She hangs her head and her blond bangs fall into her eyes. “Hey honey.” She forces a smile, but something more than that is out of place. She’s wearing her fashionable scarf as always, but with sweats and a t-shirt.
I’m not sure why she’s here; I mean, our last exchange wasn’t exactly pleasant. She hasn’t spoken to me since the school bus incident. “What are you doing here?” It comes out accusatory even though I don’t mean it to.
“I, um, I just wanted to see you.” She looks down, picking at her nails. “I also wanted to apologize.”
“For what?” I’m completely taken by surprise.
She looks up at the camera a few times then starts. “You were right about Billy, or Bailey. Whatever the fuck his name was.”
Okay, double whoa, Trish doesn’t apologize. Trish doesn’t admit wrongdoing, ever. I’m silenced by my shock and only look at the screen wondering if this is some kind of sleight of hand. I mean, maybe that’s not really her on the other side. “Um, I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say you’ll accept my apology,” she pleads.
“I do.” I’m actually feeling humbled. “Of course I do.” I'm compelled to want to hug her, even though that's not how we roll, but it seems like she needs it.
“There’s more though.” She shifts in her seat and drops her gaze again.
“Did something happen?” Bailey threatened to hurt Eli once. Oh God, if he touched a beautiful black hair on Eli's head I’ll fucking kill him. “Trish, did Bailey do something to Eli?”
She shakes her head and looks up with tears in her eyes. “No, Eli’s fine. But, before Bailey left he was sure to let me in on a few secrets.” She’s trembling at the fear of the memory.
“What is it Trish? I only have forty-five minutes.”
“Bailey was the one who kidnapped you.” She can’t look me in the eye when she says it.
“No, Glass kidnapped me. Not Bailey,” I protest. Having something other than what I thought to be true, than what I saw, would erode the small foundation of sanity I had left.
“He told me he did. Then I found a notebook. He mapped everything out in the book, including dropping you in Glass’ shed.” She begins to sob. “I’m so sorry Shay, and it was my fault. He knew everything about you because I told him. Looking back, he was asking me so many questions about you all the time and I didn’t think about it, I just didn’t put two and two together.” She covers her eyes and folds over crying. “He’s also the one who killed Kevin.”
“What?” I’m stunned and sit back in the chair. An entire boulder of a revelation has been dropped on me.
Trish is sobbing and can’t continue. Carl leans down and looks into the camera apologetically. He puts his hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, why don’t you go clean yourself up? I’ll tell her the rest.”
Trish looks at the screen again and presses out a smile. “Love you hun, I’ll be back to see you soon.”
“’Kay babe, love you too.” Hearing all of that from Trish has left me completely unnerved. My mind is totally blown and all I want to do is find Bailey and choke the last breath out of him. He killed Kevin.
Carl sits in the chair. “Hey now, darlin’, you need to calm down.”
“Carl, what the fuck?” I lean into the camera. “Bailey? Honestly, I’m telling you as God is my witness Glass took me. Not Bailey.”
“Listen, I’m certain Bailey was involved, we just don’t know how much. There’s nothing we can do right now. Just calm down, I have business.”
I employ one of the breathing techniques Carl taught me. “Fine.”
“Good, now let’s get down to business.” He leans into the camera. “Have you been meditating?”
“Yes sir, all damn day. It’s not as though my social schedule is full. I’m not real popular amongst the cheerleaders.” I roll my eyes.
“Have you been able to repel the Specter? Is he still coming to you?” I know he's full of anticipation that I've been able to somehow grow as a Specter repelant while I've been in here.
“To a point, I’ve not been able to make him go away every night, but remember I’m not in the land of privacy here and I’m scared to death I’m going to set something on fire or accidentally electrocute myself.”
He smiles proudly. “Smart thinking, but I’m not sure that would be the outcome.”
“At any rate I think I’m ready, I’ve been able to open the portal and keep it open. I think I’m ready to go after the Specter.” My excitement boils over and I accidentally bump my head on the camera. “Sorry.” I rub my head.
Carl smiles. “We’ve all missed you.”
“I’m sure, I mean seriously, what are you all doing for entertainment these days?”
“Darlin’, it’s all about you and how to get you out of here safely.” He raises his eyebrows. “But I think it’s a bad idea for you to go into the portal. We need to wait until you’re out, and I definitely don’t want you going after him alone,” he warns.
“Carl, I can get in there and I think I can figure out how to kill him. I can do it, don’t you believe in me?” I plead into the camera.
“I know you can do it. It’s more a matter of if you should.” He closes his eyes and inhales a breath. “Once you do this sort of thing, you can’t come back from it emotionally. I don’t want you to compromise yourself. There are other ways, and we’re going to defeat him. Just don’t put something on your heart that you won’t be able to escape from.” He sounds so sensible, everything he’s saying rings true. But I want to kill the Specter, feel the joy of it.
“I’m not sure how much longer I can take the torment. I have no pendant, no candles, no you and I’m on my own. I can’t handle it much longer, I’m breaking.” I look down at my hands, ashamed that I can keep up the good face.
“Listen darlin’, you keep meditating. I’ll be back to see you as soon as I can.” He tries to push out a smile but can't manage it.
“Okay, please take care of Eli. Make sure he’s eating and getting some sleep and please tell him I love him and can’t wait for him to hold me again.” I wax melancholy at the thought of how cold I feel at night without Eli.
“I’ll tell him. Any message for McNab?” He asks with a smile.
“Same message as last time.” I shoot him the bird.
“Still pissed at him, huh?” He doesn't smile.
I purse my lips and nod. “Yeah, I am.”
“Well, I think you should get over it and consider putting him on the visitor’s list.” His tone is scolding.
“There's enough assholes in here, I don't think the building can handle one more.” I raise my eyebrows.
“Okay, I'll let him know, too many assholes.” Carl shakes his head and stands from the chair.
“Oh hey, Carl?” I try to stop him.
He leans down so I can see him in the camera. “Yeah?”
“Tell Eli I can’t wait to be his wife, so he needs to hurry up and get my ass out of here.” I widen my eyes at the end of my sentence.
“Got it.”
He leaves the screen and I’m sitting here as close to alone as it gets.
The Specter appears on the screen, his smoky form sporting Eli’s face. “If I looked like this could you love me?”
I roll my eyes, so not amused.
“You can’t ignore me.” The Specter is outraged and is now in my head since I’m being led away by the guard.
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m planning how to kill you,” I tell him low and metered.
“What’s that, Baynes?” the guard asks.
“Nothing. Sorry, I was just thinking of something my friend said,” I offer.
“I've left you a gift. I hope you like it.” His voice is full of joy, which just feels wrong.
“Wonderful,” I muse.
Morin stops in the hallway and pulls me to the side. “Listen, word is they are going to be putting you in the psych ward if your cellmate keeps complaining that you’re talking to yourself.”
/> “Is the food any better over there?” I ask, genuinely curious, cause this shit is unacceptable.
“This is no laughing matter.” She pulls her lips to the side. “If you are innocent, you’re going to have a hard time pushing to get records reviewed if they think you’re crazy. Don’t do it.”
Seriousness fills my demeanor as she reprimands me. She leans back in. “This is county, it’s a cakewalk compared to prison.”
I believe her.
Morin walks me back to my cell since time in the common area is over. I’m not sure why I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s different than the feeling I get when they close the doors every night; there’s something more to it, something sinister. For that reason I approach the cell cautiously, slowing down.
As soon as I see it I put my arms out against the walls and don’t walk through the door. “Oh shit.”
Morin gives me a nudge in the back. “Come on Baynes, we’ve got a good thing going here, don’t get sketchy on me now.”
“No, look.” I gasp and back away from the door and the pool of blood on the floor.
“Shit.” Morin pushes the alarm button and I drop down to my belly on the floor like we were told to do at intake. “You stay put, Baynes.” She goes in and checks for a pulse. I want to throw up, Savannah was nice. She was a little rough around the edges, but she wasn’t violent and she didn’t steal my shit.
Guards fill the area, dressed in riot gear, and come up to the second level where my cell is. The medic enters the cell. I feel the poke of a billy club in my back and a deep male voice orders me, “Get up slowly with your hands on your head.”
Compliance is the best policy, that’s what Eli and Jason both told me, and now is not the time to start arguing that point. I stand with my fingers interlaced on my head.
“Turn around and face the wall,” he barks.
“Baynes didn’t do this.” Morin comes to my defense.
“Is that so?” he challenges her. “We all know she's a cop killer.”
“She was in visitation and Jennings was very much alive when Baynes left.”
“Standard procedure,” he says, slapping handcuffs on my wrist. I notice they don’t hurt as bad and don’t bother me as much as they used to.
I’m led down to a holding area, and I feel deranged for feeling a sense of relief, knowing that I’ll see Jason in person and possibly even Eli. God, I miss him so much. I just want to melt into him.
A few guards come in to question me, and I respond just like Jason told me to. “I want to have my attorney present during the questioning.”
“Okay, if that’s how you want it.” A guard that I don’t recognize says and turns around to leave, “I was just going to tell you what we think happened.”
I feel bad, but I’m doing exactly what I was told to do. I don’t want to be in here one more minute longer than I have to. I nod indicating, that I’m waiting.
I’ve learned while being in here that time can be deceiving and they don’t exactly have a clock on the wall. The telltale smell of the Specter invades my senses; the air grows heavy with his presence.
“My love, do you like what I’ve done for you?” he asks, manifesting in the seat across from me.
“No, actually, I don’t.” I turn away, not looking at him, and realize how much this has become a sick relationship that I can’t escape and the only way out is going to be to kill him, or myself. How do you kill a spirit, a ghost or whatever the fuck he is? I don’t know, but I’m going to figure it out.
“I did it for you.” He stands to glide back and forth across the floor. “You are so ungrateful.”
“Well the thing is I’m probably going to get blamed for it. All of this is because of you. Me being here. It’s all your fault,” I say in an even tone. I’m not sure why I’ve become so calm, I think it’s something in the pudding cups we get on Wednesdays.
“You being here allows me access to you like I’ve never had before. No interference from anyone. It’s wonderful.” He leans down close enough to my ear that I feel the temperature change in the air around me. “I lay with you every night while you sleep.”
I push the thought away, “Why are you doing this to me?” I don’t have it in me to cry or yell.
“Because I love you and I want to be with you. I've gone to great lengths to find someone like you.” He smiles wickedly, swaying in front of me.
What does that even mean? “Keep looking, this girl isn't interested.”
“Soon I’ll be strong enough that we can be together.” He passes through me from one side to the other and I’m filled with a sickening horror of emotions, all depraved. “Since the moment I first felt you, I knew I would have you, and here we are. You are my lover, you are mine.”
“No.” I try to focus but can’t. Even though I’m calm, I’ve lost the ability to manifest any inner strength, fucking pudding cups. “Just go away.”
“Sooner or later you’ll map out my next big kill. This one was just for fun, it was an added bonus and I wanted to shake things up a bit.” He turns his back on me.
“I will not draw until I’ve defeated you,” I say simply. It doesn’t matter how many nightmares I’ve had, how many times I’ve wanted to storyboard another issue. I won’t until I know the Specter can’t make them happen.
“You think I don’t see you, but you’ll break, you’ll draw soon enough. I see you when you think I’m not looking. Drawing in the sand with your finger in the yard, doodling with a French fry dipped in ketchup. You’ll break down. I’ve seen to it that you have a sketchpad and pencils in your cell.” He's so pleased with himself.
I’m taken aback; I thought those were sent by Eli, I recall the card that came with them. “Not what you’re used to, but hopefully it will hold you over.” They came from the commissary, so the note wasn’t personalized. Now I’m wondering how I got them. “Go away.”
“Never, I will never go away from you.” His echoing bellow startles me.
“I said go away, you fucking freak. I don’t love you, I don’t want you.” I realize when a guard enters the room that I’ve been yelling.
“Did you need something?” she asks, concerned and looking around the room.
“No thank you, I’m fine.” I follow her gaze around the room, not sure if I want her to see the Specter or not. He’s gone, dissipated as fast as he came. I’m left with the residue of his evil crawling on my skin.
Chapter Forty-Two
Who Died?
Shay
A few hours go by and I can feel him before he walks in the room. Eli is here. If the handcuffs weren’t locked to the table I would get up and wrap my arms around him. He walks in the room stiff as a board. “Miss Baynes, I’ll be standing in for Attorney Garner.”
Jason walks in behind him. “Hey Shay.” He pulls his mouth to the side with disapproval.
“I didn’t do anything. I swear. I was in the visitor’s room talking to Trish and Carl.” I try to put my hands up, but I’m not able to.
“I am proud that you wouldn’t talk, that’s good. But, you have to remember everything in this room is monitored.” He gives me a look like I should know what he’s talking about.
She’s breaking, she’s really breaking. We’ve got to get her out of here or I may lose her forever. I hear Eli’s voice in my mind. Pain clouds his cobalt eyes and he’s looking at me like I just gave him the news that I’m terminal.
“I’m not breaking, and I’m not sure what you mean. I’ve just been sitting here, talking to my imaginary friend.” I realize how the conversation with the Specter must have looked. I need to really be more careful about that.
“They aren’t monitoring now, attorney client privilege enters here.” He motions toward Eli.
“Come here.” I offer a tight smile.
He approaches me but remains stiff. He bends down at the waist and stays at least a full meter from my ear. “They can’t hear us, but they are watching.”
I turn to fa
ce him and just want to feel his scruff against my cheek. “Watching?”
“Yes. But so you know, I want so badly to hold you.” I notice for the first time that he’s not looking so good. His eyes are ringed with dark circles, and his hair is disheveled.
I nod compliance. “Just know I want your arms around me.”
“I lay awake at night missing you; I can only take shallow breaths because I’m afraid that I’ll lose what’s left of you inside me. Sometimes it feels like your absence is the only thing I feel anymore.” Those words break me and my tears start to flow. “I’m sorry, Sweetybird.” Sharp pains shoot through my soul, reaching my heart; I wince at the sadness in his voice.
“No, you don’t have to be. Thank you for coming. I know what you’re putting at risk.” He is too. Unless something has changed, he’s supposed to be distanced from the case. Hopefully most of that’s been cleared up, but judging by the physical distance he’s putting between us it isn’t.
“I had to see you.” He presses a tight smile into his cheek.
“Eli, I always feel you thinking of me whether you are a foot away or a hundred miles away.” I try to lift his spirits.
“Shay, I’m sorry, but I need you tell me what happened,” Jason interrupts while looking at his watch.
“I went to visitation, and when I came back she was dead on the top bunk and there was blood everywhere,” I say simply and then add, “She was alive when I left.”
“Okay, it would seem they don’t want to pin this one on you.” He inhales a breath. “We are making some progress, but we are still getting stonewalled on all the evidence. They sent us so many boxes; even with extra man power we haven’t laid eyes on it all.”
“How’s my dad?” I ask, feeling very uneasy that he hasn’t come to see me.
“He’s doing fine, but he’s not been able to make it up here. He’s been traveling a lot with the investigation, leads the organization has picked up.” Eli rolls his eyes.
“Should he be traveling like that after the heart attack scare?” I try not to worry about Dad, but I can’t help it.
“McNab’s not so sure that he had a heart attack at all. He thinks this had to do with Miranda.” Eli spits her name like it’s rotten.
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