by L A Cotton
“You’ll see.”
~
Heat clung to me, licking my skin, as the room vibrated with the force of the bass.
“They’re good, right?” Malachi yelled over the music.
I grinned over at him and nodded, rocking on the balls of my feet. Someone’s arm brushed my back, and I inched closer to Malachi. The place was small and busy; so busy I’d felt anxious at first, being among so many people, strangers. But once the band started and the first beat played, my anxiety washed away. No one paid me any attention. To them, I was just another reveler out to enjoy the music.
I was no one.
It was refreshing, and it was exactly what I needed.
As the tempo increased, the crowd surged forward like the waves crashing against the shore. Malachi’s chest ended up squashed to my back. But better him than anyone else.
After six or seven songs, the lead vocalist, a huge guy with shaggy brown hair wearing a tight ‘Rock My Life’ t-shirt, announced they were taking five.
“Drink?” Malachi really wasn’t a guy of many words.
“Sure. Lead the way.” I was thirsty, and my tank top had molded to me like a second skin, but everyone looked the same—sweaty, hot, and completely at ease.
We pushed and shoved our way through the crush until we reached the bar. “Beer?”
I shrugged. One wouldn’t hurt.
“Here. It’s on me.” He handed me the bottle.
“Thanks,” I said, feeling more awkward now without the music and cheering crowd to blend into. “Do you come here a lot?”
The bar was on the outskirts of town in the opposite direction of Rogues. I hadn’t seen the small wooden building set off the main road before.
Malachi took a pull on his beer. “Sometimes. It’s an older crowd; the kids from school...” He trailed off, his eyes scanning the room.
“I get it.” I figured it was the reason he’d brought me here. No one would recognize us.
“It can get a little crazy sometimes, but I like the music. And the owner, Teller, is a good guy.”
I interpreted that to mean he didn’t card anyone since we both had a beer and I hadn’t seen the bartender ask for ID. Turning to face the room, I leaned back against the bar. “I like it.” It was far different from the kind of places I hung around in Montecito, but so was The Vault and Rogues.
“I thought you might.”
“You never bring the others?”
Malachi joined me in watching the room. The band was back on stage, gearing up for their next set.
“No. It’s kind of my place, you know?”
I did. Malachi wasn’t like the others. He was guarded. Kept himself to himself. I sensed it had something to do with Ami, but he didn’t share things easily.
“Yet you brought me here.”
“I know what it’s like to need space, and there isn’t much of that at school, Becca. Everyone’s always so up in everyone else’s business.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his jaw clench. “Sometimes, I just need away from all that bullshit. No one cares here; they come for the cheap beer and the rockin’ music.”
We settled into an easy silence, watching the band strap on their guitars. The vocalist dragged a stool onto the stage and adjusted the mic stand.
“I bet you didn’t get much of this where you’re from,” Malachi said with no judgment in his voice, just curiosity, and I wondered what he thought about it all.
“My weekends were spent on my friend’s yacht or at her pool house.” For some reason, it felt right to tell him the truth. Maybe it was because he watched his best friend fall at the hands of Kendall, or maybe it was because of Simone, the girl I suspected meant more to him than anyone knew. She stayed in town last summer with her dad. I remembered Malachi talking about her once like they were more than friends for the summer. And Jay and Vin talked about her like she was from money, which meant Malachi didn’t care about that kind of thing. Not like a lot of the kids at Credence who stuck together and kept outsiders at an arm’s length.
“And now you’re stuck in Credence.”
I elbowed him gently. “It’s not all bad.”
He laughed, something you didn’t hear often, and I found myself smiling right along with him.
~
After the band had finished, Malachi suggested it was time to head home. Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to go back. I’d felt free for the first time since walking into school that morning and seeing my face plastered everywhere.
“Thank you for tonight,” I said as we reached his car. Malachi nodded, opening the passenger door and walking around to the driver’s side. I climbed inside and waited for him.
“Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.”
“Huh?”
“They have live music on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.”
“Okay,” I replied, uncertain of whether he was asking me or informing me.
Malachi was quiet the rest of the ride home until he pulled up outside my house. “Don’t let her win. Whatever she does, whatever she throws at you …”
I met his intense stare and forced a tight smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He nodded stiffly. “I’ll see you at school, Becca.”
I climbed out and watched him pull away, wondering what the hell had just happened. I didn’t get an interested vibe from Malachi, but we had some kind of mutual understanding. Comradery. We had both been screwed over by Kendall and lived to tell the tale.
But I couldn’t help but replay his warning. Don’t let her win. I’d known it was too good to be true that Kendall was done with me, but why did he make it sound like the worst was yet to come? That while the battle was over, the war was just beginning.
~
When I arrived at school the next morning, I debated on making a beeline for Malachi, but when I walked into the building, he was standing with Scarlett, Lilly, and Jay, so I walked right on by, not sparing them a second glance. I got his message loud and clear. Last night was an exception. He’d let me in on the secret that was Teller’s Bar, but that was it.
Fine by me. At least, I knew it wasn’t going to be a regular thing.
I headed to my locker, ignoring the whispers and snickers. I was so used to them by now that they barely registered. But I felt the person move behind me. Turning slowly, I came face to face with Evan.
“Hi.” The corners of his mouth tipped up.
“You’re in my way.” I flicked my head for him to back up, but he stood firm.
“I …” He ran a hand over his face. “I wondered if—”
Helping him out had been a mistake. I realized that now. He’d mistaken my concern for Eli as my desire to smooth things over.
“Evan,” I cut him off. “This”—I motioned between us—“is over.”
His smile faded, replaced with defeat. “But I thought—”
“Wrong. You thought wrong. You needed my help, and I helped. Eli is just a kid.” I lowered my voice. “I would always help him. But that’s it, Evan. Now I have to get to class. Excuse me.” I brushed past him and kept my gaze trained on something—anything—ahead of me. When I turned the corner, out of his sight, I ducked into the girls’ bathroom and locked myself in a stall.
Tears rushed up my throat, burning the backs of my eyes. But I pushed them down by clenching my fists and inhaling deep breaths. My plan was solid; hold my head high, not give a shit, and get on with it. There was one major flaw—every time Evan looked at me, I remembered. My mind conjured up the memories of our bodies pressed together, his kiss, his touch. He’d pieced me back together that night and healed some of my brokenness. And then he’d shattered me. All the will in the world wouldn’t erase that. Wouldn’t let me forget. But I had to find a way to push it down. In order for me to survive at Credence, I had to find a way to forget about Evan Porter.
Only I knew he wouldn’t make it easy.
Evan
“She’ll never trust you again.”
My body jolted
, startled by Kendall’s presence, and I dropped my eyes to hers, hating that she’d caught me watching Becca across the hallway. She leaned back against my locker and blew out an exasperated breath. “Watching you jonesing for her is really getting pathetic. She doesn’t want you, Evan. And if she knew, really knew, about us, she’d never want anything to do with you again.”
“Kendall,” I growled, glancing around to make sure no one could see us.
“So touchy.” She laughed, low and throaty, making my skin crawl. “It was nice seeing you at the house the other night; you should come by more often.”
I stepped back, putting as much distance between us as possible. Kids were starting to fill the hallway, and I didn’t want to start another rumor. Especially one involving Kendall.
“Not going to happen and you’d better remember our arrangement.”
Her face had blanched for a second before she replaced her steel mask. “Yeah, yeah, I haven’t forgotten. I don’t know why you have to make things so difficult.”
“Stay out of my business, and I’ll stay out of yours.”
“Fine.” Her eyes narrowed, and I glared at her, neither of us willing to concede. Eventually, she arched her eyebrow, spun on her heel, and marched away. I’d managed to keep her at a distance for the past six years when we’d started at Credence High. I think a handful of people knew we were related, but no one talked about it. Credence was a small place; if you looked closely enough, everyone was related in one way or another. Distance cousins, step-siblings, half brothers and sisters. Some people would have loved to associate themselves with the likes of Darryl O’Hare, but it wasn’t something I wanted to advertise. Lucky for me, I had something on Kendall that gave me the upper hand, but she was becoming complacent. Approaching me at school. Making a scene. I didn’t like it.
“What did she want?” Peters appeared out of nowhere.
“Nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothing.”
“Leave it,” I said, grabbing the textbook I needed out of my locker. My eyes glanced back to the end of the hallway, but Becca was gone.
“Listen, I don’t like to ask, but shit, my mom is …”
“What do you need?”
“Some more pot. Her prescription isn’t enough. The pain is …” The color drained from her face.
“Done. I’ll bring it by Rogues tonight?” I didn’t like running for Darryl, but at least it was going to someone who really needed it, so my conscience felt a little clearer.
Peters nodded, the weight of her situation weighing heavily in her expression. “Thanks, I owe you. I’ll bring the cash.” She went to walk but paused. “She’ll come around, you know.”
My lips lifted in an unconvincing smile. I wanted to believe her, but Becca had finally trusted me enough to let me in, and I’d betrayed her. I saw it every time I looked into her eyes. Even if she wanted to forgive me, she would resist. She already was.
When she realized I wasn’t going to agree, she sighed. “I’ll see you later.”
Nodding, I jammed my hand into my pocket and headed to class. Because that was what I did best—pretended I was a normal guy, at school, going to class. I was a pro by now. When people looked at me, they saw the calm and collected Evan. The Evan who kept to himself and didn’t engage in high school drama. They didn’t see the guy underneath who was barely holding on by a thread—someone waiting for things to finally fall around him. But that wasn’t an option—it could never be an option—because no matter how hard things got, he had to keep going. A four-year-old boy at home counted on him.
~
After school, I went straight to Mellie’s to pick up Eli.
“Hey, Evan.” Mellie smiled, an apron smeared with cake batter tied around her waist. “We made muffins.” She motioned for me to come inside.
“Mom’s at the store?”
Mellie nodded. “She seemed better, brighter.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“Can I get you a soda?”
“I’m good,” I said, following her into the kitchen.
“Evan!” Eli jumped down off the chair and came running to me. “You’re home.”
“I just saw you six hours ago, bud.”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I heard you made muffins?”
“We saved you one,” he shrieked, hugging me tight.
“Eli, sweetie, can you go pick all the blocks up? I need to talk to Evan.”
My head whipped around to Mellie. That didn’t sound good. When he disappeared, I said, “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, but something came up, and I might not be able to watch Eli for a little while.”
The ground slipped from underneath me. This was it—the moment I’d dreaded. “Okay, for how long?” I ran a hand down my face.
“My daughter went into early labor. She needs me to go stay with her and help with Verity.” Verity was her granddaughter, and they lived in Piedmont.
“I see.” My mind went to a million different places, and none of them good.
“We knew I would have to go away eventually.”
We did, but I thought I had time. Time to get something organized. The holidays were coming up, so school would be closed. I figured between Mom and me, we could make it work, but with no Mellie to fall back on and Mom’s behavior deteriorating, this was the last thing we needed.
“Okay.”
“Evan, I’m sorry. I have to—”
“It’s fine.” I didn’t mean to sound so curt, so ungrateful, but it was the worst news she could have delivered right now.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll leave you the number for Andrea. Deacon loves her, and she’s fully qualified.”
“Thanks,” I said, knowing it wouldn’t really help. We couldn’t afford a sitter, not on a regular basis.
Mellie came to me and laid her hand on my arm. “You’ve got this. I’m sure if you sit down with your mom, she’ll understand that she needs to step up.”
I nodded, swallowing down the thick lump in my throat. It was a lie, and we both knew it, but she was only trying to make me feel better. I didn’t need Mom to step up; I needed a freaking miracle.
“Thank you, for everything.” I managed to choke out the words. “I really don’t know what we would have done without you over the past four years.”
“Evan, you know I love that kid as much as I love my own.” She smiled; it was so warm, so kind, and I remembered when Mom used to smile like that. The lump doubled in size. “The baby will be here any day now, and I’ll be back before you know it. Take Andrea’s number, just in case. I made you some meals for the freezer.”
“Mellie.” My voice quivered. How was it that this woman—our neighbor—was more of a mother to us than our own?
“I’m done, Mellie.” Eli bounded into the kitchen with his backpack strapped onto his back. “Can we have mac and cheese for dinner?” He looked at me, and I smiled.
“Sure thing, E. Sure thing.”
Mellie was right. I’d be okay because I had to be. For the little boy staring up at me like I held all the answers to the universe.
~
After making mac and cheese, Mom turned up with a bag of groceries, wearing a smile we rarely saw anymore. It made me wonder if Mellie had said something to her. Mom didn’t listen to many people in her life, and she certainly didn’t listen to me anymore, but on occasion, Mellie would reach her, and for a short time, we’d get our Mom back. I’d take it. Right now, I’d take everything I could get.
Confident she was in control for the moment, I left her to bathe Eli and then headed out to Rogues. Mellie promised to check in on them before bedtime. Peters and the others were already there, hanging out in their usual spot at the bumper car track. I didn’t approach them. Peters knew where to come.
I waited behind the Funhouse, disguised by the overgrowth. Restless energy hummed through me, and I contemplated lighting up a joint,
but I hadn’t done that shit in a long time. Not since Eli came along. I needed something to take off the edge; I was like a soda bottle ready to explode.
“You okay?” Peters appeared, eyeing me suspiciously.
“I’m good.”
“Okay. You got it?”
I pulled out the baggie of pot from my pocket. “Here. There should be enough for a month.”
Peters handed me a roll of bills and took the baggie from me. “Thanks. I know this causes you problems, but I wouldn’t ask if she didn’t need it.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You know you could come and join us? I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind.”
“Nah, I’m good.” I preferred my own company. Well, I had until Becca. Now being alone all the time kind of sucked as it was a stark reminder of what I’d lost.
“Suit yourself. You know where we are.” She saluted me and left me alone. I ducked inside the derelict building and headed to the office, immediately assaulted with images of kissing Becca as I pressed against her on the battered couch. My eyes shuttered, letting the memories wash over me. She’d been so eager, so desperate, and it had taken everything in me to hold back. I knew if we’d gone too far, she would have regretted it. But fuck, I’d wanted her. I’d wanted her so bad. And then she’d said all that shit about herself. Called herself a slut. And I’d wanted to punch something—or someone. Becca wasn’t like that. I sensed it. But she was hiding something, something that put her on edge. I’d sensed that too, more than once, when we were close.
At first, all I had wanted was to keep her out of Kendall’s claws. I’d watched her destroy one girl; I wasn’t about to let it happen again. Not if I could help it. But then over time, I wanted more. I wanted to spend time with her, get to know her, taste her. I wanted everything Becca had to give. And I took it. In the end, I did the one thing I tried so hard not to.
“Fuck.” My fists slammed down on the desk, sending dust spraying into the air.
For the first time since Eli was born, the chaos around me had quieted. It was all because of her—I realized that now—and I’d blown it.
