by Mia Archer
“I think we could arrange a private showing if you were really interested,” Savannah said.
“I’d expect nothing less from my sexy girlfriend,” I replied.
That blush deepened. “You know I like the sound of that.”
“What? Giving me a private showing?”
“No, you calling me your girlfriend. It’s nice.”
I leaned in and kissed her. Pulled back. “You have no idea!”
And then I went back to kissing her. Quite thoroughly. And we didn’t stop for quite some time. I also finally got to see that underwear she’d been hinting at the entire evening, and it was everything I could have hoped for and so much more.
Yeah, there was plenty to distract me from the can of worms we’d negotiated our way out of earlier in the evening and then Savannah had punched our way right back into by the end of the night. Reality would come crashing back down around us soon enough, but for the moment it was just the two of us and everything was right in the world.
18: The Big One
“Are you sure we have to do this?” I asked.
I pulled into the driveway. The same gravel drive I’d pulled into countless times in my life. The sound of that gravel crunching under my tires was unique in its own way. It was familiar. It sounded like coming home.
And as I looked at the farmhouse off in the distance and knew my mother was in there waiting for us I felt terror at that sound. Terror that clenched at my stomach and made me want to turn around and go right back to the city. Compared to the prospect of facing my mom and letting her in on this secret I’d kept from her for so long the idea of going back to where I’d punched out pastor Dan seemed less terrifying.
“No, you don’t have to do this,” Kirsten said.
I looked at her. She was my rock in this singularly terrifying moment. I wondered why the hell I’d thought it was a good idea to go ahead and get everything out there. Now that I was here in the moment, now that I was about to give it all away after so much time trying to hide it, everything seemed a lot less simple than it had when I was in Kirsten’s arms in the city.
“I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Kirsten said.
I breathed a sigh of relief, though oddly enough it was just relief knowing I wasn’t being forced into this.
“You’re right. I need to go through with this,” I said.
Kirsten blinked. “That’s not what I said at all, but I’m not going to stop you one way or another.”
“If I don’t tell her then word is going to get around. Pastor Dan is going to cause trouble somewhere. I just know it. There’s no hiding it from her this time around,” I said.
“Probably not,” Kirsten said. “And I’m going to go ahead and tell Ethel no matter what you decide to do.”
“I figured you were going to say something like that,” I said. I pulled the truck to a stop in front of the house. I’d insisted on driving home. I didn’t care what she said about my driving ability. I was a good driver, and there wasn’t anyone but me, and maybe mom, getting behind the wheel of my baby thank you very much.
“I suppose there’s nothing for it,” I said.
I saw a twitch near the front door and smiled. No doubt mom was already waiting there watching to see what was going on. And if I knew anything about my mom, if the inkling I had from what she’d said to me right before I left for this mini vacation with Kirsten was at all correct, she was looking to see if there was any sign Kirsten and I were an item.
To be perfectly honest it was the lingering suspicion I had that my mom had some lingering suspicions about what was going on between me and Kirsten that had me so willing to make this huge confession in the first place. What she’d said to me before we left, that she’d love me more than anything, sounded suspiciously like she suspected something.
Of course there were also far more pressing reasons to confess. There was the fact that Kirsten could see a future with me. Still, the knowledge that telling my mom might not result in a trip to the ER went a long way towards giving me the courage to just do it already.
I reached out and took Kirsten’s hand. Gave it a squeeze. I was hopeful and optimistic, but there was still very much the possibility that things could go wrong here.
“I want you to know that it’s you and me no matter what happens here,” I said.
Kirsten squeezed my hand right back. “I know. No need to even say anything.”
I took in a deep breath. Let it out in a long slow relaxation thing I tried whenever I was feeling antsy. I had a hell of a lot of reasons to feel antsy right now, let me tell you!
“I guess we should go ahead and to this, shouldn’t we?” I asked.
“Probably,” Kirsten said. “If we wait any longer then your mom is probably going to have a heart attack up there waiting on us to come up.”
I giggled. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”
“So how do we do this? Are we holding hands on the walk up there or anything, or do you want to hold off on the big reveal?”
“My vote is to hold off on that stuff until we know for sure how she’s going to take this,” I said.
“Well your vote is the only one that matters, so let’s do this,” she said.
I pulled the door open and stepped out of the truck. I didn’t bother to gather any of the luggage or anything. That stuff could wait. It’s not like I had to worry about someone trying to steal it out of the back cab or anything all the way out here anyways. Except for the occasional meth cook looking for some fertilizer the robbers around here knew to ply their trade in town where they were less likely to run into someone angry with a shotgun.
I took the familiar steps up to the house. Everything was the same and yet different. I suppose the knowledge that all of this could very quickly show up in my rear view mirror for a good long while if my mom got pissed off about what I was about to tell her was putting it into sharp relief. I realized I was staring at everything as though this might be the last time I saw it. I felt like someone going off to war and not someone going to tell my mom a truth she might find slightly uncomfortable.
Nothing for it but to get on with business, though, and hope that my read on the situation was right.
The door opened before we even reached it. I didn’t have time to dig my keys out. Not that I thought the door would actually be locked. Mom tended to forget to lock them no matter how many times I told her to do it. Again, not locking doors was sort of an ingrained thing around here. That was something people did in the city. Not out in the middle of nowhere.
Mom positively beamed at us. Her eyes took both of us in and again I was left with the distinct feeling that she knew more than she was letting on.
“Savannah! So glad you’re back!” she said. “And it’s very nice to see you again too Kirsten. I hope the two of you had a good time in the city? No problems or anything?”
My eyes narrowed. Almost I thought she was letting on that she knew something. Almost I’d think she was being clever, but then again that was impossible. If she knew what happened between my right fist and pastor Dan’s left eye then she wouldn’t be reacting with a smile like this. No, she’d probably be yelling at me for fighting even if I was a grown woman.
“It was a pretty uneventful trip,” I lied. I desperately hoped that would be the last time I lied to her like that about something major ever.
“Well come in the two of you. I’m sure you’d like to relax after that long drive.”
“It was only a couple of hours,” Kirsten said. “Really not that bad at all.”
“Besides, I think we need to go into the living room and have a chat,” I said.
There it was. The die was cast. Going into the living room and having a chat would inevitably lead to confessions. The sort of confession that had butterflies doing one hell of a dance in my stomach. The kind of confession I’d been avoiding for so long.
I glanced at Kirsten and she gave me a supportive smile. This was the type
of confession that needed to happen.
“Are you sure you don’t want to settle in? Maybe stretch your legs or something?”
“No mom, I’m sure,” I said. “This is something we need to talk about now. Something we’ve needed to talk about for a good long time.”
“Well if you insist. Are you sure you don’t want me to get you something from the kitchen first?”
“The last thing I want is for you to put yourself out on our account. Now go. Sit.”
Mom shuffled into the living room looking for all the world as though she was having trouble moving, but I didn’t believe that for a moment. No, she might have trouble catching her breath and she might be on oxygen most of the time, but I knew how fast she could move when she wanted to. I also knew that she could slow things down if she was irritated or looking for a bit of sympathy.
I grinned. “You can stop with the old and infirm routine mom. I know how fast you can move.”
She looked over her shoulder and shot me a glance that was pretty damn close to a glare, but I ignored it. She also smiled and started moving just a little faster, so mission accomplished even if she was glaring at me. Meanwhile Kirsten watched the whole exchange and shook her head with a smile of her own.
I suppose she was going to have to get used to my mom’s ways if she was going to be around on any sort of permanent basis. I desperately hoped she’d be around on a semi-permanent basis after this, but I wasn’t going to count any chickens before they hatched. After all, there was no telling how this was going to end. There was still very much a possibility that this whole thing might blow up and I’d end up spending the night at Kirsten’s apartment instead of at my own home.
Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing staying the night at Kirsten’s apartment finally, but the circumstances would certainly be less than ideal.
Mom sat on the couch and heaved a great sigh as though the act of sitting was one of the most difficult things she’d ever done. Then she peered at both of us in turn.
I took a seat on the chair across from her and for a surprise Kirsten moved over and sat next to me on the arm of that chair. It was big and fluffy and Kirsten was light, more than enough to hold her weight, but getting up close and personal in front of my mother still felt somehow wrong. I suppose old habits died hard. I was so used to pretending that we weren’t an item that something familiar like that was enough to send me into a momentary panic.
Only momentary, though. I forced myself under control. I took a couple of deep breaths.
“So what’s the big deal?” mom asked.
“Well I wanted to tell you…”
“That you and Kirsten are dating?”
“That me and Kirsten are… Wait. What?”
Kirsten’s hand had moved to my shoulder and it tightened at my mother’s words. Talk about a hell of a surprise! I looked at her and then to Kiersten, and the shock must’ve been plain on my face. Kirsten looked worried, but mom just threw her head back and positively cackled with glee.
“I knew it!” she said, pointing at me.
And then she did something that was very uncharacteristic for a person with her condition. Something that probably wasn’t a good idea given that condition, but knowing my mom she probably couldn’t resist. She stood and danced a little jig right there in front of us. Meanwhile Kirsten and I stood and stared in disbelief. Had she really just said that?
Eventually the exertion of doing that little dance finally got to her and she sat back down. She was breathing heavily, and the steady hiss of her oxygen filled the room along with her deep breaths. I gave her a rueful look and shook my head. She waved that away, though.
Yeah, she was pretty tired of me telling her what she could and couldn’t do. For that matter I was over telling her what she could and couldn’t do. If she wanted to exert herself to the point of exhaustion then that was her business.
Besides, there were far more pressing matters than her tendency to overdo it.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Actually I’ve known for years. Ever since I got a call from that loony over at the Baptist Church,” she said. “I knew that thing with you and Tiffany would only end in tears, but I figured I had to let you make your own mistakes.”
Revelation upon revelation was crashing down around me. I blinked in astonishment. Tiffany. The loony could only be pastor Dan. The thing at the Baptist Church. The call.
A phone call. He actually called her. All these years I thought I’d gotten away with it, and now I find out that he’d been true to his nature and tried to stir things up between me and my mom. Just one more sin to add to the numerous sins that man had committed against me. And it made me feel better about connecting my right fist with his eye the night before, let me tell you.
“He called you?” I said.
“Sure did. Told me how my daughter was a harlot and a sinner and he never wanted to see you at his youth group again,” she said. “I gave him a piece of my mind that night, let me tell you. I figured after that he never would’ve bothered you again.”
I shook my head. “I wish you were right about that,” I said.
She leaned forward, and there was a predatory gleam in her eyes. It was the look of a mother bear getting ready to protect her cubs with tooth and claw. “He didn’t leave you alone after that?”
“Boy did he not leave her alone,” Kirsten grumbled.
“I’ll kill him,” mom said. It was a simple statement of fact. There was a man out there who’d attacked her daughter and he needed to be ended as a result. The fact that she was on oxygen wasn’t going to stop her from completing her mission.
I held up a hand to stop the revenge killings before they could really get started. No, there was no point getting into the middle of that right now. Especially when there were more pressing questions bothering me. Like why hadn’t she said something? So I figured I’d ask just that.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
She frowned. “I figured I’d let you do things in your own time. I thought that asshole had probably already traumatized you enough, I never really approve of you going to those youth group things but I understood why you did, and I didn’t want to add to whatever angst you might’ve been feeling. I might be running out the clock now, but I still remember what it was like to be a teenage girl.”
I shook my head. Talk about a surprise. Not to mention it would’ve been nice to have a little bit of motherly support back then. Even if I would’ve been mortified to know that she knew my secret.
“Thanks, I think?”
She waved a hand. “Think nothing of it. So is this girl right in front of me the reason you finally decided to come clean?”
“Well that’s part of the reason,” Kirsten said.
I gave Kirsten a warning look, but it was already too late. Mom was a perceptive person, far more perceptive than I’d ever given her credit for, and there was no way she was going to miss that little exchange. She leaned forward again, that gleam back in her eyes. Only this time there was more curiosity than a protective urge lurking beneath the surface.
“What’s going on here?” she asked.
I sighed. Well, it seemed like the big reveal wasn’t as big as I thought it was, but there were still other things I could talk about that would no doubt scandalize my mother. Still, after she didn’t have the heart attack or a breakdown that resulted in an emergency room visit, well let’s just say I figured it was a little safer to tell her about some of the other things that had been going on in my life lately. Particularly the things that resulted in pastor Dan being carted away by the cops back in the city.
I launched into an explanation of everything that had happened. How pastor Dan had been on the warpath when it came to me and Kirsten. How he’d been threatening to make our lives a complete misery.
Mom laughed at that. “I’d like to see him try.”
I looked up at Kirsten. “Well there is the worry that he might get to somebody
on the library board and…”
“And what?” mom asked.
“Well, some of them might not be as accepting as you are. You pretty much have to take me as I am. I’m your daughter, and I’m the one taking care of you for free.”
She rolled her eyes. I suppose I deserved it. Still, I couldn’t resist.
“You might be surprised. Some of the people on that library board might be a little more open-minded than you think. I know them all pretty well, after all.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do,” she said. “Don’t forget that some of those old-timers on the library board are about the same age as me. I went to school with a few of them. I think I even went on a couple of dates with the guy running the thing. Not a very good kisser, let me tell you.”
I shook my head. “Too much information, mom. Either way. It’s entirely possible that pastor Dan could make trouble for Kirsten if he wanted to.”
“Well I’d like to see him try,” my mom said.
I sat back. I felt a lot more relieved about everything than I had just twenty minutes ago. Confession was good for the soul. Especially when the confession was going as well as this one. Talk about unexpected. Well, sort of unexpected. There was that exchange before I left for the city with Kirsten, after all, that had me hoping things might go this well.
“So you knew about Tiffany?” I asked.
Mom laughed. “Of course I did. It was pretty obvious.”
“Was I really that bad?”
“I saw the way you were always mooning over her when she was over here. I know when someone has the hots for someone.”
“So why did you let her stay the night?”
Mom shook her head. “Because I also figured you’d be too terrified to make a move.”
“Mom!” I said with a blush.
It suddenly occurred to me that not only was I talking about my first major girl crush and how spectacularly it had failed, but I was talking about that girl crush in front of the woman I loved. A woman who might not take too kindly to hearing about the old competition, even if mom was right and there never had truly been any competition. There certainly wasn’t any competition now. I’d seen Tiffany lately, and talk about a hell of a case of wondering what the hell I’d been thinking back then.
