by Mia Archer
We just had to figure out the problem of both of us being in hiding. I suppose both of us had to grow a pair, even though that wasn't really the best phrasing considering neither one of us had a pair to begin with.
"I'm sorry," I said. "It was too early for me to say something like that. You're perfectly justified reacting like that. It might be too soon, and we can still take things slow…"
Savannah shook her head. Turned and looked back at me. She had a thin sad smile on her face.
"It's not that at all," she said. "I think I'm starting to feel the same way about you, but what does that mean for us? I wonder what kind of future we’re going to have if you're planning on going away in a couple of years. Who knows what's going to be going on with me and my mom at that point. If I'll be able to get away. If I'll even want to move away considering I have the house and I love it there so much…"
"Yeah, I understand how you feel," I said. I opened my mouth to tell her the big news. That I'd been reconsidering those plans. I felt a tingling sensation running up and down my body. I reached out and took Savannah's hand. She jumped, but she didn't pull away. Now that was an odd reaction. Maybe she felt the intensity of this moment to just as much as I did. I felt like this was one hell of a moment, that was for sure.
"You know I've actually been thinking about that… About our future together…"
Savannah looked up at me and she seemed so hopeful. It made my heart leap. It made me suddenly think, hope really, that this might all ago much better than I'd originally anticipated. A girl could dream.
14: The Future
A thrill ran through me at those words.
"What are you talking about Kirsten?" I asked.
She looked down, then back up to me. Smiled an uncertain smile.
"You know we've been having a lot of fun lately," she said.
I grinned right back at her. Held her hand and felt tiny electric charges that seemed to be dancing back and forth between our fingers.
"I agree with that. I never thought I'd find someone like you back home of all places."
"Yeah, I never thought I'd find someone like you at home either. And it’s had me doing a lot of thinking lately," she said.
"What kind of thinking Kirsten?"
"Thinking about my plans for life, if I'm going to be perfectly honest."
That tingle turned to an all-out fire. I felt like I was going to pass out from the anticipation. Where was this going? I know where I hoped it was going.
"I've been thinking about the whole plan to work back home for a couple of years and then leave as soon as I could. I've been thinking about how much I enjoy my work at the library, even if the pay isn't all that great. I guess that's not really a problem as long as my parents are willing to help out giving me a place to live for cheap, and I knew going into this that I wasn’t going to get rich being a librarian."
"Really? And what's had you reconsidering all of this?"
She looked up. "Well you, silly. What else would have me reconsidering?”
"So what are you thinking?"
Her grip tightened on my hands.
"I'm not telling you that yet. First I need to know something."
I cocked an eyebrow. "What's that?"
"What are we? What's going on here? Are we serious? Are we just having fun? Is this going anywhere?"
I didn't have to think about that for very long. We'd been going on dates and doing a hell of a lot more than that when we had a little bit of privacy for a couple of months now. I'd heard that things moved faster once you got a little older, and I certainly felt that way in the here and now looking at Kirsten, beautiful Kirsten, staring back at me with that gorgeous face and that hopeful look.
"As far as I'm concerned this feels a lot like a relationship," I said.
Kirsten grinned. "I feel the same way. And I've been thinking that if I have you, well I could see myself staying in town. That might be getting ahead of ourselves a little bit, I suppose the whole thing could crash and burn tomorrow and then I’d stick to the original plan, but I just wanted you to know that I’m not necessarily all about moving away if there’s a reason to stay."
My eyebrows lowered at that. I tried to keep the smile on my face though. I tried to keep things breezy.
"Well it's nice to know you have such confidence in our long-term prospects!"
Kirsten shook her head. "I don't mean it like that. You know what I mean!"
"Yeah, I suppose I do."
"What I'm trying to get at here is I want you to know that if it does turn out that whatever is going on here has some staying power, I could see myself staying in town with you. I could see myself even letting other people know about us."
I felt a thrill and terror at the same time. I thought of all the hiding I'd done. All the lengths I'd gone to in order to hide who I truly was back home. And at the same time I thought about the prospect of having Kirsten in my life. Having her there for good. I thought about how nice it would be to finally come clean with everyone in my life. No more hiding. No more sneaking around.
Yeah, the thought terrified me as much as it thrilled me.
"I don't…"
Kirsten held up a hand. "I'm not saying that we have to lock anything down for good tonight. I'm not saying we have to make any commitments or anything tonight. All I'm saying is I'm open to doing that, and I want you to know."
I sighed. Smiled. "I think I can live with that," I said.
"I'm glad to hear it," Kirsten said.
Kirsten let out a long sigh. "That was some pretty heavy stuff for before dinner."
"You're telling me," I said. "I've heard about people having a tough time talking about the whole commitment conversation, but I've never heard of people having a tough time talking about the conversation about having the commitment conversation somewhere down the line!"
"Well don't get me wrong," Kirsten said. "As far as I'm concerned we're an exclusive thing now. I'm also okay with us still sneaking around if that's what you need."
"Are you really willing to risk your job?" I asked.
Kirsten looked me straight in the eye. "I am. I also understand that you’re risking a hell of a lot more than what I am. I can get another job. You can't get another mother."
"Thank you for being so understanding," I said.
She shrugged. "I wouldn't be relationship material if I wasn't understanding, now would I?"
"I guess not."
"Well that's enough about that serious stuff. Why don’t we talk about something else?" Kirsten asked.
"Like what?"
"Like where are we going tonight? I think going exclusive deserves a celebration!"
I raised my glass. “To being exclusive in a town where we’re the only two girls who can be exclusive with each other anyways!”
Kirsten raised her glass. "I'll drink to that. I know of a couple of good places downtown near campus where we could have a good time. They've got all sorts of clubs over there, and there are a few that cater to our crowd, if you catch my meaning."
I giggled. "You don't have to do all that hiding stuff around here. It's just us. It's not like we're going to run into anyone from town who’d be scandalized or anything."
"I know," Kirsten said. "I suppose I'm just getting some practice in. Eternal vigilance and all that."
I reached across the table and smacked her shoulder. "You're terrible.”
“I aim to please,” she said.
I giggled and we finished our dinner, with Kirsten telling me all about what she planned. In no time we were finished and back up in the hotel room getting changed for a night out. It was warm enough that I was able to wear something truly skimpy. I looked over to Kirsten and then down to the outfit I planned on wearing tonight. I blushed. I’d never worn anything this revealing around her.
Not because I didn't want to so much as because this was the sort of thing that would scandalize people back home and get me a reputation. Probably a reputation that would be almost
as bad as what I could look forward to dealing with if anyone found out the truth about my sexual orientation.
Something that looked like it was coming out one way or another if Kirsten and I kept going. Surprisingly that thought held less terror and more anticipation every time it ran through my head.
I surveyed the outfit which was safely tucked away in my bag where Kirsten couldn’t see it. I could put the thing away and wear something more modest. She’d never know.
I’d know, though, and I very much wanted to wear this for Kirsten tonight. I wanted to show off. I wanted to go a little wild in a way that I hadn't been able to except for the privacy of her apartment and when we went out into the fields. Tonight was a night to have fun and live life. A night to go out and live like I had back when I was still in school.
"What's wrong?" Kirsten asked as she stripped down to her bra and panties.
God that was a sight that I’d never get tired of, but at the same time I didn't want to change in front of her. Maybe it was some lingering small town modesty. Most of it was that I wanted my outfit to be a surprise, though, and so I excused myself.
"I think I'm going to go into the bathroom to change," I said.
"Are you serious? After everything we've done together?" Kirsten asked.
"Well I'm afraid that if we both stripped down to practically nothing then we’re going to have a lot of trouble getting out to do anything other than each other tonight," I said. "And besides, I want my outfit tonight to be a surprise!"
Kirsten rolled her eyes to let me know exactly what she thought of that, but she waved for me to go into the bathroom. And so I smiled and ducked in there. Closed the door and looked at myself in the mirror as I stripped down to absolutely nothing and glanced nervously at that black lacy number I’d packed at the bottom of my bag earlier in the day.
I pulled on the underwear first. A black lace number. The top was strapless and I thought it looked rather nice on me. The bottom was a patch of almost see-through material in the front and a thong in the back. Definitely a lot more risqué than anything I ever wore when I was in town, but again this was a time to forget about modesty and have fun.
Next was a pair of shorts so tight that it almost looked like they were painted on. I did a quick twirl in the mirror and I liked what I saw. I know it was maybe a little conceited, but I figured I looked good. There was no harm in looking at my reflection and liking what I saw there. Especially if I knew that Kirsten was really going to like it!
Next I pulled on a tube top that also felt almost painted on. The bra worked nicely to elevate everything and I thought it looked pretty damn good even if I did say so myself.
I looked myself over one last time. Yeah, this was an outfit to die for. This was an outfit to rival some of the sluttiest things I'd ever worn when I was in college. And somehow wearing this outfit made me feel free. It made me feel like the old me. I felt like I was free from the worries of my mom finding out and freaking out. I was free from the worries of assholes like Pastor Dan getting upset about my lifestyle which should be none of his damn business to begin with.
Yeah, he could go fuck himself. Everyone who'd ever made me doubt myself could go fuck themselves. I was in a relationship with Kirsten. I was hers. She was mine. And that was something worth fighting for. I just hoped that this sudden resolve would last when I got back home. I hoped I wouldn't falter the next time I saw that asshole on the street.
But I could worry about that later. It's not like any of that was going to be a worry tonight.
"No, tonight tonight for having fun Savannah," I told the reflection in the mirror. That reflection smiled back and there wasn’t a trace of a blush for a change.
I took a deep breath. Turned and opened the door. Stepped out into the room and was gratified to see Kirsten staring. Her eyes went wide. I smiled. Definitely the reaction I was going for!
"Holy shit," Kirsten said.
"Could you say that again?" I asked.
"Holy fucking shit! You're fucking hot Savannah!"
"I put my hands on my hips. "And what was I before? Chopped liver or something?"
Kirsten shook her head and giggled. "You know what I mean. I've never seen you in something that hot!"
"Well you're seeing me in it now!" I said.
I did a little twirl just so she could get the full effect. I looked damn good, and I wanted to make sure she knew just how damn good I looked. I felt damn good looking this damn good, too.
"So what prompted you to dress like that?" Kirsten asked.
"Were not back home. It's not like I have to worry about anyone being scandalized by what I wear out here. So I figured why not have a little fun?"
"That's definitely more than a little fun Savannah!" Kirsten said.
I winked and pulled my tube top down just enough to show the barest hint of black lace.
"If you think this outfit is fun now, wait until later tonight!"
"Are you sure we have to go out tonight?" Kirsten asked, a pout coming to her face.
"Yes!"
I moved across the room and grabbed her hand. Practically dragged her to the door. The entire time she was pawing at me. She was worse than a teenage boy, and I’d been with a couple before I realized that what they were offering wasn't for me.
"Come on," I said. "The night is young. We can get to that later. Besides, the faster you get me to the clubs the faster you can grind up against this!"
I didn't need to say anything else. Kirsten was running ahead of me suddenly. I smiled. Tonight was going to be fun.
15: Dance
I took in a deep breath as we stepped onto the familiar old street. I figured just about every college town in the world had a street just like it. A place where all of the partying and revelry went down.
A place where that partying and revelry could be conveniently isolated from the rest of the community. This was that street from my university experience, and coming back here after so many years felt good. There were many streets just like it, but this one was mine, damn it.
Yeah, coming back here, seeing the sights and taking everything in after a couple of years away felt damn good.
"Do you need a moment alone?" Savannah asked.
I reached out and took her hand. "Nothing of the sort. Just enjoying the sights and sounds and smells again. It's been a while."
Savannah shook her head as she looked down the street. Off in front of us a group of drunks stumbled off the street causing a taxi to honk as tires screeched. Ah the sights and sounds of home. My true home. The place I worked just felt like, well, the place I worked in comparison.
"To be honest I never came through here all that often when I was in school,” Savannah said.
I glanced at her askance. "That's a damn shame. Why wouldn't you?"
"Well remember that you went to grad school as well. By the time I was old enough to go to the bars I only had another year and a half left at school, and I was so busy trying to get my degree that I didn’t have much time for partying."
"Well you sure as hell need to make up for lost time now!" I said.
I pulled her down the street. There were a couple of clubs in particular that I had in mind. Places where I'd had some very good times back in the day.
Sure I'd also gone to the usual non-alcoholic stuff. The LGBT Society and things like that where everyone sat around talking about how great it was to be gay while trying their damndest to get laid, but I always enjoyed coming here and letting loose.
People were more honest about the whole trying to get laid thing here. It seemed somehow more pure. It also went against the quiet librarian image I’d cultivated ever since getting back home.
"So if you didn't come down here that often then how did you meet girls?"
Savannah shrugged. "I was in the nursing program."
I nodded in understanding. "Talk about a target rich environment." Then I nudged her in the shoulder. "Probably a good thing you went into nursing! I guess that's the perfec
t thing for…"
Savannah looked down and frowned and I wanted to smack myself upside the head a couple of times. Damn it. Why did I always do this? Why did I always remind her of things that it would be best not to remind her of?
Finally she looked at me and smiled. "It's okay," she said. "I know you didn't mean it. Besides, I always enjoyed helping people. The whole nursing thing seemed like a good way to help people and make a good living at the same time."
"So why don't you have a job in town then? I'd think you could pretty much write your own ticket there."
She shrugged. "Taking care of my mom is more important, and it's not like I actually needed the money or anything."
That sounded like an invitation for a change of subject. An invitation I was more than happy to take, for that matter. The longer we talked about something that came so close to her mom being sick the more opportunity I had to put my foot firmly in mouth again.
I was frustratingly good at that sometimes.
"How about we stop talking about all this serious stuff. We’re supposed to have fun tonight," I said. And so I pulled her along. She smiled and allowed herself to be pulled along. Good.
As we walked I turned and gave her a sly look. "So what was that like being a smack dab in the middle of the nursing program like that? I was always in awe of the hotties I saw on that part of campus. No offense to the English department, but…"
Savannah shrugged. "There was plenty of fun to be had. Lots of flings with girls who were interested in one night stands and maybe exploring a little bit, but never anything too terribly serious."
I smiled at the memories that conjured up. I'd also gone through my phase when I'd been more than willing to help straight girls who were in the mood to do a bit of exploring, though that inevitably led to me being frustrated when those girls were only interested in experimenting and nothing more serious.
"So did the novelty of being an experimental phase ever wear off for you?"
Savannah rolled her eyes and groaned. "God yes it did! At first it was awesome being at a party mentioning I was a lesbian and suddenly I was drowning in girls throwing themselves at me after a few drinks, but it got old."
