I thought about my mother and her pretty new boyfriend and I realized that no matter how bad my life could be, there was always someone out there that had it much worse.
I hated that that someone was Yoss.
Yoss ate another piece of chocolate. “It doesn’t do anyone any good to talk about that shit, Imi.”
“I just want you to know you can tell me stuff. That I’ll…I’ll listen,” I murmured. I reached down and took his hand, lacing my fingers through his.
I felt him recoil slightly. I knew that he didn’t like to be touched unless he initiated the contact. Any time I tried, he moved away.
I squeezed his hand slightly, loving the feel of his rough palm against mine. Our hands fit together just right.
He was only able to stand it for a few minutes before pulling away. He handed me the rest of his uneaten chocolates before getting to his feet. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sucking in smoke and releasing it an aggravated puff. “I have to go out tonight.”
“I’ll come with you,” I said without hesitation. Where Yoss went, I went. That seemed to be a given.
Yoss turned away from me, dropping the cigarette he had barely smoked in a water bottle before rooting through his things until he found his toothbrush and a small, dirty bar of soap. “You can’t,” he responded brusquely.
“Why not? Where are you going?” I pressed.
Yoss’s shoulders were rigid and he wouldn’t look at me. Something about his demeanor felt off. “Look, Imogen, it’s great having you around and all, but I do have a life that doesn’t include you. Now be a big girl and fend for yourself for one evening, alright?” He was being uncharacteristically harsh.
I reared back as if he had slapped me. I could handle nastiness from just about anyone. But not from Yoss.
“Oh. Okay,” I said, sounding small.
Yoss sighed, his shoulders sagging, his face softening. “I’ll be back later. I’ve left a bag of chips and some bagels from this morning underneath my bag.”
“Thanks,” I muttered. I didn’t want him to leave. The Pit was starting to fill up with people who were seeking shelter for the night. Every day new people came and familiar ones left. It was a revolving door. I held onto my fear because it was the smart thing to do. I couldn’t forget for one moment how risky it was out here for a girl. For anyone.
But I hadn’t let it consume me because Yoss had never left me alone.
Until tonight.
I thought about Tag, the guy who had tried to hurt me that first night, and I wondered if he was around somewhere. I had seen him a few times in the last couple of weeks, but he never approached me. And I knew that was because of Yoss. But what if he found me while Yoss was gone? If not him, what about some other guy with bad intentions?
Yoss glanced back, the hard set of his mouth relaxing. He knelt down in front of me, our faces level. “Shane and Karla said they’d keep you company.”
I made a face. “How about just Shane?”
Yoss chuckled. “You don’t like Karla?”
“Are you kidding me? She’d tear out my kidneys and sell them in a heartbeat,” I remarked dryly.
“I think you’re being overly dramatic, don’t ya think? Karla likes you just fine,” he protested.
“Then you’re either an idiot or completely blind.” Yoss’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.
“Wow, tell me how you really feel, Imi.”
“She’s totally into you. She sees me as a threat,” I told him, rolling my eyes.
Yoss laughed lightly and then leaned forward, just slightly, his forearms brushing against my knees and I shivered. Why was he always making me tremble?
“And are you?”
“Am I what?” I asked, swallowing thickly. His eyes burrowed holes through me.
“A threat,” he said softly.
I giggled and looked away. “Why would I be a threat to anyone?”
“Imi.” Yoss touched my leg. Then his fingers were on my chin, gently turning my head so that our eyes met. “I—”
“Yossarian! Come on!”
Yoss snatched his hand from my face and stood up abruptly. A man that I didn’t recognize came over and Yoss looked ready to bolt.
“Yoss, we’ve got to go. It’s getting late.” The man looked down at me and smiled. It was a strange smile. I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or sleazy. He wasn’t much older than Yoss, maybe in his late twenties. He was a big boned guy though it was obvious he had lost a lot of weight. His skin seemed to hang off him in folds. His face was bland and non-descript. Like someone’s uncle that only came around for family reunions. Not someone you would remember.
“Who are you? I’ve never seen you around before,” he mused, cocking his head to the side as if I were something sort of adorable.
I glanced at Yoss, but he didn’t say anything. His entire body was taut as he shuffled restlessly on his feet.
“I’m Imogen Conner. I’m a friend of Yoss’s,” I told him.
“It’s nice to meet you, Imogen Conner.” His smile grew wider. “I’m Manny.”
This was Manny?
When Yoss had mentioned Manny before, I had imagined some burly dude who laid the smack down if anyone got out of line. He was the supposed protector of the kids out here. This guy didn’t look like he could take care of himself, let alone anyone else.
“You’re a lovely girl. How old are you?” he asked and I thought his question strange. What did my age matter?
Yoss stepped in between Manny and me, shielding me from the older man’s view. “She just turned nineteen,” he interjected before I could say anything.
I frowned. Why had he lied about my age?
“Are you sure? She doesn’t look a day over fifteen.” Manny’s voice was sweet as sugar.
Fifteen? Did I really look that young? And why did I feel like my looking young was a bad thing? Not for Manny. But for me.
“I’m sure. She’s nineteen,” Yoss said firmly. I noticed his hands curling into fists and I wished I could see his face. He and Manny stared at each other for a long time. The tension was tangible.
“Okay, well that’s a shame. But you’ve got a lot to do tonight, so come on,” Manny said, stepping over the piles of Yoss’s blankets and clothes. The older guy stopped and waved at me with the same odd smile that I couldn’t quite read. “Nice to meet you, Imogen.”
I didn’t wave back. The whole interaction had left me unsettled. Manny joined two younger boys by the staircase. Manny gestured for Yoss to follow him.
“I’ll see you later,” Yoss said, grabbing his toiletries and shoving them in a plastic bag.
“Where is Manny taking you?” If I hadn’t wanted him to leave before, I really didn’t want him to leave now. I had a bad feeling and it wouldn’t go away.
Yoss closed his eyes briefly and he seemed to be in pain. “I’ve got to. I just—” He shook his head. “Shane said he’d come by in a bit. Hang tight until he shows up. I’ll be here in the morning when you wake up.”
“Promise?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly.
Yoss finally looked at me, his eyes meeting mine.
“I promise.”
“So, I was told to look after you. What are you? Five? Why Yoss insists on keeping you around like some sort of cute pet is beyond me,” Karla complained, sitting down on the floor beside me. Shane wasn’t with her. Supposedly he had a “thing” to do. The last thing I wanted to do when I was worrying about Yoss was hang out with a chick that obviously didn’t like me.
“You don’t have to do anything. You can leave at any time. Don’t let me put you out,” I snapped.
Yoss had been gone for a few hours already. I had spent most of the time looking through his books and trying to stay as quiet as possible. I didn’t want anyone to notice me. That seemed extremely important.
Karla blew out a breath. “Yoss asked me to, so I’m staying for a little while at least. I don’t want him to get pissed at me for bailing on you.”
>
“And you really care if Yoss gets pissed at you?” I asked. I wanted to figure out their relationship. It was obvious Karla had a thing for Yoss, but did Yoss have a thing for Karla?
“Of course I do. He’s my friend,” Karla shot back, clearly annoyed.
“Just your friend, huh?” I was digging. I had no shame. But I wanted to lay claim to Yoss. He was mine. I wanted this bitchy girl to realize that. I wasn’t above clawing some eyes out if I had to.
Karla snorted. “Yes, just friends, Captain Obvious. We’re not together. Have never been together. Yoss doesn’t do girls. He doesn’t do relationships, period.”
My stomach dropped out of my body. He doesn’t do girls? What in the hell?
Was Yoss gay? Had I missed some very serious signals? I thought I had decent gaydar. Where had I gone wrong?
Karla laughed. “You look like your head’s gonna explode.”
“I didn’t—I didn’t know—that Yoss was, well you know—gay.”
“Fuck, stop sputtering. He’s not gay. Chill out,” Karla said angrily. She was mercurial. Her moods fluctuated to every extreme. She made me incredibly nervous.
“But you said—”
“I said he didn’t do girls. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like them.”
She was making my head hurt. Why couldn’t she just say what she meant? She clearly liked having information that I didn’t.
“He’s a hustler, babe, and that’s not the same thing as being gay.” Karla looked at me like I was a moron.
“A what?”
“A hustler. A commercial. A pro. A dick peddler. Come on, you’re not that dumb are you? You have to know what a hustler is.” Karla pulled out a pack of gum and popped a piece in her mouth.
My mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.
“Shit, you look like you’re about to have a stroke. What’s so hard to understand? Yoss gets paid to be a naughty little boy for some very dirty old men. That doesn’t mean he likes it. None of Manny’s kids do, but when you’ve got a pretty face, it pays well. And Yoss definitely has a pretty face. That’s why Manny takes him out so much. The pervs line up for a piece of our boy.”
Oh my god.
Karla curled her lip as though she smelled something bad. Her look had nothing to do with Yoss and the repulsive, horrible things he did. That look was for me.
“Look at you, you’re freaking out! What is your problem? Do you think everyone just hangs out all day by the river swimming and having a good time? This isn’t a fucking music video, cupcake. I think it’s time you take a crash course in homeless kid 101. You’ve had it easy with Yoss looking out for you. The rest of us, we’re not so lucky. We need money. We need to find our own food. Our own clothes. We have to find a way to get by. A lot of us do stuff that prissy little bitches, like you, can’t stomach.” She sneered at me and I felt so incredibly low.
Living on the streets was no picnic, but I knew it could have been so much worse. If Yoss hadn’t found me and taken me under his wing.
“But why does he have to do that?” I asked, my voice high-pitched. I sounded whiny. I hated it. I hated myself for thinking about Yoss with disgust. Because I was disgusted. Sickened. Appalled.
“You really need a wakeup call, Imogen. Kids out here have only a few options. A, we can sell drugs. B, we can sell our bodies. C, we can starve to death and become just another statistic.”
I was shaking so hard my teeth were chattering.
“And Yoss always makes sure to share what he earns. He’s a good guy. Because he gets on his knees, you’ll have something to eat tomorrow, cupcake.”
I was going to throw up.
“Don’t call me cupcake,” I growled. Okay, I was focusing on the wrong thing, but I couldn’t think about Yoss out there—
“I’m gonna be sick,” I gasped.
I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to breathe normally.
That’s where he is tonight. Letting men…do things to him.
I grabbed a bag and vomited the contents of my stomach.
“Gross! Shit, that’s nasty!” Karla squealed, getting to her feet. “Screw this, I’m not hanging out with you if you’re going to puke all over the place. You’d better tell Yoss I was here though. But I’m out. Later.”
When I was sure I wasn’t going to throw up again, I quickly threw out the bag of sick. Then I curled onto my side and replayed Karla’s words over and over again.
A hustler. A commercial. A pro.
Yoss was a prostitute.
And I had been worried that he was selling drugs. I was such a dumbass.
I barely registered the first tears that slid down my cheeks. I soon was lost in miserable, horrible thoughts of Yoss in back alleyways doing awful things with awful men.
I could only assume that Manny was his pimp. That in return for keeping him safe, Manny secured Yoss’s services.
Oh god!
How long had Yoss been…hustling?
Since he was twelve?
I was going to be sick again.
I bent over and heaved until there was nothing left in my stomach.
My heart broke into tiny, bitter pieces.
I curled into a ball and let the tears fall.
Not for me.
Never for me.
They were all for Yoss.
I couldn’t fall asleep until Yoss came back. I kept my back to him as he slipped under the covers beside me.
Like always, he never touched me. We lay side by side, feeling each other’s heat.
I had wondered why he had never tried anything with me. At first because I was scared he would. Then later because I wanted him to.
Now I understood why.
How could he want sex with me when he was selling it to strangers?
Did I want him to touch me now that I knew? Did it change the way I thought of him? I wasn’t sure. I hated that I questioned my feelings at all.
It wasn’t his fault that he was forced to make the choices he had. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the men—Yoss on his knees—dark, secluded places where they wouldn’t be caught.
I bit down on my lip so I wouldn’t cry again.
Yoss scooted closer so that his arm brushed against my back. I expected him to move away like he always did, but this time he stayed. He pressed the length of his arm along the curve of my spine and I kept myself perfectly still, pretending to be asleep.
I knew the second he thought I was awake, he’d move. And I didn’t want him to.
Even after what Karla had told me.
There was something different in the way he smelled tonight.
Like sweat and dirt and tears.
I wanted to look at him, to see if I would find the sight of him less appealing now I had learned his secret.
But I was frightened to. I didn’t want to lose what I felt for Yoss. It was good. It was pure. It was the only light in this dark, horrible world.
I was terrified that if I did feel differently, what that would say about me.
So I stayed on my side and let him take comfort in the barest of touches.
That night, he didn’t hum to go to sleep.
Instead he cried.
Present Day
“Good morning, Mr. Frazier. How are you feeling today?” Dr. Howell asked, checking the monitors and making notes in Yoss’s chart.
That morning I was attending rounds with the doctor for each of my clients. Yoss was first on the list now that he was conscious. He had woken up that morning and stayed awake for the first time since being admitted. Cheyenne, the nurse on duty, said he had even eaten some breakfast.
I kept my back straight and my clipboard pressed to my chest. Yoss glanced in my direction, but there was otherwise no expression on his face.
“Like I got hit by a bus,” he muttered, trying to sit up in bed, wincing when he moved.
Dr. Howell moved to his side and helped him into an upright position. He readjusted the bed so that Yoss was no longer reclining. �
��I’m sure you do. You’ve been through quite an ordeal.” Dr. Howell looked back at me. “This is Imogen Conner, one of the hospital social workers on staff. She has been assigned your case.”
Yoss snorted, but didn’t respond. Dr. Howell pursed his lips and continued, “Imogen will be the one coordinating your care and services. She can help you find a place to stay. She will also liaise with the local police department in regards to what happened.”
“I’m not talking to the police,” Yoss said sharply.
Dr. Howell glanced at me. “Well, you can discuss all of that with Ms. Conner.” The older man cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about your blood work that came back.” Dr. Howell looked down at the chart. “Tell me, Mr. Frazier, how have you been feeling? Before you came to the hospital?”
“Fine,” Yoss answered gruffly.
I wanted to roll my eyes. Yoss could always be stubborn. It seemed that was one thing that hadn’t changed.
“Have you been feeling nauseous? Overly tired? What about sudden weight loss?” Dr. Howell asked.
“I haven’t exactly been in a position to pay attention to that sort of thing. But I guess, yeah, I’ve been feeling sort of rundown. And I’ve lost some weight. I mean, it’s not like I weigh myself regularly,” Yoss said, scratching at a line of stitches on his arm.
“We’re going to need to run some more tests—” Dr. Howell began.
“Why do I need more tests? Just be straight with me. I don’t like unnecessary bullshit,” Yoss growled. His face was hard. I didn’t recognize him at all. If it weren’t for that unusual tattoo and his green eyes, I would have thought him someone else entirely.
“You have hepatitis B, Mr. Frazier.”
Yoss said nothing. It was impossible to tell what he thought of that news.
“The virus attacks the liver. So we will need to run some more tests to see how progressed the disease is. If left untreated for a long period of time, it can cause significant complications. It’s hard to know when you contracted the virus, so we need to test your liver function,” Dr. Howell explained with his patented sympathetic demeanor.
Yoss didn’t say anything for a long time.
One Day Soon Page 8
