Which made it all the more suspicious. Gary looked back to the door, mumbling, “What the fuck is going on here?”
“Why do you care about this so much?” Roman asked, with a shake of his head.
Gary was shaking his head, too, frowning into the office. “Something’s off, Rome. Something’s way off, and it’s freaking me out. I’m gonna to get to the bottom of it, and you’re gonna help me.”
“I am?”
Sensing a fight, Gary pulled out the big guns. “I’ll stop sending you Candy Crush requests for a month.”
Roman didn’t even hesitate. “Deal.”
***
“So I guess we’ve completely abandoned the whole plastic cup and syringe route?” Zoey asked from where she was watching Val across the small table at her favorite coffee shop, Xpresso. The shop was a block away from her apartment. They’d officially been sleeping together for a week, and Xpresso had become their unofficial post-coitus sustenance spot.
They’d chosen the table right next to the window, and the light shining in made Val’s eyes so alarmingly beautiful that everything in her heart rippled whenever he looked at her.
“Well,” he started, his voice still hoarse with sleepiness. A devious smirk curled his full, pink lips. “Clearly you can’t be trusted with the task. The carpet guy did say that the stain on your bedroom floor would never come up.”
Zoey almost threw her breakfast burrito at him. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
His eyes gleamed. “Never.”
She shifted in her seat at that look in his eye. He’d had that same look when she’d woken up that morning to the sight of his head nestled between her legs, sucking softly at her clit, licking her to a curly, slow, good morning peak. It was the first time in her life that she’d ever been awoken with an orgasm, and she shifted at the sight of that look in his eye once more, cursing her cut off shorts for rubbing her in all the wrong ways. She wondered if she would ever grow used to the blind need to have him in any way she could.
With a devious grin of her own, she pushed the sleeves of her oversized sweater up to her elbows as she watched him suddenly blush. She loved the sight, wondering what kind of thoughts were flying through his mind to send his eyes shooting straight to his lap. She liked Val like this. Untamed, unguarded, and a little unsure.
Val watched his fingers as they played together in his lap, breakfast sandwich forgotten. He contemplated how to answer that.
“I ate you out this morning,” he finally whispered. “We’re so far passed cup and syringe it’s almost unfathomable, baby.”
Her entire body rolled with heat. Baby. She still wasn’t used to it. “Do you think we should start, I don’t know, maybe alternating? Like… maybe sex one day, and then cup and syringe the next. Angie did say that the difference was massive. Maui to Honolulu, and Japan to Honolulu?” Her eyes widened. “Huge difference,” she beamed.
Val’s eyes squinted with adoration as he smiled into his lap. “I’m good with this.” His eyes rose to hers, and he could feel the fight immediately commence in his stomach, the one that always commenced when he was looking at her. “I’m good… if you are.” She smiled across the table, and it took everything he had not to break eye contact with her, look back down into his lap, around at the dozen or so patrons in the restaurant, anywhere but her. The feelings she brought alive when she smiled at him like she was now had become something beyond measure in his world. Something he itched to run from. The urge to flee was strong, but he held her gaze.
“I’m good with this, too. Your hack doctor did say that there was still a chance you could conceive the natural way so… we’ll try that for a while. If we’re not seeing results, then we’ll go back to the more sterile route.” Her smile grew before she took a bite of her breakfast burrito. She closed her eyes, savoring the flavor.
As he watched her, his own food still untouched, he barely managed to fight the urge to take her back upstairs and finish what he’d started that morning. “So we’ll just keep this… casual, then?”
She swallowed back her sandwich, and met his eyes. “I wouldn’t even call it casual. Casual implies that we’re sleeping together for fun, and we’re not.”
“Right.” He smiled. “We’re just doing it as a means to an end.”
“Exactly.” She leaned forward. “Just two people who are trying to make a kid… perhaps in the most unconventional way possible. And maybe having a tiny bit of fun while we’re doing it.”
“Just a tiny bit,” he squinted.
It was all bullshit, every word they were saying, but they were both relieved at the unspoken understanding that they needed this. They needed to spew a lot of bullshit right now. It was the only way either of them were prepared to handle what they’d started with one another.
“I’m really kind of excited about this,” she said. “I mean… for so long I’ve craved a spot in this family that I love with all my heart, but I’d accepted that I would never have it. Now I will. I’ll finally have a real place with you crazy Romanovskys.”
“You have a real place now.” He frowned. “If you and I were hanging off the edge of a cliff, and Gary only had time to save one of us… he would chose you,” Val beamed.
Zoey giggled softly.
“Roman probably would, too. The jury is out on my parents and Leo. I guess their decision would come down to whether or not I’d done something to piss them off that day.” He caught the relief swimming on her face, and wanted to kick himself for having been so hard on her for so many years. As he watched her across the table, doing a little dance as she chopped away at her burrito, he reminded himself, once again, why it had been necessary too keep her at arms length. Why it was still necessary. Just like that, the sick feeling was back. The sick, logical feeling that constantly lived in the back of his mind whenever he was with her. The one that chided him for allowing himself to fall this far out of control. He was caving, fast, and he had no idea how to slow down, or stop. He couldn’t stop. “You’ve always been apart of this family,” he said.
“Never thought I’d hear those words coming out of your mouth.” She quickly changed the subject when his eyes fell from hers. “So… have you been thinking about any cute baby names? Cute names for her?”
Val raised his eyebrows, trying not to smile and encourage her. “You mean for him.”
The roll of her eyes was response enough.
Val looked down at his sandwich, which he’d only taken one bite of. He couldn’t eat right now. She was making him nervous in ways he never had been before. He knew why, but it still threw him. “I was thinking Marcus.”
Her big eyes shot up to him immediately.
Val watched his food for a moment longer, his stomach in knots, before finally finding the will to look up at her.
“Marcus?” she repeated.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“You’re doing this amazing thing for me. I just felt like it would be a cool way to acknowledge that. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t even be here to do this for me. We should honor that.” He shrugged, almost instantly regretting having brought up Zoey’s father, at all. It was taking him to a place he didn’t want to be. He was thankful when her next words were light and jokey.
“You realize Marcus is like, the blackest name you could ever give a child, right?”
Val laughed out loud, taking in the sight of her smile. “Yeah, I considered that.”
She was suddenly squinting at him. “How do you think you’re going to handle that, Val? Having a black baby? I mean, you know the baby is going to be black right?”
He gave her a look. “I think I figured that one out, Zoey. Do you really think I’d name a white baby Marcus?”
“I don’t know, man. You Romanovskys have always had weird senses of humor.”
“I know our son will look like you…” He took a deep breath. “And I’m good with that.” He was great with that. He was hoping for that,
but he bit his tongue before he could say it out loud.
She suddenly smiled. “Our kid would be so damn cute.”
“If they’re anything like you, yeah, they will be…” His mind yelled no the moment those words left his mouth. He just couldn’t stop himself.
“Could you imagine if it actually was a boy?”
“It will be a boy.”
“He’d look like a little black Luke Perry. He’d be a total lady killer.”
Val immediately hated the comparison, having grown sick of it by the time he’d hit kindergarten. “I do not look like Luke Perry. What is that? Why do people always say that to me?”
“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, Val. If everyone is saying it, they’re saying it for a reason. You aren’t his twin, but you definitely have that dramatic, squinty thing he does down pat.”
“What squinty thing? What are you even saying?” He leaned forward, shaking his head at her. “And to say that I have his squinty thing down pat implies that I’ve been trying to have his squinty thing, which is impossible, because I don’t even know what a squinty thing is.”
Zoey laughed hysterically. “You’re doing it right now. You’re doing the squinty thing.”
“I’m looking at you, and talking. I’m not doing anything.”
“You are!” Zoey suddenly squinted her eyes, tossed her hair out of her face, and looked off into the distance dramatically. She threw in a pucker of her lips and pulled back her shoulders, as well, just to really get her point across.
Val took in the very Young and the Restless expression she had on her face, and couldn’t help a chortle. “I do not look like that. I’ve never made that face in my life. Seriously?”
She broke character with a laugh. “You do, and the amazing part is that you don’t even know it. It’s just your face. You have this amazing face that makes you look like someone who’s living inside of a dramatic soap opera, gazing longingly off into the distance as you contemplate the meaning of life… or something…” She laughed at his horrified expression. “It’s a compliment, Val. Once upon a time Luke Perry was on the wall of every young girl in the country. I had my first orgasm to a Luke Perry poster, and I doubt I’m the only one. You should be proud of that face.”
Val shook his head, and continued to do so with every word she said. “I don’t look like Luke Perry. I hate that.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re in denial, and you shouldn’t be. Would you rather people tell you that you look like Jack Black, or…” She tried to think. “Or Carrot Top? You could have it way worse, you know.”
Val smiled with a shake of his head. “I’m still holding strong that I want the kid to look like you… boy or girl. I’d want them to look like you.”
She couldn’t stop herself from blushing. “I’m sure they’ll get the best of both of us.” Her mind raced as she spoke. “What will you do when you find yourself a wife? Years and years down the line? How do you think your white wife is going to feel about the fact that you have a little brown, nappy haired daughter chasing around after you?”
“First of all… why are we so sure my future wife is going to be white?” He took in her bewildered expression. “Secondly, if she is white… any woman who has a problem with the fact that my child is black is not a woman that I would take seriously in any capacity—let alone as a potential wife. And, thirdly, my son is going to be the one chasing me around… not my daughter.”
Zoey nodded, satisfied with those answers. Well, satisfied with all but one.
“And on the off chance that it is actually a girl.” Val raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I think we should name her after your—”
Zoey was already shaking her head. “No, nope… we’re not naming the girl after my mother.”
“Why not?” He couldn’t help but smile at her adamant refusal.
“My mother would never forgive me if I named a child after her. She hated her name. I don’t think she ever shut up about how much she hated her name for the entire time she was alive.”
“What’s so wrong with the name Pansy?” Val asked. As Zoey cast an obvious look at him, it hit him. “Oh… I get it…” he said, hearing it for the first time. A frown suddenly crossed his face.
“Yeah,” Zoey nodded. “People always asked her why she was such a loud, outspoken hard-ass about everything. It was because she had to be. With a name like that, she had no other choice.”
“I still think it’s a beautiful name. Unique.” Val laughed, gently. “But I can see why she hated it.”
“She did. She really did.” Zoey had all but forgotten her food, too, laughing as she reminisced. “You know, the most angry I ever saw her get about her name was during a trip to Disneyland when I was five. We went with my dad, and a bunch of his business associates and their families. It was actually more of a business trip than anything, now that I look back on it.” She looked contemplative. “Anyway… you know those key chains they sell? The ones that have everyone’s name on them? With the different Disney characters attached?”
Val nodded.
“Well, everyone was able to find their name, with their favorite character attached. Everyone but my mom. She couldn’t even find her name with the characters she didn’t like. It just wasn’t there, at all. She cried about it.”
“She cried?”
“At Disneyland,” she beamed. “I don’t even think it’s legal to cry at Disneyland, but my mom did… a grown woman. I was five, so of course, the moment she started crying, I started crying too.”
Val sputtered.
“You can imagine how thrilled my father was. We must’ve looked like a couple of total basket cases to his coworkers and clients.”
“Well that was his fault for bringing his work to Disneyland. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, too.”
“We should get this in writing somewhere. Things that are illegal at Disneyland: crying, and work.”
Val nodded, smiling down onto the table. A thought swept over him and, just like that… the smile was gone. “I would still want to name her Pansy. On the off chance that it’s a girl.”
“No!” Zoey demanded, her eyes jamming shut. “Did you not hear a single word of that tragic story I just told you? Absolutely not.”
“We’ll give her a normal middle name that she can use if she wants to, just in case,” he reasoned, sitting up a little taller when she continued to shake her head. “Hear me out. Your mom deserves to have someone named after her. It would be the perfect way to legitimatize her name, because we know Disneyland is never going to do it. If we don’t, who will?”
Zoey couldn’t believe that he was actually convincing her. The man was making good points. “That’s sweet, Val…” He was sweet. The thought alarmed her. “So now you want a girl?” she teased. “Just so you can go against me, and name her Pansy?”
“It wouldn’t be me going against you, but acknowledging you.”
“That would be a first,” she whispered, now spinning the uneaten burrito on her plate. “Why Val? Why have you been so dismissive of me? For all these years?”
Val wasn’t ready to answer that, so he threw out a question of his own. “Why would you agree to carry my kid? After how dismissive I’ve been of you?”
“I asked you first.”
“I was an asshole.”
“No. I need a real answer.”
“Maybe I don’t have one for you, Zo.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. I think you know exactly why you’ve treated me the way you’ve treated me for all these years.”
“Maybe I was just jealous of the fact that Gary and Roman loved you so much more than me.”
“As if you’ve ever given a shit what Gary thinks about anything.” She might’ve bought that excuse if he’d just used Roman as an example, because Val had always worshipped Roman growing up. They all had.
He had to laugh at that, unable to refute her words.
“Why would you want me to carry this kid? Why not go out and fi
nd a girl who you can date, and maybe fall in love with?”
“You offered.”
“Only for my own selfish reasons, to be a real part of this family… but you? You could have anyone you wanted.”
“I want you.”
“Why?”
At that question, something in Val’s eyes changed completely. “I don’t have a lot of time. To find some woman I can trust enough with this. And you were right back on the roof, I want it to be someone that I know. I don’t want to pay some stranger who could be completely insane. You know mental health is passed down from generation to generation, right?”
“How do you know I’m not insane?”
“I may have spent our whole lives ignoring you…” He took a deep breath. “But I know you, Zoey.”
Something about the way he was looking at her made her eyes fall to her lap. “Oh,” she mumbled, stupidly. “Well… Still… you’re a millionaire, you’re alarmingly handsome, and you’re not completely terrible…”
He laughed, and looked out of the window next to the table as she continued.
“Hot women have married and gotten knocked up by rich men who are a lot less tolerable that you, so I’m sure you wouldn’t have a problem finding someone to fall in love with you in the next two years.”
“Maybe I don’t want to fall in love. Did you ever consider that?”
“No, because everybody wants someone to love, Val. Everyone wants that.”
He shrugged, his eyes shining in hers, but he didn’t respond.
“So this is why you spend all your time sleeping around? Because you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t want to be in love? Didn’t you tell me back on the roof that you want a wife and kids one day? We just got done talking about how you would never want a future wife who would be judgmental of your black child. So I know you want that, Val. Why not wait for that?”
“I told you,” he said. “I’m good with this. Plus, like you said, you hate kids. I would never have to worry about you coming after me, trying to pry Marcus away from me out of nowhere.”
She laughed softly. “It’s going to take some getting used to… hearing you call the baby Marcus.”
Taming Val Page 11
