When this semester started, I wanted to tell Jessica that I didn’t want to pull any more Plays. The problem was that I didn’t make myself clear enough. I didn’t want to make her angry, so I just said I was too busy. She wasn’t just my roommate, she was my best friend. So I danced around the issue. By the time I resolved to talk to her, things had gotten completely out of control, and she was avoiding me. She was acting crazy, mad at me because I’d “betrayed” the sisterhood by dating a guy for real.
We had a fight before she vanished, taking all her stuff with her. She said I had betrayed our friendship, the G.A.P. sisterhood. She sounded delusional. It was right after that fight that she talked to Steve and Matt. I have no doubt in my mind; it was all a game to her.
I truly believe she played all of us, and we all fell victim to her game.
Chapter 30
When I finished, Sebastian remained silent for a minute. I felt tired and oddly relieved. I had never told any other person but Jessica about what had happened with David and my mom. I was glad Sebastian knew. I should have told him from the beginning. Maybe things would have turned out differently.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that with your mother,” Sebastian said cautiously, bringing me out of my reverie.
“I guess it could have been worse. It’s mostly embarrassing, now.” I smiled sadly.
“It was not your fault.”
“Still.”
“So,” Sebastian ran a finger across his upper lip, then he asked a question, putting a pause between each word. “You were . . . not playing me?”
I shook my head. “No. No, I wasn’t.”
“Not even for a minute?” I could tell he wanted to believe me, but it wasn’t easy.
“No. Sebastian, I . . .” I stopped the words that fought to come out. I couldn’t tell him I loved him. Not now. It would be too much for him to believe, too much for me to hope. Instead, I tried to think of something I could say that might make him regain some of his trust in me. “At first, I thought you were the stereotypical guy that Jessica was always talking about. When you were flirting with her, that day we met in Cristina’s class, I immediately classified you under the narcissist category.”
A small smile teased Sebastian’s lips. “Yeah, I guess I did flirt with her a little bit.” His amusement died quickly, though. “What a mistake that was.”
“Well, you proved me wrong very quickly. You don’t fit in any category. I tried to define you, but you surprised me, you . . .” Stole my heart.
“What?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
He stood up, nodding, looking as if he had a million things in his mind. For a moment, he paced in front of my bed, while I waited, holding my breath, hoping and hoping. When he abruptly stopped, he looked at me and smiled politely.
“I guess I should go,” he said.
I nodded and bit my tongue. I wanted to ask him to stay, but I didn’t deserve it.
Sebastian walked to the door and turned the knob. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“Thanks for letting me explain.”
After he left, I lay back in bed, strangely feeling more at ease than I had in a long time. Even though this was the end of my brief relationship with Sebastian, I felt like I could handle it. It wouldn’t be easy to get over him, but at least I knew that, eventually, I would figure out a way to move on.
One thing was for sure. I would never forget him.
***
I didn’t hear from Sebastian on Sunday or Monday. By Tuesday, I had resigned myself to the idea of things being truly over between us. Ironically, I had gone from sneaking around campus to making my way to classes through the most transited routes on campus, hoping to catch a glimpse of those green eyes.
When I walked into English class, I stopped short. Sebastian was sitting at our regular spot in the auditorium’s last row. I started shyly in his direction, unsure if he wanted me to sit next to him. He gave me an inviting, crooked smile, and I knew it was okay.
“Good morning,” I said sheepishly.
“Good morning.”
“I thought you dropped out.”
“I did, but I’m auditing. I have to take the class next semester anyway. I figured it wouldn’t hurt, especially since I’ve got nothing to do at this hour.”
I leaned forward and pulled out my notebook, trying to hide my embarrassment, then quickly decided I would never hide anything from Sebastian again. “It’s my fault you dropped out,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s fine. It doesn’t really make a difference. My schedule will still work out all right in the end.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
We sat quietly through class. I found an infinite amount of comfort just sitting there by Sebastian’s side, feeling that, at the very least, we both felt comfortable enough with each other to at least be friends.
After class, we went our separate ways, and I didn’t see him again until Thursday, when we listened to the professor’s lecture, limiting our conversation to small comments related to the class. Again, we said goodbye and I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week.
By Saturday, my newfound expectations felt dashed. I’d wished that Sebastian had gone back to English class, hoping to regain what we’d lost, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he just wanted to clear the air between us, just enough so we could part ways without any regrets or grudges.
Sitting in the locker room after work on Saturday evening, I decided that if that was all Sebastian wanted, I needed to know. I couldn’t take this restless hope inside of me. I would much prefer the rip-the-bandage-off approach. Anything else was torture.
I sat on a bench, still in my scrubs, and pulled out my cell phone. I sent him a text, starting with the same question that had become a sort of a greeting whenever we texted.
Me: “Where are you?”
I waited for agonizing minutes, feeling as if my heart was going to climb out of my throat. I had almost lost hope that he would respond when my phone buzzed.
Sebastian: “Aldrich Park.”
Jumping from the bench, I kicked off my TOMS and peeled my pants off.
“Where’s the dance, Cinderella?” Lola asked, coming out of the shower, wrapped in a towel.
I hopped on one foot as I slipped the other leg into faded jeans. I laughed, feeling a fluttering in my stomach.
“Aldrich Park,” I said. “We were supposed to meet there a few weeks ago, but we never quite made it there.”
Lola rubbed her hair with a towel. “He’s come around?”
“Maybe,” I said hopefully. These past few weeks Lola had been my confidant and listened patiently to all my fears and hopes.
“Smart man,” she said, flashing her beautiful smile.
As I ran out the door, Lola wished me good luck. I was going so fast, I barely managed a wave in reply.
When I got to Aldrich Park thirty minutes later, I was panting. I had run from the bus stop without pause. I stopped by the edge of the large circular field and pressed my back against a tree, trying to catch my breath. When I felt capable of speech again, I pulled away from the tree and started walking toward the middle of the park.
I spotted Sebastian immediately. He was standing in the very center, his back turned to me. When he heard me coming, he whirled and smiled nervously. Tentatively, I kept walking toward him. Our gazes locked as if holding a conversation, trying to come to a silent agreement.
I stopped two steps away from him and dropped my messenger bag. It fell onto the grassy field.
“I miss you,” I blurted out.
He blinked and smiled. “I miss you, too.” His eyes filled with tenderness and, unable to resist it any longer, I crossed the short distance between us and hugged him. His arms wrapped around me and held me tight. I pressed my cheek to his chest and couldn’t help the tears that sprang to my eyes.
Sebastian rested his forehead on the top of my head and caressed the length of my back. After a mome
nt, he pulled back, placed a finger under my chin and tilted my face up.
When he noticed my tears, he was taken aback. “Why are you crying, you silly thing? Don’t.” He ran his thumbs across my cheeks, drying my tears.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I didn’t know if you still wanted me.”
“Madison, I never stopped wanting you. I was angry, that’s all. But I’m over it now.”
“I was miserable without you,” I confessed.
“You weren’t the only one.”
One of Sebastian’s thumbs traveled from my cheek to my mouth. He caressed my bottom lip as he slowly lowered his face to mine.
The moment we kissed, the whole world disappeared. Our lips moved tenderly at first, so hesitant and shy. But they quickly remembered the passion they’d once known, and everything seemed old and new all at once.
Chapter 31
After that moment in Aldrich Park, Sebastian and I moved tentatively, trying to return to that place where we’d been before things unraveled. We went on dates and avoided being alone altogether. Our bodies had minds of their own, and we weren’t emotionally ready to take our relationship to the next level. First, he needed to learn to trust me again, and I had to learn to open up. At the same time, I had to stop thinking there was something wrong with me. I had to believe that I was worth Sebastian’s feelings for me.
I looked at him now as he tried to pick up a sushi roll with a pair of chopsticks. I felt my heart swell with love, a love that I still hadn’t been able to confess to him, because I was afraid it was too much, too soon, and it would scare him away.
It was Friday night, and we were on a date.
“I’m terrible at this,” he said, putting down the chopsticks and picking up a fork.
“No way!” I exclaimed. “That’s sacrilege. You don’t eat sushi with a fork.”
We were at a small sushi place which I loved and visited as often as my budget allowed—which turned out to be only about once a month. The prices were reasonable and the sushi fresh and delicious. The best part was their large selection of sauces. I was not a purist by any means, despite my insistence on using chopsticks, and loved to dip my sushi in all kinds of different flavorful sauces. My favorite was a Thai chili sauce that tasted slightly sweet. Sebastian wasn’t big on sushi—he’d only had it one time before—but I planned on changing that.
“How ‘bout a spoon?” He lifted the spoon he’d used to eat his wonton soup and grinned.
“No,” I said categorically. “Let me help you.”
I used my chopsticks to pick up one of his Philadelphia rolls, dipped it in chili sauce and lifted it up to his mouth.
“Oh, I think I like this,” he said, leaning closer. His green eyes gave me a heated look and, as he took the small piece of food inside his mouth, he never broke eye contact. He chewed slowly. When he was done he moaned and licked the corners of his mouth. I shifted in my chair, feeling heat spread below my belly. I pressed my legs together, a bit angry at Sebastian for toying with me like this. He’d been doing this sort of thing a lot lately.
Set on revenge, I dipped the tips of my chopsticks in the red, chili sauce and lifted them slowly to my mouth, giving Sebastian a come-hither look.
“What are you doing?” he asked accusingly.
“Nothing, just something I learned from the master.”
I licked the tips of the chopsticks, catching the sauce as it slid downward, using long, slow flicks of my tongue.
“Mm-mmm, it’s delicious,” I said in a husky voice.
Sebastian squirmed and sucked in a breath. “Y-you’re a quick study.”
“Yes, I am.”
As I finished licking all the sauce off, I ran a hand from my jaw line down to the low neckline of my silk blouse. I stopped and rubbed my fingertips lightly over the sensitive skin over my breastbone. Sebastian’s eyes followed the entire maneuver, as he clutched his napkin in a tight grip.
“Woman, you’re driving me crazy,” he said.
The problem was, I was driving myself crazy, and if the restaurant hadn’t been full, I would have probably straddled Sebastian, right then and right there.
Abruptly, he slapped both hands on the table. My fingers froze at my neckline.
He leaned forward and whispered. “You want to get out of here?”
All I could do was nod.
We got in his car and drove to his place. It was closest to the restaurant. He drove a little recklessly, cursing whenever we had to stop at a red light. When we parked, I didn’t wait for him to open my door—he always insisted on doing that—instead, I got out and met him in front of the car.
Facing each other, we froze. I could feel the heat of the car’s radiator on my leg.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
“I am.”
He took my hand and walked me slowly up the stairs. I felt like running up to his room, but I appreciated the effort he was making to take it slow. From the way he’d been driving, I knew he wanted to rush into his apartment just as much as I did.
Sebastian’s hand shook a little as he keyed the lock, but he otherwise opened the door calmly.
“After you,” he said, holding the door open.
Inside, he placed his keys on the kitchenette counter, then took my purse and placed it next to them. Taking my hand, he led me further into the room. We stopped next to his bed and faced each other. He caressed my face with the back of his hand and pushed my hair behind my shoulder.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered into my lips, then he touched his lips to mine.
We began kissing with restraint. Very slowly, our trembling lips moved against each other. I raked my fingers through his soft hair and grazed the back of his neck with my fingernails, sending a shiver down his back.
Pulling away from his kiss with difficulty, I began to unbutton his charcoal shirt. I unfastened each one methodically, enjoying every bit of skin that was revealed the further down I went. He let me admire him as I pushed the shirt over his shoulders to reveal his beautiful torso.
I laid my hands on his firm chest, then ran them down the length of his abs. Two sexy muscles that framed the sides of his lower abdomen disappeared under his dark blue jeans. Looking down, I saw that he was ready for me.
“My turn,” he said.
Sebastian slid his hands under the hem of my blouse. The back of his warm hands slid up my stomach as he lifted the fabric. He kissed me and, at the same time, moved his hands to the sides of my breasts, then pulled the blouse over my head in one swift motion.
I felt vulnerable and almost crossed an arm over my breasts, but managed not to. Sebastian slid his fingers under the straps of my lacy bra and pushed them off my shoulders.
“So smooth,” he said as he ran his hands down my neck to the curve of my shoulders.
He kissed me again, his tongue slipping into my mouth, hands sliding down my back to undo the clasp of my bra. He momentarily broke the kiss and discarded the bra. His hungry gaze was like a caress over my breasts. My nipples hardened in response to his undivided attention. He cupped me, his thumbs toying with the aching knobs.
Lowering his head, he took my left nipple into his mouth and spelled the alphabet with his tongue. At least it felt that way. A maddening tingling traveled over my skin in all directions. I threw my head back and moaned. This seemed to drive Sebastian over the edge, because he lifted me, deposited me on the bed and continued to kiss one of my breasts while he fondled the other. I twisted, driven mad by the intense sensations.
Sebastian’s lips traveled south, his tongue leaving a wet path down my stomach. When he reached my belly button, he made eye contact and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. After planting a slow kiss on the tender, heated skin of my lower abdomen, right where my panties began, he peeled off my jeans.
He stood above me, his eyes drinking me in once more. He shook his head in admiration and let out a shaky sigh. His tanned chest rose and fell with each ragged breath. Kneeling, he kiss
ed the inside of my knee, while his hands caressed the length of my legs.
An uncertain panic filled me as I began to fear what he would do next. I didn’t think I was ready for that.
His lips moved up the inside of my left thigh, while his hand moved up the inside of my right one. I arched my back when his thumb caressed me through my panties. He slipped his fingers under the waistband and began to pull down.
“Oh no you don’t,” I said, sliding out from under him and pushing him down onto the bed. “It’s my turn.”
He smiled and put his hands up in surrender. “I’m all yours.”
I straddled him and began to kiss him. He seemed to go crazy as my breasts came in contact with his smooth chest. He kissed me deeper, pulled me closer and thrust his hips upward. I felt his hardness through the rough fabric of the jeans and almost lost my senses.
Following his lead, I trailed kisses down his chest and abs, feeling every ridge of his chiseled muscles with my tongue. I felt him squirm under my touch with satisfaction. I undid his pants and peeled them off.
“Wow.” The exclamation left my lips of its own accord. He looked large and very ready under his tight boxer briefs.
He sat up and pushed to the edge of the bed. Taking me by the waist, he pulled me closer. I straddled him again and he buried his face in my breasts. I felt the shape of him better without the jeans. He moved his hips slightly back and forth and we quickly fell into a shared rhythm. He fondled my breasts, kissed me and pulled me closer to him with every thrust of his hips, all at the same time.
I felt like clay in his hands. I was so feverish it seemed like a distinct possibility that I might melt.
“I can’t take it anymore,” he said and stood, lifting me with my legs still wrapped around his waist. Depositing me in the middle of the bed, he lay by my side and gently removed my panties. I was totally naked in front of him, and his ravenous gaze made me feel beautiful and shy and exuberant.
He removed his boxer shorts next. Released, the length of him fell heavily on the swell of my right hip. His skin felt warm and extremely soft, though there was nothing soft about him. He got on top of me, between my legs and pressed his tip against my core. There was a desperate ache there. Panic seized me again. Would it hurt?
The Guys Are Props Club Page 18
