In the afterglow of the setting sun, with the offshore wind cool on their faces, they climbed slowly home. After the swim the children were sleepy and silent. Nicholas was not too proud to accept a piggy-back from Eustace, and Virginia carried the wet bathing things and towels in the string bag which had been used for the mackerel, and helped Cara along with the other hand. They were all sandy, salty, tousled, weary, and the path was steep and the climb, up through the bracken and the treacherous undergrowth, exhausting. But at last they reached the fields at the top, and after that the going was easy. Behind them the sea, luminous, in the half-light, reflected all the colours of the sky, and ahead was Bosithick, cradled in the curve of the hill, with the road behind it flickering, every now and then, with the searchlight glare of a passing car.
Some of Eustace’s cows had strayed through a gap in the hedge into the top field. In the dusk they loomed, brown and white, and made pleasant munching sounds, raising their heads to watch as the small procession walked by.
Nicholas said, leaning forward to speak into Eustace’s ear, “Are you going to come back with us?”
He smiled. “Time I was getting home.”
“We would like you to stay for supper.”
“You’ve had your supper,” Eustace told him.
“I thought that was tea.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve got room for more food.”
Nicholas yawned. “No, maybe not.”
Virginia said, “I’ll make you cocoa, and you can drink it in bed.”
“Yes,” said Nicholas. “But it would be nice if Eustace would come and talk to us while we had our baths…”
Cara chimed in. “Yes, and then Mummy could get our cocoa ready, and you could talk to us.”
“I’ll do more than that,” said Eustace. “I’ll scrub the sand off your backs.”
They giggled in a high-pitched fashion as though this were very funny, and as soon as they were indoors raced for the bathroom to fight over the taps. Ominous splashing sounds came from beyond the door, and Eustace, rolling up his sleeves, moved in to break it up. Virginia heard him saying, “Quiet now, you’ll sink the ship if you don’t watch out.”
Leaving him to it, she carried the fishy string bag out to the kitchen and emptied the bathing things and the sand-encrusted towels into the sink, and rinsed them out and wrung them, and carried them out into the dark garden, and, by feel, found the clothes-line and pegged them out, leaving them to billow and flap like ghosts in the darkness.
Back in the kitchen, she poured milk into a sauce-pan, put it on to heat, stood watching it, leaning against the cooker, yawning a little. She put up a hand to her eyes, and found that her face was rough with sand, so she took the little mirror out of her handbag, and a comb, and propped the mirror on one of the shelves of the dresser and tried to do something about her hair, but it was stiff and dry with salt, and full of sand. She thought that if there had been a shower, she would have washed it, but the idea of putting it under a tap was somehow all too difficult, too complicated. In the inadequate light her reflection gazed back at her from the round mirror, and there were freckles across the bridge of her nose, but her eyes were shadowed, dark as two holes in her face.
The milk rose in the pan. She made the two mugs of cocoa, put them on a tray, started upstairs with them. She saw that the bathroom was empty, a trail of damp towels and footprints led upstairs. She heard voices and came along the passage, and their bedroom door stood open.
They were inside and they did not see her. She stood and watched them. Eustace sat, with his back to her, on Cara’s bed, and the children were perched on Nicholas’s bed. All three heads together, Eustace was being given a guided tour of Cara’s photographs.
“And this is Daddy. The big one here. He’s terribly good-looking, don’t you think?…” This was Cara, as chatty now as she could be with someone with whom she was completely at ease. “And this is our house in Scotland, that’s my bedroom, and that’s Nicholas’s bedroom, and that’s the nursery up at the top…”
“That’s my bedroom!”
“I said it was that bedroom, silly. And this is Nanny’s room, and that’s Mummy’s room, but you can’t see the rooms at the back because they’re round at the back. And this is an aerial view…”
“A man took it in an aeroplane…”
“And that’s all the park and the river. And that’s the walled garden.”
“And that’s Mr. McGregor on his tractor, and that’s Bob and that’s Fergie.”
Eustace was beginning to lose the thread … “Hold on now, who are Bob and Fergie?”
“Well, Bob helps Mr. McGregor and Fergie helps the gardener. Fergie plays the bagpipes and do you know who taught him? His uncle. And do you know what his uncle is called? Muncle.” Nicholas triumphantly produced the answer.
Eustace said, “Uncle Muncle.”
“And this is Daddy skiing at St. Moritz, and that’s all of us at a grouse shoot—at least, we went to the picnic bit, we didn’t go up the hill. And that’s the bit of the river where we sometimes swim, but it’s not always very safe, and the stones hurt your feet. But Mummy says we can have a swimming pool, she says when we go back to Kirkton, we can have a swimming pool, just like Aunt Alice Lingard’s…”
“And that’s Daddy’s car, it’s a great big Jaguar. It’s a…” Nicholas faltered. “It was a great big Jaguar.” He finished bravely, “Green.”
Virginia said, “Here’s your cocoa.”
“Oh Mummy, we were showing Eustace all the photographs of Kirkton…”
“Yes, I heard.”
“That was very nice,” said Eustace. “Now I know all about Scotland.”
He stood up, as though to get out of Virginia’s way, and went to put the photograph frame back on to the chest of drawers.
The children climbed into bed. “You’ll have to come and see us. You’ll have to come and stay. Won’t he, Mummy? He can sleep in the spare room, can’t he?”
“Maybe,” said Virginia. “But Eustace is a busy man.”
“That’s it,” said Eustace. “Busy. Always got plenty to do. Well…” He moved towards the open door. “I’ll say good night.”
“Oh, good night, Eustace. And thank you for taking us to that lovely place.”
“Don’t dream about Jack Carley.”
“Even if I do I shan’t be frightened.”
“That’s the way. Good night, Nicholas.”
“Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Virginia said to him, “Don’t go. I’ll be down in a moment.”
He said, “I’ll wait downstairs.”
The cocoa was duly consumed, between yawns. Their eyes drooped. At last they lay down and Virginia kissed them good night. But when she kissed Nicholas he did a surprising thing. Most undemonstrative of children, he put his arms around her neck and held her cheek down against his own.
She said, gently, “What is it?”
“It was a nice place, wasn’t it?”
“You mean the little beach?”
“No. The house where Eustace lives.”
“Penfolda.”
“Will we go back?”
“Sure to.”
“I loved that little kitten.”
“I know you did.”
“Eustace is downstairs.”
“Yes.”
“I shall hear you talking.” His voice was filled with satisfaction. “I shall hear you go talk, talk, talk.”
“Will that be cosy?”
“I think so,” said Nicholas.
They were near to sleep, but still she stayed with them, moving quickly about the room, picking up stray clothes and folding them and putting them, neat as Nanny, across the seats of the two rickety cane chairs. This done, she went to close the window a little, for the night air was growing chill, to draw the skimpy curtains. The room, by the meagre light of the bedside lamp was all at once enclosed, safe, soft with shadows, the only sound the ticking of Cara’s clock and the
breathing of the children.
She was filled, in that moment, with love. For her children; for this strange little house; for the man, downstairs, who waited for her. And aware, too, of a marvellous sense of completion, of rightness. It will be the first time, she thought, that Eustace and I have been alone, with all the time in the world. Just the two of us. She would light the fire for company and draw the curtains and make him a jug of coffee. If they wished, they could talk all night. They could be together.
Cara and Nicholas were sleeping. She turned off the light and went downstairs to unexpected and surprising darkness. For an incredulous moment she thought that Eustace had changed his mind and already gone, but then she saw that he stood by the window, smoking, watching the very last of the light fade from the sky. A little of this light was reflected upon his face, but when he heard her footstep he turned, and she could see no expression on his face, only shadows.
She said, “I thought you’d gone.”
“No. I’m still here.”
The darkness disturbed her. She reached for the lamp on the table and switched it on. Yellow light was thrown, like a pool, between them. She waited for him to speak, but when he said nothing, simply stood there, smoking, she began to fill the silence with words.
“I … I don’t know about supper. Do you want something to eat? I don’t even know what time it is.”
“I’m all right.”
“I could make you some coffee…”
“You haven’t got a can of beer?”
She made a helpless gesture. “I haven’t, Eustace. I’m sorry. I never bought any. I never drink it.” That sounded priggish, as though she disapproved of beer. “I mean, I just don’t like the taste.” She smiled, trying to turn it into a joke.
“It doesn’t matter.”
The smile collapsed. Virginia swallowed. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like coffee?”
“No, thank you.” He began to look about for somewhere to stub out his cigarette. She found him a saucer and put it on the table, and he demolished the stub as through he had a personal, vicious grudge against it.
“I must go.”
“But…”
He turned towards her, waiting for her to finish. She lost her nerve. “Yes. It’s been a good day. It was kind of you to give up your day for us and show us the cove and … everything.” Her voice sounded high-pitched and formal as though she were opening a sale of work. “The children loved it.”
“They’re good children.”
“Yes. I…”
“When are you going back to Scotland?”
The abruptness of the question, the coldness of his voice, were shocking. She was suddenly cold, a shiver of apprehension trickling down her spine like a stream of icy water.
“I … I’m not sure.” She took hold of the back of one of the wooden chairs, leaning against it as if for support. “Why do you ask?”
“You’re going to go back.”
It was a statement, not a question. Faced with it, Virginia’s natural diffidence leapt to the worst conclusion. Eustace expected her to go, even wanted her to go. She heard herself telling him, with marvellous lightness, “Well, some time, of course. After all, it’s my home. The children’s home.”
“I hadn’t realized until this evening that it was such a considerable property…”
“Oh, you mean, Cara’s photographs…”
“But then, you have plenty of people to help you run it.”
“I don’t run it, Eustace.”
“Then you should. Learn something about farming. You’d be surprised how much there is to it. You should take an interest, start up something new. An Aberdeen Angus herd. Did your husband ever think of doing that? You can sell a good bull at the Perth sales for sixty, seventy thousand pounds?”
It was like a conversation in a nightmare, mad and pointless. She said, “Can you?” but her mouth was dry and the words scarcely made any sound at all.
“Of course. And who knows, one day you may have built up something really great to hand on to that boy of yours.”
“Yes.”
He said again, “I must go.” The trace of a smile crossed his features. “It was a good day.”
But Virginia remembered a better one, that other day she had spent with Eustace, the spring afternoon of sun and wind when he had brought her an ice-cream and finally driven her home. And he had promised to telephone her, and then forgotten, or perhaps he had changed his mind. She realized that she had been waiting, all afternoon, for him to tell her what really happened. She had been expecting him to bring up the subject, perhaps as a story for the children to share, or as a scrap of harmless nostalgia to be remembered, over the years, by two old friends. But he had said nothing. And now she would never know.
“Yes.” She let go of the chair and straightened up, folding her arms across her chest as though she were trying to stay warm. “A special day. The kind that people never forget.”
He moved towards her, around the edge of the table, and Virginia turned away from him and went to open the door. Cool air, smelling sweet and damp, flooded in from a night arched in a sapphire sky, bright with stars. Out of the darkness a curlew sent up its long mournful cry.
He was beside her. “Good night, Virginia.”
“Good night, Eustace.”
And then he was going down the steps, away from her, over the wall and down the fields towards the old farmyard where he had left his car. The dusk swallowed him. She closed the door and locked it and went back to the kitchen and took the children’s cocoa mugs and washed them, slowly and carefully. She heard his Land-Rover go grinding up past the gate, up the lane towards the main road, heard the sound of the engine die away into the quiet night, but she never looked up from what she was doing. When the mugs were dry, the tea towel folded and there was nothing more to do, she found that she was exhausted. She turned off the lights and went slowly upstairs and undressed and climbed into bed. Her body lay slack, but the inside of her head behaved as though she had been living on black coffee for a week.
He doesn’t love you.
I never thought he did.
But you were beginning to think so. After today.
Then I was wrong. We have no future together. He made that very clear.
What did you imagine was going to happen?
I imagined that he would be able to talk about what happened ten years ago.
Nothing happened. And why should he remember?
Because I did. Because Eustace was the most important person, the most important thing that ever happened to me.
You didn’t remember. You married Anthony Keile.
* * *
They were married in London, in July; Virginia in a cream satin dress with a six foot train and a veil that had belonged to Lady Keile’s grandmother, and Anthony in a grey frock-coat and an immaculately cut pair of sponge-bag trousers. They emerged from St. Michael’s, Chester Square, with bells jangling, sun shining, and a small retinue of beribboned bridesmaids extorting oohs and aahs of admiration from the thin crowd of inquisitive women who had realized that there was a wedding going on, and hung about to see what turned up when the doors were opened.
The excitement, the champagne, the pleasures of being loved and congratulated and kissed kept Virginia going until it was time to go upstairs and change. Her mother was there, ubiquitous, efficient, to unzip the clinging satin and unpin the borrowed tiara and the filmy veil.
“Oh, my dear, it all went off so beautifully, and you really did look enchanting, even though perhaps I shouldn’t say anything so conceited about my own child … Darling, you’re shivering, you’re surely not cold?”
“No. I’m not cold.”
“Change your shoes, then, and I’ll help you on with your dress.”
It was rose pink, with a tiny petalled hat to match, a charming useless ensemble that she would never wear again. She imagined coming back from her honeymoon, still wearing paper silk and pink petals, a little crushed by now, and goin
g brown at the edges. (But of course they couldn’t go brown, they weren’t real, they were pretence petals …)
“And your suitcase is in the boot of Anthony’s car, such a good idea taking a taxi round to the flat and picking the car up there, then you have none of this terrible horse-play with kippers and old shoes.”
A roar, a galloping of feet, came from the passage outside the bedroom. Anthony’s voice was raised in a comic sound like a hunting horn. “There! He sounds as though he’s ready.” She kissed Virginia briskly. “Have a good time, my darling.”
The door burst open, and Anthony stood there, wearing the suit that he had chosen to go away in, and with a large sun hat on the top of his head. He was considerably drunk.
“Here she is! We’re off to the South of France, my love, which is why I am wearing this hat.”
Mrs. Parsons, laughing indulgently, removed it, smoothed his hair with her long fingers, straightened his tie. She might have been the bride, not Virginia, who stood and watched this little ceremony with a face that held no expression whatsoever. Anthony held out a hand to her. “Come on,” he said. “Time we went.”
The hired car, awash in confetti, took them back to the Parsons’ flat, where Anthony’s car was waiting for them. The plan had been that they should get straight into his car and drive to the airport, but Virginia had a latch-key in her purse, and instead, they let themselves in and went into the kitchen, and she tied an apron around the pink silk dress, and Anthony sat on the table and watched while she brewed him up a jug of black coffee.
For their honeymoon they had been lent a villa in Antibes. By their second day Anthony had met an old friend; by the end of the first week, he knew everyone in the place. Virginia told herself that this was what she had expected, was what she wanted. Anthony’s gregarious instincts were part of his charm, and one of the things that had attracted her to him in the first place. Besides, after one day it became very obvious that they were going to find it hard to think of things to say to each other. Conversation at meals was inclined to be distinctly sticky. She realized then, that they had never been alone together before now.
There was a couple, called Janey and Hugh Rouse; he was a writer and they had rented a house at Cap Ferrat. Janey was older than Virginia and Virginia liked her, and found her easy to talk to. Once, sitting on the terrace at the Rouses’s house, waiting for the men to come up from the rocks, Janey had said, “How long have you known Anthony, honey?” She had lived, as a child, in the States, and although she did not speak with an American accent, her speech was spattered with words and phrases which instantly gave her origins away.
The Empty House Page 13
