us out,” Avery urged, covering Samantha’s hands with her own.
Reluctantly, Sam nodded.
Avery let go of Sam’s hand, scooted back in her chair, and recounted the story of her relationship with Marcus, including the details about some obvious difficulties they’d had to overcome because of her subterfuge. Some things Sam had already heard, but others like the fact that Marcus had kicked Avery out of the group after her confession, were news to her.
Marcus was quiet while Avery spoke. He seemed totally absorbed with the woman in front of him, his hands resting on her shoulders. The guy came across as aloof and intimidating, but watching him right now with Avery, Sam realized that she might have misjudged him.
When Avery got to the part about Marcus forgiving her, she seemed to get a little choked up and paused to lean her head back to look at him. Something passed between the two of them in that glance that was so intense it made Sam’s own throat tighten.
Avery returned her gaze to Sam. Her expression was so serious that for a moment she looked much older than nineteen. “Sam.” She sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that Marcus and I…it could easily have gone the other way. And maybe we would have been alright.” Marcus shook his head and Avery must have sensed that because she glanced back up at him again, and squeezed the hand that was on her shoulder before continuing, “But thankfully it didn’t because we are phenomenal, off the chain good together.”
A huge smile spread across Marcus’ face. Avery leaned forward and took Sam’s hand. “Are you sure, absolutely sure, you are making the right decision about ending things between you and JR? I know without a doubt that he’s still in love with you.”
Sam looked down at their clasped hands and let out a broken sigh. When she glanced back up at Avery, moisture filled her eyes.
“Oh, Sam.” Avery’s expressive emerald eyes filled with sympathy and she stood quickly, and came around the desk. Squatting down beside Sam, she hesitated and then threw her arms around her. “I’m not really good at this girlfriend stuff, but if you’d let me I’d like for us to be friends.” She glanced back at Marcus. “Could you give us a couple of minutes?”
When they were alone, Avery took a Kleenex off the desk and blotted the tears that had fallen onto Sam’s cheeks. “Have you seen him since you broke it off?”
Sam nodded her head, but there was no way she could put into words what had passed between her and JR in the hall the previous day.
“Well, he’s totally miserable without you, that’s for sure. I know he really messed up, but I don’t think that negates his love for you.” She looked away, seeming deep in thought for a moment before turning back. “I don’t see love as some perfect happily ever after thing like it is in books
and movies. It’s more like a bumpy road filled with potholes…and detours. Sometimes we even veer off into the ditch. But the places that road will take you, the things you’ll experience, are worth all of the uncertainty. To me, love is caring so much about the other person that you want to be on that road with them all the way to the end. Even if it means that you might risk getting hurt in the process. Does that make any sense?”
Sam nodded again.
“JR’s convinced himself that you’re better off without him. The question you have to ask yourself is… are you?”
Sam dropped her head down on the desk, heart thumping. She felt like she was on the roof of a tall building about to jump off. The room fell silent except for the muted office sounds outside her door. She was afraid to make a hasty decision. He’d hurt her very badly, but on the other hand there was something in his soul that called to hers. He needed her, and she still loved him in spite of everything that had happened. But could the trust between them ever truly be rebuilt? And could they really recapture all that had been lost?
Sam lifted her head and sat up in her chair. She looked Avery straight in the eye and told her new friend her decision.
JR woke up around noon with the acrid smell of vomit wafting up from his trashcan. “Ugh,” he gagged, choking back down bile. Lying still, he waited for the wave of nausea and dizziness to pass. Samantha. His first coherent thought was always of her.
He remembered the storms that had brewed in those grey eyes and knew he was to blame. Remorse filled his heart every time he thought about what he had done to her. Hell, if he’d been half the man she deserved, he would never have doubted her in the first place.
The adulation of the crowd had always been the primary motivator in his life, but now more than anything else he wanted Sam’s approval. He wanted her back in his arms, gazing at him, eyes filled with love and adoration. And he was beginning to be afraid that might never happen.
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