by Karen Wolff
“That’s too bad, Dad. I’m sorry you had to give up doing what you liked.” The coffee had been sitting too long and didn’t taste very good, but I was interested to hear his story. I realized he’d had plans once, just like me, but he didn’t get to follow his. Still, he might have if he hadn’t gotten mad and spent his time hating things he couldn’t change. He joined the Klan and did God knows what. The old doubt about the store attack rose, and disgust churned in me for a minute before I was able to squash it down.
“I figured when I came back from the war, I’d look for a bookkeeping job somewhere, and we’d be set,” he said. “It was this damn arm that screwed me up.” His mouth twisted, and his words were choked with self-pity. “That was the end of anything good for me.”
“It was hard on all of us,” I said with some bitterness. I couldn’t forget that he still refused to see Polly or meet his granddaughter. A few seconds went by, and I remembered I was here for business. I changed the subject.
“You know what, Dad? I’m good at numbers too. That’s my best subject in school. Do you suppose I inherited that from you?”
“Could be, I suppose,” he said.
“But I didn’t know how to organize all this.” I pointed to my notebook.
He straightened his shoulders and took a big breath as though to throw off his earlier thoughts. “This’ll be simple, Harry. Stop by a couple times a week so I can keep current with your sales, and we’ll be able to tell exactly where you stand.” He looked at me with a hint of a grin. “Maybe we’ll get you close to that $1000 goal.”
So Gram had told him that too. I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut. Even so, I thanked him and left Sally’s, feeling all right about my visit. I’d learned some things I didn’t know.
MR. CRILL DECIDED to celebrate the new bright lights at River Sioux with a grand Fourth of July dance and fireworks. We boys helped him string the colored lights around the pavilion just the way he had imagined. He hired the Castle Electric Company to install the faceted revolving ball on the ceiling. You never saw a man so pleased with things. His chubby face shook with excitement as he looked around, a cigar clamped between his teeth, and we couldn’t help but be happy for him.
“Let’s turn everything on and see what it looks like,” he said. We admired it all even though it didn’t look like much in the daylight. What I enjoyed was watching his enjoyment of it all.
“A man should have dreams,” he’d say, and I agreed, feeling a little sad when I thought of my father. Dreams were great if you had the ability to make them happen.
Because it was to be such a special holiday, Mr. Crill hired Lawrence Welk and his band, the Hotsy-Totsy Boys, to play for the dance. Everybody who had a radio listened to their polkas and waltzes on WNAX, and Mr. Crill even placed ads on the radio station so people would know about the celebration.
For my part, I made sure to invite Carol Ann to be my date so there’d be no unpleasant surprises like I’d had at the school dance.
“About time you asked me, Harry. Mother’s already got a new dress half made for me. I was starting to worry you might forget, and there I’d be with a new dotted Swiss dress and nowhere to go,” she teased.
I didn’t know what dotted Swiss was, but I knew she’d be the prettiest girl at the dance, and I was proud to be her boyfriend. All our friends would be there, and even Gram and Granddad were going. It would be quite a night.
OUR WEATHER HAD been nothing but thunderstorms for several days, but we awoke on July Fourth to a clear sky and blistering hot sunshine. Steam rose from the muddy ground making it smell like the river, and the humidity left our clothes soaked with sweat from the smallest exertion. Still, the discomfort was small compared to our anticipation of the evening to come. We ate an early supper. Granddad locked up the store, leaving Bruno on guard, and went to River Sioux with Gram and Ty in the Ford.
Russ and Darlene picked me up and then Carol Ann. She was the most adorable thing I could imagine, just like a little doll. Her dress was fluffy, blue with tiny dots of white, and her hair was pulled back in a new style and fastened with pearly combs. I had never seen her wear lipstick before.
“Don’t kiss me, Harry,” she said when we got in the car. “I don’t want to get smeared.”
Later. I’d kiss her later.
Our excitement mounted as we drew near River Sioux. Cars and buggies were rolling in from everywhere. Young boys directed the traffic, sending automobiles to park west of the pavilion and horse drawn carriages across the road to the north. Smart. No chance of stepping in anything unpleasant if you arrived by car. The lawns were filled with people who’d come early with picnic baskets and were frying fish or roasting wieners. Hot, sticky children ran whooping and shouting, their mothers warning them to stay back from the riverbank.
Though the sun had not quite set, the lights on the pavilion were turned on, and it was every bit as beautiful as Mr. Crill had hoped. We heard the band warming up, and at eight o’clock they played the national anthem. Everybody sang, hands over their hearts, as they looked at the big flag Mr. Crill had put up. Then the dancing started. First we had a lively polka, and our fresh clothes were soaked through in no time.
“Ooh, look at that!” Carol Ann said when she saw the mirrored ball going round and round, lights glinting off it. “It’s like magic.”
I smiled at her pleasure. We danced waltzes, two-steps, and the schottische, sometimes trading partners with Russ and Darlene or other friends. We giggled a little when Gram and Granddad got out on the floor to dance a waltz. She was so tall, and Granddad so tiny. Yet they laughed together when it was over, walking to their seats, wiping their faces. Even Ty danced with some girls from school. He looked clumsy, I thought. I’d better arrange for Darlene to help him.
A couple of times we were so out of breath, we moved up close to the band stand and listened to Lawrence Welk play the accordion while we sipped Cokes. He wore his hair slicked back in a pompadour, but his face looked like a hardworking farmer’s until he finished playing. Then his eyes lit up; he would smile and make a stiff little bow to the applause.
At ten o’clock, the musicians laid down their instruments and mopped their faces, and the dancers went outside to watch the fireworks show. I led Carol Ann to the back side of the pavilion where there weren’t any people. Earlier in the afternoon, I had laid a ladder alongside the building. Now I stood it up and said, “Let’s go up on the roof where we can see better.”
“What? You expect me to climb onto the roof?” She stood with her hands on her hips. “No, Harry. What if I ruin my dress? I’m not sure I can do it.”
“Sure you can. I’ll help you.”
It wasn’t easy, but we managed to climb over the eave onto the wooden shingles. The roof was canted only a little on our side, and we felt the heat left from the afternoon sun on the rough, splintery wood. I wished I had thought to bring a quilt. Cottonwood trees that grew along the river made their whooshing sounds as they moved in the wind. I took off my shoes and socks and let the breeze play through my toes. We sat happily, waiting for the fireworks to start.
Carol Ann said, “You were right, Harry. It’s nice up here. Lots cooler.” Following my lead, she removed her shoes, rolled off her thin white stockings and laid them carefully beside her. Something about watching her actions, seeing her bare toes in the moonlight aroused me.
A huge boom announced the beginning of the show and we watched as colored rockets exploded in the sky. “If you lie back, you can see it better,” I said. I put my arm around Carol Ann and pulled her down beside me. After that I wasn’t so interested in the fireworks. I kissed her ear, then turned her face to me with my free hand, and we kissed a long time. I put my hand on her throat and gradually moved it downward. “I can feel your heart beating,” I said. I touched her breasts through the dotted Swiss and, when she didn’t stop me, I felt the roundness, the pillowy softness. A thrill went through me. Just what I had dreamed of. I rose up a little and put my hand on her le
g.
She said, “No, no. Harry,” but she didn’t push me away. I held still for a moment and then continued stroking her leg, reaching up a little higher each time. The fireworks boomed and cracked. The red, green, and gold showers colored the sky, and I was blissful, in another world.
“What the hell? Who put this ladder here?” Mr. Crill’s familiar voice roared from the ground below, shocking me out my dream state. I whipped my hand from under her skirt and sat up.
“Who’s up there?” he yelled.
“It’s me, Mr. Crill. Harry.”
“Harry! What the devil are you doing up there?”
“Just watching the fireworks, Mr. Crill.”
Silence held for a moment while my heart thudded in my chest. Then he said, “You’re a damn fool, Harry. You could break your neck.” He paused. “You be sure to put this ladder away when you come down. I don’t want every kid in the county climbing onto my roof. You hear?”
“Oh, I will, Mr. Crill.”
We waited a minute and thought he had gone when he spoke again. “There’s a white stocking down here. Does that belong to you, Harry?”
Carol Ann gasped and looked around frantically for her stockings.
“I…I guess so.” Neither of us had noticed when a breeze had floated that stocking to the ground.
“Well,” he said. “I’ll just hang it over a rung on the ladder.”
“Thank you.” We sat like statues, Carol Ann holding her remaining stocking, my heart palpitating with fear and guilt. When we were certain he had gone on his way, I leaned over the eave and retrieved her stocking
“Oh, Harry. I’m so embarrassed,” she said, her voice stricken. “What if he tells my folks?”
“He won’t. He doesn’t know who was up here with me.”
“What if somebody sees us coming down? I’ll die.”
She started to snuffle, and I knew my ideas of romance were over for the evening. We put on our shoes and socks. I went down the ladder first and made sure no one was watching.
“It’s safe. You can come down.”
She almost slid down the whole length of the ladder. I hugged her close, not wanting to let go of the mood we had going up there, but she pulled away. I found her a seat inside the pavilion as people started to dance again, and I put the ladder back in the boathouse.
Carol Ann was painfully quiet as we danced. I kept reassuring her that no one had seen us, that no one knew we were on that roof, but I could tell she was scared.
“We mustn’t do that again, Harry. Promise me?”
I grinned. “I don’t know. I thought maybe you liked it. A tiny bit, anyway.”
She colored, then said, “We just mustn’t.”
When we got home after the dance, all she gave me was a quick peck on the cheek and jumped out of the car without waiting for me to walk her to her door.
Russ looked at me and said, “What’s the matter with her?”
I wanted to tell him in the worst way. I wanted to tell him about my audacious behavior. I was happy about it, but I decided to keep quiet. “She’s just tired, I guess.” I knew he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t press it. He just slapped me on the knee and said, “Attaboy, Harry” and laughed.
I BEGAN TO BELIEVE I was finally on my way to making something of myself. With predictable income from the skating rink, I’d put over $500 in the bank; people still wanted irons and toasters and radios; and, best of all, I loved a girl who loved me back. One more year of high school, and I would be ready for the adult world. I rolled out of bed the morning after the July Fourth dance, eager to face the day, exhilarated by all the possibilities before me.
“Didn’t expect to see you up so early this morning,” Gram said, “after that big night.” She had hot coffee ready.
“It’s a great day, Gram.”
She gave me a wry grin. “Maybe you could get me a bucket of water before your great day starts.”
She had a way of pulling me down sometimes, yet tedious chores like pumping water happened in everyone’s life. I was soon on my way to open up the store where I’d stocked some electric toasters. With luck, today would be a good day for selling them.
I started grinding a few pounds of coffee for folks who had stayed up late at the dance and needed an eye-opener. As I turned the crank, my mind wandered back to last night with Carol Ann. I shivered to think how thrilling it had been to touch her, to feel her softness, to feel her responding to me. I was dying to try that all over again. She had said we mustn’t. She wanted me to promise we wouldn’t. I wondered if she really meant it, because I thought it’d kill me if she stuck to it. We had a date for Friday night. Maybe I’d find out then.
Somehow I got through the week. I was always busy waiting on customers and selling irons or sometimes a radio. I had meetings with my dad so he could bring the ledger book up to date, and before I knew it, it would be time to go to work at the skating rink, and I almost didn’t have time to think about Carol Ann.
On Friday Ty relieved me at the store so I could go home to eat dinner. When I walked into the house, I overheard Granddad say, “If it’s true, it’ll be hard on him, I reckon.”
“If what’s true?” I asked.
He gave Gram a look, and she shook her head. “Nothing much, Harry. Just some idle talk.”
I looked at them both, but they didn’t say a word. I shrugged. “Well, what’s for dinner? It’s too hot to eat, but I’m starving.”
Gram dished up a plate of fried eggs and garden peas. I slathered a couple of slices of bread with butter gone soft in the heat and poured myself a glass of milk. I’d just taken a few bites when there was a banging at the door. Looking startled, Gram got up to open it.
“Well, my goodness, it’s Carol Ann. Come on in.”
“No. I need to talk to Harry.” Her voice was ragged.
“What? What’s the matter?” I said as I got up. I could see she’d been crying. Her face was all blotchy and red, and her nose was dripping. A stab of guilt went through me. Someone must have found out about our escapade at the dance.
I went outside, and she threw her arms around me, sobbing like somebody had died.
“What’s the matter? What happened?”
“I hate my dad,” she blubbered. “I hate him,” and off she went bawling and wailing.
“Come on, now. What happened? What did your dad do?”
“It’s so awful, Harry. I can’t stand it. He’s so mean.”
I’d never seen so much crying even when my sister Polly was carrying on about something. My shirt was getting wet from all the tears.
“Aw, Carol Ann. You’ve gotta quit crying. Tell me what happened.” She slowed down a little bit and wiped her nose on her hand.
“He…he’s making me…me…move.”
She started crying and snuffling again. I tried to think what she meant. How could he make her move?
I stood there just rocking her in my arms for several minutes until the sobbing slowed down. She tried to talk but choked on her words.
“Kansas City. He says we’re moving. To Kansas City.”
I was stunned. No words came to me at first, but she was so torn up, I had to do something. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s find some shade.” I took her hand, and we walked up the rise to the spindly Chinese elm near Buster’s grave.
As she sank to the ground, she said, “Oh, Harry. It’s so awful. He says we’re moving on August first, and I won’t be able to go to high school and graduate with you. And I won’t know anybody in Kansas City, and, oh, I don’t want to go. I just can’t.” She buried her face in her hands.
This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Never had it occurred to me that something like this could take place. “Why?” I kept saying. “Why is he doing this?”
At last her sniffling and hiccupping stopped, and she was able to tell me. Her dad had been offered a job as a cattle buyer in the Kansas City stockyards. It was a big boost for him, and he wouldn’t h
ave to drive around picking up people’s cattle and hogs to sell at the stockyards. Now he’d be the one doing the buying.
“He’s so happy about it,” she said. “He doesn’t care about me. How I feel.”
“How’s your mother taking it?”
“Oh, she puts a good face on it for him. But I don’t think she likes it one bit.”
“I don’t know what to say. I just can’t let you go, Carol Ann.” My brain was rolling around in my head, and I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t let her leave. I couldn’t lose her. Life would be unbearable. I had to make a plan.
“I don’t know what to do, Harry. I don’t want to go, but I have no choice.”
Her voice sounded so forlorn and sad, it made me ache to see her hurting so much. We sat without talking for a minute, my mind whirling as I tried to figure out what to do.
“Maybe you could stay here in Richmond this year and finish high school. I’ll bet you could get a room at Sally McVay’s.”
“That’s the first thing I thought of, but they won’t let me do it. They don’t think it would be good for me to be here by myself. I begged and begged, but it’s no use. They won’t stand for it.”
The tears had stopped, but every once in a while as we sat there, she made little mewling sounds that broke my heart. She was hurting, and so was I.
Then I had another idea. A big one. “I know what we can do, Carol Ann. What about this? We can get married.”
She sat up and turned her swollen face to me. “How could we do that, Harry? How would we live?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’d quit school and find a job.”
“They won’t let me. I know that for sure.”
“But you’re sixteen years old. We could elope like Polly and Vince did. I love you, Carol Ann. I want to marry you some day. It might as well be now,” I pleaded with her. “I just can’t let you move away.”
That brought on a fresh stream of tears. “I love you too, Harry, but you can’t give up school. It just wouldn’t be right. You’d never be able to do all the things you’ve planned on. You’d never get out of Richmond.”
