by Dianne Drake
* * *
“Did you get that wood chopped?” Jack asked, dropping into the booth seat across from Carrie.
She was sure he hadn’t expected her to, but she had. Quite quickly, after thirty minutes of good, hard exercise. It had felt good doing something useful and rigorous. Even the ER didn’t give her the physical challenge she liked...but good, old-fashioned hard work had hit the spot and made her muscles work again. Also, it had lifted her spirits because being part of something that wasn’t merely tied up in her own little world was good. It energized her. “Enough for a week,” she said, picking up the menu and opening it to the lunch section. “I stacked it on the porch, so we won’t have to carry it so far when we need it. I fixed the door threshold, too. It was coming up and I didn’t want anybody to trip on it. Oh, and I started a load of laundry.”
“Seriously, all that? In, what, four hours?”
“I like to work.” It was all she’d ever known and she’d discovered, when she wasn’t much older than seven or eight, that the harder you worked, the more you advanced. And she’d always wanted to advance. So she’d always worked.
“Well, I’m sorry I’m later than I’d expected, but a couple of my patients hailed me on the street...” He shrugged. “What can you do? It’s Marrell, that’s the way they are here. Anyway, I’m free for the rest of the day, so I was wondering if you’d like to do some climbing.”
“Really?” She wasn’t sure she was ready for it, but she sure didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. “Before classes start?” That was still a few days off, after Caleb and Leanne Carsten returned to Sinclair.
“I’ll keep it basic. Easy rock face, easy climb. Up at a place called Eagle Pointe. I used to go there when I was a kid. In fact, it’s where Priscilla would take me when she was teaching me. The view is spectacular, and it’s a nice hike up. So, I thought if you’re up to it...”
“Oh, I’m up to it. But are you up to me?”
He chuckled. “I suppose I’m about to find out.”
“But I haven’t had my appointment with the outfitter. I don’t have what I need...”
“It’s taken care of. He’ll see you after lunch, get you fixed up, and with any luck we’ll be headed out in a couple of hours.”
“Except I can’t pay for the equipment yet. I know you said you’d take care of it, but I don’t want that. I don’t like charity, and that’s what it is, even when you tell me there’s a motive behind it.” And that was a huge obstacle, as she didn’t want to be indebted to anyone, including Jack, any more than she already was. In a life where no one had ever done her any favors, he’d already exhausted his fair supply, and she didn’t expect anything else. Didn’t want anything else. “I was hoping with my next paycheck...”
“Consider it a loan. Come next paycheck, you can pay me back. So, any other concerns or protests?”
“Not protesting. Just being practical. So, you’re covered at the hospital? I thought since both Carstens were gone, there wasn’t an excess of doctors to go around.”
He shook his head. “There aren’t. But my mom and Henry are back in town for a few days and they’re going to cover. They like retirement, but I think they miss the work. Anyway, they’ll take the rest of the weekend, so I’ve got the time. And it’s been a while since I’ve had any time to get on the ropes myself, so it’ll be good for me since basic climbing skills will be integrated into my classes. Shall we go?”
“Are you sure you want to be saddled with a beginner? Because I’m sure you’d have a much better time without me.” She was flattered. Even more than that, she was excited. Not only to start climbing but to be doing it with Jack. Alone. Not with the rest of the class. But she truly didn’t want to hold him back.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.” He signaled the waitress over to the table. “I’ll have an iced tea and a chef’s salad.”
“But we’ve got pot roast and mashed potatoes on special, Jack,” the waitress, a woman named Janice, who frequented the hospital for migraines and other aches and pains, protested. “Don’t you like our pot roast, Jack?” She licked her lips seductively.
Jack tugged uncomfortably at the collar of his denim shirt. “I love the pot roast, Janice, but I’m going to be climbing later, so I’ve got to keep it light.”
“And I’ll have the same,” Carrie said, trying to hold back a giggle. Janice was being so obvious. “Climbing, too.”
With a shrug, and a quick scribble on her order pad, she scooted off toward the kitchen, seemingly taking it personally that she hadn’t sold the lunch special. Or scored with Jack.
“Lady in love,” Carrie commented casually. She glanced over at the lunch counter, saw Janice standing behind it, glaring daggers at her. “Really in love.”
“Yeah, well, she can keep it to herself. I’m not interested.”
“In her? Or in being in love in general?”
“Both,” he said. “Janice is from Westslope, where I’m from. We grew up together and, trust me, there’s never been anything between us.”
“Well, not for want of trying on her part. Look at her. She can’t take her eyes off you, except for the occasional scowl she turns on me.” Carrie picked up the glass of water on the table and took a sip. Then said, “And if looks could kill, I’d be a dead woman.”
Jack shook his head. “She knows I don’t date. I’ve told her so at least a dozen times since I’ve been back.”
“But don’t they say something about hope springing eternal?” Jack seemed embarrassed, and it was funny watching him squirm the way he was. Staunch and rigid Jack Hanson was blushing because the lady adored him. And literally tugging at his collar. He was cute, in a way she’d never seen cuteness in him before. He was vulnerable. Human. Even though he tried to hide it.
“Her hope can spring however she wants, as long as it’s not springing all over me.”
“Will you ever let someone back into your life, Jack? I don’t know what happened with your family, and I’m not going to ask, but it seems like you’ve sentenced yourself to an awfully high price to pay.” She really hadn’t meant to turn this into something so serious, but she was curious, as Jack seemed to come in so many pieces, and it would be up to her to fit them together if she ever wanted to truly get to know him. Because he wouldn’t do that himself and she really did want to get to know the whole man since, it seemed, she might have a future here. Alongside him.
“My life is fine like it is.” He turned his head and looked out the window, an obvious sign that the conversation was over.
Carrie wasn’t satisfied, though. For whatever reason, they were together. Maybe not in a traditional sense but together, nonetheless. This, if nothing else, made her want to know more. Made her want to know him better. She liked Jack, even if he didn’t want that. In fact, she more than liked him. She cared—cared about a man who was wounded and in pain. Which hurt her heart, because she understood pain in the deepest sense. She was trying hard to fix it in herself now, but she also wanted to fix it in Jack. Or, help him fix it in himself. Because she cared. Maybe even loved him a little. “Don’t look now,” she whispered across the table, “but lover girl is undoing the top button on her blouse. I think she has intentions, Jack.”
Jack twisted around in the booth and flagged Janice, who practically jumped over the lunch counter to get to him.
“Yes?” she asked breathlessly.
“Could you make those salads to go, please?”
Carrie bit back a smile as Janice squared her shoulders, obviously angry that they weren’t staying, and marched straight back to the kitchen. “The course of love thwarted by a couple of take-out containers,” she said. “Was that your intent?”
“It’s always my intent when I see it headed in my direction,” he snapped. “Always.”
Surprisingly, that pronouncement stung. It wasn’t that she was looking for
what Janice was. She wasn’t. But Jack had been so adamant about not wanting it that she felt the same rejection Janice must have been feeling. And it occurred to Carrie, for the first time, that maybe she was more than a little in love with Jack herself. Maybe she was falling into the kind of love she’d never expected to find. Or be able to give.
* * *
“It doesn’t look too bad,” she said, staring up at the rock he’d chosen for their first time. It had a lot of handholds and a lot of places for her toes to go, as well. Still, it looked daunting. “Shouldn’t we have started with one of those indoor climbing places? You know, where they strap you in and pretty much suspend you while you climb, and if you fall they lower you down?”
“In a practical world, yes, but there’s nothing like that around here, which is why we’re going to start with what’s called bouldering.”
“Bouldering?” she asked.
“That’s where you go up a boulder rather than a full-sized rock. It takes the least amount of time and gear, and you never get so high up that you can’t just jump off comfortably. Also, climbers can traverse the rock horizontally, which will help them work on strength and movement without being intimidated by the prospect of falling too far. I’ve always taught it first because it requires only climbing shoes, a chalk bag, a crash pad to cushion your jump or fall off the rock, and an experienced spotter, like myself. You don’t need a rope or a harness.” He smiled as he approached the boulder he’d chosen. “Just stand here and memorize it for a minute, because after that you’re going up, and knowing where you’re going is always good. Oh, and even though your fall won’t be drastic...” He patted his head. “Helmet. Get used to it.”
“And the chalk is for?”
“Absorbing moisture on your hands. Slippery hands mean slipping off the rock. Also...” He pulled a roll of tape from his pocket. “In the beginning, I want you taping up. It will help protect your skin, and also add some support to your entire hand. A lot of experienced climbers don’t like it because they prefer the physical contact with the rock. But to start...” He ripped off a strip of tape and applied it to her left hand. “Tape it, and play it safe. Oh, and not just any tape. This is made specifically for climbers. It has some flexibility but doesn’t stretch like regular athletic tape.”
She was so caught up in listening to him she hardly noticed when her hands and wrists were fully taped. Hardly noticed the shivers that went up her spine when he touched her. Hardly noticed that he was standing so close and intimately as he wrapped her hands that she could feel his body heat. But...hardly wasn’t not noticing, because she did. In ways that made it hard to concentrate on what he was saying. “I assume we warm up after this?”
He nodded. “I don’t do the daily kind of exercises you do but, yes, you’ve got to be in shape. And if you’re not warmed up, you’re more prone to freezing up before you get to the top. Which isn’t a good thing, because we don’t have a rescue team who can come and get you down. Yet.”
“Always trying, aren’t you, Jack?” she said, looking up again at where she was hoping to be shortly. Up top, standing on the ledge, looking down. It wasn’t going to be a steep or very tall climb, but conquering small goals led to conquering larger ones. And, in her life, it was always about conquering the larger ones. “So, how do I start?” she asked, bracing herself for whatever came next.
After ten minutes of warm-up exercises, Jack took her hand and pulled her over to the rock she was going to attempt. “Watch me, then do what I do. Unless I fall, then don’t do that,” he said, strapping on his own helmet. “Now, think about grabbing a pull-up bar. You clasp your hands around the bar and pull your feet off the ground. In climbing, that’s called a dead hang. In other words, you suspend yourself there, in midair. It requires brute strength, especially when to climb, you’ve got to hang with your arms bent at an angle and your legs pretty much straight.”
She looked at his arms, admiring the strength in his biceps, triceps and shoulder muscles. All the muscles she knew she’d have to use to hold her arms bent, as he was doing now. “It looks like you’re using your arm muscles much more than you would if you were hanging there with straight arms.” She addressed him as he was raising his legs above his head to anchor to the rock.
“Hanging with straight arms uses skeletal strength,” he said, not in the least winded. “Hanging with your arms bent relies on upper-body strength, and since most beginners don’t have sufficient upper-body strength to do that for very long, you do that only when you’re progressing. Otherwise, instead of trying to build your biceps right off, hang down with your arms straight and legs bent when you’re between moves. You’ll save your energy for when you want to keep going. Now...” He turned his attention solely to the rock, did a traverse climb, alternately dead hanging and progressing. Then, instead of trying for the top, which was only about fifteen feet up, he dropped himself off the rock and landed feetfirst. Brushing off his hands, he unstrapped his helmet and smiled at her. “Not as glorious as climbing to the top, but we’ll save that for next time. Today I want you going from side to side.”
And here she’d had visions of heading straight to the top, then standing there, surveying her domain below. Hands on hips, head thrown back in bold conquest. The mighty rock climber in her triumph. But his vision was something akin to a spider crawl, six feet above the ground, trying to figure out what was supposed to be bent or at an angle. Which proved to be more of a challenge than she’d expected, as her first seven or eight times up on the rock she fell off straightaway. Thank heavens for the crash pad, or else she’d already have a very sore back and hips. Not to mention rear end, which unceremoniously took the brunt of most of her falls.
“But you made it look so easy,” she said, standing up from yet another fall.
“Because I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”
“Did you fall off this much at first?” she asked, as she wobbled to her feet. This time he helped her, taking hold of her arm to give her an assist to her feet. And didn’t let go of her arm after she was steady. Rather, he held on, stared into her eyes, and for an instant she expected...well, she wasn’t exactly sure what she expected. Or hoped for. A kiss maybe?
But that wasn’t to be. “Let me give you a boost,” he finally said, after a long pause. Then dropped her arm.
“You couldn’t have given me a boost several falls ago?” she asked, trying to force her concentration back. It wasn’t easy, however. Not with Jack standing so close to her. Not with the lingering tingle of his hand on her arm.
“I could have. But you need falling experience, as well as climbing. Now’s as good a time as any to get it.”
She rubbed her aching backside. “I so appreciate your consideration.”
He laughed. “You’ll thank me for it later.”
“I don’t ever thank anybody who lets me fall.” She reached up and took hold of the same spot she’d grabbed every time before. “So, boost me.”
He got himself under her and pushed her up, holding her steady with his back. “Now move.”
“To where?” she asked, liking the feel of his support.
“Look up, spot your next move, then go there.”
She looked forward, spotted her next logical handhold and grabbed on, then forced her feet to follow—with his assistance, of course. She tried it again and again until, quicker than she’d expected, she crossed the rock. She was totally on the other side of it, which felt as good as if she’d scaled it to the top. “Can I come down now?” she asked, simultaneously letting go, falling on top of him, then rolling on the ground, wrapped in his arms. “You’re not as soft as the crash pad,” she said, making no attempt to extricate herself.
And he made no attempt to unwind himself from her. In fact, his arms wrapped around her a little tighter. And his knee moved up to trap hers under his.
“Is this part of the lesson?” she asked, as she lif
ted her head to take his kiss. The kiss that parted her lips and explored the recesses of her mouth like they’d never been explored before. She was glad for the biceps and triceps that were wrapped around her. Not to mention his quadriceps femoris, iliopsoas, Sartorius and all those other leg muscles that were covering hers.
First lesson, perfect ending, she thought. Perfect first kiss, perfect first...this. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be a permanent thing. She didn’t know. But right now she was all about living in the moment. Maybe for the first time in her life there was nothing to think through. Or nothing to plan ahead.
In answer, he reached over to remove her T-shirt, but she laid a hand on his to stop him. “Not here,” she said.
He raised a speculative eyebrow but didn’t question her. And maybe someday she’d tell him why. That the fantasy she’d had of this moment—and, yes, she’d had the fantasy—didn’t happen at the foot of a rock. It was...romantic. Maybe wine and candlelight. Soft music. She’d never had a fantasy of being with a man before. In fact, she hadn’t allowed herself fantasies at all, ever—until Jack. Because in her life they couldn’t have come true.
And if this was her only time with him, which it might be, she wanted it to be perfect. She wanted a perfect memory of a perfect moment. With Jack, she knew it would be perfect. Was that the fantasy of a woman in love? She didn’t know. But that didn’t matter as it was a fantasy she wanted to make real, even if only for a little while.
* * *
The warm water on her body felt good. Being naked in that warm water, with Jack, felt...strange. A good kind of strange, though. The urgency of the moment they’d had out on the rocks was gone, replaced by a different sensation. More relaxing. For her, even more arousing. Good wine. Dim lights. Soft music. No, she wasn’t getting those. That part of the fantasy wasn’t happening, but the real part was. The shoulder massage. The long, lingering kisses. The tenderness and patience being shown by someone who was very experienced to someone who was not so much. Someone who took away everything in her past and helped her to experience the pure pleasure of the moment.
