by Luxie Ryder
“Stop, Wade.” Brandon’s voice came out in a raspy groan and they both smiled at the sound. “Fuck! That was amazing. If I knew you were gonna react like that, I’d leave town more often.”
The atmosphere in the truck got heavy again, and Wade closed his eyes so Brandon wouldn’t see how worried he was. He turned back toward the steering wheel and waited for Brandon to put his clothes straight.
“What are you doing? Get down here so I can return the favor.” Brandon sat up and looked as if he was going for Wade’s fly but stopped when he raised a hand.
“There’s nothing I want more than to fuck you right now, but we haven’t really got the time. So, you know what, I’m gonna let you owe me one. That way, you gotta make sure you come back.” Wade grinned, hoping Brandon would buy his act and not push it further.
Brandon stared at Wade solemnly, and didn’t return his smile. “I will. I promise I will.”
They drove the last few miles to the base in silence, and Wade figured Brandon would understand why he got out of the truck at the gate, tossed the keys over to him, and walked away without saying good-bye.
Chapter Five
“Oh, God! You know, don’t you?”
Kimber didn’t wait for Wade’s reply, turning to stride across her parent’s lawn, gesturing that he should follow her away from the house so they would be out of the earshot. He took his time making his way over to her, probably as reluctant to have the impending conversation as she was.
She’d been looking forward to his arrival from the minute Brandon had called her and told her Wade was on his way. Kimber had regretted her hasty decision to leave the guys for a couple of days almost instantly. The twins had been asleep in the back of the car for most of the two-hour trip to Eager, giving her the time and space to think. Running away from the problem helped nobody, and had been a total waste of time, if Wade’s comment to the girls a few moments ago meant what she thought it did.
He’d walked in, kissed her in a way that was almost inappropriate considering the fact her parents were around, and the kids were crawling across the room toward him as fast as their pudgy hands and knees would carry them.
Wade had looked as if his heart was melting as he bent down to scoop them up into his arms. “There’s my gorgeous girls,” he’d said, pressing a noisy kiss to their cheeks, “that one’s from me.” He smiled as they squirmed away from his bristled chin and giggled as he kissed them both again, “and that one’s from your daddy.”
God only knew how she’d managed to hold her emotions in check long enough to ask her parents to keep an eye on the kids and drag him from the room.
Escudilla Mountain dominated the view from the garden, and she stared at it once more, as she had so many times in the past, summoning strength from its beauty. The mountain was one of her favorite places in the world and presided over a large aspen forest that provided a home for much of the state’s elk and black bear population. One day when they were up to the challenge, she would take the girls for a hike in the lower hills, but not today. Today she had to find the courage to turn and face Wade. His gentle touch on her shoulder made it easier, although she couldn’t yet meet his eyes.
“I thought I was the only one who knew, right up until this very minute.” Wade placed a finger under her chin, urging her to look up at him. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I...I wanted to talk to you both about it, but I was too scared. I’ve tried to push it to the back of my mind in the hopes that I wouldn’t have to deal with it, but that’s not fair on any of us, especially not the kids. They have a right to know who their true father is. Besides, it might have been a little easier to do if you’d broached the subject first.”
Wade closed his eyes but not before she saw his anguish turn them a dark, stormy gray. “You’re right. Of course you are. I just guess I thought I could bury my head and not have to deal with it.”
“When did you begin to wonder?”
“One morning, a couple of months ago.” Wade took a step back and thrust his hands into his jeans pockets, his eyes hidden by the brim of his hat when he looked down and kicked at a weed with the toe of his boot. “Have you told Brandon?”
Kimber’s stomach fluttered at the thought of having to have this conversation again. “My intention was to sit you both down and ask what you thought about getting a paternity test done. I didn’t know you’d already figured it out. Have you discussed it with Brandon?”
“No.” Wade kept his head down so she couldn’t read his eyes, but Kimber didn’t need to be looking into the face of the man she loved to know he was in pain.
“He might not have noticed.”
“I guess not.”
The thought it might be killing him to keep talking about it damn near tore her heart out, but she had no idea how to handle it. “He always says they look like me. Maybe he can’t see himself in them the way we can?”
Wade turned his gaze toward the mountain that was silently watching over them all, his face scarred with a sadness she hadn’t known him capable of. But when he turned to her and tried to smile, only managing to muster a weak imitation of his usual cocky grin, that was actually more of a grimace, Kimber realized he was trying to put on a brave face for her benefit. “He’s had a lot on his mind.”
She blinked away a sting of tears, struggling to keep a grip on her emotions while her parents were so close by. “Maybe we should wait until Brandon is around to talk about this? He really should be here.”
“Why?” Wade’s harsh tone made her jump. “Because the kids are none of my business any more, is that what you mean?”
Kimber felt her knees threaten to give way as she reeled backward, like he’d reached out and slapped her. The tears she’d been keeping at bay overwhelmed her, and she turned to run, desperate to escape the evidence of his pain. His words hadn’t shocked her so much as having her worst fears realized had—that the day had finally come where her world would fall apart, and she would know for sure there was a price to pay for all the happiness they’d shared.
“Wait!”
Wade’s shout brought her to an abrupt stop. Hurt as she was, she knew Wade was hurting even more and she wasn’t about to make him chase her through the woods surrounding her family home in order to talk to her.
“Fuck! I didn’t mean that, Kimber.” He took a step toward her, as if afraid she’d run again if he got too close. “I’m real sorry for what I said. It’s just the thought of losing you all terrifies me, ya know?”
Kimber closed the distance between them, stunned by the raw emotion twisting his usually handsome features into a pained mask. “What could possibly happen that would ever make you lose us? The fact Brandon is probably the girls’ father doesn’t change how much they love you or how much I love you.”
“I know, but think about it from my side. If I hadn’t forced Brandon to leave town, you two would probably have gotten married and had kids anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad I didn’t manage to fuck up all our lives but that’s thanks to you and Brandon, not me.”
“What are you saying? You can’t think we don’t love you...that we don’t need you?” Kimber looked at the rock of a man who she’d relied on, trusted, and damn near idolized since she was a teenager, and wondered what could happened to shake him to the core like this.
“I’m saying, I don’t deserve you.” Wade put up a hand to stop her as she rushed to reassure him. “Let me finish, honey. I’m the luckiest son-of-a-bitch on the planet. I know that better than anyone. I’ve been arrogant, proud, and stupid my whole fucking life, yet you and Brandon still want me. Do you understand how it feels to get this much love, this much happiness, and know you haven’t done a damn thing to earn it?”
Kimber couldn’t let him continue. She flung her arms around his neck, sobs wracking her body as she struggled to speak. He held her tight, stroking her hair and whispering apologies, his voice rough with emotion. When Kimber finally managed to stem the flow of tears enough that she cou
ld talk, she let go of him and pulled away, then punched him in the arm as hard as she could.
“You’re right! You’ve always been arrogant, proud, and stupid, and you still are.” She stalked away from him, her hands clenching into fists as his words ran through her mind again. Kimber spun on her heel and stormed back over to Wade, screaming in frustration as she pushed against his chest as hard as she could, yet didn’t budge him an inch.
Wade looked a little shocked by her attack at first, but then he cast his gaze away as he bit down on his lip, and she knew he was suppressing a grin. She put her hands on her hips, stunned that he would laugh at her at a time like this. Kimber heard him chuckle as he pretended to clear his throat, irritating her all the more, but she didn’t get a chance to lash out again because he wrapped his arms around her and trapped her against him. “I’m sorry, honey, but I gotta tell ya, sympathy isn’t your strong suit.”
Kimber couldn’t see his face, but she knew exactly how he would look, and the thought of him fighting not to laugh as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp, made her smile despite her anger. She was glad he’d stopped her from hitting him some more. He might be big, stubborn, and arrogant, but he didn’t deserve to be abused for it.
“It’s okay, you can let me go. I’m calm now.” She eased out of his arms and had the urge to smile again when he took a cautious step away from her. “I’m sorry, Wade. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I didn’t mean to laugh but I’ve never seen you so mad before. I guess I pissed you off, huh?”
Kimber grinned, her cheeks burning with shame as she imagined how deranged she must have seemed. “You could say that.”
The humor drained from his face, and Kimber could see him struggling to find the words to explain himself. “I’m not much good at this kind of stuff. It just meant so much to me, you know, the thought I might have given you one or both of the kids you adore so much. I was proud of myself for the first time in my life. I’d actually done something right. Something good. Then one day, I looked at Brandon and the kids sleeping in the chair in the nursery, and realized in that moment that I hadn’t done a damned thing.”
“I don’t know what to tell you that will make you feel better. You’re upset about the kids, I get that, but you couldn’t be more of a father to them. And they would be devastated if you weren’t around anymore.”
“Why wouldn’t I be around? I ain’t going nowhere.” He closed the distance between them and tilted her face up to kiss her. “Guys like me don’t get this lucky, I told you that already. I’m just hurting, that’s all. I’ll get over it.”
Kimber’s shoulders tingled as the brutal afternoon sun started to burn the skin exposed by her strappy top. She led Wade over to the small white gazebo nestled in the corner of the garden, its roof and sides wreathed in the vibrant pink bougainvillea her mother had nurtured for years. Wade had to stoop to get through the door, and the seat was so small she had to tuck herself under his arm in order for both of them to sit comfortably.
Neither of them spoke for a while, and Kimber’s mind wandered back over the last few weeks and Wade’s strange behavior began to make a little more sense. “That’s why you didn’t want to marry me anymore, isn’t it?”
Wade sucked in a ragged breath and shook his head. “I’ve never not wanted to marry you, Kimber. I’ve wanted that since I was barely more than a kid. I just didn’t think it was the right time to discuss it, not until the truth had come out.”
“Well, it’s out now. Or it will be, once Brandon gets home.” Kimber sat up and twisted around on the narrow bench seat so she could see Wade’s face. “Talking of Brandon, is that why you’ve kept him at arm’s length recently?”
“I guess I was a little jealous for a while back there.” Wade squirmed under her gaze, looking shamed by his admission. Kimber cupped his jaw, scratching her palm with his stubble as she turned his face to hers so she could kiss him.
She scooted down on the bench, tucking her feet up under her butt and laying her head on Wade’s lap, sighing with contentment as he began to play with her hair. He kept his gaze averted, and Kimber was okay with that, aware that he needed some time to deal with all that had happened. She closed her eyes, and thought about the paths their lives had taken so far, to bring them to this moment. Jessica and Emily hadn’t been planned, but Kimber knew that having them was the best thing she had ever done. She couldn’t even imagine how Wade felt right now.
He’d been carrying the secret with him for weeks, all alone in his grief. And he was grieving, of that she was sure. He still had the girls, but he’d lost something, too. Something very precious to him.
The urge to restore his sense of pride and give him back what he’d lost overwhelmed her. Kimber knew there and then that she’d find a way to cope, and happily bear all the snooty receptionists in the world and anything life threw at her as a result, but she’d give Wade a child.
She opened her eyes to find Wade looking down at her, a weird expression on his face. She realized then she was smiling like a maniac, excitement at what she wanted to tell him near bursting through her chest. But when she saw a tear roll down his cheek, the words she’d been about to say stilled in her throat and she sat up.
“Wade?”
He dragged a fist across his face, and turned his misty gray gaze on her, a small smile on his lips. “Aw, honey. I know you too well.” Wade cupped her jaw in his hands and kissed her, and she could still taste the salt of his tears on her lips when he pulled away. “The Kimber I know and love would be wracking her brains for a way to make me happy. And, if I were a betting man, I’d say she’d just decided that we were gonna have more kids. Am I right?”
“Don’t you want to?” she whispered, frightened by the sadness in his eyes.
“Of course I do, but it’s not that simple.”
Kimber groaned inwardly, annoyed at herself now for going on so much in recent weeks about how afraid of the future she was. “Look, I know what I said, but I was just being a wimp, that’s all. So what if people talk about us? Only we’ll know for sure what is going on. The kids will be loved more than any child could wish for and we’ll find a way to explain it all to them as they grow up. There are plenty of families these days that don’t have traditional mothers and fathers—gay couples, single parents, people who have to use surrogates.”
She stopped to take a breath, scared anew by the deepening frown on Wade’s face and the hard set of his jaw.
“Kimber, we can’t. We just can’t.”
“Why on earth not?”
Wade smiled but the look in his eyes chilled her to the bone. “Because, when I realized the kids weren’t mine and began to think about all the times in the past, before Brandon came home, that you and I had been careless, yet you’d never once got pregnant, I started to think. So, rather than drive myself crazy, I got tested. The truth is, we’re lucky Brandon is here, otherwise we wouldn’t have Jessica and Emily.”
“Oh, my God...”
A nerve ticked in Wade’s jaw as he kept his gaze riveted to the floor for a moment, then he gave a deep sigh and braced his palms against his thighs as he got to his feet. “Give me a minute, okay?”
Kimber tried to see which direction he went, so she could follow him if he didn’t come back soon, but gave up once he’d taken only a few steps away and she could no longer see him through the sheen of tears.
Chapter Six
Brandon yanked on the straps of the stab vest, slapping the Velcro tabs down and shooting a look at the chief who was standing on the other side of a prison guards’ office, one floor above Costanza’s cell. “Boss, tell the SERT guys there’s no point in all this. He’s gonna have me take it off as soon as I get near him so he can check for weapons.”
“I know, but humor them, will ya? The Special Emergency Response Team are running the show. Their captain is pissed off he had to stand back and let us handle this part, so don’t give him an excuse to fuck us up, Reed. Besides, worst come to wors
t, you could always slap that fucker in the head with it.”
“Guess so.” Brandon grinned. Some things never changed—and Chief Roberts was one of them. No matter what the circumstances, he never lost his dry wit, nor his preference for going in hard and fast and getting the job done. Roberts was ten years older than Brandon but had no desire to leave the squad and would no doubt die with his boots on. “So, as soon as you hear from the Feds that the judge is safe, you’re gonna storm the block and take Costanza out?”
Roberts gave a brisk nod and turned his attention to the screen of his phone. “Latest is, they’ve got a lead on the van used in the kidnapping. If luck is on our side, they’ll have a trace on it soon.”
“Okay, so how am I gonna know what’s happening out here?”
“SERT say they can’t risk giving you an earpiece so you’re gonna have to listen out for my signal. You remember the old signal, don’t you?”
Brandon grinned. “Of course.” He jerked his head toward the prison warden, Tom Murdoch, who was deep in conversation with a couple of his guards. “Costanza won’t budge on him having to be there?”
“He insisted on it or the deal was off. To be honest, it works in our favor. He might take Murdoch out first if he hates him as much as he hates you.”
“Very funny.”
“The guys mingling with the prisoners have seen no signs of anyone loitering around Costanza’s cell or taking a particular interest. There’s a buzz amongst the inmates because the wing has been cordoned off all day, but they seem to buy the story we circulated that it’s being fumigated. We’re pretty confident he has no access to weapons but watch for the usual things like rudimentary shanks.”
Roberts gestured at Murdoch to come over and join the briefing. “I’m gonna pat you down now, Sir. We need to make sure you haven’t got any keys on you, and we can’t take the risk that you might have secreted a weapon just in case. If you have, and Costanza gets hold of it, then he’s got us by the balls.”
