Each time she reached for her wolf and stepped aside to begin the change, Darcy cringed with pain. It had been a faint pressure at first, an annoying throb in her head, but with each attempt, it progressively worsened.
I hated seeing her grit her teeth as she tried to endure it. I wanted to tell her to stop, that we’d take a break and try later—anything to prevent the sweat from beading across her brow and to calm her trembling body. She’d gone through so much in such a short period of time.
Unfortunately, we didn’t have that luxury. If something was wrong, if the conversion had somehow damaged her wolf, we needed to know immediately. Both of us had assumed her beast nature had simply required a little extra breathing space, but it had been too long
I hid how much this turn of events troubled me. The last thing Darcy needed was to see how worried I was becoming. Even with our mental connection broken, her growing agitation was obvious.
“I am,” she exclaimed, her jaw clenched, her fingers gripping the dirt as she struggled. When nothing happened while she was standing up, I suggested maybe kneeling on all fours might help. Over and over, Darcy pushed until I thought she was ready to snap. Stopping to take a few mouthfuls of blood didn’t ease the tension, either. One theory was that somehow her vampire needs were superseding the process.
“Tell me what you’re feeling.” Crouching down beside her, I kept my voice calm. Both of us had assumed my testing would be easy. From what she’d told me about her training session with Devlin, it had been a cakewalk. Careful to keep my frustration to myself, I did my best to soothe her.
She might be my wife and soul mate, but she was also someone in my charge as Alpha. I couldn’t fix whatever was wrong, but I could still be useful.
“It huuuurts,” she groaned, her last word dragged out.
“What does?”
“Everything. Everywhere. My head.”
That seemed to be where it originated. She’d complained of a headache earlier, but I’d assumed the couple of ibuprofen she took had alleviated it. Now it had returned with a vengeance and was hampering the one thing that should come so naturally to her. Shifting into wolf form was like breathing—like the instinctive back and forth of the tide. Sure there was uncertainty in the beginning, but now, after all these years, Darcy shouldn’t be having this kind of difficulty.
That wasn’t what really bothered me, however. It was the pain she was experiencing that rendered me helpless.
I hated it with a passion.
Resting on my heels, I studied her, looking for anything that might indicate the solution. “And the more you try, the more it hurts?”
“I feel like my skull is being ripped open and molten lava poured in. Descriptive enough?” she snipped.
I ignored her sarcasm and chewed on my bottom lip. “I think this confirms your suspicions. The conversion affected her and she just needs time?” I meant it to be a statement, but it came out more like a question. This not knowing was killing me. I liked absolutes. I embraced definites.
“You’re not instilling confidence in me, Mason.” Darcy dropped to the ground, her face buried in the crook of her elbow. She sounded so small, nothing like the warrior I’d witnessed the past few days.
“I know, sweetheart.” I stroked her hair and she stilled. Touch was such a vital part of who we were. Seeing the way she responded to the briefest caress, I wanted to gather her in my arms.
But duty came first– in this case, the responsibility to see her whole, again.
“I know she’s in there. And she’s alert; so it’s not like she’s sick or . . . broken.” Her voice cracked saying the word out loud. “Sometimes I think she’s trying to communicate with me, but she seems just out of reach—like something is preventing the connection. The only thing I know is that she doesn’t like the pressure any more than I do.” Darcy pushed herself up and sat with her legs crossed. “Tell me I didn’t go through all this just to lose her, Mason. Please.”
I watched her brave resolve crack, tears welling in her eyes as her mouth quivered. “You haven’t lost her. I can sense her, too. I won’t sugar coat it, though. Something is definitely off, but we’ll figure it out. In fact . . . maybe.” I was already standing before the thought completely formed.
Pulling my shirt up and over my head, I dropped it to the ground before slipping my thumbs beneath the waistband of my sweatpants.
“I don’t think this is the time.” Darcy barked out a surprised laugh and I shook my head.
“No, I’m going to see if we can coax your wolf. Maybe that’s what you need to push past whatever barrier is holding you back.” Bending over, I quickly kissed the top of her head, offering her a hopeful smile.
“It’s worth a try,” she answered, optimism sparking in her voice. She sat up straight, whatever stray tears still lurking in her eyes brushed away.
With a brisk nod, I dropped and four paws hit the ground. My change always occurred within the blink of an eye—from years of experience and a benefit of being Alpha. It was something I wished I could pass on to my mate.
With absolute focus, I ignored the call of the forest and the creatures that scurried in its depths. An overwhelming yearning to run surfaced, but I gave it no heed. There would be plenty of time for that when Darcy could join me. I held onto control with the promise that my own wolf could take the lead, later.
Right now, I was more interested in persuading a stubborn wolf to fight against her restraints and break free.
Padding forward, I nudged Darcy with my nose, her scent filling my lungs. She was everything to me—my rock, my home, and my heart. When the tingle of magic failed to appear, I bumped her again with the side of my body, hoping a playful attitude would be enough enticement. The mere suggestion of play was often all it took, especially between us.
Nothing.
I moved to stand before her, peering into her green eyes and seeing the beauty within. Darcy was an incredible woman, and it was more than just what was on the surface. She had one of those souls that inspired you to be a better person, which made it difficult not to love her.
Shaking my head, my distracting thoughts scattered. It was faint, but I could sense the pressure she talked about. I had no idea what it was or where it originated. All I knew was that it hadn’t been there before the conversion process and now it was. I sent out tendrils of my Alpha authority, the power granted me so I could protect those in my care, and while the contact didn’t hurt, it didn’t feel right, either.
Whatever it was, it was definitely the reason behind Darcy’s inability to shift. I was certain of it. The key, now, was to figure out a way to get rid of it.
I rested my head on her shoulder, relishing the way her fingers instantly began brushing through my black fur. Even though no words were exchanged, a warm blanket of comfort encircled us, momentarily shielding us from the world. It broke my heart that something was keeping this part of her from me.
We sat like that for a few minutes before I retreated and began shifting back to my human form. I hadn’t been able to resolve the problem, but at least I now had an idea of what was happening.
Darcy took one look at my face and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry.”
I was quick to put my clothes back on and sat down behind her, pulling her into my arms. “This isn’t something you’re doing, sweetheart. No, I wasn’t able to help you change, but I think I found the problem. It’s that pressure in your head.”
“You felt it?” She scooted to the side a little, astonishment covering her face.
“More like sensed it. Your wolf is there, and I think there’s a correlation between the two.”
The breath she exhaled was one of relief. “Me, too. I thought I was going crazy, but didn’t want to say it.”
“Don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I know, I know. I think I was more worried about admitting it out loud to myself,” she confessed and I tightened my hold on her. She might think she was
weak, but she was nothing short of brave in my eyes. I’d seen so many crumble under this kind of uncertainty; and even though she doubted herself, she continued to dazzle me.
“It’s okay to be unsure. It’s what makes you human,” I encouraged, kissing the side of her head, lightly.
“I just don’t want to appear weak. I don’t want to give myself a chance to fall apart.”
“Well, if you do, I’ll be here to hold you together. No one expects you to be strong all the time.”
“I expect it.” She stopped talking, the telltale wrinkling of her brow showing that her thoughts had taken over.
“Spill it,” I ordered, not about to take no for an answer.
“Mason, I feel . . .” Darcy paused, hesitant to finish.
“You’re safe. Nothing you say will ever change that I love you.”
“I feel broken.” Her confession burst from her. “Sure, I have all this extra super strength, etcetera; but not being able to shift, feeling distant from my wolf, I feel like I’ve lost who I am . . . the important part. I know I need to do something to make it happen, but what if I can’t? What if I remain like this forever?” Her breath hitched as anxiety caused her body to tremble.
Brushing my thumb across her lips, I pulled her into my lap before capturing her face between my hands. “Darcy, I promise you. You are not broken. You are still you. I can only imagine how scary this is, but my heart tells me this is temporary. We’ll find a way to reconnect you two together. Just don’t give up, okay? Even when you feel like you’re drowning in self-doubt, hold on to hope. We will work this out.” I didn’t know how else to convince her of my sincerity. This was the kind of absolute I thrived on—my absolute determination to do everything in my power to restore her wolf to her.
She smiled softly and the sight of it made me want to kiss her. “I love you. I don’t think I can ever say that enough.”
“I love you, too.” Giving in, I cupped the back of her head and drew her in.
I could spend the rest of my life kissing this woman and never be satisfied, always wanting more. She all but melted against me and I wanted to shout with victory at her reaction. Despite the tension in her muscles, regardless of the worries in her mind, she became putty in my hands; and as I deepened our kiss, it strengthened my resolve to protect her.
I would be her shield, her refuge. I would be the one she could rely on. I would always be there to help wipe away her tears and silence her distress. I would be her everything, just as she was mine.
Our kiss sweetened and it was with great reluctance, I pulled away. Resting our heads together, I breathed her in, cementing her deeper in my heart.
“Forever, sweetheart.” It was all that needed to be said.
Chapter Twelve
Darcy
I didn’t know what made me more nervous—the fact that I was placing all my hopes on Vivien, or that I had an anxious audience watching.
After the brief meeting between Mason and Devlin last night, it was agreed that other than not being able to shift and the pressure in my head, I’d survived the conversion process unscathed. There was no sign of insanity, I had a healthy grip on my hunger for blood, and my body had quickly adapted.
I was declared a miracle and, if it wasn’t for my wolf, everyone would be celebrating. We’d faced a difficult threat, one that had almost resulted in my death, and overcame it. If we could resolve this one last obstacle, I was all for partying.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t relax until I knew everything was as it should be.
We were at Vivien’s house. Surrounded by the tools of her craft, she immediately set about preparing for an incantation.
My hands fidgeted in my lap as I sat inside the pentagram Vivien had drawn on the floor. She’d placed objects of power within each point—lit candles, crystals, and sachets filled with herbs. She assured me this would help—that casting a spell would erase any residual effects from my becoming part-vampire. Her exact words had been “magic could cure anything,” but I’d been tempted to remind her about her attempts to subdue my witch nature that ended up alerting Julian and causing this whole mess.
Nothing we’d done had helped balance my newly acquired witch abilities out or rebind them. It had taken my confrontation with Julian to remove that danger, only to be thrown head first into a greater one. We’d had no other choice but to fill the emptiness created by killing my narcissistic ancestor with a second predatory nature.
Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t destroyed that milder, magical side of myself. Would I have eventually been able to balance out and learn the control I had desperately needed? With the constant throbbing inside my head, it was hard not to believe I’d traded one set of issues for another.
“You ready?” Vivien smiled, taking a seat in front of me, careful not to break the lines of the pentagram.
“Here’s hoping this works,” I answered, crossing my fingers for luck. As if aware of what we were about to do, pain pulsed and my vision blackened.
Earlier, Mason had asked how I was feeling and I’d lied. Taking the pain meds he’d given me had become like popping candy—ineffective. I didn’t like downplaying the headache’s intensity, but I was confident that after whatever Vivien had planned was complete, the pressure would be gone. Meanwhile, I smiled and acted like I didn’t feel like I was repeatedly banging my head against a brick wall.
“It will. I tweaked the spell so it would cover you as a whole . . . your body, your spirit, and your mind. It’ll soothe away any remaining damage and fortify your equilibrium.”
“Thank you,” I mouthed, casting a glance at Mason over my shoulder. He offered me a reassuring smile, nodding his support from beside my mother. Devlin was on the other side of her and the look on his face showed exactly what he was thinking—that this was merely a formality. He’d watched me survive so much. I would come through this, as well.
The room quieted to a hush and I blocked out the beating of every heart, the ticking of watches, and the pumping of blood. That had been one of the first skills I’d begged Devlin to show me—the ability to tune out all the surrounding noises and concentrate. Zane had worried about madness with my conversion; but to me, it was the constant overstimulation from being keenly aware of every little thing around me that was the bigger threat. Luckily, it hadn’t been difficult to learn.
Just as Vivien was about to begin, there was a knock at the door.
“Hello?” Helena greeted, hesitantly. “Anyone . . .” Seeing us about to start, her face flushed a bright red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. They said you were down in your study and I didn’t think.” She popped inside but remained by the door. I really liked the witch and was glad to see her. I moved to get up and hug her when she waved her hand to stop me. “No, no. Don’t stand. I’ll join the others and watch, if that’s okay.”
Soft murmurs filled the air as she walked over to Mason, shaking his hand briefly before coming to a stop beside him. I wondered if Vivien was going to ask her to join in, combining their powers.
Vivien coughed, dragging my attention back. “Ready?”
Nodding, she began:
Blessed Mother, guardian of all,
Hear my petition, hear my call.
Before thee stands thy daughter dear,
Ease her heart, rid it of fear.
The candle flames flickered as heat brushed over my skin, coating it before seeping through my pores. The magic was already working.
With fire’s flame and earth’s grounding power,
Plants from the fields, herb and flower.
Soothe away all ill effects and aches,
Erase the cracks, the jagged edges and breaks.
Two natures she holds, two natures she commands,
Mold thy daughter within your hands.
Restore that which falters and takes a toll,
Bless her body, her mind, her soul.
I let out an involuntary gasp as I felt a burn
journey through my veins and collect in the center of my chest. Like a growing ball of energy, magic pulsed and radiated before bursting—shooting tendrils of power to every part of my body. The relief was instant as the wear and tear I endured began fading away.
As Vivien’s magic filled my mind, I couldn’t help but hold my breath. This was what I’d been waiting for—to see whether the pressure would leave, as well. Time stood still, making it hard to keep the noise of the room from crashing down around me. In my mind’s eye, I watch as it hovered, gently probing the presence, and pausing before blasting out of existence.
It remained, however.
Vivien’s brow crinkled, another indication that something was wrong. Adding strength to her words, she continued:
Wipe away what lurks within,
Banish all harm from her mind.
Bless her, sweet Mother, this child do protect.
So I ask, so I plea.
Mote it be.
Blessed be.
I let out a disappointed sigh, my eyes closing against the dreaded results. While my body felt good, the ever-constant pounding in my head intensified, as if mocking Vivien’s attempts to remove it.
“Darcy?” Mason asked, his voice sounding far away.
Gingerly shaking my head, I didn’t have to turn around to see him and everyone in the room just as disheartened as me.
“We’ll try again,” Vivien chimed in, already up and reaching for her Book of Shadows. Flipping through the pages, her fingers skimmed over what she was reading– but I knew the answer.
If there were a spell, she would’ve cast it.
“Vivien,” I interrupted. “It’s okay.”
“Can you write one?” my mother asked, Mason and Devlin voicing their encouragement, as well.
“It’ll take me a few hours to perfect it and gather whatever I need, but yes.” Grabbing a note pad, Vivien glanced at Devlin. “I may need you to run an errand for some supplies.”
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