“Until Lilah showed up. I doubt she factored into your original plan.”
Visions of the Big Zombie ran through Caleb’s mind. In hazy detail, he saw her getting her arm ripped off, bashing the RBZ’s skull in with a rock, then leading them to safety. Through the haze of memory, her blue eyes stood out. He remembered how drawn he had been to those eyes and how much it upset him. He didn’t want anything to do with the abomination, and it was disconcerting she elicited an emotional response from him. Caleb remembered feeling sorry for her in Matt’s bunker because of the way she held her missing arm—and he hated how he felt this way. Still, he had to appreciate and respect she had rescued him. Although, now, it was apparent her actions had only delayed the inevitable. Caleb still fell into Samuel’s grasp. However, Caleb had nobody but himself to blame.
Samuel’s nostrils flared. “Her appearance was quite unexpected.”
Caleb smirked. “A gray area.”
Samuel shrugged. “You would definitely see it that way. But for me, it was just another obstacle I had to overcome. The big picture never changed. That’s the thing with you ‘gray-area types’—you convince yourself reality is different from what it is. You always think people are different. They aren’t as good or bad as they appear. For someone like me, knowing they aren’t is what makes it easy for me to manipulate you.”
Confusion creased Caleb’s forehead, and he placed his hands on his hips. He attempted to absorb Samuel’s words, figure out what he was trying to say but couldn’t. It felt as if Samuel was intentionally naïve and obtuse to make himself look better. No matter what Samuel believed, nothing was so simple. There were always other factors to consider, other people. However, it would mean Samuel would have to admit he was wrong, and too much pompousness oozed from him to ever admit he’d made a mistake. But, at the same time, Caleb had to admit it seemed Samuel had things figured out. He did know to find him and Jan at the pizza place. Maybe things were black and white. It would make the world so much simpler.
All Caleb wanted from the beginning was simplicity. He wanted the decisions to be easy. He didn’t want to have to worry about others. When he made the choice to leave Matt’s bunker and find out who he was on his own, it felt simple. It felt good. He felt in control. It was only when he had to involve other people that it became complicated. Maybe this was where the gray came in, where the whole got broken down. Caleb knew what he had to do, but when he involved others, it became convoluted because they had their own missions; their big picture was different.
His thoughts drifted to the zombie days when he, his family, and his friends had to survive. How many times was he held up, almost killed, because of someone else? How many times had he put himself in harm’s way to save one of the group who had fallen behind? He moved faster and quieter when it was only him. The scant supplies he found lasted longer when he didn’t have to share. If he had abandoned the others before he had to watch them die, he’d never had to deal with the pain of loss or the guilt for not doing more.
Caleb shook the thoughts from his head. What a jaded way to look at his life. He was human, a social creature, he had to have contacts and relationships to thrive. Everyone’s “big picture” might have been different, but maybe it meant Samuel’s theory was flawed. Maybe Caleb had just worked it out in his own thoughts, that Samuel’s notion of the world being black and white was a load of crap—an attempt to make Samuel feel superior. Caleb had survived on his own, but crushing loneliness drove him to slit his wrists. He didn’t want to face the world alone.
Samuel was wrong. Caleb was sure of it. Or maybe he was just jaded. Things weren’t one way or the other. They were complicated and messy. He shouldn’t have been surprised at Samuel’s philosophizing. In the short time Caleb had known him, he’d always talked about weird stuff—conspiracies and things not being as they appeared. His brain didn’t seem to be normal.
“I’ll convince you yet,” Samuel said softly, as if reading Caleb’s mind. “The world was black and white, but zombies destroyed that. Before, there had been life and death, but zombies exist in both spaces. If there was a gray area, they created it.” He stared at Caleb, the right side of his mouth pulled into a smirk. “And now you exist in that space too.”
Samuel’s words sent a chill down Caleb’s spine. He didn’t want to talk about the world anymore. He didn’t care how he fit into it. Caleb had been trying so hard to convince himself he was the same person he’d always been; he was still a person with thoughts and emotions. Learning he was immune started the erosion process on this belief, and it was chipped away further in the zombie ghetto when the undead didn’t attack him. His life may have been screwed up and full of hurt, but at least he knew who he was. These new developments threatened to change everything and leave Caleb unsure of who—or what—he was.
Samuel turned his attention back to the cupboards and pulling out supplies. Caleb turned back to the window, his gaze once again focused on the ghetto.
“Do you even have any friends?” Caleb wasn’t sure why he asked the question, he didn’t really care about the answer; it wouldn’t change anything.
Samuel chuckled. “Do I have any friends?”
Caleb glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Your conspiracy theory friends. Do they actually exist?”
Samuel snorted. “Ah, I see. You want to know if I made them up to entice you to my side.”
Caleb didn’t answer or react.
Samuel stopped moving around the kitchen and stared at Caleb. “I have friends. Powerful ones. They’d do just about anything to make sure they acquired you. If you had listened to me and let them help you from the beginning, this situation could have turned out a lot differently.”
Caleb swallowed thickly. He knew about some of Samuel’s friends, especially those on the police force. He also knew to have that kind of influence, there had to be someone higher up on the ladder controlling all the puppets below. It was yet another item to add to his fear. Who was this person, and what exactly were they capable of? How far and wide did their control go? How far were they willing to go to keep Caleb in their grasp? There was nowhere he could go. No one he could trust. What was he going to do?
He continued to stare at the bright lights of the ghetto, hoping the answer would magically appear. When it didn’t, he realized he was going to have to rely on himself to figure it out.
Seems pretty black and white to me.
CHAPTER 2
Samuel whistled as he prepared dinner. Caleb’s fists clenched at his sides, and it felt like a large rock dropped into his stomach. He glanced at Samuel out of the corner of his eye, then glanced toward the door. He quickly forced his gaze back out the window, afraid Samuel would sense his intention. Not that it mattered; Caleb wouldn’t make it to the door before Samuel. Even if he did, there was nowhere to go. Below him was Zomtech with all its security systems and guards. Even if Caleb were able to get out of the apartment and lucky enough to get down the street, there would be RBZs and cops waiting for him.
The rock in his stomach turned into nausea and cramps. The pain threatened to double Caleb over, so he folded his shoulders in to ease the pain. He couldn’t let Samuel see what was happening. Samuel would use his pain against him, perceive it as a weakness. In reality, it was a weakness. Caleb didn’t have the strength to stand up for himself or fight. He wanted to, but he was smart enough to recognize battles he couldn’t win. He needed answers, and as tragic as the situation was, Samuel was the only one who could give Caleb the information he needed. The thought caused nausea to deepen, and bile rose to the back of Caleb’s throat. He swallowed thickly and clenched his jaw, an attempt at keeping the bile where it belonged.
“So, what was it like in there?” Samuel’s voice sounded right next to Caleb’s ear, and he turned to see Samuel next to him, his hands on his hips as he stared out the window.
Samuel nodded toward the window. “The ghetto. What was it like in the ghetto?”
Visions of rotting
flesh ran through Caleb’s mind. He saw the crowd of undead advancing toward him and felt the fear of being surrounded by them. The fear turned into sheer terror when he realized the zombies wouldn’t attack him, they must have perceived him as one of their own. He remembered how he had stuck his face inches from a walking corpse, the stench of rot tickled his nostrils, and fear tingled his limbs. He spoke to the creature, right in its ear, but it didn’t react. It was like Caleb wasn’t even there. He shuddered.
“Pretty ingenious idea to go into the ghetto to get back into the city in the round-up van. I would have never thought about that in a million years.”
Caleb continued to stare at Samuel. “How did you it figure out?”
Samuel turned to look at him. “I saw you on the surveillance tapes. When you ran out of the garage, you left the door open behind you. After being left ajar for more than thirty seconds, it sets off an alarm. Everyone who works in the area knows about that, so they are diligent about closing it.” Samuel chuckled, then turned his gaze back out the window. “To be honest, I didn’t think much of it. I probably wouldn’t have even checked the tapes if the collectors hadn’t kept insisting it wasn’t them. I did it to prove they were lying. Imagine my surprise when I saw it was you.”
In addition to nausea, a sinking feeling entered Caleb’s gut. “So, if I hadn’t left the door open, you would have never known I was back?”
Samuel looked at him sideways and shook his head.
Caleb cursed in his mind. That small piece of information had large repercussions. Those little details could have changed the course of everything.
“And Jan? Would you have known about her involvement?”
Samuel waggled his head back and forth. “That one’s a bit trickier. Once we figured out you were back, I knew you’d try to access the system; I just didn’t know how. I was keeping a close eye on things, so that’s how I found out about Jan.” He held up his index finger. “However, even if I hadn’t known you were in the city, I would have found out about Jan’s involvement in time.” Samuel held his hands out to his sides. “Call me paranoid, but I keep track of everyone who accesses sensitive files.”
“Even though it’s technically not your job?”
Samuel shrugged. “It pays in this world to be informed.”
“To what end?”
Samuel smiled but didn’t respond. It didn’t escape Caleb’s notice he used the word “pays” and wondered who financed Samuel and his friends.
Caleb tightened his jaw muscles. He should have been more patient. He should have taken his time, thought out his plan, and acted when he knew he wouldn’t get caught. But it was easy to think like that now after everything had already gone down. At the time, he thought he was doing everything right.
You should have run when you had the chance.
“I imagine there aren’t many people who have access to those files, are there?”
Caleb didn’t think Samuel would fall for his thinly veiled attempt to gather information, but he had to try. He knew Samuel wasn’t working alone. There had to be others. Scientists and technicians who knew the results of the tests done on his blood—who performed the tests. And Jan said she found evidence in the files that it went deeper. Caleb needed to know how many were involved.
Samuel nodded. “You would be correct. Very few people have access to those files.” He turned and headed back into the kitchen to focus on cooking.
Caleb had to physically stop his shoulders from slumping. He knew it was a long shot, but he hoped maybe something would go his way.
Only in your dreams. The voice in the darkness chuckled. But rarely even then.
The smell of spaghetti hit his nostrils, and Caleb knew he should be hungry. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate, but his stomach was in knots. The thought of putting food in it made it cramp further. He turned to look at Samuel as he scooped food onto his plate. His glare intensified. He tried to bore his gaze into Samuel’s soul, to figure out what he was thinking and planning. All he accomplished, however, was remembering the first day they’d met. Samuel had been at the front door of Zomtech, holding his hand out to Caleb. It seemed so normal, so expected.
* * * *
“Caleb, it’s great to meet you.” His smile was wide and toothy. His grip was tight, and he shook Caleb’s hand with short, quick, jerky movements. He pulled Caleb through the door and toward the security desk. “Just a few quick things to take care of, then I can take you up to your desk.” Samuel released Caleb’s hand and placed his on the desk. He drummed his fingers lightly on the top while they waited for the security guard to acknowledge them.
Caleb tried to let Samuel’s enthusiasm flow into him. He seemed genuinely happy Caleb was there, and he seemed comfortable around others. Caleb envied him. He wanted to feel at ease at work, in public, around people. He didn’t want the anxiety constantly tingling at the back of his brain and make him scared to get close to anyone because of the possibility they could die or turn. There had been a time when those feelings didn’t exist, but it was so long ago it felt like a dream. In time, he’d be there again—hopefully—and it began with Samuel. Well, he hoped it began with Samuel. In reality, anyone who had met him his first day on the job was a potential candidate to help Caleb adjust to normalcy. Having a job at all was the first step. Caleb took a deep breath and focused his attention on the paperwork the security officer handed him.
When he finished, Samuel gave him a wide grin and placed his hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Easy peasy.” He raised his eyebrows up and down in a playful manner and chuckled softly.
As they stepped on to the elevator, Caleb took a deep breath and forced a small smile. Perhaps if he faked it long enough, the real emotions would show up. They stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the door. They didn’t speak, just watched the numbers click up. There was an awkwardness to the situation, one which—Caleb figured—required him to do something to alleviate it. He should probably make small talk or ask some questions. Multiple questions ran through Caleb’s mind. He wanted to know where Samuel was from, if his family was still alive, how long he’d been in the city. But they stuck in his throat. They weren’t appropriate.
Hey, I just met you, but I was wondering if your family got torn apart by zombies. Mine did.
He didn’t want to know what happened to Samuel’s family. His chest tightened at the thought of making friends. He pushed away the memories of what happened to his other friends. Sweat beaded on his forehead. He hooked his thumbs in the front pocket of his pants and tightened his fingers around the material. His breath threatened to come out as a wheeze. The elevator seemed to be getting smaller, the walls pressed into him and Samuel. Soon, Samuel would be shoved into Caleb, making the situation even more awkward. They’d have to talk then, or at least look at each other, and it would be forced and uncomfortable. Caleb could change that now. He could attempt to make things less weird. He used to be great at meeting new people; he just had to remember how. Taking slow, silent breaths through his nose, he tried to keep his emotions under control. He cleared his throat.
“So, how long have you worked here?” It seemed like a safe enough question. Mercifully, Caleb’s voice came out sounding normal. The panic bubbling under the surface wasn’t apparent.
Samuel turned and smiled at him. “Three years. I was the first programmer they hired when they opened.”
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid to the side. Caleb refrained from running through the opening. Both Caleb and Samuel stepped into the square room divided into cubicles. Caleb’s panic ebbed some, and he focused on what lay before him. The room was much smaller than he had expected. Four cubicles sat before him, surrounded by cream-colored walls. No windows, no natural light; it bummed him out. He had hoped to be bathed in yellow brightness. But part of him understood it was a secure facility. Windows would probably make it less secure. But the other part didn’t want to give the darkness any opportunity to grow.
Samuel stepped farther
into the room toward the cubicles directly in front of them. He pointed to the one on the right. “This will be your workstation.” He pointed to the cubicle on the left. “And this is mine.”
Caleb nodded as he looked at both workstations. His seemed sterile and empty. A dark computer screen sat on top of a white desk with a phone set to one side. The walls were bare; the black chair was tucked neatly under the desk. Samuel’s station was the opposite. Stacks of papers covered his desk, his computer screen shined with the light and words indicating his email inbox. Small posters of rock bands and movies decorated his cubicle walls, along with a few photographs of people. Caleb tore his gaze away from those quickly; his throat tightened as he wondered if they were still alive. He didn’t want to know. His gaze drifted to Samuel’s chair. A backpack hung on the back. It was tan and had a yellow and red biohazard patch stitched onto the front pocket. He pressed his lips together, not wanting to know any more about the patch—had it been placed on the backpack before everything had happened or after? He then pushed himself onto his toes to look over the top of the dividers. The action didn’t allow him to see too far into the other cubicles, but it was enough for him to see other heads if there were any.
“Just the two of us?”
Samuel nodded. “For now.” His smile grew wide again. “And I can’t tell you how excited I am to have you here. It’s going to be so nice to have some help.”
* * * *
Caleb stared at Samuel from across the apartment, his eyes narrowing to slits. Had Samuel known then what Caleb was? He must have. It was only a short time later he received the email, and his life spiraled out of control. Looking back, it was easy to see Samuel wasn’t excited about his help. Well, maybe part of him was, but the biggest prize was what Caleb had, what he was. Whatever that was.
Saving Humanity Series (Book 2): Edge of Humanity Page 2
