by Vi Carter
Standing back, I serve Gage by slapping two pancakes onto his plate, one of them hangs off the edge and he pushes it back on, exhaling loudly. I finish mam’s and dad’s before placing two pancakes on a plate beside Scarlett. She’s still watching me and I see the color in her cheeks. I leave the pan in the sink and sit down.
The smiley face I made with the strawberries, still sits untouched on Scarlett’s plate.
“Eat,” I say to her gently.
Her brows draw down and her eyes waver, but she starts to eat. My mam smiles at me and we all start to eat.
“This is really nice.” My mam is beaming and I feel like shit.
“Why don’t you tell us about your work?” Dad asks me across the table.
“Oh, Frank.” My mam gives out.
My dad raises his fork, cutting her off. “We were attacked in our home because of his work. These men weren’t government men, they were gangsters.”
“Frank, please. Scarlett doesn’t need to hear this. ”My mam protests again.
My mam tries to intervene again and I touch her hand. “Dad has every right to question me.” I scratch my brow before cutting up my pancake. “The work I do for the government has me sometimes going undercover with dangerous people.”
“Gage told us not to report the attack,” Dad says.
“Gage was wrong.” I speak while staring at Gage. “I can’t get involved, but you could have reported the crime.”
“You’re telling me a lot, but nothing, really,” Dad says.
I can nearly hear my mother say, ‘Frank’.
“I’m telling you all I can tell you.”
Dad points his fork at Scarlett. “Does she know what you do?”
I grin and it’s not one bit fucking funny. I glance at Scarlett. “Yeah,” I say. While looking at her, she does the oddest thing. She reaches across the table and touches my hand.
I have no idea what that means, but her touch is nice.
“Do you have family?” My mam asks Scarlett, thinking she is going to nice ground, but she isn’t.
“My parents have passed.” Scarlett answers and straight away she touches the pendant. I notice she has eaten her pancakes. I pick up one of mine and place it on her plate.
“I’m okay.” She waves me off, but I grab some icing sugar and sprinkle it for her. Picking up the last slice of strawberry, I sit it in the center.
She hasn’t taken her eyes off me. “Eat.” She cuts it up and places a large piece in her mouth. I could watch her all day. When I glance back, Gage and dad are watching me.
“What?” I bark.
“Nothing.” Dad’s trying to hide a smile, while Gage looks ready to throttle me. I grin at him, before patting mam's hand that rests on the table.
“Are you okay?” I ask her.
“I’m so happy to be here with you.” She touches my face again and I see the love she has for me. She showers Gage with the same. She’s a good mother. I kiss the inside of her hand.
“Have you any siblings?” My mam asks Scarlett.
“No. It was mostly just me and my dad. He died from cancer.” She frowns and reaches for her pendant, but stops herself this time.
“I’m so sorry. What a horrible disease.”
“Yeah, but he was a good father. So I have a lot of happy memories with him.”
“What age where you?” My mam asks, and I’m ready to tell her to stop the interrogation, but Scarlett answers.
“Ten.” She bites her lip.
“So young.”
“What age was Dean when you adopted him?”
Gage drops his mug at her question and his gaze shoots to me. I’m not surprised. I’ve never mentioned us being adopted to anyone in my life. I never spoke of it. It isn’t a big deal to me. But it is to my family.
Gage starts mopping up his tea.
“He was three months old. Gage was two.” My mam sounds rattled.
I turn to Scarlett, wondering why she’s brought this up. Her face is soft and I see there is nothing malicious in her words, but I’m still fucking stunned.
“Three months.” Scarlett repeats, her eyes flickering to me before returning to my mam. “He’s so lucky to have you.”
“You have to keep her.” My mam tells me.
My dad chuckles. “You found her weakness.” My dad smiles at Scarlett.
“You told her we were adopted?” Gage’s stunned voice pulls all the smiles off everyone’s face.
“Yes.”
“I’ve tried to talk to you for fucking years about it.”
“Language.” My mam reprimands Gage who apologizes but still doesn’t drop it.
“And what? All of a sudden you decide to open up?” Gage tightens his hold on his fork.
I grin at him. “Yes.”
Scarlett’s ready to intervene, but I cut her a warning look and she sits back in her chair.
“Your brother has every right to tell who he wishes.” My mam leans across the table towards Gage. He softens instantly when he looks at her. Dad is smiling like this is somehow funny.
“How about that song?” My dad asks Scarlett.
Her cheeks redden and she looks at me.
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” I say.
She relaxes. “Maybe later.” She smiles sweetly at my dad and he accepts it.
“I need fresh air.” My mam drags out her chair.
“Mam, that’s not wise.” I start and she waves me off.
“I’m not going alone, silly. Scarlett, what about we girls go for a walk?”
Both me and Gage say no at the same time.
My mam ignores me. “Come on, Scarlett.”
Scarlett gets up and I hate what I see in her eyes. Hope. She’s going to try to run.
“Scarlett doesn’t want to, Mam,” I say standing too, and gathering up the plates.
“Scarlett can speak for herself.”
When I glance at my mam, she frowns at me.
“Why don’t I go with you,” Gage says to mam.
Both me and mam say no at the same time. The thoughts of Gage with Scarlett has me tightening my hold on the plates.
“You boys must think I’m going to eat her.”
My dad leaves and returns with my mam’s coat that she slips into.
“Now be a good boy, Dean, and open the door.”
I’m staring at Scarlett. She hasn’t tried to worm her way out of this and she won’t look at me.
“Yeah, just let me get Scarlett’s jacket.” I leave the plates on the table and walk down to the bedroom. I pick up her army green jacket.
“Scarlett,” I call her and a few seconds later she appears in the doorway but she won’t step into the room. Her gaze flickers to the jacket before they return to my eyes.
“She’s old, and she would never understand this.”
Scarlett doesn’t move, but I see the pulse in her neck beat rapidly.
“For her, please just go for the walk and come back.”
She nods and I don’t believe her.
I step up to Scarlett and she leans back so she can look at me. Fear that I’ve never felt before, clutches my chest. Fear of losing her. Fear of her not wanting to be with me.
“I don’t want you to leave.” I admit.
She still hasn’t spoken, and that’s scaring me.
“Scarlett.” My mam calls down the hallway.
Scarlett looks over her shoulder before turning back to me with conflict in her ocean eyes. She’s not listening to me.
“If you run. I will find you and I won’t be happy.” I threaten her and she bristles. I can see it was the wrong decision. She yanks the green jacket from my arms.
“Scarlett.” I stop her from leaving and exhale loudly. “Please, don’t run.”
Her chest rises and falls quickly.
“Are you ready?” My mam appears and I release Scarlett’s arm and she slips into the army green jacket.
“Yeah.” Scarlett’s voice is soft and my mam smiles at
her. I hate each second of this. As I enter the kitchen, Gage stares at me and I shake my head at him. Just stay where you fucking are.
I look over my shoulder and my mam is smiling up at Scarlett who is staring at the keypad. I block her view and punch in the number. The door opens.
“The perimeter is alarmed. Don’t go beyond the tree line.” I tell them, as mam passes me. Scarlett helps her up the stairs avoiding my eyes completely. I stay at the bottom as they disappear.
“You want to tell me what’s going on now, son?” My dad is behind me and I still cling to the door, unable to close it. Gage steps up to it and I quickly close the door, not letting him out.
“I need fresh air. Anyway, dad wants to talk to you.”
I ignore Gage and walk away from the door.
“Son?” My dad is asking me for honesty.
“I’m a sniper,” I say, and Gage curses.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SCARLETT
My heart is ready to explode from my chest. I’m outside without Dean. His mother is tiny beside me, her arm links with mine as we walk through the grass. A bird screeches overhead and I watch it fly away.
“My son is very taken with you.” My attention snaps to Dean’s mother.
Oh, she has no idea. I smile at her.
“He struggled in school. He struggled his whole life with connecting with people. So it’s wonderful to see the connection he has with you.”
I can’t look at her. I’m too taken with the green fields. I know beyond the hedge line is another field and then a road. It’s freedom.
I notice Dean’s mother is silent.
“The pendant around your neck?” She questions.
I touch it. “My father gave it to me.”
“You touch it a lot.” She smiles softly.
“It used to make me feel better.” I ramble as I glare out at the hedge line. What the hell am I waiting for?
“Used to?” We’ve stopped walking and I glance down at Dean’s mother.
I didn’t know how to answer her. It didn’t hold the same power anymore. My stomach tightens and I stare back at the house, knowing I’m wasting time.
“What’s troubling you?” Dean’s mother asks. “I know I’m the mother-in-law, but I’m a good listener.”
I can’t begin to imagine telling her the truth. There is something so innocent about Dean’s mother. She has such kindness. The fact she adopted two children speaks of her character. I’m also very aware of how she said mother-in-law.
I exhale loudly and she tightens her hold on my arm as we continue to walk.
“I just hate how the lines are blurring and I don’t know what to make of it. I’ve always seen everything as black and white…” I drop off knowing I’m not making sense to her, but it’s nice to talk out loud.
“Life isn’t black and white, it’s filled with colors,” she says.
“More like shades of gray.” I retort.
She laughs gently. “That too, but without the gray’s and the colors, what would this life be?” She shrugs. “Not a place I’d like to live.”
Where would I be today if Dean hadn’t taken me? Would I still be stealing or worse, dead? Would I have returned to my uncle? I shiver and tighten my hold on the little lady at my side.
“Me neither,” I say out loud and she pats my hand.
We walk around the perimeter and I get to listen to all the stories about Dean and Gage when they were children. Dean sounded like he had some condition that wouldn’t have been diagnosed back then. His mother was right, he really suffered with his emotions. He wasn’t aware of them. He sounded numb, even as a child. I’m picturing a small Dean with his dark eyes. My stomach twists.
“He was never bullied, but he always kept to himself. Enjoyed his own company. He loved hunting.” My stomach tightens at that. She had no idea. “I’m glad he found you.”
I smile down at her and refocus on the surrounding landscape. I am wasting far too much time. How long had we been out here? He said if we walked past the tree lines, an alarm would go off. We walk close to the tree line and I pause. My heart hammers.
I release Dean’s mother and so much swells in me. I need to leave. He took me. I step closer.
“Are you okay?” His mother’s words bring me back, but it’s not enough. I step out into the trees and nothing happens. I wonder if the alarm is screeching inside. I smile at the idea of his face.
“I’m fine.” I step back out of the tree line and re-link my arm with Dean’s mother.
“It’s getting cold.” She looks uncertain and walks with me back to the house.
Dean appears out of the house with Gage heavy on his heels. The moment he spots me, he stops running and he’s frozen, staring at me. I see relief swim in his dark eyes. A matching pair of eyes behind him hold confusion and I don’t blame Gage, but I wasn’t about to leave his mother out here alone with a million questions. That’s the excuse I tell myself anyway.
“I told you I wouldn’t eat her.” Dean’s mother says the moment we reach a stunned Dean.
“The alarm went off.” He’s speaking to me.
“Sorry. I thought I saw something in the trees. I just went to investigate.”
He nods his head, but his focus is still on my face, like he can’t believe I’m still here. I wasn’t sure if that made me stupid.
“You look cold, Mam.” Gage steps forward and takes his mother’s hand and she releases me. Gage won’t meet my eye and I stuff my hands into my pockets.
“Nothing a hot cup of tea won’t fix.” Dean’s mother climbs the steps and I don’t. Dean stands close to them in a t-shirt. He has to be getting cold, but he stares out towards the forest.
“What did you think you saw?” He asks me once Gage and his mother are gone.
I shrug. Freedom. “A bird.”
“You want me to kill it.”
I’m ready to give up, but he’s grinning and I find my lip tugging up. “No, I don’t want you to kill anything.” Ever again, I don’t add, but it’s what I’m thinking.
“Thank you.” He clears the space between us and places a kiss on my lips.
“For what?” I ask.
“For not running.”
I let out a short laugh. “I was hardly going to leave your mother here alone with a million questions.” I can’t look at him because I can’t let him see the truth. That I love him, and I don’t want to leave. I glance back out at the forest and reach up unclipping my pendant. It feels so light in my hands. Dean’s watching me.
“I used to think that when I touched the pendant that it made everything okay.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, Scarlett.” Dean’s words are soft.
“I know. But it made me turn a blind eye to everything that hurt me.” I frown and tighten my hold on the chain. “Since you, I’ve had to face all my wounds.” In the most savage way, but I leave that part out.
“Great.” Dean folds his arms across his chest.
“It’s not a good thing. I can’t keep burying my head in the sand. My dad is gone and he’s not coming back.” I give a short laugh that hurts my heart, but it’s the truth. I walk away from the house and Dean follows at a distance. I keep walking until I hit the tree line again. I could run if I wanted to, but I know I don’t want to.
I stop when the soil doesn’t look so hard and kneel down, digging a small hole. I hold the pendant, and Dean kneels down beside me. His presence makes me stronger and I drop the pendant into the hole. A part of me doesn’t want to let it go, but since I was ten, I’ve been reaching for it like an addict. At ten I couldn’t understand him leaving, but now, now I understand it wasn’t a choice. It’s the only thing in life that isn’t a choice. It comes to us all.
Tears drip off my chin and I wipe them with the back of my hand before pushing the clay over the small hole and I let some damaged part of me go, too. Dean pulls me into him without warning and I’m crying. I’m crying for the loss of my father. The ten-year-old in me final
ly lets it out.
I’m raw, but I’ve never felt so alive when Dean and I return to the house. Gage watches my every move and his eyes hold such judgment. Dean entwines our fingers and I hold on to his hand tighter as we step into the living space. His parents are watching TV. They acknowledge us with smiles.
“Gage is cooking dinner for us,” Dean says.
Gage gets up out of his chair. “The final meal,” he says.
Dean’s hand tightens around mine. “What does he mean?” I ask as quietly as I can. Dean doesn’t answer but leads me out of the living space and into the small bathroom. He closes the lid of the toilet and makes me sit down. I do, and watch as he runs a face cloth under the tap. He returns to me.
“You have some mud on your face.” He explains before he starts to clean me. I can’t keep looking into his dark eyes. All I can think of is who would clean my face if I was still living on the streets? No one.
I bite the inside of my jaw and try to ease the tidal wave of emotions that want to pour out. “Thank you, Dean.”
He pauses, cleaning my face. “Why didn’t you run?”
My stomach trembles. “I already told you.” My voice is as weak as my lie. “Do you want me to leave?” I ask, frowning.
His smile is quick. “Why don’t you tell me why you didn’t run?” His hands rest on my thighs now and I feel the heat through my jeans.
“I didn’t want to.” My heart threatens to burst from my chest as blood roars in my ears.
“Why?” He hasn’t blinked.
It is wrong what I am feeling. I know that. “Where would I go?”
He flinches, and I hate the lie that he swallows easily. He finishes cleaning my face before rising. “I’m happy you are still here, Scarlett, even if you’re not.” He leaves the bathroom. How is it that I feel like a horrible person for not being truthful? But the truth is too much right now.
I’m raw for the rest of the day, but something heavy has been lifted off my chest. I sit with Dean’s parents and watch TV. I have moments when I glance at them and feel like laughing. I’m sitting in between two seventy-year-olds in a bunker. It’s crazy, but nice.
