“But he loves you, not me. Trust me, I’ve been reminded of that fact on more than one occasion,” Sally insisted, deep sorrow evident in her eyes.
“But you love him. Please stay,” Caroline insisted.
Sally sat back down in the chair and looked at Caroline with surprise.
“Thank you.” Caroline’s face relaxed. “I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for you the past couple of months. I’ve been a complete idiot, but you…you’ve done nothing wrong…”
“…except fall in love with the wrong guy.” Sally’s voice quivered as she fought back tears.
Caroline walked over to the fragile girl and gently squeezed her hand. “Or the right one. I am really sorry for everything. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
Sally took a long, deep breath before she looked into Caroline’s tired eyes. “It means a lot to me that you care.”
“It means a lot to me that you don’t want to kill me,” Caroline joked and raised her eyebrows.
“Oh, don’t worry. I do,” Sally remarked with a quick laugh.
“Just make sure it’s quick and painless, please. Not a big fan of pain,” Caroline shot back through clenched teeth.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Sally’s eyes locked with Caroline’s for an uncomfortable beat, then she shrugged and smiled.
Waves of relief washed over Caroline as the tension began to alleviate. “I’m exhausted and I could really use a coffee. Can I get you one?”
“That would be nice. Thank you.”
Caroline smiled and headed out the door. She surprised herself by finding the cafeteria without getting lost. She took a tentative sip of her coffee and closed her eyes tightly, enjoying the bold flavor that rushed through her.
She balanced the two scalding hot cups with her hands as her hip bumped against the door. It finally budged and she scooted quickly through the opening. “I wasn’t sure how you took it, so I brought some cream and sugar.” She handed Sally one of the steaming cups.
“Thanks again,” Sally said as she grabbed two of the sugar packets. “I get it now.”
“Get what?” Caroline cocked her head to the left and narrowed her eyes.
“Why he couldn’t get over you. The way you looked at him when you walked into the room tonight. I’ve known Jackson my whole life, and I’ve never heard him talk about any girl the way he talks about you.”
Her heart soared within her chest, but she didn’t let it show. “It took me getting that phone call to realize where I was supposed to be,” Caroline freely admitted.
“He said you have a fiancé, right?” Sally glanced down at Caroline’s ring finger, which still bore the enormous diamond ring Clay had given her.
“Yeah. But I did just walk out of my own engagement party to come here.” Caroline shrugged.
“No, you didn’t? Did you really?” Sally’s mouth was agape.
“I did.”
“Guess leaving him at the engagement party is better than leaving him at the altar, right?”
The smile dropped from Caroline’s face almost immediately as the weight of Sally’s words crashed around her.
“Oh gosh, Caroline, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Sally put her hand over her heart and furrowed her brow.
“No. I know. It’s just…” An awful awareness surged through Caroline. “What kind of person walks out of their own engagement party?”
“The kind that isn’t happy to be there?” Sally remarked.
Caroline’s hand covered her mouth as her eyes closed. “I’m a terrible person,” she said under her breath.
Sally hesitated before adding, “No, you’re not, but can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” Caroline nodded.
“Do you love him?” Sally’s gaze turned toward Jackson’s still form.
Without hesitation, Caroline proclaimed, “I do.”
“He’s a really great guy. I’d tell you not to break his heart, but you’ve already done that, so…” The girls’ laughter echoed through the room as Tommy and Alex walked back in.
“How long are you staying, anyway?” Tommy asked in Caroline’s direction, his tone still clearly annoyed.
“I don’t know? I hadn’t even thought about it really. A few days, I guess?” She realized she hadn’t thought this trip through very well.
Tommy groaned and Alex hit him in the arm. “Caroline, don’t listen to him. It’s good that you’re here.” Alex smiled.
“Where are his parents?” Caroline asked.
“Mr. Parks took the missus back home to get some rest and grab some of their things. They’re going to stay in the hotel across the street for a while. They should be back later.” Alex stared at Jackson.
“How long can we stay?” Caroline noted the time.
“We don’t really know.” Alex answered as he looked around.
“So what is his condition exactly? Do we know?” Caroline inquired.
“What’s his condition? He’s preparing for the Olympics, genius.” Tommy could barely contain his apparent dislike for Caroline.
“Dude!” Alex’s face flushed a rosy color as he shook his head in exasperation.
Sally stood up calmly and announced, “I could use a walk. Come with me?” She motioned toward Tommy.
He rolled his eyes in defiance. “I just got back in here!”
Sally linked her arm in his. “Just come with me anyway. Please?” Tommy’s hard facade softened as he took in Sally’s earnest expression. He lowered his head and reluctantly walked out of the room.
Alex’s face was still red. “I am so sorry for Tommy. He um…”
“…hates me?” Caroline offered.
Alex laughed and insisted, “No!” Then he conceded, “Well, yeah. He hates you.”
Disappointment filtered through Caroline’s awareness. “It’s okay. I totally get it.”
Caroline walked up to the charts that surrounded Jackson. There were notes scribbled and numbers written that made no sense to her. “So, what does all this mean?”
Alex tried to recite in less confusing terms what the doctors had explained to him earlier. “He’s in a medically induced coma for now. They say it’s the best way to help him recover, but it’s tricky and he needs to be constantly monitored.”
Caroline nodded that she understood and he continued. “Basically, they shut his brain down. Once the swelling starts to go down, they’ll lower the medications that are keeping him in the coma. But until that happens, he has to stay like this.”
“So why does he have all these other wires and things on him? It looks like he isn’t doing anything on his own.” Caroline’s voice trembled.
Alex’s voice softened, soothing Caroline’s fears. “Don’t worry. When they put him in the coma, they had to give him things to keep his blood pressure down. And make sure his heart still pumped properly. They shut down his brain, remember? So all the things it did for his body, they have to do.”
Caroline understood, but it still sounded scary and overwhelming. “Got it. So how long will it take the swelling to go down?”
Alex shook his head. “They can’t say. It could be days…or weeks. No one knows.”
A nurse walked through the door and looked at the clock on the wall as she began to take Jackson’s vitals. “I’m sorry, you guys, but visiting hours are over. You’re welcome to come back tomorrow morning at seven.”
Caroline turned to grab her things. “Where are you staying?” Alex asked.
“I have no idea,” she said, before a yawn crept out.
“You can stay in Jackson’s room,” he offered.
“What about Sally?”
“She won’t even leave the hospital.”
Caroline’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
Alex’s expression mimicked hers. “Seriously.”
“Tommy’s gonna flip out,” she remarked with a straight face.
Alex laughed. “Probably.”
“I really appreciate it. Thank you.” It se
emed wrong somehow to go to Jackson’s home without him, but she looked forward to being surrounded by his things.
After some convincing, which came mostly in the form of Tommy and Alex yelling at each another, Tommy agreed that Caroline could stay at their place for the night. She overheard him shout, “Just keep her away from me!” His tone made her shudder.
Once inside their apartment, Tommy walked to his room and slammed the door shut. Caroline looked visibly uncomfortable as Alex apologized. “I don’t even know what to say about him any more. Here, this is Jackson’s room.” He opened the door for her. “And he has an attached bathroom so you don’t have to use the one in the hall.”
The tension in her face subsided. She threw her arms around Alex’s neck and hugged him tightly. “Thank you so much, Alex. For everything.”
Alex’s cheeks turned bright red. “This is what Jackson would want. Make yourself at home. Goodnight, Caroline.”
“Goodnight.”
Alex stopped in the hallway and shouted, “Oh yeah. Hey, we leave here between seven and seven thirty.”
“Thanks,” she yelled through the closed door.
Once in the silence of Jackson’s bedroom, she looked around, taking note of everything that surrounded her. There was simplicity that Caroline felt suited him perfectly. The color scheme was earthy, in natural tones of deep, dark browns and tans. His room was clean and uncluttered, aside from the two shirts that lay crumpled on the floor.
A small bookcase filled with books on history, farming, and even some classic literature sat against the wall. The dresser was tall and housed a large flat screen television on top. A simple nightstand with one drawer resided next to his queen-sized bed. A lone burgundy-colored candle sat on top of it, along with his alarm clock and iPod player.
She noted the candle’s wick was still perfectly white. “Never been lit,” she mumbled to no one as her hand ran across the still even top.
She sat down on the edge of his bed as the scent of him instantly surrounded her. She grabbed at the pillows, pulled them to her face and breathed him in. There would be no escaping him tonight.
Her mind wandered to impure thoughts of Sally and Jackson when a knock on the door broke her concentration. “Come in.” She sighed, uncertain who would be there.
Alex poked his head around the door. “Sorry, Caroline, I just wanted to let you know that the sheets are clean.”
Caroline let out a huge sigh of relief. “I was actually just thinking about that,” she admitted.
“Sally hasn’t been here for a while. Jackson went to her place mostly.” Alex stopped short of revealing any more.
Caroline understood. “Thank you, Alex.”
“Good night.” He shut the door behind him.
Caroline washed her face and brushed her teeth before crawling into Jackson’s bed and allowing the smell of him to engulf her. Once in his bed her eyes fell upon his nightstand. She thought briefly about lighting the candle, but knew it wasn’t her place.
She noticed something barely peeking out from the drawer. She knew better than to snoop, but curiosity got the best of her. She pulled it open without a sound and the picture of her and Jackson from the plane fell back inside. She ran a finger across the image of his face, as her passion surged.
The flashing light on Caroline’s cell phone drew her attention away from the picture. Her heart instantly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds inside her chest. She scrolled through her text messages and missed phone calls, her burden deepening with each one. Slowly, she pressed the digits to her mom’s cell phone. Her mom answered immediately, her voice filled with concern.
“I know, Mom. I’m so sorry for leaving like that. Yes, I’m in New York. Of course I’ll be back soon. I know. I’ll apologize to Clay’s parents, as well.”
She took a deep breath. “I can’t explain it all right now, Mom, but I promise to fill you in. I know, I’m sorry. No, I’m not in any trouble. No, I haven’t talked to Clay yet. I know…,I’ll call him.”
She took another deep breath. “Yes, I’m okay. I’m really sorry, Mom. I know. I’ll call you soon. I love you too. ’Bye.”
Unable to fathom having another conversation, she set her phone to “alarm only” and fell asleep wrapped in Jackson’s essence.
****
Caroline, Sally, Alex, and Tommy sat in various chairs around the hospital room when Jackson’s parents walked through the door. Jackson’s mom instantly started crying at the sight of her only son and his father reached his arms around his wife to comfort her. His mother looked up in Caroline’s direction and gathered her composure. “Oh, hello there. I don’t think we’ve met?”
Caroline stood up with a smile and reached out her hand. She noticed the same heart charm that Jackson had sent to her, fashioned on top of a ring his mother wore. “I’m Caroline. I’m a friend of Jackson’s,” Caroline said politely.
Tommy cleared his throat and Caroline shot him a nasty glare. “Do you know Jackson from school? Or the city or something?” his mother inquired.
Caroline felt her face flush with embarrassment. “No, ma’am. We met on a flight almost a year ago.” Caroline felt like a complete idiot at the admission.
Mrs. Parks’ expression reflected shock and confusion. “Oh. Well, thank you for coming.”
She walked over to Sally with a huge grin on her face. “Oh, Sally. Thank you so much for being here. I know it will mean the world to Jackson when he wakes up.” The two hugged like old friends.
Tommy could barely contain his laughter as he attempted to hide the devilish grin on his face with his hands. And Alex’s face, in his discomfort, had turned bright red. Neither had realized that Jackson’s parents didn’t know who Caroline was.
Caroline desperately wanted out of that room. “If you’ll excuse me, I really need to use the restroom.” She jerked open the door, practically busting it off its hinges on her way out.
Caroline ran around the corner and threw the bathroom door open with an exasperated breath. She flung open a stall door and quickly locked it behind her. She sat on top of the seat, buried her face in her hands and gasped for air. Tears spilled over her fingers as she berated herself. What was she doing there? His parents didn’t even know who she was! She didn’t belong there. She wasn’t his best friend, or the girl he was dating, or anything to him. How could she have been so stupid?
“Oh my God,” she said out loud as the most awful of realizations slammed down on top of her.
What if Jackson didn’t want her there?
Caroline realized at that moment she had to go back to San Francisco. Her ego had allowed her to simply assume that Jackson could never get over her the same way she couldn’t get over him. She had convinced herself that he still wanted her, when she didn’t know that to be the truth at all.
She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands and pulled herself together. She exhaled and walked out of the bathroom toward the nurse’s station. “Excuse me?” Caroline spoke to the middle-aged woman behind the counter.
“Yes?” the nurse asked, her eyes weary. “Can I help you?”
“Do you have a pad of paper and a pen I can borrow? I’ll give it right back as soon as I’m done.”
The nurse smiled. “Of course. Here you go.” She handed her a legal-sized notepad and a pen with yellow smiley faces.
Caroline walked over to the empty seats along the wall across from the nurses’ station and sat down to write Jackson a letter, just like he had once done for her all those months ago. Tears fell onto the paper, but she never stopped. Her heart spilled into her words. Everything came out on that page.
When she was done writing, she handed the notepad back to the nurse and asked if she could trouble her for an envelope. The nurse handed her one and Caroline carefully wrote “Jackson” on it with a small heart at the end. “Thank you so much,” she said to the nurse before she returned the pen and walked toward Jackson’s room.
Alex waited outside the door for her return. �
��I’m sorry about that, Caroline. You okay?”
Caroline forced a smile. “I will be. Random question for you…”
“Shoot,” Alex said.
“The ring his mom is wearing—the one with the heart—where’s it from?”
“Oh, the separated heart?”
Caroline nodded.
“It’s cool, right? It’s been in his family for generations. I think it was his great, great, great grandfather who made the first one. I think the story goes, if I’m remembering it right, that his grandfather kept trying to make his girlfriend a heart design, but he couldn’t get the two halves to match up perfectly. No matter what he did, the right half was always longer than the left half. And he was never happy with the top of the heart where the halves came together. He couldn’t weld the pieces just right and it always got like this big clump at the top.
“So one day, he took the latest heart he had made, where the top didn’t quite come together and the right side hung lower than the left, and gave it to her anyway. He told her that it was better than a regular heart because it was separated and separated hearts were stronger than hearts that weren’t. Apparently she thought it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen and asked if he could make a ring with it. And the design has been in their family ever since.”
Caroline’s face softened, picturing the scene in her mind. “That’s a great story.”
Alex smiled. “I think so, too. Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering,” Caroline evaded.
“Wait, did Jackson make one for you?” Alex asked with wide eyes. Caroline looked at him without answering. “He did, didn’t he?” Alex asked again as Caroline reached for the chain buried under her shirt.
“He sent me the heart for my birthday. But I added the chain,” she admitted.
“Wow,” Alex responded. “That’s a big deal.”
“It is?” she questioned.
“Yeah,” he told her. “It’s tradition that each one of the Parks men put the heart on something, but they don’t ever give it to just any girl. It’s usually the girl they want to marry. And it doesn’t have to be a ring, but I think that’s what they all normally do. I know that all the women in his family have similar rings.”
Kiss Kiss Page 258
