“Please, stop,” I whispered because now I really needed quiet space in order to process this latest episode with Luke from waking to now, all of it.
He ignored me. “I never expected I’d want you in my bed but I always knew I wanted you in my life. The fuckin’ second you looked at my mouth in the office, though, I knew I would stop at nothin’ to get you in my bed. And I thought then too that for the first time in my life I might do somethin’ both my Dad and I would be proud of, and that’s bein’ with you.”
My throat went so tight, the breath I sucked in sounded ragged.
He didn’t just say that. Did he?
“Get this into your head Ava, I’m not gonna do anything to fuck it up between us but I’m also not gonna let you do anything to fuck it up either.”
“Luke, I have to get out of here,” I said in a quiet voice and it sounded like a desperate plea mainly because it was one.
“I told you once, you’re not goin’ anywhere. And now I’ll tell you the rest too.”
Oh shit.
There was more. I didn’t want to know the rest.
Unfortunately, Luke was on a roll. “This is the way it is for us right now. I know you fixed this place up but I’m not givin’ up the loft so we’re gonna have to work somethin’ out about where we live, eat, sleep and fuck. We last, you’re gonna have to give up the Range Rover, they’re dangerous because they roll easy and I don’t like you drivin’ it. We go the distance, we’re havin’ a small wedding, I’m not fuckin’ dancin’ and I want three kids, all boys, but if we have a girl she’s not datin’ until she’s twenty-five, especially if she looks like you, got me?”
I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, I’d lost the ability to speak.
His face got closer. “Do you still think I’m playin’ games?”
I shook my head. One thing was for certain, Luke was not playing games.
And now I didn’t know how to feel about that.
Great, like I needed something new to worry about.
He rolled off of me and onto his back, putting one hand to his forehead. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered to the ceiling. “All those times I sat in the office laughing my ass off at stories of Lee, Eddie, Hank and Vance. They should have fuckin’ medals.”
I thought that was kind of insulting, not only to me but to my friends. However, I thought it best at that juncture not to share that opinion. Instead, I pulled the comforter around my naked body, got up on an elbow to look at him and decided, since he seemed to be done, to find some quiet space as soon as possible.
In order to do that, I asked softly, “Can I brush my teeth now?”
His eyes cut to me.
Eek!
Maybe he wasn’t done.
“No, Ava, you can’t fuckin’ brush your teeth.”
All righty then. There you go, he wasn’t done.
I shouldn’t have had to ask permission to brush my teeth but I was going to give in on that considering the air hadn’t yet lost any of its dangerous electricity. Not to mention, Luke just announced he was already deciding where we were going to live, what car was safe for me to drive, what kind of wedding and how many children we were going to have.
And all of this, I had to admit, made my stomach feel melty.
“Come here,” he ordered, voice gruff and still pissed off.
That made my stomach feel even more melty.
Even so, I hesitated. “Are you still mad at me?” I asked.
“Fuck yeah,” he answered.
“Maybe I should give you some quiet space,” I told him, trying to be helpful but with the ulterior motive that quiet space for Luke meant quiet space for me.
His hand shot out and grabbed my forearm, giving it a yank. I toppled onto him and he rolled, taking me with him so I was on the bottom. Then he shifted his hips until my legs opened and he fell between.
It was at that moment, all hope of quiet space died.
“You caused it, you’re gonna help me work it out and that’s what I intend to do, by fuckin’ you so hard you’ll still feel me inside you even when I’m gone.”
“Wow,” I whispered, yes, out loud.
His head bent, his lips came to mine and he muttered, “You better fuckin’ believe it.”
And he did exactly what he said he would do.
And when he was done, it was so good I thought if we “went the distance” (as Luke put it) pissing him off every morning might be the way to go.
* * * * *
I was sitting on my wicker loveseat on my porch, my heels on the edge, finishing up a toasted sesame bagel with cream cheese, drinking a diet and trying (and failing) to get my head together.
This was partly because everything that happened last night and this morning was too much to get together and partly because, between my legs, I could still feel Luke even though he was gone (and, let me tell you, it was a nice feeling).
There was a chill in the air but I had a space heater going. I’d also thrown on some fleecy sweatpants, wooly socks and a hoodie so I was comfy, snugly warm even though I was feeling thoroughly fucked (both literally and figuratively).
Oo, I’m happy, Good Ava sighed.
What I want to know is, Bad Ava asked. Does this mean we’re not going to get to sleep with Ren?
Oh for crap’s sake.
Bad Ava was such a slut.
Luke was upstairs taking a shower while I was on the porch freaking out. I was freaking out because I believed everything Luke said. He was too brutally honest to be lying. Which meant I had to rethink everything about my life and who I was and that was an impossible task without cookies and Sissy.
What I did know was that I was someone special to Luke and I always had been, just like he was and always had been to me. And that knowledge made my word tilt so much, I was certain I was going to fall off.
“Babe.”
I looked to the side and Luke was standing in the door, fully dressed, watching me.
God, he was good-looking. Even with the angry cut on his cheek, or maybe especially with the angry cut on his cheek, he was unbelievably hot.
“Hey,” I said, thinking I’d not had nearly enough quiet space to ponder all that was tumbling around in my head. I needed at least an hour or maybe two hundred and seventeen of them.
He walked in, sat down beside me and rested an ankle on his opposite knee. He put his arm around my shoulders, pulled me into his side and kissed the top of my head.
“You okay?” he asked.
“No,” I answered, staring straight ahead through the window to my yard. “Are you okay?”
His arm got tighter. “I’m fuckin’ great.”
Well, he would be.
Not to be conceited or anything but I got a little carried away thirty minutes ago and I knew Luke liked it. He’d got me so turned on, I made him lie back and let me have my way with him for a good long while. If I didn’t miss my guess (considering the low growl he made when it happened), I’d assisted in his having an even more mind-blowing orgasm than the one he gave me.
And, I had to say, I was pretty proud of that.
He plucked the soda out of my hand and set it aside. Then he pulled me into his lap and turned me to him, his arms loose around me.
“Gotta say, babe,” he said in The Voice but it was The Voice mixed with a kind of sexy rumble. “You’re good with your mouth.”
See! I told you.
“When you aren’t usin’ it to speak,” he finished.
I glared at him. He grinned at me.
I stopped glaring at him when I noticed his grin was like the grin he’d given me last night. It was sexy and warm and in the light of day I could put my finger on what was different.
His face had lost its hardness. It was completely soft and unguarded.
Oh.
Wow.
His hands came to either side of my head and he tilted it toward him, close, closer, until our foreheads were touching and our noses were alongside each other’s.
He
looked me in the eyes. “We straight?” he asked softly.
I nodded.
“You cool with everything that’s gone down?”
I shook my head.
He touched his lips to mine. “You’ll get there.”
I didn’t share his positive attitude. He noted this on my face, I knew because he chuckled. I ignored the chuckle and lifted my head away from his. His hands moved, one went to my neck, the other one sifted into the hair at the side of my head, going through it, down my back then his arm came to rest around my waist.
I carefully touched my fingers just below his cut.
“Does it hurt?” I whispered, my eyes on the cut.
“No.”
“Do you think someone should look at it?”
“No.”
“Will it leave a scar?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
My eyes moved to his and my hand opened on his face, cupping his jaw, my thumb trailing down the side of his ‘tache.
“It was the song,” I said quietly.
“Come again?” Luke asked.
I took in a breath, scared of sharing, not wanting another episode but thinking, because he had bled for me and might even carry a scar for me (even if it really was his own damned fault, it was also partially mine, I knew better) that he deserved an explanation.
“Ren had just told me if you weren’t keeping Sissy safe, he would. I was grateful to know he was a good guy, there aren’t many out there.”
When I saw Luke’s eyes turn intense and felt his body go still, I rushed on. “Then Stella sang ‘I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry’. It’s a beautiful song. Ren put his arms around me and I didn’t even think.”
Luke’s mouth got tight which I took as a warning sign (finally, I was learning) so I continued. “Anyway, something weird was happening. It seemed like she was singing it to Mace. What with the song being so pretty and my mind on Mace and Stella –”
“Mace had a thing with Stella,” Luke told me.
My gossip antennae perked up. “Really?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
“None of my business, none of yours either unless Mace or Stella want to share.”
One thing I knew for certain, Mace was never going to want to share. That meant Stella’s name was scratched on my list of people to call that day.
“Babe.”
My unfocused eyes re-focused on Luke and he hadn’t lost any of his intensity.
“Let’s get back to Zano.”
“I still feel you,” I blurted in an effort not to talk about Ren.
Luke just looked at me.
Crap.
In for a penny…
My thumb moved to trace his bottom lip and I watched it go, my eyes on his fantastic mouth and it hit me that I knew, intimately, how that mouth felt on practically every part of me. That knowledge made my stomach feel funny and my voice sound lower and kind of raspy when I spoke again.
“Between my legs,” I whispered, my gaze lifting from his mouth to his eyes. “I still feel you.”
His eyes turned to ink, right before he muttered, “Jesus.”
“I really love your mouth,” I told him. Do not ask me why, I was having a moment.
“Ava.” Now his voice sounded lower and kind of raspy.
I took a deep breath and pulled back a bit, dropping my hand from his face and purposefully breaking my moment before I said something ultra stupid.
“Just thought you’d want to know,” I said.
Luke didn’t feel like having the moment broken. He brought me back to him and gave me a quick but hard kiss.
“Beautiful,” he said when he was done, his eyes on mine and his intensity had changed to something that made me shiver in a good way. “You just demonstrated exactly why I would fight and bleed for you. Zano knows that’s what I’ve got and he wants it and I’m not gonna let him anywhere near it. I’m askin’ you to help me with that and I’m askin’ you to help Zano by not giving him mixed signals.”
Was I giving Ren mixed signals?
I was giving Ren mixed signals.
Shit!
“I’m such a dork,” I mumbled.
Luke shook his head. “You’re beautiful, you’re sweet and you’re funny. You’re also bein’ loyal to your friend and tryin’ to take care of her when she’s in a bad situation. You’re dealin’ with this at the same time you’re dealin’ with a lot of other shit, internally and externally.”
It must be said, I loved it that he understood. It made me feel all comfy, snugly warm but on the inside.
This I didn’t share.
His hand tightened on my neck and he brushed his mouth against mine again. “Let me deal with the external shit. You just focus on sorting out your head. Deal?”
I nodded.
He kissed my nose then his hand went away from my neck, his arms went around me again and he (thankfully) changed the subject.
“The bad guys know they gotta work out their issues with Vito. That’s why Zano’s called off Santo. You’re in the clear but I don’t trust it yet. I still want you callin’ into me regularly.”
I nodded again. I had enough dealing with the emotional trauma of Luke and the possibility of bearing him three sons. I didn’t need to get kidnapped again.
“What are your plans for today?” he asked.
“Sort out my Range Rover. Go see Sissy. Workout. Shop for groceries. Maybe Shirleen and I’ll go see Bobby. And I need to go to your place and get my stuff.”
“No.”
I looked down at him. “What?”
“Leave your stuff at my place, you can go there to unpack but leave it.”
“A lot of stuff I need is there.”
“You’re goin’ to the store. Double up.”
Shit.
Doubling up on necessities between my house and Luke’s. Okay, so maybe I needed five hundred and seventeen hours to cope with all this shit.
“Luke, maybe we have more talking to do,” I made a suggestion that I didn’t think was a suggestion, as such.
His arms became tight. He leaned in, kissed my neck and then got up, taking me with him. He turned, set me back in the seat and put a hand on the seat on either side of me so his face was close to mine.
“Life’s too short, I’m through talkin’. This is happening, we both know it, we both feel it and you even admitted it. Ava Babe, stop fighting it.”
I sighed, because in the heat of one of my many freak outs, I did admit it.
I was such a dork.
This meant I was with Luke Stark. I was Luke Stark’s girlfriend. Worse, I was Luke Stark’s woman. There was a nuance of difference between being a man’s girlfriend and a man’s woman, but that nuance was pretty fucking significant.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
This should have made me happy. In fact everything that morning should have made me doing-cartwheels-of-joy ecstatic.
Instead, what I felt was scared. Shit scared to the depths of my soul.
I sighed again and told him. “I need my computer.”
“I’ll get Matt or Jack to deal with it.”
“Luke.”
He leaned in and kissed me, hot and heavy, proving he was indeed through talking.
When done, he lifted up and lightly kissed my nose. “Call in,” he ordered softly.
Then he moved away as I watched, my stomach still melty, my heart in my throat.
I wanted to be excited. I wanted to think Good-Ava-twirling-in-the-mountains-like-Maria thoughts but all I could do was think about what it would feel like when he walked away for good.
When he was at the door, he stopped and turned back to me. “One more thing,” he told me.
Shit, I didn’t think I could handle one more thing.
“What?” I asked, deciding it was best to get it over with quickly.
“I’m gonna get serious shit about this hickey today, beautiful. You owe me.”
Crapity, crap, crap, crap.
He gave me his sexy half-grin and I knew he didn’t care, not even a little bit, about the shit he’d get or the hickey.
Rock Chick Revenge Page 38
