by Annie Groves
‘Where are you off to in such a hurry? Have you got to get to work?’ Faye had just parked her car and, having caught sight of Grace hurrying down the hospital steps, she’d quickly intercepted her.
‘I won’t be going to work today; as soon as I could this morning I phoned in and told my boss what had happened and booked this week off as leave.’ Grace gave Chris’s aunt a breathless account and a welcoming smile. ‘Wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything anyway, not until Chris is home and we’re all back to normal.’
‘I’ve just come along to find out how Chris is.’ Faye looked eagerly at Grace, then at the hospital building behind her. ‘Is he awake?’
Grace nodded and smiled. ‘He seems in good spirits and is breathing quite easily.’
A deep sigh of relief escaped Faye. ‘In that case I won’t go in till later today. I expect there’s a crowd round his bed. Can I give you a lift home?’
‘I’m not going home, I’m off to …’ Grace’s explanation faded away. ‘Chris asked me to do something for him,’ she finished lamely.
‘Oh, well, wherever you’re going I’ll give you a lift.’ Faye approached the smart saloon at the kerb and opened the passenger door.
Grace bit her lip. She liked Faye very much and felt she was a woman anybody could trust but …
A look of enlightenment flitted over Faye’s features. ‘Were you on your way to Bexleyheath?’ she asked gently.
Grace had guessed that Rob had probably told his wife about Chris’s search for his mother; she knew too that Rob had warned Chris to stay away from Pam if he wanted to avoid stirring up trouble.
‘It’s alright,’ Faye said gently. ‘If Chris wants to see his mum, that’s his business. I’ve already told Rob how I feel on that score. I’ll give you a lift. It’ll save time if I take you. I’ve got a free afternoon.’
‘Thanks,’ Grace said quietly as she got into the car.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
‘I used to envy you, you know.’
Pam had come out with that while swiftly buttoning her coat. She had believed Grace’s reassurances that Christopher was on the mend in hospital, but nevertheless she’d instinctively recognised her son’s summons, and had insisted on being taken to see him. Grace had readily agreed to it as she’d had an inkling it was what Chris really wanted: to talk to his mother rather than have a message relayed to her.
‘We all act daft when we’re young: I’ve got plenty to own up to …’ Faye had been surprised by Pam’s frankness and responded kindly to her admission of jealousy. She’d been aware that in the early days Pamela had fancied Rob rather than her own husband. But it was all a long time ago, when they were little more than teenagers, and in Faye’s opinion bygones should be bygones.
‘I know now I was a fool.’ A rueful smile twisted Pam’s lips. ‘I always thought Robert was the one to catch out of the two brothers, being as he seemed to have everything. But Stephen had hidden strengths … just couldn’t see them at the time …’
Faye understood her meaning. ‘He’s been a good father,’ she agreed simply then fell silent as Grace returned to the front room, having used the bathroom before they set off on the journey back to Islington.
As they trooped down the hall Grace closed her eyes and inwardly sighed. She knew Stephen would still be at the hospital when they arrived there, and trouble was bound to ensue when he clapped eyes on Pamela. But this argument was long overdue and, in a way, she welcomed getting it over and done with because it was another rut on the path to her and Chris’s future together.
‘Who told you? You’ve no right … God’s sake! What are you doing here?’
Stephen had angrily hissed that out while gawping in astonishment at the frail-looking woman confronting him. He wouldn’t have recognised his ex-wife but for Matilda having greeted Pamela by name. A moment later his aunt had declared she was off out to the caff for a cup of tea before ambling away.
Rob and Faye exchanged a glance.
‘Right … time I was off. I promised to meet Daisy and take her shopping for new shoes.’ Diplomatically Faye started after Matilda, having given her husband a significant look.
‘Better check on the lads,’ Rob told his brother. ‘The sods might be shirking now there’s just the two of them. And seeing as we’re lucky the whole terrace didn’t catch light and put ’em out of work …’ He tailed off, aware that his brother wasn’t even listening to him. Stephen’s fierce gaze was fixed on Pamela’s careworn face.
‘Anyhow, the police are expecting me to go in and give them a statement now they’ve got O’Connor under arrest. They’ve already spoken to the lads, and Chris’ll be next in line for an interview, when he’s well enough.’ Rob smiled breezily, gave Grace a very respectful wink, then wandered in his wife’s wake.
As the silence lengthened and Stephen continued glowering at his ex-wife, Grace blurted out, ‘I brought Pamela here.’
Stephen swung his angry gaze on his future daughter-in-law. ‘Wouldn’t have said it was the right time for troublemaking, miss, being as Chris is so poorly …’
‘Chris asked me to contact his mum,’ Grace replied firmly. She wasn’t going to be intimidated, or made to feel guilty by dirty looks or harsh words. ‘Chris wants to see his mum, I know he does.’
‘I know what’s best for him,’ Stephen growled out through stretched lips. ‘And it ain’t her …’ He jerked a sideways nod at Pam.
‘Don’t you talk to Grace like that!’ Pamela stepped forward to plant her slight figure between her ex-husband and Grace. ‘I’m here to see my son and nothing you’ve got to say is going to make a blind bit of difference.’ She levelled a steady stare at him. ‘I listened to you once telling me I wasn’t fit to be near him and I believed you,’ she said in a flat tone. ‘I listened to my parents too, nagging at me to keep up appearances, and keep secrets, rather than fight on to get their grandson back.’ Her lips twitched at the shameful memory. ‘Terrified them, you did, with your threats to get the police on us all ’cos of what I did. My father never got over it; brought it up on his deathbed just the other year.’ She tilted up her chin. ‘Now I’m listening to nobody; I’m frightened of nobody. I’m seeing my son. That’s where I’m going, in there …’ She pointed at the door. ‘And I’ll fight you, or anybody else, who tries to stop me.’ With that Pam marched past Stephen and disappeared into Chris’s room.
‘Just wanted you to know, I’m sorry …’
‘What’ve you got to be sorry about?’ Pam returned gently.
‘Went off at Christmas without saying a proper goodbye to you, or wishing you a Happy New Year. It were rude of me.’
Pam plucked his hand from the coverlet and cradled it in hers. ‘It’s alright … I’d told you something that must’ve given you a real shock.’ Her eyes glistened with penitent tears. ‘I’m the one should be saying sorry … and I am. I’ve been sorry for what I did to you for so long it’s been a constant torment, so it’s a relief to get the words out at last.’
‘Well, now we’ve both said sorry, that’s that. All in the past,’ Chris mumbled gruffly. ‘Clean slate for both of us and when I’m out of here I’ll come over again and see you. Saturdays we could do something, like go shopping, or I could have a look over yer place and see what needs tidying up. Done the gate, but I expect there’s other bits of work cropping up all the time.’
Pam nodded, keeping her face averted while blinking rapidly. ‘Your Grace is a good girl,’ she croaked. ‘She’s strong and confident. She stood up to your father just now.’ Pam nodded her admiration.
‘So did you,’ Chris returned with a wry chuckle. ‘I could hear you.’ He frowned at their clasped fingers. ‘I should have told Dad a while ago that I’d been in touch with you. I’ve been a bit of a coward about it, I’m afraid …’
‘You’re no coward!’ Pam jumped to her son’s defence, squeezing his fingers in emphasis. ‘Grace told me all about your heroics, saving that girl from the fire.’ She patted his hand bef
ore letting it go. ‘Deserve a medal, you do …’ She broke off as a nurse poked her head round the door.
‘Doctor’s doing his rounds, not that there seems to be much wrong with you, young man.’
‘This is me mum.’ Chris proudly introduced Pam with a jerk of his head.
‘Well, he’s doing fine, Mrs Wild.’ The young sister gave a bright smile before disappearing.
‘Better be off now; don’t want to get in the doctor’s way.’ Pam rose from the chair, collecting her bag from the floor.
‘I’ll come and see you, promise … soon as I’m home …’
‘I know you will, son,’ Pam answered softly in a trembling voice replete with love and trust.
‘I don’t mind travelling back to Bexleyheath with you, honest …’
‘No!’ Pamela smiled at Grace. ‘It’s kind of you to offer to accompany me, but I’ll be fine. I don’t mind a journey on my own, and I’ve brought enough money for the fare.’
Grace and Pamela were conversing in low voices in the hospital corridor; Stephen was sitting still and silent in a chair against the wall. His chin was dropped close to his chest and he seemed to be studying his hands. He hadn’t uttered a word to a soul since Pam had entered Chris’s room. Suddenly he got up; but he didn’t head towards the side ward, he approached them.
‘I’ll give you a lift.’
Grace and Pamela stared at him in surprise.
‘Things to say,’ he muttered awkwardly. ‘Best get it off me chest … got the car outside …’
‘Thank you.’ Pamela sounded calm and collected. ‘I’ll take you up on your offer.’
‘Your dad’s giving your mum a lift home to Bexleyheath.’ Grace gave Chris a rueful smile as she settled down in the chair beside his bed.
Chris gawped at her. Suddenly a dry laugh scratched at his throat. ‘I was getting used to having two parents. Might be I won’t have even one if they end up stranglin’ one another …’
As Pam directed Stephen, with a pointing finger, to turn in at the top of her road she was sourly thinking that if he had things to say he was leaving it a bit late to air them. So far the journey across London had passed in silence.
‘Thanks for the lift.’ Stephen had pulled up outside her house and immediately Pam reached for the door handle.
‘I won’t stop Chris seeing you if that’s what he wants,’ Stephen blurted.
‘Good; ’cos I wasn’t going to let you,’ Pam returned. She met his eyes unflinchingly. ‘So that’s best all round for Christopher.’
‘I know it weren’t all your fault. I could’ve done more when he was little. I remember you being … sort of depressed, asking me fer a bit o’ help just after Chris was born.’ The words had spouted forth unrehearsed and Stephen rubbed a finger along the bridge of his nose, wondering whether to continue delving into hurtful memories, or whether to put the car in gear and drive off. ‘Just didn’t seem to be the thing for blokes to care fer kids,’ he continued, gazing through the windscreen. ‘Didn’t think I’d know how to do it.’ He grimaced at his fingers gripping the steering wheel. ‘Then I found out I knew alright, ’cos I didn’t have a choice in it.’
‘You had a choice in it,’ Pam responded bitterly. ‘You could have let me give a hand bringing Christopher up.’
‘I know,’ Stephen admitted bleakly. ‘But you shocked the sense out o’ me for a while with what you did. After that …’
‘After that you just thought you’d carry on being vindictive.’
Stephen swung a savage glance at her. ‘You deserved a hard time of it for being so wicked, you can’t say that ain’t true.’
‘Yeah, well, I’ve had a hard time of it, hard enough to satisfy even a spiteful sod like you.’ Pam made to shove open the car door.
‘I never gave you a chance to explain at the time. That were wrong of me.’ Stephen put a hand on her arm to delay her then immediately withdrew it. ‘You should have got your say about why you did what you did.’
A silence developed between them as the years peeled away and they relived the time they’d endured together.
‘I felt alone, even though we were married and I had my parents, and Christopher, and a few friends, I felt it was just me up against it all.’ Pam had meant to tell him to get lost because it was twenty years too late to pick it over now, but an explanation simply tumbled out of her. ‘I tried to speak to my mum about how I felt … but she had nothing to say apart from you’ve made your bed, now lie on it.’ Pam grimaced a smile at a passing car. ‘Heard that regularly once a week at least; more when I went over to beg her to have Christopher for a few hours to give me a break.’ She glanced at Stephen. ‘They were disgusted when they found out I was already pregnant when we got wed. They pretended they didn’t know. But, the baby was too big to be premature, and the family started to gossip. Mum never forgave me for being a disgrace on that score either.’
‘You said your dad had died …’
‘Yeah … he’s gone …’
Stephen continued staring expectantly at her.
‘I do my duty and visit mum a couple of times a year. Neither of us makes much of an effort.’ Pam offered up a short answer to his unspoken question.
‘You should have told me at the time you felt like it were all getting on top of you …’
‘Why?’ Pam snorted. ‘What bloody use were you?’ She threw back her head to shout a mirthless laugh. ‘Where’s me tea … you couldn’t keep a rabbit hutch you fat cow … I’m off out … that’s all I ever got out of you!’ She relished the guilt that flitted over his features before whipping her face away. ‘Soon realised it was just me, on me own. So I liked to quieten Christopher and lose myself in stories in magazines. It was wrong, I know, but from the moment we said our vows it was wrong …’ She scrambled out of the car as she felt tears pricking her eyelids.
Stephen got out too and met her by the kerb.
‘I just want to say, I know things might have been different, if I’d been different.’ He’d rattled that off quietly before she could disappear indoors. He had an urgent need to acknowledge his part in the misery that had been their brief marriage. Instinctively he understood that if he didn’t his relationship with Christopher would suffer in the future. And earning his son’s love and respect had been his life’s work.
Pam halted by the hedge and muttered, ‘Thanks for saying so. I know you didn’t have to tell me, but I’ve always hoped you might. Always hoped you might say I could see Christopher too.’
‘Well, I’m saying it now … bit late in the day, I know …’ Stephen added hoarsely.
Pam glanced at him with eyes that were defeated rather than despising. ‘Yeah … bit late in the day,’ she echoed before opening her front gate.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
2 June 1953
‘Can you see our queen, Kathleen?’ Kieran hoisted his eldest daughter higher on his shoulders then grinned up at her.
‘I can see everything, Daddy,’ Kathleen cried out in delight while bobbing her dark head to and fro to get a look over the mass of people in front of her. ‘There’s a coach and white horses going by and it’s gold and shiny.’ Kathleen frantically waved both small hands. ‘A lady is waving at me, Daddy. Is she our queen, Daddy?’ Kathleen giggled, jiggling excitedly on her father’s shoulders.
Kieran grinned at his wife, carrying Rosie in her arms in an attempt to protect her from the heaving throng. The toddler was squirming to get down but Noreen held onto her, shushing her. People were good-naturedly jostling for position but the Murphys had managed to find, and hang on to, a good spot in The Mall from which to watch the coronation coaches proceed towards Westminster Abbey.
‘It’s a wonderful day for us, Noreen.’ Kieran sighed contentedly as he lowered Kathleen safely to the ground.
His wife affectionately hugged his arm. ‘It’s a long while since I felt so happy. If you get the job tomorrow it’ll be a new start for us. It’s a fine day, so it is.’ She slanted up a rueful glance a
t an overcast sky. ‘Even if it does come on to rain later … nothing can spoil it.’
After many, many months scratching around for odd jobs Kieran finally had an interview for a permanent post as a driver for a haulage company. They both knew such an opportunity would give them the means to move out of The Bunk at last.
‘’Ere! I thought you two were staying behind in the street to put up bunting.’ That gruff, jovial complaint made the couple swing about to find Matilda weaving through the crowd, accompanied by two of her daughters.
‘And I thought you were staying behind to do all the organising for our grand party,’ Noreen saucily came back at her. She’d raised her voice to be heard over renewed cheering.
Coaches carrying members of the royal family, and foreign dignitaries, were following on sedately behind the Gold State Coach towards Westminster Abbey. The crowd was surging forward at intervals, flags flapping noisily in the air.
‘I was intending to set to early,’ Matilda admitted. ‘But couldn’t miss this, could I? I’m glad I didn’t. What a glorious sight.’ She happily observed the jubilant scene before remembering to introduce the Murphys to Bethany and Alice. ‘Plenty o’ time to get the party started. The queen’s gone by so we’ve seen the best of it here, and what we’ll miss we can watch tomorrow, on the television set round at Rob’s. So we’ll be getting off home in a mo.’ Matilda sighed in satisfaction. ‘Turned out a lovely day, ain’t it? And didn’t Elizabeth look a sight fer sore eyes in her furs and jewels? What a get up.’
‘Could see all the stones in her crown sparkling from where I was standing,’ Bethany said.
‘I saw the queen with her crown,’ Kathleen piped up, making them all smile down at her. ‘She waved at me,’ she added shyly.
‘My Lilian has got a good spot at the front with some of her kids,’ Alice chipped in. ‘Oh, well … Come on, Mum, no point putting it off longer. We’d better get going and get the tables laid out. The little ’uns will be ready for something to eat after all the excitement.’ She crouched down to speak to Kathleen. ‘Bet you’re ready for some jelly and cake, aren’t you?’
