by Helen Lacey
He shut the door and watched Clint, and then Marcus Crane, drop into the pair of recliners that had prime position in front of the flat screen. Gabe Vitali, his first cousin and closest friend, was the only one of the trio who thought to ask him if he was all right. Scott only shrugged, thinking the last thing he wanted was a night in with his friends. He wanted to get his thoughts together. He wanted to speak with Evie, to hear her voice, to tell her what he felt...
Which was what, exactly?
The constant ache in his chest, the lack of pleasure he got from doing anything, the almost robotic way he’d been living since he left her...what did that mean? And what they’d had together felt like more than he’d experienced before...more feeling...more passion...more everything.
He looked at his friends—newly divorced Clint, commitment-phobic Marcus and his cousin, whose fiancée had run off the year Gabe had been diagnosed with a serious illness. What did any of them have beyond the job and an apartment? Scott felt the meaninglessness of his existence through to the marrow in his bones.
And now Evie was having his baby. He wanted to shout it to the world. The shock had dissipated and was replaced by a sense of calm so acute it felt almost euphoric. Suddenly, like a shard of glass striking through his blood, Scott knew what he wanted.
Everything. Evie—the baby—a life scratching at his fingertips.
He wanted Evie. He wanted their baby. Nothing else mattered.
He stalked across the room and grabbed the remote, then flicked off the TV and turned to face his startled friends.
“I’m in love,” he announced, watching as three broad jaws dropped. “And I’m going to be a dad.”
* * *
Evie covered herself in the baggiest smock she could find, hiding itself in the archives of her old maternity wardrobe. At four months along she was really beginning to show. For the past few weeks she had managed to avoid too many interactions with her family and friends—but she knew she couldn’t keep up the pretense forever. Especially to Trevor. Being a hermit would last only so long. Her mother wouldn’t be held at bay for too much longer. Grace was calling her every few days. And Fiona was doing what friends do by trying to leech the truth from her. Her family would come around, mob fashion if need be, and she had to be prepared for the onslaught. They would mean well, but they would also demand answers to questions she was not prepared to consider.
Okay, so her pregnancy would be revealing itself to the world soon. But she had no intention of admitting anything about her baby’s paternity until she spoke to Scott again. And he hadn’t communicated with her at all.
Too apprehensive to email him again, or call, she caged herself into her house like a hibernating bear. And as the cold fingers of doubt climbed over every inch of skin with each passing day, Evie convinced herself that telling Scott about the baby was the worst thing she could have done.
He obviously doesn’t care one way or another. And it hurt. It hurt so much she could barely stand thinking about it. And it wasn’t that she had any kind of expectations—she simply couldn’t believe he’d drop contact altogether.
So she was to be a single mother. Wasn’t that what she’d planned anyway? From the moment she’d discovered she was pregnant, Evie had known she would be going it alone. And she was fine with that. Perfectly fine. She’d been a single mother for ten years, after all.
Only...she remembered those first precious moments when Trevor was born...she remembered the look in Gordon’s eyes, the tears of pride and wonderment toward the new and perfect life they had created together. Evie instinctively placed her hands on her growing belly, and a hot surge of love washed over her. I’ll love you, she promised her baby. I’ll love you and keep you safe.
Without Scott. Besides, he was only her temporary lover and someone she shouldn’t have fallen in love with. The fact that she had was her burden to bear. He’d broken no promises to her. He was too young...too much the kind of man she didn’t want in her life and a risk she could never take. Especially now that she had a new baby to consider.
She would get on with her life, as she had always done. And once her family knew, she was certain they would support her decision to raise her child alone. Besides, nothing could dampen her joy at being pregnant. She was happy.
It was three days later that the downstairs doorbell woke her up from her usual afternoon nap. Evie checked her watch and clambered off the bed. Two o’clock. She remembered that Noah was coming around to hang a few of her paintings in the downstairs living room. To be really painting again had been a surprise—but strangely, her passion had returned with a vengeance. She had finished a few pieces she’d started years before, ever mindful of the small crystal globe and Saint Catherine watching over her from its spot on a shelf near her easels.
And maybe she would tell her brother about the pregnancy. She’d always been able to share things with Noah. They’d been there for one another over the years—when his wife had walked out on him and the kids, when Gordon had died, when Trevor had needed a father’s influence. Evie trusted her brother with her news.
Evie reached the door and flung it back wide on its hinges. “You’re two hours early,” she complained with a laugh as she flipped open the security screen. “And you interrupted my afternoon—”
She stopped and caught her words in her throat. It wasn’t her brother standing on her doorstep. It was the father of her baby.
Scott’s gaze dropped instantly to her belly. He lingered there for a moment and she heard him suck in a sharp breath. “Hello, Evie.”
She took a step backward. “What are you doing here?”
“You really have to ask that?” he replied as he met her eyes. “I want to talk to you.”
Evie absorbed everything about him in a second—the jeans and cotton Henley he wore so well, the duffel at his feet, the way his hair flopped over his forehead, the travel-weary look on his face. Her insides lurched and she instinctively laid her hands on her stomach. “I...I—”
“Can I come in?”
She took a second, thought about all the reasons why she shouldn’t let him inside and couldn’t come up with a single one. “Of course.”
He grabbed his bag and walked across the threshold. Evie headed for the living room and sat down on the sofa. She gripped her hands together and waited. Scott stood by the doorway and dropped his duffel. A few seconds past and he moved toward her. Evie got a good look at him and noticed he’d lost weight. There was a ranginess about his lean frame and she wondered if perhaps she was responsible for it. His eyes were dark, like the color of an indigo sky. And his mouth was pressed into a thin line. He looked so tired. She touched her stomach and saw his gaze immediately follow the movement of her hands.
“Scott, I—”
“How could you do it?” he demanded, running a hand through his hair. “How could you tell me like that?”
Evie choked back a gasp. He wasn’t tired, she realized. He was angry. “I can—”
“Two words,” he said, throwing his hands up. “Two words to announce the most important thing that’s ever been said to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, feeling the bite of shame snap at her heels. She was in the wrong, and they both knew it. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have told you like that. I should have called you and told you about the baby.”
Scott let out a breath and turned, then paced across the room until he reached the window. His back was straight and Evie knew him well enough to recognize the tension searing through his body. He took a few long breaths and stared out the window for a moment before finally twisting around to look at her.
“So, how are you?” he asked, clearly back in control now. “I mean...how’s the... How are you feeling?”
Evie patted her stomach. “I’m good,” she replied softly. “We’re good.”
“Yo
u’ve been ill?”
She shook her head. “Just the normal pregnancy things.”
He expelled an exasperated breath. “Well, considering this is my first experience with pregnancy, you might consider being a bit more specific.”
“Nausea,” she explained a little stiffly. “And fatigue. And my doctor is keeping an eye on my blood sugar, considering my age. Other than that I feel fine. The baby is healthy and growing normally. I had my first scan last week—I have a picture if you like.”
He looked as if she’d slapped him in the face and she knew immediately how exclusive and selfish it sounded. She wanted to explain to him how she’d felt seeing their baby on the screen for the first time, how her heart had constricted so tight with love and joy and how she’d longed to share the moment with him but had thought it impossible.
“A picture?” he echoed softly. “And do you know...” He paused and swallowed hard. Evie watched his throat move up and down. “Do you know the baby’s sex?”
She shook her head. “I wanted it to be a surprise. If you’re keen to find out, I can schedule another ultrasound.”
“I’m happy to wait. But I would like to come with you next time.”
“Of course,” she whispered. “So, you’re staying for a while?”
He nodded. “I’m staying. Have you told anyone?” he asked. “Your family?”
“No. Although I don’t imagine I’ll be able to keep it a secret for too much longer. I think they’re all suspicious about why I’ve been avoiding them for the past few weeks.”
He looked at her stomach. “You’re already showing.”
Evie spread the cotton smock across her abdomen. “Yes. I’d like to tell Trevor—and my parents.”
“We’ll do it together.”
Evie wasn’t sure what to think. He looked so far away, still angry but fighting it. She felt like caving in and crawling into his arms. But she had to keep her head. “That’s not necessary. I can do it alone.”
“Yeah,” he said quickly. “I’m sure you can. But you’re not alone, Evie,” he said, and pointed to her belly. “You’re not alone in this.”
But she’d felt alone. For weeks she’d felt like the only person on the planet. “But you didn’t respond to my message,” she said on a shallow breath. “I thought...I thought you didn’t...”
“You thought I didn’t what?”
Emotion clogged her throat. “I thought you didn’t want... I didn’t hear from you, so I assumed you—”
“It’s hardly the thing to be discussed in an email,” he said, cutting her off. “Or over the telephone.”
“But for the past two weeks—”
“For the past two weeks I’ve been organizing extended leave from my job and subletting my apartment.”
She stilled. What did that mean? He was here, but for how long? And what kind of role did he want to play during her pregnancy? And afterward? What then? Would he expect shared custody of the child they had made together?
“Why have you done that?”
He gave her an odd look. “You can’t be serious?” He shook his head. “You’re having a baby, Evie...my baby... What did you expect me to do, hang out in L.A. until the kid was born and then send you flowers?”
“I’m not sure what I expected,” she said frankly. “Nothing really. Only for you to know. I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”
“Well, you need to think about it. We need to think about it.”
He came across the room and sat beside her and took her hands in his. Evie didn’t move. She couldn’t feel anything other than the strong clasp of his fingers against her own. “I want...I want this baby, Scott,” she said in a shaky voice.
His grip tightened. “So do I.”
Hot tears burned behind her eyes. “I’m glad. And you can see as much of the baby as you like for as long as you’re here.”
He shook her hands. “Evie,” he said rawly. “You don’t understand. I don’t want to be a part-time parent.” He turned on the seat and dropped to his knees onto the floor in front of her. “I said I was staying and I meant it. I want...I want to make this right. I want us to raise our child together.”
Dazed, Evie shook her head. “Together? What do you—”
“Marry me?”
The room tilted and she swayed, leaning forward. Scott grasped her shoulders and set her upright. She still spun, she still felt as if the carpet beneath her feet were moving from side to side, pulling her with it. Marry me? Evie sucked in a breath as the fingers of temptation entwined around her heart. Marry the man she was in love with? The man whose child she carried? It seemed like a dream come true.
Yes...a dream. A fantasy. Evie knew better than to rely on dreams. She had to rely on her good sense. On what was best for her baby. Marrying a much younger man who was a firefighter made no sense at all.
“No,” she whispered.
He paled. “No?”
Evie shook her head. “You don’t have to marry me, Scott. You can see the baby. I won’t deny you the right to be a father.”
“What about my right to be your husband and lover?”
She pulled her hands from his and straightened. “Look, I appreciate that you want to do the honorable thing. But you’re too young for me, Scott. We’re like...we’re from two completely different generations.”
“It’s nine years, Evie—not twenty. And even if it were, I wouldn’t care.” He reached up and held her face against his palms. “I love you.”
Evie’s heart skipped a beat, and then another. He loves me? Could he? Or was he simply saying that to get what he wanted? Part of her longed to believe it...longed to say yes. But Sensible Evie stuck out her neck. “We hardly know each other.”
He touched her stomach, and her whole body shook. “We do know each other, Evie. Intimately. And I know that I’m in love with you.”
Rocked to the core by his revelation, Evie placed her hand on his. “It’s lust, Scott—desire. And maybe some sense of obligation because of the baby.”
He jumped to his feet. “You’re telling me what I feel?”
Evie shrugged, feeling the loss of his hands on her. “I’m just trying to let you off the hook.”
“And what if I don’t want to be let off?” he asked. “What if I want to be joined to you for the rest of my life?”
“Because of the baby?”
“Because I’m head over heels in love with you, that’s why.” He took her hands and gently eased her to her feet. “Evie...give us a chance?”
Doubt swirled through her. She couldn’t do it. “There’s too much against it working. The age difference...your job...”
“I’ll quit,” he announced, and wrapped his arms around her.
Evie moved against him. “You can’t do that,” she protested. “I wouldn’t allow it.”
He shrugged. “It’s not your decision. I’ll quit and find another job—here. Because wherever you are, Evie, is where I want to be.”
She pulled back. “You’re a firefighter. That’s what you do. It’s who you are.”
“It’s a job.”
She shook her head and stepped away, determined to keep him at an arm’s length. “I saw you, Scott—I saw you with the volunteers that day. I saw the way you were with those people, the way they responded to you. I knew then that your job was more than merely a job to you. It’s part of you...it’s part of the man you are. You love it.”
“I love you more,” he said simply.
Evie touched her belly. “Maybe right now, right here, when you see me carrying your child and look into my eyes and know I’m just as...that my feelings for you are just as strong.”
His eyes widened. “Are they, Evie? Do you love me?”
Evie took a step back. “Loving you isn’t the
issue. The issue is marrying you...and I won’t do it.” She crossed her arms and inhaled deeply. “I’m tired. I need to rest for a bit. You can sleep in your old room or down here if you prefer, as I have no guests at the moment. You can stay until we sort something out.”
“There’s nothing to sort out,” he said. “I’ve told you what I want...and in this, Evie, there can be no compromise.”
She nodded. “I agree. I won’t marry you. The sooner you accept that, the better.”
And then Evie pulled on all her strength and walked out of the room.
* * *
As rejections went, Scott thought, this was pretty well up there. Back in his old room, he could barely look at the bed without imagining Evie in it.
Nice going, dude...nothing like a marriage proposal that sounded more like an ultimatum.
Did she love him? Had her roundabout admission actually been real? If she’d refused him because she didn’t care enough, how did he get through that? He wanted to marry Evie. He wanted to be her husband and lover and protector. He wanted her love. And she hadn’t exactly said she did. There were feelings there, he was sure of it. Evie was an honest, sincere woman, and not the kind of person to fake what she felt. And he felt love from her when they were together. And she made love to him as though she loved him.
He looked out the window. A car pulled up outside and he watched a pretty redhead get out. Evie’s friend—again he couldn’t remember her name—locked her car and waited by the curb. Seconds later another vehicle pulled up. He recognized his sister and brother-in-law immediately.
Great. Annoyance waved up his spine. He wondered for a moment if Callie had sniffed out his arrival with her sister-radar—but he’d only told his cousin Gabe and his mother his plans and had sworn Eleanor to secrecy. This horde was obviously about Evie. He remembered how weary she’d looked and knew visitors would be the last thing she wanted. The trio came down the path and Scott watched them disappear beneath the eaves. He heard voices downstairs, heard feet walking across the threshold.
