“Never alone.” The words waft by. I look at everyone else to see if they heard it too. But they are all laughing and carrying on. I’m the only one hearing it. Shit.
McNab studies me for a second and looks at Carl. Carl shrugs, then McNab looks at me again, trying to see through me. “Pitch got the results back for the ink on those panels from the lab.”
“What panels?” I ask.
“The ones that were delivered while you were in the void.” McNab says it normal like I was at the grocery store.
“The panels I took off the coffee table?” I ask, looking for clarification.
“Yeah, and,” he stands from the bed to do that lecturer’s pace he does when he’s about explain something very complicated, “the results are...odd.”
“Odd how?” Eli asks.
“The number of ectenic particles maxed out our equipment. There is so much paranormal residue on these things we couldn’t measure it all.” McNab’s tone is excited with the discovery. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. The paper literally had cold spots on it and the ghost box picked up echoes.”
“What?” Carl is shocked. “How can that be?” He stands to review the data for himself.
“What is an ec-ten—” I start to ask.
“Ectenic particles,” McNab corrects, “are particles that make up ectoplasm and can sometimes drive paranormal activity.”
I look at him, still bewildered. “I’m not following.”
McNab crosses the room back to my bed and sits at the end. “Okay, you’ve seen Star Wars?”
Weird question, but, “Yes.”
“I’m sure you’re a purist, and bearing that in mind, please forgive the reference. Ectenic particles are the midi-chlorians of the paranormal world.” He says it simply.
“Oh, okay.” I actually completely understand.
“Really, you understand what he just said? Because that doesn’t sound like English.” Eli doubts my understanding.
“Yeah, I do,” I answer, offended.
“She’s a badass comic book chick that loves all things geek-dom. Of course she knows what a midi-chlorian is. Don’t you?” Carl looks at Eli like he’s an idiot.
“Oh, it’s a geek thing?” Eli asks.
I’m slightly offended, and from the look on McNab’s face, he may be too. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“So back to the ghostbusters shit.” I draw McNab’s attention back to the conversation. It’s strange, he’s usually not so distractible. “What does it all mean?”
“It means that those panels were drawn with ink infused with paranormal particles. It was specifically conjured.” He says it as though it should make perfect sense.
“I’m flippin’ the switch, but the light’s just not coming on. Break it down for me slower, McNab.” I know that Eli appreciates it since he’s probably more lost than I am. I’ve at least watched McNab’s show.
“The ink from your panels doesn’t match the ones that were delivered to Eli’s house.” He’s looking for me to catch on. “Meaning that your ink is normal; there’s nothing extraordinary about it.” He quickly adds, “Until you create amazing scenes with it.”
“Okay, and?” Eli doesn’t get it either.
“When the panels changed at Eli’s house after Nigel left, it was because of the nature of the ink used to create them.” He’s really trying to go slow, just not slow enough.
“What McNab is trying to say is that the panels that were delivered, that were not drawn by you, were created using a conjured ink. The ink on those was made to change the image on the page. So we can rule out the ink being the issue with your comics,” Carl answers. I’m still not completely following. I don’t know anything about changing images.
“So basically what you are saying is the ‘magical’ things Shay’s art is doing is different from the ‘magic’ those did.” Eli surprises me. Could he possibly be accepting something outside of a concrete explanation? He’s growing as a person.
“You get a star, Eli,” McNab condescends.
“But I’m not sure what you mean about the panels changing. You’ve lost me on that.” It feels silly being more lost than Eli on this stuff.
“While you were in the void, those panels that you took were delivered to Eli’s. When Nigel left and Trish showed up the panel changed from an image of Nigel to an image of Trish,” Carl says.
“Whoa, that’s nuts.” Wait, what? “What the fuck was Nigel doing there?” I’m instantly pissed off thinking of that little weasel.
“He says that Aiden tried to kill him.” Eli huffs out a breath. “And McNab here insisted that I let him come to the house. But when he saw the pictures he bolted. Then the panel changed.”
“What?” I had pushed Aiden out of my thoughts. My heart ticks a painful beat when Eli says his name. “Did he try to kill Nigel?”
“No, he didn’t,” McNab answers. Carl’s expression darkens at the prospect of the direction of this conversation.
“Back to the panels.” McNab is masterful at steering the conversation. “Which means that someone, a person, specifically drew these and sent them to Eli’s.”
“Could there be another explanation?” Eli asks, raising an eyebrow as though McNab is crazy.
“Many, but this means the Specter is working with someone else.” Carl stands to his feet at the revelation.
McNab puts one finger on his nose and points at Carl with his other. “You got it. We’ve got another player in the mix.”
“So there’s someone else whose art is being manipulated by the Specter?” I ask.
“No, this is different, kid. Your art is being manipulated by the Specter. This other artist is being manipulated by the Specter. Do you see the difference?”
“No.” Eli answers for both of us.
“I believe we are dealing with a willing participant. That’s the difference.” Carl finishes for McNab.
“And I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that the other artist was involved with your abduction,” McNab says, pulling his lips to the side. “So we’re definitely dealing with a person, not just the Specter.”
That realization comes over me like a wave of understanding. My heart rate increases and my hands go clammy. Eli looks at our intertwined hands that have gone cold. “Glass.”
“What did you say?” Eli asks.
“It was Glass, he’s the one who took me.” The hysteria rises and tears instantly are overflowing from my eyes. I’m writhing in the bed trying to get away from the realization and I’m reliving everything I’d been through.
“No, Shay,” Eli says, wrapping his arms around me. “Shhhh, I’ve got you.”
“I’m telling you it was Glass. I saw him. I saw him. He was the one that did this to me.” I’m screaming and shaking. My nose is running and the words are coming from my mouth like food that I nearly choked on.
“No honey, he’s a cop. He wouldn’t do something like this.” Eli holds my head to his chest trying to calm me. “He’s an asshole, but he wouldn’t stoop to this level.”
My shrieks are bouncing off the walls. I push Eli away and get out of the bed. “He’s a dirty cop and he did this. Fuck you if you don’t want to believe me. I’m telling you the truth.”
McNab comes to where I’m standing. “I believe you, now please just calm down.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t believe me; no one is going to believe me.” I’m instantly tired and defeated knowing that everyone is going to feel the same way that Eli does right now. Not one person is going to believe me. I slide down the wall in the corner.
McNab kneels down close to me. “Listen, kid, I believe you. But I need you to calm down or Sally the syringe slinger is going to come in here and sedate you again. I know you don’t want that.” He's trying to reason with me. I don’t know whether he believes me or not.
“Eli, she’s telling the truth. She saw him, he was there.” Carl looks Eli in the eye.
“I’m not saying I don’t believ
e her. But it’s going to be a hard sell,” Eli says.
McNab hesitates. “Do you need help back into the bed?”
I get up on my own to spite him and purposefully brush against his shoulder hard with mine. I get in the bed and pull the covers up to my waist while sitting up in the bed not looking up. “And fuck you too, McNab, if you don’t believe me.”
Carl looks at McNab then back to me with a disapproving look. “McNab, are you okay?” He's doubled over in pain, what the fuck? I didn’t hit him that hard. McNab breathes out, “I’m okay.” Carl helps him to the chair. He reaches into one of the pockets of his black cargo pants and pulls something out and takes a bite from it. He inhales a deep breath and blows it out.
“What was that?” Eli asks. Thank goodness, since I’m speechless.
“Nothing, I’m going to go for a while. I need to check in with Lori.” McNab heads for the door.
“Do you want me to stay here?” Carl asks with his forehead wrinkled with concern.
“Yeah, keep an eye on her.” He doesn’t look back and stops with his hand on the door handle. “I do believe you, kid.”
“What the hell happened?” I look Carl straight in the eye.
“You did,” he scolds.
“What did you do?” Eli asks accusingly.
“I didn’t do anything.” I really am clueless here.
“Nobody touches McNab,” Carl says simply as he gets up from the chair. “I’ll be outside.”
Eli and I exchange a look when the door closes. “I didn’t do anything. I mean, all I did was bump his shoulder.” I feel about an inch tall. I wasn’t trying to hurt him. Great, I’m the biggest bitch on the planet.
“I have no idea what just happened.” Eli runs his fingers through his hair.
I’m still pretty wound up about the whole exchange, but I need to get back to Glass. “Eli, you have to believe me. It was Glass who had me.” I’m begging him to believe me. I’m holding his hand with both of mine. I tell him everything that happened.
“It’s not that I don’t believe you, Shay. All I’m saying is I’m going to have a hard time convincing anyone to investigate him,” he says in complete seriousness.
“But you believe me?” I ask, because right now that’s all I need is for him to trust what I’m saying. The rest will fall into place after that.
“Yes I do.”
“So you’ll go to his house and see if he has a garden shed?” I insist more than ask.
“Yes I will.” Eli looks me in the eye to drive home his seriousness.
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
Fortified with Bitch
Shay
My eyes open to the dim blue light filtering through the window. The sun will crest the horizon any minute. I smile at the sight of Eli lying across my stomach sleeping with his arm draped over me, holding my hand. He’s so sweet. I stroke his hair gently, marveling at his kind face. Knowing that he loves me, knowing how lucky I am to have him, goes a long way in trying to heal from all of this.
No dreams last night, and for that I’m thankful. Now I don’t have to consider or analyze anything that I saw or felt. Carl is asleep in the chair next to the bed on my right. Even though I’ve been sleeping, I still feel completely exhausted. The red lines down my arms catch my eye. I study them closely. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to crawl into Glass’ brain to figure out what the hell he was doing, I just won’t understand. It’s clear he wasn’t trying to actually hurt me. What was he trying to do?
There’s a slight tap on the door and Carl stirs as the nurse comes in. “Good morning. I’m Rebecca and I’ll be your nurse today.” She stops and looks at Eli laying over me, and she responds with a warm smile. “He sure isn’t going to be letting you go any time soon, is he?”
“I hope not,” I whisper, mostly out of uncertainty.
“I need to check your vitals.” She takes my temperature trying to maneuver around Carl and Eli and pushes a button on the blood pressure machine that I’m already hooked up to. “Everything looks great. I’m going to bring you in some fresh ice water, fluids are very important right now, and your breakfast will be here in about an hour. Do you need anything else?”
“No, thank you, Rebecca.” I force a smile.
“Okay, hon. If you change your mind, just push the call button. I'll be back in a bit to change the dressing on your wounds.” She leaves the room, closing the door lightly behind her.
I’m really hoping to go home today, or at least back to Eli’s. I don’t like it here, I feel so vulnerable. They could have a hundred guards outside the door and that wouldn’t be enough to make me feel safe.
“I’ll keep you safe, my love.” The Specter’s voice sounds in my head. I brush it off like I don’t hear it.
Doctor Green, the shrink, came in for five minutes last night just to introduce himself and let me know he was going to be back today to chat. I know that I have some issues, but honestly, I don’t think a few “chats” from my hospital bed are going to be sufficient. This is something I have to come back from myself.
I’m working on not freaking out every time Eli leaves my side. The poor guy should be allowed to take a piss. He’s been by my side the whole time. Eventually he'll need to leave the room. He’s got to go to work, but I’m so afraid that if he leaves, the paint will peel and I’ll be sitting smack in the middle of a nightmare. I need to pull myself together, I’ve got to regain my sense of security. It just feels like my whole world has been pulled out from under me. But today, I make progress.
“You are never alone.” The Specter is tormenting me, but I still don’t know if it’s real or not. I pretend I don’t hear it. Although, I don’t know who I’m kidding. I’m the only one who can hear it. Carl is still sleeping soundly in the chair. I wish he would wake up and make it stop. I don’t understand how he can make me stop dreaming but can’t stop the Specter from talking to me.
McNab hasn’t been back since the “shoulder bump.” I’m worried what the hell all of that was about. I swear I didn’t hit him hard; it was more of a brush than a bump. Carl says that he had some things to take care of in L.A. and he’d be back in a few days. Carl has been very quiet; I can tell he’s upset with me. I feel like I’m being scolded constantly.
Dad says that I was going to have to talk to the police today, but Eli’s trying to put it off until he can see if Glass at least has a garden shed. He sent Jerry out there, but I doubt Jerry went. I’m going to have to let Eli go to check. I’m just worried about being alone, and being without him. I guess this would be a good time to start my progress.
“You don’t need him, my love.” It’s an audible whisper in my ear. The Specter’s breath brushes against me.
Something really has to give, I feel like I’m living at the intersection of fear, anger and insanity. If I’m not feeling desperately scared, I’m so angry that I can barely speak, and the insanity, well yeah. I guess that’s where Doctor Green comes in. Dad says talking with him will really help. I’m not really counting on it.
“He can’t save you from me.” The Specter’s voice is overflowing with a cocky pride.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Go the fuck away. I don’t want you, I don’t need you. Go away! I scream it in my head.
Carl jumps up in his chair, looking ready to fight. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. The Specter won’t leave me alone.” I pull my lips to the side with the craziness. “Isn’t there something you can do to shield me from it? Can’t you make it go away?” I plead.
“I’m working on it.” He smooths out his standard beige blazer.
“What about the pendant?” I avoid the disappointment in his eyes; it’s too much to take. “Please, I need it to stop.”
Carl reaches into the breast pocket of his jacket. “Here, we can try it. Maybe it will work again.”
I slide it around my neck. The movement and Carl and I talking rouse Eli. He inhales
deeply and smiles when he sees me. “Good morning.”
Seeing his sleepy smile warms me from the inside and makes me feel safe. “Morning.”
Carl acknowledges Eli with a nod. I’m not sure what the tension is between them. I mean, Carl’s mad at me, not Eli. “Good morning, Carl.” Eli stands to complete his stretch and eyes the restroom. “I’ll be right back.”
When the door clicks closed behind Eli I look to Carl, who has his back turned to me. “Carl?” I say it quiet, afraid that he’s going to snap at me.
Before he turns around the tears are already flowing down and staining my pajamas. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
Carl’s demeanor softens slightly. “I know you didn’t, but you really have to start thinking before you act.”
“I really don’t understand what happened. All I did was bump his shoulder. I didn’t even do it hard.” I hang my head in shame and the tears keep dropping onto the bed sheet. “I’m just so fucked up.”
Carl pulls his lips into a tight consoling smile. “I know you are, darlin’. You have to understand that we’re here to help you.”
I nod my head, unable to speak through my sobs. Eli comes in from the bathroom and rushes to me, taking up my hand. “What is it?”
“It’s just…everything,” I whimper.
He pulls me into a hug and glares at Carl as if it’s his fault. I weep into Eli, taking in his scent every time I inhale. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine.”
Carl’s eyes darken with remorse. “You just have to understand McNab has his reasons for all the personal rules. He’s incredibly focused on getting you out of all of this. You need to respect the personal contact rule; you most of all.”
Eli’s grip loosens slightly. “Are you saying it can rub off?” He knows how ridiculous he sounds as the words come out.
“For McNab it can, but you're fine,” Carl answers.
The door opens and I'm disappointed that it isn't McNab, it's my breakfast. The woman who brought it in puts it on the table by the bed, taking in the scene in the room with all the seriousness and my tears. “Do you need me to get the nurse?”
“No, I’m fine. Just having a rough morning,” I dry my face and do my best to force a smile.
INK: Abstraction Page 9
