‘Huh. So when you said you were too embarrassed to let Freddie and Sarah meet in Windsor, you were what? Deranged?’ Star does a very good line in logic, which can be really annoying.
‘If I was so embarrassed, I would have –’
‘Legged it through Windsor? I’m really, really disappointed in you,’ Star told me crossly, shaking her head so that her lovely red hair came out of its black leather star-studded hair strap. Every day she looked more and more the quintessential rock chick, which only added further kudos to her fearsome certainty about life and reminded me just how fearsomely uncertain I was about my own.
Indie had stopped laughing now too, which meant Star was even scaring her.
‘You’re so wrapped up in yourself, Calypso, you just don’t even see how your actions impact on others! Poor Sarah, and I even feel sorry for his royal stuck-upness. He must of felt a right idiot, standing there in the rain while his girlfriend and her mother legged it down the lane, shrieking with laughter!’ Star continued to scold.
‘I tried to call Freddie to explain,’ I told her, as if that should be an end to it. Not that I knew what I was going to say to him, but the word ‘sorry’ would definitely have featured. Each time I had dialled he had rejected my call, though. I could picture him, white with fury, pressing the ‘Reject Call’ button every time the name ‘Calypso’ came up on his mobile’s screen. Maybe he’d even changed my name on his speed dial. I do that when I’m cross with people. Honey came up on my phone as EVIL ONE – not that she ever called me. Still, it gave me a cheap thrill.
I’d even tried txt-ing Freddie.
Plse stop rejecting my calls. I’m really, really sorry about this afternoon. Pise let me explain xxxxxxx C
But he remained unreachable.
Supper was fish nuggets, which I normally fall on like a famine victim, but I couldn’t eat a morsel that night. Indie tried to get her security guys to hide the nuggets in their pockets, but they got caught by Sandra the dinner lady, and I was put on report for not eating my food.
Indie was really sympathetic, as was everyone apart from Star. I hate it when Star is angry with me, because firstly she’s always right, and secondly the cold frost she exuded towards me that evening made me shiver.
After supper, Georgina, Clemmie, Arabella, Indie and Star hung out in my room. Everyone apart from Star was trying to come up with a way for me to win Freddie back. Honey was unusually quiet on the subject, and Honey being quiet on a topic that had everyone else gossiping was dangerous.
Eventually, Georgina joined Honey at the window sill to smoke and I tried to listen in to their low murmurings, but I caught only the occasional word like ‘erm’ and ‘yaah’ and ‘darling.’
Arabella suggested a proper snail mail love letter on lovely embossed paper. ‘It’s got my family crest on it, but we can cross that out,’ she added.
‘Yes, what a brilliant idea. You could even be really Victorian and lacy and spray it with your scent, Calypso. I’m sure Freddie would swoon with love, unable to resist a letter explaining why his girlfriend is so embarrassed by the prospect of him and her mother meeting that she runs away at the very sight of him,’ Star scoffed.
I felt really annoyed with her for being so bloody right.
Portia was reading a magazine on her bed. She’d given me a look of sympathy, but it wasn’t her way to get overly involved in other people’s petty problems.
‘What about sending him a gorilla gram? Or his favourite pizza, with your name spelt out in sausage?’ Clemmie suggested.
Even Star giggled at this.
I didn’t giggle, though. I was truly ashamed of myself, and if my name spelt out in sausage would make things right with Freddie I was all up for trying it.
Georgina pulled her head in from the window. ‘Why don’t you go and see him face-to-face? You know, storm the ramparts of Eades?’
No one said anything at first. Eades was only a couple of miles away, but it meant climbing down the scaffolding, traversing Pullers’ Wood, where attack dogs roamed looking for girls to eat, and slithering through the razor-wire fence that shielded our school from the outside world.
‘But the attack dogs – you know I’m terrified of attack dogs,’ I argued, even though I longed more than anything to confront Freddie face-to-face.
Honey pulled her head in from outside the window and picked up the Febreze. I imagined she was going to spray away the smell of smoke. I don’t know how I survive being this naive. I really don’t.
‘Which is why,’ Honey said, holding the Febreze up and pointing it directly at me, ‘you take my mace to defend yourself.’ With that she squirted the Febreze right in my eyes, which made them sting and water like crazy.
‘Honey!’ Georgina scolded, snatching the spray from her friend.
‘What? I was just showing her what she can do if the dogs pitch up and start tearing her apart,’ Honey explained in a voice of child-like innocence as I rinsed my eyes out with water from the sink.
‘Well, I think it’s a perfect idea. Tobias suggested it earlier,’ Georgina told us, holding her bear up. His wise face stared back at us solemnly. ‘He’s given it a lot of thought.’
I looked at Star, expecting her to roll her eyes, but instead she said. ‘Right, so here’s the plan. After lights out, we’ll all convene here and help you escape. I’ll txt Kevin to get directions to Freddie’s room and find out the best access routes.’
‘Billy mentioned there’s wisteria running along the wall where Freddie’s housed,’ Portia added.
I looked at everyone’s supportive faces.
‘You can borrow my black trackie bums and black hoodie,’ Clemmie offered.
All their faces were expectant. Honey was rustling about in the en suite. When she appeared, she pressed a small can of mace into my hand.
‘Thank you,’ I muttered, looking at the can. It had a cartoon picture of a girl spraying a man in the face.
‘No trouble; Mummy bought it for me in Germany, you know, in case Miss Bibsmore gets too much for me. But don’t accidentally squirt yourself in the dark, darling. It isn’t Febreze, remember.’ She laughed her crazed laugh at the memory.
‘Right,’ I agreed, still staring at the can because actually I am just the sort of girl who would squirt herself in the face with mace.
‘Promise you’ll only use it if the dog is really going to endanger your life?’ Clemmie insisted sternly. She can’t bear to think of any creature being hurt. She even hates it when we eat Jelly Babies, because she says they remind her of her little brother Sebastian.
‘Of course I won’t.’ I sooo would, though, if the jaws of a dog were bearing down on me.
Star came over and gave me a hug. ‘I’m really proud of you,’ she said.
‘You’re doing the right thing,’ Portia agreed.
‘We’d better leg it back to our own rooms now, though,’ Star said. We’ll come back after Miss Bibsmore’s done her rounds to help you get ready, okay?’
I nodded. I was mute with the enormity of the mission I was about to embark upon. A mission conceived by a soft toy. A mission which, if anything went wrong, could very easily end in my expulsion.
TWELVE
Scaling the Battlements of Eades
At eleven that night, Star and Portia climbed down the scaffolding with me, while Honey, Indie and Georgina watched from above, shining their torches on us.
Star and Portia said they’d come with me as far as the razor wire in case there were a serious emergency. Portia had drawn a map, which I tucked safely in my Snoopy bra – the closest thing I had to a sports bra. It was still raining, which Star pointed out was all the more incentive to run faster.
Things went well on the wet sprint through the school grounds, but no sooner were we in the woods than four attack dogs came bounding out at us like the hounds of hell. Star grabbed one by the collar and Portia grabbed another, but with my fear of dogs being what it is, all I could do was grab the trunk of a tree and start clim
bing. The two untethered dogs growled and snarled up at me.
‘Climb down, you’re setting them off,’ Star called up to me.
‘I’m setting them off?’ I called down. They’re the ones barking and baying for my blood.
‘Only because they sense your fear.’
Well I’m bloody afraid.’
‘Here boy!’ Star called to the dogs, and when they came to her, she fed them some sweets.
‘Now, Calypso, now!’ Portia urged. ‘Sugared almonds won’t hold them back forever.’
So I jumped down and legged it through the woods. My torch gave only enough light to keep me from running into trees, but hearing the footfalls of Portia and Star as they came up behind me made me feel braver. I was running so fast the effects of missing supper resulted in a stitch by the time we reached the razor wire, which looked as if it would tear us to ribbons.
‘Okay, this is where we have to veer left,’ Portia said, panting. Star continued to sprint purposefully ahead, running parallel to the wire.
‘Or go back?’ I suggested, only half joking as I held my side.
‘According to Billy there’s a green ribbon on the wire and after that a bush which conceals where the wire has a gap in it. That’s where you’ll slip through,’ she added, ignoring my lame attempt at humour.
‘Here it is,’ called Star. When we caught up to her voice, it was coming from inside the bush. She looked so unlike a rock chick as her face peered out from the bush that I almost lost my fear.
‘You’ll be fine now. Kev and Billy are both expecting you. Billy’s going to txt you if there’s a problem,’ Portia reminded me.
‘So make sure your mobile’s on vibrate. Kev will keep a lookout over the house. Remember it’s the second house, second row on the right, after Chapel Row,’ Star whispered.
That’s right, just keep your eye out for Poets Well,’ Portia reminded me.
‘Right, Poets Well. Eyes out,’ I repeated.
‘Because if you see that, you’ve gone too far,’ she said.
I was already thinking I had gone too far.
‘Good luck, and once you’ve sorted things out with Freddie, txt us and we’ll be here to meet you, okay?’
I was drenched to the skin and hungry and my stitch was killing me as my friends disappeared through the woods. Worst of all I was alone in the dark.
After I struggled through the prickly bush, I looked out at the foreboding glow of spires and ancient gabled roofs of Eades all lit up by security lighting. A sense of hopelessness came over me, but there was no turning back now – well, not without a major confrontation with Star. So I moved through the pain the way I’d been taught to in fencing and sprinted towards the boardinghouses, clutching Honey’s mace in one hand and my mobile in the other.
I repeated Star’s directions in my head, second house, second row, and right after the chapel. Whoops, was that turn right at the chapel, though, or right after the chapel? I decided the best course of action was to check my map, but in the heavy rain that was easier said than done.
I took shelter against a wall when I saw a security guard lighting up a cigarette farther down at one of the houses. That was when I noticed that the wall I was leaning against had wisteria growing over it. Portia had mentioned wisteria, so this must be it. I looked up, wondering if Freddie was up there. There were lights on and noises of boys talking or listening to televisions and music. At least up there I’d be out of the rain, which was really pissing down now, and surely some nice Eades boy would take me to my prince?
I grabbed a hold of a wisteria branch and tugged hard to check it could support my weight before slipping my foot into one of the branches and hoisting myself up. It was actually quite easy, and I was almost feeling a bit smug and action heroine-ish there for a moment as I scaled the wall of Eades. And then I reached the fist floor window, looked down and realised I was above Poets Well. ‘Bugger,’ I swore to myself. ‘Calypso Kelly, you have gone too far.’
A window opened just above my head and a boy’s face, a cigarette clenched between his lips, looked down on me.
‘Hello there. What was that you were saying?’
‘Oh, hi,’ I said, smiling my most winning smile. ‘I’m sort of looking for someone.’
‘Not me, is it?’ the face asked.
‘No, someone else.’
‘Jolly good, well, good luck. I hope you manage to track him down,’ the boy said before pulling his head back in and slamming the window shut.
The wisteria wasn’t feeling quite as stable as it had earlier. I think in my rain-drenched clothing I was probably twice as heavy as I normally was. I looked down on Poets Well and tried to find the bottle to climb back down and work out another way to Freddie’s house. I sneezed really, really loudly. Not one of those public, polite sneezes either – you know the ones where people add ‘God bless you’ afterwards. No, this was a roaring loud sneeze that was probably heard back at Saint Augustine’s. Normally I would only allow a sneeze like that to escape when I was certain I was all alone in a completely embarrassment-proof environment.
I heard the window opening above me again. ‘God bless you,’ the face from earlier reappeared. ‘You sure you’re not cold out there.’
I looked up, no longer capable of smiling, winningly or otherwise. ‘Bloody freezing,’ I admitted.
‘Are you sure I won’t do? As an interim measure, perhaps? At least it’s warm in here, if you don’t mind a bit of a mess.’
I was so relieved I almost let go my grip on the wisteria. Thank you,’ I gushed as his hand reached down and my stranger pulled me up and helped me climb into his room.
THIRTEEN
You’ve Got to Know When to Neck It and Know When to Leg It
‘My name’s Malcolm, by the way. Feel free to use the bathroom to dry yourself off.’ He was wearing boxer shorts with a rugby shirt over the top. With his thatch of red hair and green eyes, he reminded me of Star. He was definitely the best thing to happen to me in the last half hour, I decided.
‘Thanks. I’m Calypso,’ I said as my eyes travelled around the vast room. I knew that Eades boys all got their own rooms, but I had never been in one before. It was the size of most people’s living rooms. He had a plasma screen television, DVD, laptop and of course the mess he had warned me of. Actually most of the mess seemed to consist of thousands of DVDs strewn all over the floor – and I mean all over the floor. Every square inch was covered in DVDs, including the square inches I was currently dripping on.
‘Actually, I’ll grab you a towel. I think we’d better contain you,’ Malcolm said, treading his way carefully to the bathroom so as to avoid stepping on the DVDs. From the bathroom he chucked me a big black fluffy towel. I began to dab at my sodden clothing and hair in a hopeless attempt to dry myself off.
‘Tell you what, Calypso,’ Malcolm said, ‘Chuck the towel down over the DVDs and once you get to the bathroom you can climb out of those wet clothes and put on my robe. It’s virtually clean. If you like, you can spread your clothes over my radiators while we find your mystery man.’
‘Thank you, that’s really kind,’ I said as I made my way towards the bathroom. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable about taking my clothes off in a boy’s bathroom and changing into his robe, even if it was virtually clean. I mean, I didn’t even know Malcolm. What if he were some sort of crazed rapist, or worse? As I opened the bathroom door I turned back, but he was crouched back on the floor with his back to me, totally absorbed in some sort of laborious DVD filing process. It was as if he’d forgotten all about my existence in his room.
The bathroom wasn’t as luxurious as our bathroom back at Saint Augustine’s. The tiling was a bit chipped and the mirror was so old it was all speckled. But it was such a relief to pull off my wet clothes that I decided I was mad to be so paranoid. Malcolm’s robe was a green-and-maroon-striped Ralph Lauren affair and best of all, it was deliciously clean, fluffy and two sizes too big for me.
I gathered up my sodden
clothes and walked back into the room as if everything were perfectly natural and normal.
‘Drink?’ Malcolm offered without looking up as I began to lay my clothes on his piping hot radiators.
‘Yaah, a drink would be super,’ I drawled, cringing at my ridiculous blurt. Super? Was I turning into my mother?
‘Help yourself. The fridge is over there,’ Malcolm told me as he gestured to the other side of the room. ‘If everything doesn’t fit on that radiator, there’s another along the bed.
‘Thanks,’ I replied, cringing with embarrassment as I spread my wet Snoopy bra and knickers over the radiator behind his bed. I looked over at Malcolm, but as he wasn’t showing anything more than a courteous disinterest in me, I figured it would be okay. I mean, they’d probably be dry in ten minutes and then I could get dressed and find Freds.
A Royal Mess Page 10
