by Lynne Silver
And yet again, the two other women exchanged significant glances.
“What?” A trace of annoyance slipped into her question.
“Does Adam know you plan on returning to work?” Beth asked gently.
Loren looked at the two women who glowed with happiness and contentment watching their children frolic. They were potential friends, but she was used to keeping things close to her chest. She decided to trust them. “I’ve never mentioned it, but I’m sure he knows I plan to work. And how do you know so much about me?”
A huge grin covered Beth’s face. “We told you, it’s a small town around here. Everyone knows everyone.”
“And everything about everyone,” added Danielle. “In a good family way, though.”
Loren decided to change the subject before they asked if she and Adam had sealed the deal yet. Family or not, there were some topics not open for discussion. “What did you do before you moved here? How did you two get recruited into the Program?”
“I grew up here,” Danielle said. “My dad was part of the Program and all offspring are automatically registered and tested. They give you a choice, of course, about staying, but there was no real choice for me. Matthew was it. He grew up here too. It was pretty obvious to everyone that we were a destined match once puberty hit.”
“What about you, Beth?”
“I was recruited. I applied for an administrative assistant job I saw on a job listing site, got hired then I met Garrett. Well…you know the feeling. It hits you like a ton of bricks to coin a corny phrase. I stayed on and married the guy, and a few years later…” Beth gestured to the toddlers running in circles.
“Does your family know? Do you ever get to see them?”
“Oh God, yes. All the time….well, not all the time, but most major holidays.” Beth put a comforting hand on Loren’s shoulder. “Did you think you’d get sucked in and never be allowed to leave the compound again?”
“After the last forty-eight hours of my life, I’d be pretty darn happy not to leave the compound.”
The women smiled sympathetically. “Everything’s changing since Ryan’s wife went to the press and spilled the beans on the Program. Now that everyone knows about this place, I bet security loosens up a bit.”
“Though I imagine Shep would want you to quit your job and all. I mean it would be tricky to have a journalist living here. But they’d find something for you to do on campus.”
Loren didn’t think she liked the sound of that. Quit her job? No thank you.
One woman turned her attention to a sodden princess who’d come tripping up the steps, tear stains on her cheeks.
As Beth soothed the woes of her daughter, Loren thought about the consequences of quitting her job some more. But learning about her father’s real career had definitely caused some second thoughts about her career goals. He hadn’t been a true journalist at all. He’d dedicated his life to the Program. She’d proven she could be an asset to the team, and in some ways, helping them was like the best part of journalism with all the investigative research and puzzle solving. Quitting was not thrilling, but it was nice to know she had some options. As long as the options didn’t include going into the field again. She’d done that once, thank you very much, and didn’t ever want to ride that particular adrenaline roller-coaster again.
Looking around, she noticed shivers and goose bumps running along the little princess’s body. A stack of folded, clean towels sat in a neat pile behind her. She grabbed the top one, shook it out and wrapped it around the little girl’s body, who gave her a grin and a hug. The towel fell off, and Loren picked it up and wrapped it around the little girl for the second time.
“What do you say, Kylie?” Beth asked her daughter.
“Tank you.”
Loren smiled down at the adorable toddler and wondered if any child of hers and Adam’s would have blond or dark hair. Curls definitely, color was up for grabs. She looked up to see Beth and Danielle watching her, expectant looks on their faces.
“You’re good with kids.”
Feeling like a fraud, she shrugged. “Thanks. I don’t really have much experience with children. Kylie’s adorable, though. All the kids are.”
Both mothers beamed. Kylie curled up on her mother’s lap and looked at Loren with big blue eyes.
“Beth, did your family have any clue what your husband does for a living? Or do they know now? Didn’t they get suspicious that you never invited them over for dinner? Or are they allowed on campus now that the big secret’s out?” Loren asked, thinking about her mom and her best friend, Paige.
Beth’s eyes held a tiny shadow, but she answered Loren’s question honestly. “They thought Garrett was in the military and we lived on a base overseas. Technically it was somewhat true except for the overseas part. I feel badly sometimes that I can’t host a Thanksgiving dinner for my family, but I do end up having a huge feast for lots of residents. Your fiancé is a dark-meat man, by the way.”
“He’s not my fiancé,” Loren said. “We’ve just been matched. Nothing more.” She firmly slammed the door on any more stray thoughts of parenting and children with blond curls and chocolate-colored eyes. She also felt uncomfortable sharing Adam’s deep-rooted fear of being a father with strangers.
“Oh. Sorry. I assumed…” Beth trailed off, pink highlighting her cheekbones.
“How many…” Loren started to ask how many other married couples lived on campus, but she was interrupted by Kylie announcing “hungry”. Beth and Danielle agreed and herded the other water babies onto the porch.
“Stay for lunch?” Danielle asked. “I made chili.”
“No thank you, but I’d love to come by another day. I think I’m going to keep walking. It was really nice meeting you both.” She bent down to Kylie’s level. “You too, sweetie.”
She hopped down the porch steps and continued her walk along the path of brick houses. She could see men heading for the dining hall way off in the distance. Her body was all out of whack from the jetlag and lingering Ketamine, but a rumble reminded her she could handle some food. The walk had helped a little, though her feelings on staying with Adam were still a jumble. Until she closed her eyes and pictured herself back in her Arlington apartment. Alone. No Adam. And fending off advances from men like Derrick Bloom. But then she pictured herself here, chasing after Adam, trying to get him to give something he wasn’t willing or able to give, and her heart just about cracked.
Grief that was almost a physical pain assaulted her. Who had she been trying to kid? She had to leave.
*
“Paulson?” Keel whispered into his phone, shocked and scared that Paulson dared to call. “Don’t call me on this number. I don’t know what happened in London, but everyone returned suspicious. The whole thing is about to blow up.”
“Keel, calm down.”
“Calm down? Calm down? This very moment, I’m supposed to be at a meeting with Adam Blacker to discuss hunting for you. Instead I’m hiding in my house pretending to have a cold.”
“I have another business proposition for you.”
Keel wanted to throw the phone. Nothing Paulson offered could be worth the fear that Adam was going to burst into his home any minute, hell-bent on revenge. Until Paulson started mentioning numbers.
“You managed to get what you needed from Blacker?”
“Yes,” Paulson said. “I don’t know if he knows our doctor was able to extract his semen while he was incapacitated. He must suspect.”
“What do you need from me?”
“We need his match. And I want Doctor Jones back, but I want Loren more. She slipped through our fingers. Without Dr. Jones, our only hope of delivering a baby on time to my clients is to have Blacker’s match.”
Keel started to feel that perhaps he did have the flu. How the hell was he to convince Loren Stanton to get on a plane to London? When he expressed his doubts, Paulson upped his payoff and he started to plot.
Chapter Fourteen
Ada
m checked his watch, wondering how Loren was doing on her walk. “I’m not ready to eat yet. I’m going to hit the range.” He nodded at Gavin and headed outside in the direction of the shooting range. A short walk had him arriving at the indoor target range within minutes, but he was not alone. Xander and, of all people, Rowan, stood at one cubicle, his brother firing an automatic with Xander observing closely.
At his approach, Rowan lowered the weapon and turned to greet him, lowering his protective ear covers. “Bro. What’s up? You looking for me?”
“No. Came to shoot.” He nodded to Xander who returned the gesture and then retrieved Rowan’s paper target.
“Nice work, man. Your aim is improving. Soon I’ll upgrade you to a Glock.” Xander clapped Rowan on a shoulder.
Coming from Xander, that was real praise, akin to a Presidential Medal. What was going on? Xander was teaching Rowan how to shoot?
Rowan must have noticed his confusion for he said, “Xander’s working with me so I can join the team. Says I’m a natural.”
The team? As in his team? He shot a questioning look to Xander who confirmed it with a nod.
“Your brother’s strong and deadly accurate. He’d be a total asset. We wouldn’t have made it out of the clinic yesterday without him.”
“B-but—” Adam couldn’t find the words, and the innate protective brain-mouth connection stopped him from saying what he really thought, that a disabled soldier was a dead one.
Rowan placed his gun on the ledge with a tiny click and cocked his head at Adam. “Is that not okay?” he asked in a deceptively mild voice.
Adam knew his brother. The calmer he got, the more dangerous.
Xander sensed the undercurrents flowing between the Blacker brothers and exited the range without another word.
With all the emotional junk weighing on his mind, he didn’t need to pick a fight with Rowan too. His brother was one of the few people he could really count on to have his back. He swallowed his verbal doubts. “No, it’s cool, Rowan. I was surprised. Didn’t know you’d be interested in joining.” But then he remembered Rowan’s cool head during the raid on Paulson’s clinic. Xander had admitted his brother was an asset and he wouldn’t have successfully rescued Adam without Rowan’s help.
“Well, it’s not like I was ever given a choice now, was I?” Rowan reminded him, still in his calm voice.
Adam winced at the direct hit. It was good to see his usually lazy brother take an interest in something other than reality television, and if Xander thought he’d be an asset, maybe he had a point. “You’d really want to go out in the field?” he asked, concern for his brother overriding his own personal drama over Loren.
“Hell yeah.” Rowan nodded enthusiastically. “Since moving here, I feel part of something, a team. I like it. It’s kind of like our old neighborhood gang, but with much better hardware. I was scared as hell yesterday, but it was a good kind of scared, you know?”
He was overly familiar with that adrenaline rush. Adam laughed. “That’s for sure. But…” He broke off, not sure how to broach the subject without offending Rowan.
“Go on, Adam. Say it,” Rowan said. “You’re dying to ask about my arm. I know you.”
He looked down at his feet, over at Rowan’s empty shirt sleeve, then into his brother’s eyes. “Yeah. About your arm…you don’t think you’d be hindered or at a disadvantage?”
Rowan shrugged. “Xander doesn’t think so, and it never put me at a disadvantage growing up. I learned to do things a little differently than everyone else.”
Adam thought about that for a minute. His whole perception of Rowan as a disabled person took a shift and a spin toward negation. “Does Shep know? What about Dad?”
“Shep was the one who told Xander to train me, and he told Dad he was setting things right.” Rowan grinned then frowned. “Did you know Shep never thought I was defective and couldn’t be part of the team?”
“It was really Dad who went off the deep end and drove Mom away after you were born.”
Rowan leaned back against the waist-high railing of the shooting range. A thoughtful look crossed his face. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Dad, and I’m not sure he was the one to drive Mom away.”
“What do you mean, Ro?”
“I mean, I think other forces were at work. Dad thinks someone put a bug in Mom’s ear about me being defective. He claims he never said anything to her directly, and definitely nothing about making her give me up.”
“Give you up? What the hell are you talking about?” It was like watching the play of his whole life only to discover he’d been watching the wrong stage for thirty years. Apparently he’d been the prelude and Rowan was the main act.
“Something or someone made Mom run away. According to Dad, they’d had some tension between them after I was born, but no major blow-ups or anything to make her run away without ever talking to him again.”
Adam searched his memory banks, wishing he could remember anything from that hazy time when he was a toddler living with two loving parents, but he came up with nada. “So, Dad thinks someone made Mom leave campus? Why?”
Rowan tossed a nearly invisible pebble at the paper target. “Dunno. But why else would she leave the husband she claimed to love to go live in the shithole we grew up in?”
It was a good question. One for which Adam had no answers, and, honestly, it all had happened nearly thirty years ago. Did it really matter, especially when the one person who could unveil the truth was long dead? He started to tactfully state this, but the words froze at the look on Rowan’s face.
“I think I know what you’re going to say, Adam. And yeah, it matters to me. I grew up feeling responsible for Mom’s unhappiness. It only got worse when you ran away.”
Guilt slammed at him, but before he could apologize, Rowan continued. “I’m going to keep digging, because I need to know. Plus, Dad wants to know.”
“He does?” This surprised Adam. “He never mentioned anything to me.”
“Because you told him we were dead. He didn’t want to bring up a painful topic for you, when you’ve never been comfortable talking about it, dumbass.”
Oh. Shit, he felt more like a jackass than a dumbass, but he could make up for his past mistakes starting now. “I’m going to help,” he said. “Whatever you need. I know the people on this campus better than you, so I can ask around and introduce you to people who were here when Mom left.”
“Thanks.” Rowan clapped him on the back. “Now, how can I help you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah you.” His brother rolled his eyes. “You look like Eeyore in withdrawal from his happy pills.”
Adam released a crack of rusty laughter at Rowan’s ridiculous comparison.
“Is it Loren?” Rowan asked, with a gentleness in his tone Adam had never really heard before.
He nodded, unable to give voice to his feelings.
“What’s going on? I got the sense you were dropping L-bombs on each other?”
“L-bombs?” Sometimes Adam couldn’t keep up with Rowan’s slang.
“Love. Did you tell her you love her? Or is she mad she had to go rescue your ass yesterday?”
“No, I didn’t. I can’t love her. You think Mom made you feel guilty. Well she reminded me every day how dangerous it is to assume your genetic match is also your true love. Loren wants something I can’t give.” He closed his mouth to end the subject, but of course Rowan could never let it lie.
“Of course she wants your love.” Annoyance shone on Rowan’s face.
“What do I do?”
“Tell her you love her.” The word idiot hung silently in the air.
“I can’t. I told you what Mom taught me. And now Loren thinks I’m chickenshit and she may be right. I’m too scared to tell her I love her,” Adam admitted. “Hell, I’m not even sure how to know if I do love her.” A wave of sheepishness rolled through him. “And she wants kids too. My kids.” He couldn’t tell his brother of his fears witho
ut sounding like an ass. After all, it was because of Rowan he’d developed such an aversion to reproducing.
“You love her. The woman flew to London and rescued you.” Rowan smiled. “If you don’t want her, I’m taking her. She’s got cojones. And? Give her kids.” Rowan paused. “Unless…you can’t. Oh man. Xander never mentioned anything about sterility or impotency. Do they give you meds? Snip your swimmers? What?” He paced a step toward the exit then back.
“What the heck are you talking about? No, the Program doesn’t force sterilization or anything resembling it. If anything, the opposite case exists.”
“Then what?” Rowan caught Adam’s pointed glance toward his missing arm and scowled viciously as understanding dawned. “You bastard.”
He nodded, accepting the deserved scorn. “I’m too afraid. What if our kid has some defects, then…”
“Then what?” Rowan asked. “He’ll be like me. Your good-for-nothing lazy little brother. Is that what you’re scared of? You think I’m worthless, and the joke on me is that my whole life I looked up to you. Wanted to be you. Do you know why?”
He shook his head.
“’Cause you’re the craziest, bravest, son-of-a-bitch I know. You took on the whole neighborhood and became the leader even though you were the youngest. I never would have taken you for a coward.” Rowan stalked toward the exit and turned back to say something. “I don’t know why I’m giving you any advice, you prick, but here it is. Go read the box of letters I left for you.”
He recalled the dusty shoebox he’d ignored earlier. “Why? How do you know what’s in it?”
Rowan shrugged and gave a wry grin. “I read them. Sue me.” He exited with his usual swagger.
Adam watched his brother go, with the feeling of acid roiling around his gut. He hadn’t bothered to defend himself, because Rowan spoke nothing but the truth. He was a coward. He was no romantic, but for the first time in his adult life, he was in love and was letting it slip through his fingers.
