I cannot wait to call you my wife. I love you now and always.
With all of my heart and soul,
Ben
****
Tears were still trickling down her cheeks a few minutes later when John appeared at the door to escort her to the ceremony. It was being held right in the living room to make it easier and more comfortable for Carrie and Mary. He gazed at her with the softest expression she had ever seen in his eyes and reached up to brush a tear from her cheek.
"My baby is leaving me," he said, and she could hear the emotion in his voice.
"You have two more; soon to be three. They must be more than enough," she said teasingly.
John shook his head slowly, still stroking his thumb across her cheekbone.
"No. You are my first. You are the first child your mother carried for me and the first one she placed in my arms. You are the first little girl to hold my finger and to call me Daddy, and then the first to start calling me Father," he laughed as if he thought it would help him to hold back the tears. "Now you are the first to get married and leave home. I don't know what I'm going to do without my brave, strong girl."
Elizabeth curled up into her father's arms and took a deep breath of his scent. It was the same that she remembered from when she was young; a combination of wood, smoke, and spice.
"You will always be my daddy," she whispered to him.
She felt his beard tickle her skin as he kissed her cheek and then heard him take a deep breath to calm himself.
"We should get going," he said. "They are going to wonder where we’ve gone, and I know you have an eager young man downstairs waiting for you."
Those words brought a grin to Elizabeth's face and she took John's arm so that he could guide her down the stairs and into the living room.
Flowers, garlands, and ribbons filled the space. Carrie started walking down the aisle in front of her, strewing the floor with fragrant petals. She walked as strong and steady as she could, and Elizabeth felt a surge of pride go through her. Her little sister had grown up so much in such a short time.
It seemed like the world slowed as John led her to Ben who waited at the end of the aisle, and let him take her by the hand. There was a brief moment when both men held her, and Elizabeth wanted to preserve it forever. She hovered there, balanced between childhood and adulthood, and she wanted to savor the moment of both of the most important men who would ever be in her life supporting and guarding her.
Soon, though, her father's hand slipped away from her and she was fully at Ben's side. In just that instant, it had felt like she had stepped through a window into the life she had been gazing into for so long and it was almost surreal that it was finally happening.
Ben smiled at her and led her up toward where the preacher waited, clutching a worn Bible in his hands as he looked at them softly. This was the same man who had christened both of them and all of their siblings, and who had married all of the older children in Ben's family. He placed his hand over Ben's and Elizabeth's and lowered his head to pray.
Elizabeth closed her eyes and bowed her head, wanting to accept all that the prayer could offer her and her new venture, and to express her deep gratitude that they were here and that the new season of her life could begin.
****
"Fire! Fire! Wake up!"
It was three weeks after Elizabeth and Ben's wedding and she was startled out of bed by a scream in the night. Ben stumbled out onto the floor of their bedroom and ran to the window, looking out to find the source of the shouting.
"Fire at the saw mill!"
Those words sent Ben into frantic action. The saw mill was where he worked and Elizabeth knew that not only was he concerned about the income that came from his work there, but that he felt a tremendous sense of loyalty to the mill itself and to the man who had taken Ben under his wing after the death of his father and had given him a job.
Elizabeth rushed to the kitchen to grab Ben's boots from where he left them beside the back door and brought them to him. He sat on the edge of the bed and shoved his feet down into them, tucking his pants down into them to protect his legs when he encountered the fire. He paused only long enough to kiss her quickly before rushing out of the room, whisking his lightweight wool jacket off of the back of her desk chair as he left.
She wanted to follow him, but she knew that it was too dangerous and that she would more than likely get in the way more than she would be able to help, putting the men who would be fighting the flames at even greater risk. Instead, she lowered to her knees at the edge of the bed, clasping her hands in front of her and leaning forward so that her forehead rested against her tightly entwined fingers.
"Please Lord," she whispered, trying to block out the sounds of the men's shouts, "protect Ben and the other men. Be with them and guide their hands. Bring him home safely to me. Thank you."
Her prayer finished, Elizabeth stood and took her shawl from the back of the bedroom door. She wrapped the soft fabric tightly around her shoulders and ran out onto the front porch. In the distance, she could see the virulent orange glow of the fire where the saw mill burned. A column of smoke rose into the sky, looking vicious and foreboding against the grey-choked black expanse.
All around her, she could hear shouts of the men as they roused from their beds and ran off to help fight the fire. Even those who didn't have their work at the mill ran with the others, buckets clutched in their hands, to do whatever they could to help. They knew that if the fire got out of control, it could continue to move down the hill toward the town. As soon as it got a little bit of ground beneath it and the evening wind started to feed the blaze, there would be no controlling it. The entire town would be lost, and possibly lives with it.
Elizabeth clutched her shawl even closer around her and leaned against the porch railing, her stomach high in her throat. Suddenly she heard someone calling her name and she turned to see Carrie rushing toward her. Her gait was still slightly awkward, but the fact that she was able to run at all was a miracle and Elizabeth took a moment even in her fear and worry to send up a prayer of thanks and gratitude that she had survived the surgery and then thrived so much throughout her recovery.
"Has Ben gone to the mill?" Carrie asked, running into Elizabeth's open arms.
"Yes. He went as soon as he heard the first calls."
"Daddy went, too."
"Does anyone know what started it?" Elizabeth asked as her mother joined them on the porch.
Mary's hand was rested protectively over the small swell of her belly and Elizabeth's heart ached for the worry that she must be feeling.
"No," her mother told her, her eyes fixed on the same orange glow and frightening billow of smoke that had held Elizabeth's attention. "There was some talk of lightning, but there have been no storms for days. There could have been a camper nearby. Just one little ember that gets picked up by the wind can cause a blaze in a few minutes."
"Are they going to be alright?" Carrie asked, suddenly sounding like a little girl again.
Elizabeth reached down to wrap an arm around her sister's shoulders and hug her close, hoping that she could give her strength and comfort, even as she was feeling terrified herself.
"Of course they are," Mary said, stepping up beside her daughters, "they will be just fine."
As she said it, her voice sounded steady and even, though Elizabeth knew she must be feeling the same fear and worry that her husband had while running into the darkness to battle a fire in a massive, decades-old wooden building. That was something that Elizabeth had always admired about her mother: she was steadfast and strong, showing resilience and faith, even in the times when she was the most afraid.
Elizabeth needed that now as the cold of the night sank through her nightdress and sent shivers along her skin. She couldn’t bring herself to go back inside and crawl into her warm bed, however; not until Ben was home. She would stand on the porch and wait for him until he returned.
****
Dear Dia
ry,
I do not know what to do. I cannot remember a time in my life other than when Carrie suffered malaria that I have been so worried. It has been two weeks since the fire at the saw mill, and Ben is still under the doctor's care.
I will never forget that horrific night for as long as I live. I see it in my mind every time I close my eyes. Even when I blink, I see flashes of the reflection of the flame against the sky and the darkness of the smoke as it rolled across the moon and smothered the light. It seemed I stood on that porch for hours waiting for Ben to return. When he did, he was not walking, but carried in my father's arms.
I could see the pain in his eyes and the sweat pouring down his face, but he grit his teeth and refused to make a sound. Even as I ran toward him, I could see the tattering of his shirt, the darkening of the pale fabric, and the horrible redness of the burn from where the flame had touched him. Father told me that Ben had been throwing water on the flames when a piece of the building fell, catching him on his side and pinning him to the ground.
I honestly feared he would not survive the night, Diary. I must have said every prayer that I knew before I stopped reciting and just started crying out to the Lord, asking for His mercy for Ben and for me. Though it was him lying there and not me, seeing my husband in such horrible pain made me feel like I was experiencing it just as much. I wanted to take all of that pain from him, but all I could do was sit beside him and use rags to bathe his burns in cool water.
Finally, the doctor gave him a few deep sips of something and he fell asleep, his breath settling as at last his muscles relaxed. I knew that sleep would be what would allow his body to heal, but somehow seeing him lying there sleeping frightened me even more. I was so scared that he would never open his eyes again.
By grace and grace alone he awoke, and after a few days was able to leave the clinic. The doctor told him that he must continue to rest to give his skin a chance to recover, and I have not left his side for more than a few minutes to get him water or prepare his meals.
I am more than willing to give the sacrifice. He is my beloved, my husband, and I promised to be his partner and his helpmate throughout life. I would give and do anything to care for him.
Just today, however, I discovered that we are nearly out of money. The saw mill is completely gone, Ben is still too injured to seek other work, and devoting my time to him has meant giving up jobs from the seamstress shop. We have only enough to last us for a few more weeks. What if Ben has not recovered by then? How will we make do?
I do not want to bring this up with Ben. He is going through enough and I am sure he is suffering such guilt not being able to work. Losing the saw mill was devastating for him. I cannot let him feel that he is also going to lose the home.
--Elizabeth
****
"We will think of something, Darling."
Elizabeth reached forward to brush a piece of hair away from Ben's forehead. He gazed at her adoringly, but she could see the hurt and worry in his eyes. In everything that he did, he tried to be so strong for her. It had always been that way. From the time that they were children, he was her protector and her greatest source of support. He would, and did, do everything that he possibly could to shield her from anything that may upset or hurt her.
Now, however, he was looking at her as if he felt that there was nothing he could do.
"We have been married for two months, and already I feel like I have failed you."
"You haven't failed me," she reassured him.
"I have no work, you have given up your work to take care of me, and your clients have moved on; we have no money to survive much longer."
"The road to our marriage wasn't straight, smooth, and easy," she reminded him. "What made you think that the path God made for us afterward would be? It is times like this that prove our love and devotion."
"You know that I love you and am devoted to you with everything that I was, everything that I am, and everything that I will be."
Elizabeth smiled.
"Well, maybe that is only because we keep facing these situations. Perhaps if my family had never gone to California, we would have gotten married three years ago, and you would be bored with me by now."
Elizabeth laughed and Ben joined her for a moment, then his laughter cut short.
"California," he said, meeting her eyes.
"Oh, Ben, you know that I was just teasing you. Of course we would still be happy if we had wed before."
"No," he said, taking her hands in his and sliding closer to her on the bench at their kitchen table, "California. Why did your father decide to take the family and go to San Francisco three years ago?"
"Carrie needed her operation, but my parents didn't have the means to pay for it; Father heard that there were families going to California to mine gold and coming back wealthy. We went so that he could make the money that we needed."
"Exactly," Ben said, his voice dropping to a somewhat conspiratorial whisper. "Your father brought your family to California because you needed money that Haywood was not providing for you, and he found it. Haywood has not been giving us what we have needed, so why don't we see if California will come through for us the way that it came through for your father."
Elizabeth stared at her husband. His eyes glittered with excitement and for the first time in more than a month, he truly looked like the Ben she had fallen in love with so many years before. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Finally, she took her hands from his and wrapped them around him, letting him pull her into a tight hug.
She nodded and felt him squeeze her tighter.
"Alright," she finally managed to say. "Let's go."
The next day, Elizabeth met Carrie outside of the schoolhouse like she always did. Carrie had lost some time in her studies due to her surgery, but she had been determined and returned to school as soon as she could, working as hard as she could to catch up to the other children her age. The sisters walked along together quietly for a few minutes before Carrie glanced over at her.
"What is it, Elizabeth?"
The question stunned Elizabeth and she stopped in her tracks.
"What do you mean?"
"Come on. I can always tell when there is something that is bothering you. You used to tell me everything before you married Ben. Now he is the only person who you want to talk to."
"That's not true, Carrie," Elizabeth said, stung by her sister's remark. "I still tell you everything."
"Then why aren't you telling me what you are thinking about right now? I know you well enough to know that you have something on your mind right now and you just aren't telling me what it is."
Elizabeth sighed. She had been trying to figure out when the best time would be to tell Carrie about her and Ben's plan to move to California in hopes of finding greater success there. It was the most difficult part of their decision and the element that she dreaded more than any other.
"Let's go down to the creek like we used to when we were younger."
Elizabeth turned and the sisters walked through the grass and along a line of trees toward the small, crystal clear lake that they had frequently visited in the summers. Carrie hadn't been able to swim when her legs were still twisted, but this area of the creek was shallow enough that she could sit on the smooth pebbles that lined the bottom and let the cool water wash over her skin. It didn't move fast enough to cause her any danger, but it was also close enough to a deeper section that Elizabeth was able to immerse herself up to her shoulders and cool off. It was their secret special place that they only ever shared with each other, and Elizabeth thought it would be the right setting to have their difficult conversation.
When they arrived by the edge of the creek, Elizabeth and Carrie settled down onto the soft grass under a low-hanging willow. Elizabeth hesitated for a moment, part of her wanting to hang on to the calm of these seconds right before things would change so much, much like on her wedding day when her mind wanted so much to preserve those moments jus
t before things would alter dramatically.
Finally, she looked at her sister and took her hand.
"You know that things have not been easy for Ben and I since we got married. With the saw mill burning down, his injuries, and me having to cut my work with the seamstress down to almost nothing to take care of him, we have not been able to bring in as much money as we need."
"I told you that I could have helped you take care of Ben, and Mama said she would, too," Carrie protested.
"I know you did, and I appreciate it so much. But you have to focus on your schoolwork. You cannot just stop in order to take care of Ben. And Mama has enough work on her hands taking care of Maggie and with the new baby coming, I couldn't expect her to stop and nurse my husband as well."
"We would have done it."
"I know you would have. We are married now, though. We have to take care of ourselves," she took a deep breath. She couldn't put off the inevitable any longer: "That's why we have decided to go back to California."
Carrie's eyes widened and her lips fell open as if words were trying to come out but she wasn't quite able to form them. She searched Elizabeth's face and Elizabeth sat as calmly as she could, trying not to show any of the difficult emotions she was experiencing, until her sister was finally able to speak.
"You are leaving?"
"Yes. It is our only choice. We can't survive here without work and there is so much opportunity out in California. There's gold to mine, but there are also towns springing up everywhere that will need businesses. There is work there for Ben, and I could do some sewing. Life will be better for us there."
"Even without me?"
Elizabeth felt a tug in her heart and tears pricked in her eyes. She had once promised her little sister that she would always be there for her and that they would live close by each other, even when she and Ben were married. It had never occurred to her that life would change so much.
Annie: A Bride For The Farmhand - A Clean Historical Western Romance (Stewart House Brides Book 3) Page 89
