Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3)

by Savannah Rylan

  Eugene stood and Kade held his hand up. “Just let her go. She’ll come back when she’s ready, but I think it’s best if you’re not here.”

  I nodded completely in agreement with my brother. This was Sienna’s home and she should feel safe to come back without having to face the likes of me.

  “She’s being completely unreasonable,” Eugene said, running a hand across the stubble on his chin. “Allison isn’t working for Montamos or Gordita’s Army. It’s fucking ludicrous for her to even say that. To think that.”

  “Can you fucking blame her?” Kade asked.

  “Yes, because she should know better.”

  “Should she? A week ago you found Miles hanging from the fucking ceiling beams after he admitted to stealing from us. To working with the goddamned enemy. One person we all thought we could fucking trust. The one person none of us would ever suspect betrayed us. So no I don’t think Sienna should fucking know better. Too much shit has happened for us to accept anyone’s word without investigating and I’m sorry if that pisses you off, but you’re going to have to find a way to fucking deal with it.”

  “I understand completely,” I said, stepping between Dice and Kade, refusing to let these two friends fight because of me. I rested my hand against Eugene’s chest in an attempt to calm him down. The tightness in his jaw eased, so I turned to Kade. “Let me know if you need anything from me.” I spun back to Eugene, taking his hand. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

  Eugene and Kade stared at each other for a few long intense moments before DC cried out again, and this time didn’t stop.

  Kade dropped his gaze and headed to the hallway. He hesitated and turned toward us. “I’ll be in touch,” he said before disappearing into DC’s room and though it wasn’t acceptance it was a start.

  25

  Dice

  I dropped Allison at home and went for a ride while she took a shower. I thought about joining her, but I had too much shit on my mind that I couldn’t seem to push aside. The open road was always the place I went to think, to gather my thoughts and to clear my fucking head.

  The streets of Black Hills were my sanctuary, but tonight the calm that always ran through my veins as I whizzed through block after block was missing. No matter how hard I tried to forget Miles’ lifeless body dangling from the ceiling, the blank stare in his eyes, I couldn’t. The visions haunted me, ripped at my heart and gnawed at my gut until I couldn’t breathe.

  When I wasn’t thinking about Miles, I was thinking about Nick. How I came running back after going after those pricks only to find my brothers surrounding Nick’s dead body. The pain that I felt that day was unlike anything I had ever known. I’d been stabbed, sliced, burned and not once did any of those times break me. Losing Nick nearly destroyed me. A part of that pain stayed with me every single fucking day until Allison came into my life. She helped shine light on the darkness in my soul. She made me laugh again and smile. Gave me hope for a future that I stopped imagining so long ago.

  I didn’t know what the fuck I did to deserve her, but what I did know was that I would do everything in my power to make her happy. To make sure I woke up to her every morning and fell asleep with her in my arms every night.

  I turned my bike onto Cash’s block and pulled into his driveway, cutting the engine. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag, letting the smoke out in a slow steady stream. The club had always been my life, but after Nick’s death nothing felt right anymore. Miles was right. Things were changing and I knew what I had to do.

  The porch light switched on and the front door open. Cash appeared and nodded his head at me as he came toward me. “Kind of late for a visit,” he said, coming to a stop across from me and folding his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”

  I took another drag from my cigarette, trying to find the right words.

  “Come on, Dice, talk to me.”

  “I want out,” I finally said.

  A surprised breath rushed out of Cash and he ran his hands through his hair. “What do you mean you want out?”

  “Exactly what you think it means and I’m hoping you’ll grant me an easy exit.”

  “Is this because of Allison? You guys haven’t even been together that long. I get what it’s like to have a girl come into your life and turn it completely upside down. Sunshine fucked my world. Spun it right on its goddamned head, but that doesn’t mean you skip out on your family.”

  “Allison is part of it…but she’s not all of it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Even before Allison came into my life. When Nick was killed…” A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it down, forcing the words around it. “I started to question everything. Nick and the club, you and my brothers, you were all there for me at a time when I had nothing. When I was nobody. When I was just stumbling around with no purpose in my life. The club gave me purpose.”

  “And now?”

  I shrugged as I milled over the question. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll become the guy with a white picket fence and a steady, boring nine to five job.”

  Cash laughed. “That’s not you. You’ll never be happy. You love the thrill, the adventure, the excitement.”

  “I used to. I fucking lived for that shit. But without Miles…” My words faltered and Cash nodded. He knew without an explanation that when Miles died part of me did too. The part that devoted my life to the club. The part that got excited over bullets whizzing by my head. Without Miles by my side, that guy didn’t exist anymore.

  “He wouldn’t want this,” Cash said. “Miles wouldn’t want you to leave the club. He sacrificed himself to protect us. How can you walk out on that?”

  A smile touched the corner of my lips. “He sacrificed himself to protect our futures. To ensure that we would have them. He didn’t want anyone coming after us for those deaths so by taking the blame he made sure that they wouldn’t. In his own fucked up way he was giving us our freedom. You no longer have to worry about the truth coming out about what happened in your bedroom that night Anthony showed up. Aubs is safe now. Miles made sure of it. So yeah he sacrificed himself to protect us, all of us, but that’s what makes this decision that much easier. Miles lived the life he wanted to live and that’s what he’d want from all of us whether he agreed with it or not. And I want the chance to do that. To see what else is out there for me.”

  Cash lit up a cigarette and took a long drag before he spoke. “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rolling over in his grave right now.”

  “Oh he’s flopping around like a fish out of fucking water for sure. Probably trying to find away to come back to life to knock me the fuck out.”

  We both laughed then we fell into silence. A slight breeze picked up and it made me smile, thinking it was Miles trying to find a way to hit me.

  “I love her,” I admitted.

  “I know you do.”

  “I want to be the guy she deserves and I don’t think I can do that if I stay. I need to figure out who I am without the club.”

  “I can grant you a pardon but it’s not entirely up to me.” My gaze swung to him as he continued. “I’ll have to bring it to a vote. Majority rules.”

  “I can live with that.”

  “Tomorrow. Now go home and get some sleep.” Cash headed for the door then stopped, turning back to me. “Whatever happens, patch or not, you’ll always be my brother.” He offered a slight smile before going inside.

  As the door closed, I felt some of the tension in my neck start to ease. This was the start of my new beginning. Now the only thing I could do was pray my brothers would set me free.

  My decision was made, and nothing nor nobody could change my mind. I sat in church for the last time, looking around the small space that for so long was my saving grace. I looked around the table to the men who would always be my brothers, and to the empty seats of the fallen. The seats of the two men that took a lost kid under their wings and helped give him purpose in life.

  For years, the club
was everything to me, but now I wanted a change. I wanted to see what else was out there. No longer alone, I had the chance to explore the options that I never had so many years ago. While it broke my heart to leave behind the only life I ever cared about, I was excited for the life that I could potentially have.

  Cash sat in his chair at the head of the table and started. “I called everyone here today, but I’m not the one who has anything to say, so I’m going to turn it over to Dice.”

  All eyes turned to me and I sat forward, resting my hands on the wood table. “After a shit load of thinking, I’ve decided to leave the club.”

  My words were met with grunts of disbelief and disapproval, which I expected. Once you were patched in, you were in for life. You couldn’t leave. You couldn’t walk away. Which is why I went to Cash first and got a pardon.

  Cash hit the gavel on the table. “Calm the fuck down. He’s leaving for now,” he explained. “But his spot will remain here for him if and when he returns. He’s dedicated over a decade of his life to this club. He’s lost and sacrificed, always following our code, and never once turned his back on any of us. Now, we need to offer him the same courtesy and set him free. Give him a chance to work his shit out.”

  Kade nodded to me from across the table.

  Allison promised we’d visit, that DC would have cousins one day and, when that happened, we’d move closer. I wasn’t necessarily leaving the club for good, but I was leaving for now. Allowing myself the chance to live my life without it. See if I would miss it. See if I could do the boring life of a normal guy that worked nine to five and didn’t go on stakeouts and deal drugs.

  I knew that, if I decided to come back, Allison would come back with me. Because, no matter what, we belonged with each other and wherever we ended up, where we felt we belonged, that’s where we would be together.

  The other guys slowly nodded their approval, and the moment was bittersweet, as the gates opened for me to be free.

  26

  Dice

  “You’re fucking leaving the club?” Sienna barged through my front door, throwing it open so hard it smashed into the wall. “Have you lost your goddamned mind?”

  I bent into the fridge and grabbed another beer, debating if I should offer her one or keep both for myself. The fire burning in her eyes was enough to tell me this wasn’t going to end well.

  I walked out of the kitchen, holding out a beer to her.

  “Don’t you fucking do that,” she said. “Don’t offer me a beer like this is some friendly get together.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Don’t start your shit with me,” she spat. “I’m not in the mood.”

  “Suit yourself.” I tipped the bottle to my lips and downed half the liquid.

  “Were you even planning on telling me?” she asked and I could hear the pain in her tone. The betrayal in the way she glared at me. She was a fucking poker face, I’d give her that, but I knew her. Better than anyone and I could pick up on the slightest things. She wasn’t pissed as much as she was upset.

  “I didn’t think you were talking to me.”

  “Since when did that ever matter? I’m you’re fucking sister when you decide to make a life changing decision whether we’re on speaking terms or not you tell me. You don’t let me find out from over hearing a goddamned conversation from the prospects of all people.”

  “I’m sorry.” And I was. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Sienna. To make her think that I didn’t care enough about her to include her because the truth was I did care. I cared so fucking much about what she thought and how me leaving would affect her. But then I’d see her with Kade and I knew she’d be okay. As much as it hurt me to admit it was obvious she didn’t need me anymore.

  She’d be okay. We’d be okay. Life was changing at rapid speed, but for the first time I felt like it was setting us in the direction of where we needed to be.

  “You’re sorry? That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me? You’re bailing. You’re leaving behind the club, my father’s legacy, the brotherhood, your job…me.” Tears welled in her eyes but she quickly blinked them away. “You’re just going to leave me? Your godson?”

  “You don’t need me. Not anymore.”

  “Who gives you the right to make that decision?”

  “I do.”

  She scoffed at me and I laughed.

  “You don’t see what I see. You don’t see how much of your father is in you. All the good parts of him are a part of you. You don’t see that motherhood has changed you. Don’t get me wrong you’re still a bitch, but now you’re a bitch with a heart. You don’t see that being with Kade has made you a better person. You’re happy and stronger than you’ve ever been. You don’t need me. From that first day I met you, you were an independent bitch who didn’t take shit from anyone. You didn’t need me then and you don’t need me now. If anyone needed anyone, I needed you.”

  “And now you have Allison so you don’t need me anymore.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I’ll always need my sister, but it’s time I start my own life and let you live yours. I can’t move forward here. I’m living in the house I lived in when I was fifteen. In a club that I joined when I was eighteen. Doing the same shit since high school. I want to see what else is out there.”

  “So what you’re saying is we aren’t good enough for you.”

  “No, it’s the complete opposite actually. Black Hills is my security blanket and it’s time I step out of my comfort zone.”

  “I think you’re making a mistake.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” I said with a smile directed at her that caused a slight tug of her own lips.

  “What am I supposed to do with the house?”

  “I actually was speaking with Stanson the other day and when his kid gets here they’ll need a place to stay. He was looking through the real estate section of the paper when I stopped by his office. You can see if they’d be interested.”

  Sienna sat down on the couch and finally accepted the beer I had offered her earlier. She brought the bottle to her lips and took a sip. Her eyes scanned across the room. “It’ll be weird not being able to just show up here when I want.”

  I sat down beside her. “This was our home, but it’s not anymore.”

  She rested her head on my shoulder and let out a breath. “Can we just pretend for a little longer that it is?”

  “Does that mean you forgive me?” I asked.

  She tilted her head to look at me, casting her famous evil eye in my direction. “I guess so.”

  I kissed her head and smiled. “Then sure we can pretend a little longer.”

  I closed my eyes remembering the first time I walked through the front door. Remembering my shit poor attitude and how Nick patted me on the back and said, “Welcome to the family.”

  I didn’t believe him. Mom had had so many horrible boyfriends and when she married Nick, a burly biker, my expectations for any sort of normal family life was in the fucking toilet. Who knew when he said those words to me that first day he meant them? He didn’t just welcome me into his home and his life. He gave me the one thing I always wanted. He gave me a real family. He gave me my sister. Walking through that front door was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. It changed my life. Who the fuck knows where I would have wound up if it wasn’t for Nick and Sienna.

  To most people this was just a house, but for me it was my saving grace. For me and Sienna it was the place we went from strangers to friends to brother and sister.

  “I really am going to miss it,” I said.

  “Do you know where you’re going to go?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet. I haven’t even told Allison. She’s coming over soon.”

  “Then I should go.” Sienna placed her bottle on the coffee table and stood up.

  “Do you think you’ll ever forgive her?”

  She took a deep breath and held it before slowly letting it out. “She lied, but she is who
she says she is. The background checks came back and she checks out.”

  I wasn’t surprised in the least. From the minute Allison told me I knew she was telling the truth.

  “So if I marry Kade or you marry her, either way she’s going to be my sister in law. I’m still mad, upset, but to answer your question, yes, in time, I’ll forgive her. Just not today.”

  It was more than I expected from Sienna. The girl was known to hold grudges, but it was more proof that she grew up and was ready to face the world without me.

  A month later, Allison’s car was packed to the brim, and we were getting ready to set off toward California. Sienna and Kade let me keep my bike at their house since I had Miles’s bike now and the thought of leaving his bike, his baby, in a garage nearly killed me.

  Sienna loved the idea of me keeping my bike with her. She said it was a guarantee that I’d have to come back. Aubree had Martha cook us up a bunch of food to take with us, and I placed it in the front seat of the Prius.

  We said goodbye to the whole club earlier and now, at Kade and Sienna’s, we were down to the people who I couldn’t imagine not seeing every day. Who made me rethink my decision only a few dozen times.

  Sienna, Kade and Cash were people I had known since I was a punk ass teenager. They were constants in my life from the day I moved to Black Hills. How did I say goodbye to those who had always been there for me?

  “I can’t believe you guys are leaving,” Aubree said, taking Allison in her arms and then me.

  “They’ll be back in a few months for the wedding,” Cash said, giving Allison a kiss on the cheek before holding his hand out to me. I took it and pulled him in for a hug.

  “We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said, patting Cash’s back. When I stepped back, I realized I was still wearing my cut. It was so much a part of me that I completely forgot to take it off. I grabbed either side, and went to take it off, when Cash’s hand landed on my shoulder, stopping me.