“You’re not upset?” Clay asked, his expression softening.
“Of course not.” She shook her head and smiled. “Your work never upsets me.”
“Thanks, hon.”
The office door closed and Caroline quickly opened up her cell phone to read the text messages from Jackson again. Then she read them one more time. She wanted to text Jackson just to get a response, but turned her phone off instead to curb the temptation.
She wondered how she could feel this way for someone she had just met? She had everything she ever wanted with Clay, so why was she consumed in all things Jackson? She desperately tried to make sense of her feelings. She longed for logic to take over and get her out of this mess, but her emotions wouldn’t have any of it. Her heart refused to let Jackson go and she knew she was in for a world of trouble.
****
The next few days were a blur. The only way Caroline could stop thinking about Jackson was to dive completely into her work projects. She stayed late. She got there early. She threw herself into every meeting they would allow.
Her hard work didn’t go unnoticed and before long, her internship turned into a promoted staff position. When she got the news she tried to call Clay, but he didn’t answer. Caroline hated to leave voicemails, so she hung up. She desperately wanted to tell someone so, without thinking, she dialed Jackson’s number.
“Hey, you,” Jackson said as he answered.
“I got hired as staff!” Caroline shouted into the phone.
Jackson laughed at her enthusiasm. “Congratulations, babe! That’s great!”
“I know! I’m so psyched. I just had to tell you.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. Can I call you later?”
Caroline realized that Jackson was in the middle of handling some business and although he didn’t want to blow her off, he really needed to go. She smiled at how considerate he was of her feelings.
“I’ll call you! Talk to you later,” she conceded.
“Okay. Hey, Caroline?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah?”
His voice radiated affection. “I’m proud of you.”
Caroline bit her bottom lip with excitement. “Thanks, Jackson. Call you later.”
She found more happiness in his reaction than she could have imagined. She realized there would be no getting him out of her head now.
Still beaming from her promotion, Caroline walked through her apartment door that evening and yelled out Clay’s name. When only silence greeted her, she took a quick shower, changed into her pajamas, and then snuggled into the couch.
When her cell phone rang she answered it absently. “Hello?”
“Hey, babe. Just calling to let you know I’ll be pretty late tonight. Probably won’t be home before midnight. You okay?”
“I’m fine. Go back to work,” Caroline assured him.
“I love you.”
Caroline smiled. “I love you, too.”
Once she ended the call with Clay, she calculated the time difference in her head and thought for a second that it was probably too late. It was after eleven p.m. there, but she dialed his number anyway. The phone didn’t even ring twice before she heard Jackson’s thick, deep, slightly accented voice. “Caroline,” he said and chills coursed through her body.
“Hi,” she said, half nervous, half confident. Her body wouldn’t stop shaking.
“So, how was the rest of your day?” Jackson asked through a crackled reception.
“Amazing! How was yours?”
“Not amazing,” he joked. “Hey, are you alone?”
Caroline laughed. “No, my boyfriend’s sitting right here.”
“Funny. No really, are you at home?” he asked seriously.
Caroline answered, “Yeah, I’m home. Why?”
“Just wondering how you can call me if you’re home. Are you hiding in a closet? You are, huh?”
She laughed out loud. “No! I’m in the bathroom!”
“You are, aren’t you?” Jackson teased.
“No!” she continued to laugh, “Clay’s at work. He’s gone most nights until pretty late.”
“Ahhhh. That’s got to suck.”
“I don’t mind. I like my alone time,” Caroline confided.
“Well, I don’t mind that he’s gone either.”
Caroline heard his voice cut out toward the end. “Jackson? Jackson?” She pulled the phone away from her ear and held it in front of her. The screen read, “Call Disconnected.”
Before she could redial his number, she got a text message that said, “Sorry. We get spotty service in our apartment sometimes. Call my home phone.” He included the number and she smiled as she dialed.
“Hello?” A male voice that was clearly not Jackson’s answered.
She was caught off guard. “Um, hi! Is Jackson there?” she asked politely, unsure of who was on the other end of the line.
“Depends. Who’s this?” the voice asked with attitude.
“Caroline,” she informed with equal attitude.
The voice on the other end of the line laughed heartily. “Oh, Caroline! The one from California?” he asked, dragging out the name of her state.
Caroline got excited that whomever she talked to knew who she was. “That would be me.”
She heard Jackson and another voice yell in the background, but she couldn’t make out what they said. The voice on the phone remarked, “He’s not here,” and the voices in the background got even louder.
“Oh really?” she asked playfully. “Then why can I hear him yelling in the background?”
“Maybe you’re hearing things.”
Caroline was confused. Was this guy just playing around with her, or did he intend to be mean? Before she could say anything more the voice said, “You know—Caroline from California—maybe you should be calling your boyfriend instead of my friend,” and she heard the phone click.
Caroline’s jaw dropped in shock as all air ceased to exist within her.
****
“What the hell, man?” Jackson yelled at his roommate.
“You’re such a dick,” Alex added.
“Whatever. Why is she calling here? What are you doing, Jax?” Tommy chastised his best friend.
“I’m not doing anything. What’s your problem?” Jackson yelled.
Tommy shook his head in disgust. “You’re being an idiot. Not to mention a complete asshole. She has a boyfriend!”
“We all know she has a boyfriend,” Alex chimed in.
“Shut up, Alex.” Tommy turned to look at him. “You think this is cool? No big deal that Jackson is talking to someone else’s girlfriend?”
Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not my business and…it’s not like she’s married.”
Tommy spat out a laugh. “Really, Mister Get-involved-in-everyone-else’s-business? Now you see fit to stay out?”
“Enough!” Jackson’s voice echoed through their apartment. “She and I are friends. We talk. Now back off.”
Jackson grabbed the cordless phone, walked into his room, and slammed the door behind him as he dialed Caroline’s number.
“You know this isn’t cool, Jackson,” Tommy yelled loud enough for him to hear.
“Hello,” she answered quietly.
“I am so sorry, Caroline,” Jackson told her. She didn’t respond right away, but he could hear her breathe.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“That was my roommate, Tommy. I’ve known him since we were kids. He can be a real jerk,” Jackson explained.
“I feel like such an idiot right now,” Caroline admitted.
“No, Caroline. Please. It’s Tommy. He’s the idiot, not you. Don’t listen to him,” Jackson pleaded. “He’s a love-hater.”
The phrase “love-hater” coming out of Jackson’s mouth made Caroline burst out into laughter. “So, who else do you live with?”
Jackson was thankful she seemed less upset. “Alex. I’ve known him since I was a kid also.”
�
��Is he a love-hater too?” Caroline asked through her laughter.
Jackson laughed. “Nah. He’s a love-lover, for sure.”
Caroline continued to laugh and then stopped abruptly. “Oh! I keep meaning to ask you if you have a Facebook page?”
“I don’t,” Jackson responded.
“Seriously?” she asked with surprise. “Even my parents have them!”
“Well, they are clearly cooler than I am,” he laughed. “But it’s not really my kind of thing.”
“Why not?”
“I guess I’d rather keep in touch with people the old-fashioned way. You know, either in person or on the phone.”
“I get it.” Caroline sounded disappointed.
Jackson added, “Plus, that site seems to breed a lot of drama. I hear Tommy and Alex talking about it all the time. Who needs that?”
Caroline nodded her head in agreement. “That is totally true.”
“You’ll just have to settle with talking to me on the phone, through email, and text messages. Think you can handle it?”
“I guess we’ll see.”
Jackson stifled a yawn.
“Oh sorry. Am I boring you?” Caroline teased.
“Tremendously,” he responded. “I hate to say it, but I really need to get some sleep or I’ll pay for it in the morning.”
“This time difference thing sort of sucks,” she moped.
“Goodnight, Caroline. Sweet dreams.”
“You too,” she whispered softly. “’Night.”
Jackson leaned his head into his pillow and as he fell asleep, Caroline consumed his every thought.
****
Caroline hadn’t intended to keep in touch with Jackson on a daily basis, but with Clay working most nights, it made talking to him easy. The time difference didn’t hurt either. By the time Caroline got in from work, Jackson had long been home, studying or relaxing.
As the days passed, she found herself more and more reliant on Jackson’s companionship. When something happened at work, she longed to fill him in. Any news or funny story, he was the first one she wanted to tell. So by the time Clay got home from work, Caroline no longer felt the need to share. When he asked how things were going, he got one-word answers.
“Baby, are you okay?” Clay asked her one night.
Caroline stopped what she was doing and looked in his direction. “I’m fine, why?”
“I don’t know. You just seem distracted lately.”
Caroline smiled. “I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on at work with the promotion and stuff.”
Clay looked confused. “What promotion?”
Caroline scrunched her face in confusion, as well. “Yeah. Since I got hired as staff. You know this.”
Clay shook his head. “No. You got hired as staff?” His tone grew in excitement for her. “Baby, that’s awesome!”
“I swear I told you,” Caroline insisted and thought back to the day she got the news.
“No. I’d remember something like that. So when did it happen?”
Caroline tried to remember when the promotion came through and she thought briefly about lying to Clay, but couldn’t. “A few weeks ago.”
Clay’s face dropped. “Really? A few weeks ago?”
“I’m sorry, J…hon. I seriously thought I told you,” Caroline apologized.
“It’s okay. I’ve been so busy at work and I’m never around. It’s my fault.”
“What? Stop it. Clay, it’s not your fault. I thought I told you, but obviously I didn’t. And that’s my fault, not yours.” Caroline refused to let Clay take the blame for her idiocy.
He walked over toward the couch and sat down next to her. “Baby, I know I leave you alone a lot. I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to be a better boyfriend.”
“Oh my gosh, please stop. Are you kidding me? You are not a bad boyfriend. You work hard and I totally understand. I don’t care that you’re gone. I’m not alone, or lonely or sad or anything. I’m fine. Seriously, I’m the one who’s sorry. Forgive me?” Caroline asked sincerely. What kind of girlfriend forgets to tell her own boyfriend something as important as that? The kind who has her priorities all screwed up. Caroline’s stomach clenched as the guilt set in again.
“Forgiven.” Clay smiled and kissed her lips. “Congratulations on the promotion. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, baby,” she said, while looking into his hazel eyes.
Chapter Seven
Bailey stood inside Caroline’s work cubicle and practically shouted, “So you didn’t even tell him?”
Caroline shushed her friend and whispered, “I told Jackson. But I didn’t even tell my own boyfriend.”
“Shut.Up.” Bailey said, all overly dramatic.
“I’m not kidding. I never freaking told Clay,” Caroline continued, “and the worst part…”
“There’s a worse part?” Bailey interrupted.
Caroline glared at her. “I thought I told him. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t.”
“That is a worse part,” Bailey agreed.
“And then he tried to apologize.”
“Of course he did,” her eyes rolled.
“This is serious!” Caroline raised her voice in frustration.
Bailey’s voice softened somewhat. “Okay. What the hell did he apologize for?”
“For being a bad boyfriend…because he’s always working.”
“Are you kidding me? What is this guy? A freaking saint?”
“Pretty much.” Caroline looked into Bailey’s bright blue eyes and asked, “What the hell is wrong with me?”
Bailey laughed and pretended to count on her fingers. “Where should I start?”
Caroline let out a huff. “Bails, seriously. What is wrong with me? What am I doing?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” she responded sternly.
“Then why am I talking to some other guy when I’m currently dating a saint?”
“Maybe sainthood isn’t as appealing as it once was.”
“Do you think that’s it?” Caroline’s head spun. Thoughts came at her with warp speed. “No, of course that’s not it. I mean, I love Clay.”
Bailey put her hands on top of Caroline’s and gave them a friendly squeeze. “Maybe it’s not enough any more?”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m not saying anything. You are.”
Caroline shooed Bailey away and sent a text message to Tracey. “I need to talk to you. Call me when you have a sec.”
“Having dinner at my mom’s tonight. I’ll call you when I get in the car.”
When her phone finally rang, Caroline took it outside and filled Tracey in on the latest.
“I told you this guy was bad news,” Tracey chastised.
“He is not bad news. I’m the one who’s going around screwing my whole life up.”
“Things have gone too far…listen to yourself!”
Caroline held the phone away from her face as Tracey’s muffled voice shouted from the receiver. She slowly brought it closer to her ear in time to hear, “How has this one random guy screwed you up this much? I’ve never heard you act like this—not even when you first met Clay.”
“I didn’t feel this way about Clay.” Caroline’s voice shook with guilt.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t know, Tray. It’s just…different,” she said, as she stumbled for the right words.
“Well, you have to stop talking to him,” Tracey insisted.
“I can’t do that,” Caroline admitted flatly.
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“Probably a little of both, I think.”
“Do you even love Clay any more?”
The question’s brutal honesty stung and Caroline winced. “Of course I love Clay.”
“Can you imagine not being with him?” Tracey asked coldly.
A sick feeling washed over Caroline. “Just the idea of that makes me want to throw up.”
“Good,” Tra
cey said with relief.
“Good?” Caroline asked, confused.
“Not being with Clay makes you sick to think about…that’s a good thing. You love him more than you think you do. Hey, I’m at my mom’s. Can I call you later?”
“Of course. Tell Mom I miss her.” Caroline thought back to the many times she and Johnny had gone to Tracey’s mother’s house during college. With the home-cooked meals and the constant fussing, being there felt like being home.
Conflict overwhelmed Caroline’s mind as she took a deep breath and headed back into the office. What if Tracey was right?
****
Clay had noticed that since Caroline’s return from New York, things hadn’t been the same. She was different somehow, distant. He wouldn’t have thought much of it if the whole promotion discussion hadn’t come up last night.
He wandered the halls of his office when Gina, a pretty brunette who was also an intern, walked up to him. “Can I help you with anything, Clay?”
Clay stopped and looked at her. “Clay?” she repeated.
Clay blinked his eyes a few times. “I’m sorry, Gina. I’m out of it. What did you say?”
Gina flashed a big smile. “I just asked if you needed any help.”
“Thanks so much, but I’ve got it.” Clay raised his file folders full of papers up in the air and shook them gently.
“Clay?” she asked, as he turned away. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fine. Thanks for asking.” He answered with a smile and continued into the copy room.
Gina was a stunner. There was no doubt about that. She had bright eyes and short brown hair that suited her bubbly personality. She reminded him of a pixie. Clay liked how friendly she was with everyone she met. She was also smart and that turned him on, had he allowed himself to be turned on by anyone other than Caroline.
Caroline.
He found himself lost in thoughts of her again. What was it that made Caroline seem so distant lately? At first he thought it was the loss of Johnny, but later sensed there was more to it than that. Night after night he had tried to get close to her, but she often complained about being tired and instead of asking him about his day, she opted for sleep, or her television shows. He could see in her eyes that she no longer lit up when he walked through their apartment door and he couldn’t figure out what had made them get so off track. Convinced it was his fault, he wracked his brain for every moment, or piece of a conversation that seemed wrong.
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