But Yoss refused to accept that our friend was dead.
His lips had turned blue and he shook violently from the cold. I was beginning to worry about hypothermia and frostbite. Yet he wouldn’t leave.
And if Yoss stayed, I stayed.
Smoke billowed up from the warehouse, polluting the sunrise.
“Yoss, I’m really cold,” I finally said when I couldn’t stand it any longer.
Yoss glanced down at me, almost as if he had forgotten I was there. He blinked exhausted green eyes and nodded. “You should find Di and the others. Get warm. I’m sure they’ve got a fire going down by the bridge.”
“You need to come too, Yoss. It’s too cold out here—”
“If Bug comes and no one’s here he’ll freak out. He won’t know what to do. His brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s. It doesn’t make the logical jump. I don’t want him to be upset. Not after everything he’s probably been through.”
“I don’t think Bug is going to come. If he were, he’d be here already,” I pointed out gently. I didn’t want Yoss to freeze to death holding onto the delusion that our friend would stumble out of the building all right.
“You don’t know that—”
“Yes, I do, Yoss!” I shouted, sucking in a deep breath. “Yes I do. The only people left over there are firefighters, a few police officers and…” I hesitated, looking back towards The Pit. “And the bodies they brought out,” I finished in hushed tones.
Yoss’s jaw tightened. He wouldn’t look at me. He was quiet for a long time then he slowly got to his feet. I scrambled to join him, my joints aching from the cold and from sitting for so long.
“I think we should go to the hospital. Maybe Bug was taken there,” Yoss said, taking my stiff fingers and lacing them with his.
“Okay,” I said, relieved that we were moving. Maybe Yoss was right. Perhaps Bug had been taken there and he was alive. I needed to be optimistic. For Yoss’s sake more than anything.
“Should we get the others?” I asked as we crossed the parking lot and headed to the main road.
“No. We’ll head over there first. Once we figure out where he is, we can let the guys know.” It felt good to be walking and even though I was tired and hungry, at least we would be getting out of the cold.
Snow was still falling but it wasn’t accumulating much. We’d have to find somewhere warm to sleep tonight. We couldn’t be out in the open. We’d die from exposure. At least The Pit had provided some form of shelter. The not knowing twisted up my belly with dread.
We walked into the reception area of the hospital and I almost collapsed with relief at the feel of dry, comfortable heat. I could have curled up in one of the hard chairs and fallen asleep instantly. Yoss pulled me towards the nurse sitting behind the large desk. He pushed his damp hair out of his eyes and gave her a dazzling smile. The kind of smile meant to inflict serious harm…to the heart.
“Can I help you?” the older lady asked, smiling back, clearly charmed by Yoss.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m looking for my…” He cleared his throat. “My brother. He may have been brought in here last night. There was a fire in a warehouse downtown and I believe he was injured.”
The nurse, who wore a nametag that read Louise Robinson, RN, widened her eyes. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Such a shame. What did you say his name was?”
Oh crap.
I only knew him as Bug. I had no idea what his real name was.
Yoss cleared his throat again. “His name is Bu—uh, Bradley Sloan.”
Bradley Sloan.
It was such an ordinary name for such a strange boy.
“Bradley Sloan?” Louise asked and Yoss nodded.
“There was someone here only a few minutes ago looking for a Bradley Sloan. Says he’s his brother too,” Louise said, her eyebrows rising in suspicion.
“Oh, really. I guess our other brother beat me here,” Yoss responded airily, but I wasn’t sure Louise was buying it.
“Well he’s over there. Maybe you should go have a chat with your brother first.” Louise pointed out a tall slender guy, not much older than we were, leaning against the wall.
“Okay. Yeah. That’s a good idea. But Bradley is here, right?” Yoss asked.
Louise pursed her lips and turned back to her computer, not bothering to answer his question. Clearly she wasn’t fooled by Yoss’s story.
“Bug’s name is Bradley? I had no idea,” I muttered under my breath.
“Yeah, Bug never used his real name. And he sure as shit never wanted to see his brother.” Yoss gritted his teeth and headed towards Bug’s brother.
“Did they not get along?”
“If he did, do you think he would have been sleeping at The Pit?” Yoss asked harshly.
“I’m sorry. I just wondered—”
“He never talked about his family. None of us do. It’s not like you go around telling stories about your mom, Imi,” Yoss went on, his face set in hard, unforgiving lines.
“I only wish I knew more about him,” I said quietly. Yoss didn’t respond. He was lost in his own thoughts. His own feelings. And for the first time in the six months since I had met him, since the time we had started loving each other, I felt disconnected from him.
And that scared me more than anything.
I didn’t know how to help Yoss. He seemed angry and agitated, and as much as I wanted to comfort him, he wouldn’t really let me. I knew he was worried about Bug. We all were. But Yoss took his role as guardian of our friends very seriously. So seriously that I knew his feelings had more to do with guilt than anything else.
“Hi. You’re Bradley’s brother?” Yoss asked once we had reached the older Sloan sibling.
Bug’s brother looked up at us and the family resemblance was startling. He and Bug could have passed for twins. Right down to the bulbous eyes.
“Yeah. Who are you?” he asked, regarding us coolly.
Yoss crossed his arms over his chest. “My name is Yoss. This is Imogen. We’re friends of Bu—Bradley’s. We came to see if he was okay.”
Bug’s brother looked hard at Yoss. Then at me. His cheeks slowly flushed bright red and something heated in his eyes. He took a step towards us in an almost aggressive manner. I took a step back, worried by the expression on his face.
“You’re Brad’s friends, huh?” he demanded, his face only inches from Yoss’s.
Yoss didn’t back down. He faced Bug’s obviously infuriated brother with his own anger. “Yeah, we are. We look out for each other. We’re family. Which is more than I can say for you,” he spat out.
“Yoss, don’t,” I warned softly, sensing Bug’s brother wouldn’t think twice about laying Yoss out in the hospital waiting room.
“Yeah, you’re just the fucking trash that let my brother die,” the other man seethed.
Yoss recoiled instantly and I gripped his arm so tightly that my nails broke skin.
“What?” Yoss whispered, his face incredibly pale.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Bug’s brother said, sounding tired. And maybe not so angry. He was simply a sad man who had lost his brother. It was hard to tell. Grief turned us into people we hardly recognized.
“Bug’s dead?” Yoss’s voice cracked. His green eyes red shot and heavy lidded were filled with an anguish that ripped me apart.
“If you were really his friends you would have told him to go home. To stop being a selfish fucking idiot and call his parents, who have spent the last four years praying for their son to come back,” Bug’s brother continued.
Yoss swayed slightly on his feet and I had to wrap my arm around him to steady him. “Bug’s dead,” he repeated and I knew it was finally sinking in. Our friend was gone. He wouldn’t be showing up with a pocketful of lighters and a goofy, stoned smile on his face.
Bug’s brother, realizing he wasn’t getting a reaction from Yoss, turned his furious attention on me. “Why would a bunch of kids sleep in that shithole anyway? People get killed in that pla
ce! Brad had a home to go to, why the hell didn’t you make him go back to it? What sort of friends are you?” he demanded.
I glanced at Yoss who looked as if he were going to be sick. “I didn’t know anything about you—” I tried to say.
“Tanner. My name is Tanner,” Bug’s brother said, his voice softening, just a little. He rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears. “He never mentioned me? His parents? Not even our little sister?” he whispered.
Yoss grasped my hand so tightly it cut off the circulation. I tried to wiggle my fingers to keep the blood moving. I didn’t want to hurt Bug’s brother, who was obviously barely holding it together. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. That Bug never mentioned anything about his family. Not once. Yoss, who was closer to Bug than I was, didn’t even know the truth. That Bug had a family that obviously loved him.
Then why didn’t he go home? Why did he run away in the first place?
Tanner saw the unspoken question on my face. “Brad had issues. He wasn’t all there. He started smoking weed when he was just a kid. It devastated our mom. He acted out a lot. Got in trouble at school. Then one day he just never came home from baseball practice.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I whispered.
Tanner ran his hands over his face and then looked at me with hard, penetrating eyes so much like his brother’s. “If you have someone out there who loves you, don’t do this to them. Don’t leave them to wonder where you are. And don’t do this to yourself. Don’t live a life that will kill you one day. You deserve better than that.” He stopped and looked at Yoss who was so, so pale. “You both do.”
His words seemed to hit Yoss hard. “You love him,” Yoss said, as if he couldn’t quite believe it.
“Of course we do. We’re his family,” Tanner retorted, looking angry again.
“We’re his family too.” Yoss let go of my hand and walked away. Out into the cold, wintery day.
“Is he alright?” Tanner asked with some concern.
“He cared about your brother. We all did. We…well, we were close. Like a family. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. We’ll miss him too,” I explained as best I could.
Tanner gave me a sad, sad smile. “I’m sorry I lashed out like that at your friend. But getting the call about Brad, that he was dead, I kind of expected it one day, just not today.” He looked out the window bleakly. “My parents are identifying his body. I couldn’t go back there.”
I wanted to comfort him. This complete stranger who loved Bug. Who had lost Bug. Just like Yoss and I had.
“How did the police know who to call?” I asked. It wasn’t the most important question to ask, but for some reason it seemed important.
“His wallet,” Tanner chuckled, wiping away more tears. “He still carried the damn wallet I got him for his tenth birthday with the ID card inside that he filled out years ago.”
I could see Yoss standing on the sidewalk, hands stuffed in his pockets, staring up at the sky. I needed to go to him. I couldn’t leave him alone.
“I need to go. I wish I could say it was nice meeting you—” I began to say.
“It really wasn’t though,” Tanner finished for me. “I know I said some awful stuff to that other guy about Brad. About you being shitty friends. But I can tell that’s not true. It makes me feel better to know that my little brother had friends who cared about him. Friends that were like family.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Take care of yourself.”
I smiled and said goodbye, hurrying out to Yoss who still hadn’t moved.
“Yoss. Are you alright?” I asked tentatively, not sure how to be with him. He seemed on a brink. Teetering dangerously, ready to go over. I had never seen Yoss so unhinged.
Yoss continued to stare up at the grey sky. “I didn’t take care of him. I was supposed to. That’s my job. To make sure you, Bug, Di, Shane, and Karla are safe.”
“That’s not your job. We look after each other. Don’t take responsibility for something that wasn’t your fault, Yoss,” I pleaded, hating how haunted he seemed.
He didn’t respond. I couldn’t breathe under the weight of grief and agony that radiated off him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in this chest. “I’ll miss him too. So much.” The first tears began to fall. It felt good to cry.
Yoss brought up his arms to hold me and I pressed myself into him, not able to get close enough.
“You’re freezing, Imi. I need to get you someplace warm.” He ran his hands up and down my arms rapidly, trying to generate some heat.
“We could head back to the bridge—”
“That’s not good enough. You need a bed. A shower. Food. Those are the things you deserve, Imogen. Nothing less.” He sounded so angry. He kissed the top of my head, his fingers threading up into my hair that was now damp from the falling snow.
“Where can we go though? There’s no way we can go back to The Pit.” A bed and a shower sounded like some sort of dream. I couldn’t let myself get excited at the idea.
“I’ll make this right. I promise,” he said quietly. I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me.
To himself.
To Bug.
“Let’s go,” he said, tucking me into his side to shield me as best he could from the wind that had picked up.
“Where are we going?” I asked as we headed back towards town. I shivered and I wasn’t sure it was entirely from the cold.
“I don’t know,” Yoss replied and it was the truest statement he could ever say.
We walked the streets of Lupton for over an hour. Neither of us had slept the night before and could barely walk from hunger and exhaustion.
“I know where we can go,” Yoss said finally, turning us down a side street in a rougher part of town.
Yoss chewed on his bottom lip, dark circles ringing his eyes. His hair was plastered against his forehead from the snow that continued to fall.
“Where?” I asked, barely able to put one foot in front of the other.
“A place I know. We can at least be somewhere warm for the night.” He looked down at me, pushing my tangled hair back from my face. “I love you, Imi. I’ll make this right.”
We ended up at a sleazy looking motel that sat back off the street. We walked into a lobby that smelled strongly of Pine Sol and urine. It made me want to gag but at least it was warm.
An older woman sat behind the front desk, her blue rinse hair piled on top of her head in haphazard curls, a pair of glasses sliding down her nose. She looked up as we approached, smiling when she saw Yoss.
“Yoss, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while, which makes my heart happy.” She gave him a pointed look that was both kind and mildly judgmental.
Yoss coughed and glanced towards me. “Mae, this is Imogen. We need some place to sleep. I don’t have any money, but I can pay you back. There was a fire where we live and I want to get Imi out of the cold for the night.” He was rambling. And nervous. I couldn’t quite figure out why. He seemed uncomfortable being here. There was subtext in the words being said and the looks Mae gave him.
My stomach twisted and turned.
Mae patted his cheek and then patted mine. Her giant hand was clammy and hot. “Of course, you can have a room. Maybe a different one.” Pointed looks. Again, more insinuation.
Yoss nodded. “Yeah, that would be great,” he said with relief.
Mae looked between Yoss and me. “This is nice to see. I’ve always told Manny you needed a nice girl to settle down with. He wouldn’t hear it. Not surprising though.” Her eyes cut through me and I trembled.
“Don’t, Mae,” Yoss pleaded quietly, his shoulders rigid, his jaw tight.
“I know, I know. I’ve got a big mouth sometimes,” Mae laughed. The entire thing was strange. And uncomfortable.
How did Mae know Manny? The fact that she did lowered her in my estimation. Even if she was giving us a free room for the night.
I looked around the lobby of the rundown motel. It was completely empty. But
there was a feeling inside. A sad, lonely, desperate sort of feeling that I felt deep in my bones.
Mae handed Yoss a key. “Here you go, sweetheart. You can stay the night, but I’ll need you out of the room by noon, okay?”
Yoss took the key, gripping it in his fist. “Thank you, Mae. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. You kids sleep well. It looks like you need it.” Mae’s smile was full of sympathy. It rubbed me the wrong way and I wasn’t sure why.
“Come on, Imi.” Yoss took my hand and led me back outside. We walked across the parking lot and stopped in front of room twenty-three. Yoss put the key in the door and opened it, turning on the light as we went inside.
The room smelled stale and clearly hadn’t had a remodel since the seventies. A double bed with an orange and brown duvet was pushed against the back wall. A small table was crammed into a corner with two mismatched chairs. A TV was bolted to the wall with what looked like a heavy chain and padlock.
“It’s not much, but at least it’s dry,” Yoss said, cranking the thermostat. The radiator started clanging but soon the room was toasty. Almost too hot. But neither of us cared. It was nice to be out of the cold.
“It’s great, Yoss.” I took off my wet shoes and left them by the door.
We both peeled off our socks and draped them over the radiator. I hung my jacket over one of the chairs and took off the hoodie that I hadn’t removed in months. It smelled horrible.
I went into the bathroom and could have cried. There was a bar of soap, two wrapped razors, and a small bottle of shampoo by the sink. Thin, yellow towels were folded on a shelf above the toilet. The sight of them was my undoing. The events of the last twenty-four hours crashed into me, and my legs couldn’t hold me up any longer.
I sat down on the edge of the tub and covered my face with my hands crying for so many things. For Bug. For losing what little I owned in the fire. For the new world of uncertainty that Yoss and I were forced to navigate now that The Pit was gone.
And for that tiny bottle of shampoo and dirty bar of soap. Necessities that had become treasures in my throwaway life.
One Day Soon Page 29
