His whole family would need to be stronger than ever for whatever they would find.
And even as he reasoned through everything that had crashed in on his life in a short twenty-four hours, he couldn’t avoid the deep-seated truth. No matter how much Tally had come to mean to him, someone like him, fighting such dark demons on a daily basis, couldn’t be the right man to bring the light into her world that she deserved.
* * *
Tally found the Christmas spirit tough to salvage, going through the motions.
Even when things with her father were at their worst, Christmas week held the potential for magic. The dark years after his suicide were lonely, sure, but she had always managed to find some small cheer in service to others.
Touching her sterling silver necklace, she attempted a smile, some pretense of enjoying herself for the benefit of the fund-raiser. The event was in full swing. The main house was being used for food and socializing. Later, everyone would ride in horse-drawn sleighs to the barn for the bachelor auction. It had been a crunch getting the old barn repaired in time to house the horses so the main barn could be used for the event, but they’d pulled it off. Marshall and his family had worked tirelessly.
Everything was dazzling. And her heart was in tatters.
She didn’t know how she’d made it through the past three weeks getting ready for the fund-raiser, a cold silence between her and Marshall. He’d moved into the bunkhouse, which felt so surreal. She was the hired help living in his mansion and he’d retreated to the barn.
He’d also hired more help during the day, which had put a buffer between them as they’d each gone about their jobs. And now, even their stilted time together was coming to an end. There would be no happy ending for them.
Lump still in her throat, Tally did her best to present a professional face. She wore a smile as another accessory, a complement to the simple black dress.
Across the room, the Mikkelson and Steele clans mingled, giving all appearances of a blended, tight family for the benefit of the business. Snippets of conversation punctuated the room. The gathering was modest in size, but not in terms of the guest list. Key figures from Alaska and the Pacific Northwest chatted with the Alaska Oil Barons. This event attracted old, big money to commemorate the newly formed Steele/Mikkelson Charity Foundation.
Felicity squeezed her hand, her glimmering eyes reflecting the twinkling white lights. “You’ve done an amazing job pulling this off. If you decide not to be a social worker, you could definitely be one helluva party planner.”
“I’m just focused on the present for now.”
Tally shivered, her dress rippling against her skin. She smoothed the front of her floor-length black gown to be the picture of elegance and class, to give this final gift to Marshall in making the party a success. If she could appear the part of a cool, collected hostess, maybe he wouldn’t notice the way sadness settled in her soul.
Felicity shot her a sidelong glance, those knowing brows arching. She crossed her arms over her chest, drawing tight the shimmery emerald fabric of her gown. “Are you okay?”
No. The opposite of okay. Not that Tally would admit as much. Even talking about it could well make her fall to pieces. “I’m fine. I’m finishing my job here, then I’ll be moving on to the next.”
“And you and Marshall?”
The question hurt so much more than it should have. “There is no me and Marshall.”
“But there was,” Felicity prodded gently.
“Not anymore.” If Tally had been honest with him from the start, maybe. But there was no going back. She wanted peace and went about it in all the wrong ways.
Felicity hooked an arm through hers and squeezed. “Ah, hon, I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too. I have no one to blame but myself.”
Tally’s eyes followed Marshall as he stood with his family. The Steeles and Mikkelsons had on their best social faces, but she could see the strain in their expressions. No further news had come through about his missing sister, and she couldn’t imagine the torture they were enduring.
She hated that she’d brought any more pain to them. What had she been thinking coming here in the first place, intruding on their grief? The guilt was crushing, so much so she had an inkling of what her father must have felt.
Ever the compassionate soul, Felicity’s voice lowered. She fixed her eyes softly on Tally. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. Just enjoy the party.”
A symphony of laughter erupted from across the room. An Alaskan senator wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, clutching his glass of champagne. Tally just wanted to lose herself in work, finish this evening, then curl up in her room and unleash the flood of tears.
“For what my opinion’s worth, that man is crazy about you. I’m not a success story by a long shot—my marriage was a disaster.” Pain pinched at Felicity’s face for a moment before she continued, “But from where I’m standing, Marshall hasn’t taken his eyes off you all evening. Someone who works that hard to stay away usually does so because of strong feelings.”
Could he really still care for Tally? Or was that just wishful thinking? Felicity was a professional at reading people, the skill integral to her job. Tally wanted to trust her.
If only she knew how to bridge the gap. She’d been on her own for so long, and she’d risked her heart on Marshall. Before she’d even known what was happening, she’d fallen for him hard, and now she was so empty inside she echoed.
Was there something she was missing? A tactic she hadn’t tried to heal the rift between them? Even if it meant losing him forever as her lover, she’d trade anything to at least part as...friends seemed too tame a word.
But she couldn’t bear to think of Marshall Steele as her enemy, either. She needed help. Because she still needed peace and couldn’t leave until she found it somehow.
A Christmas sign would be more than welcome, even if she’d given up hope in miracles.
Twelve
Felicity had never imagined she would be attending a bachelor auction.
But since the new charity foundation had listed child services as one of its causes, she needed to make an appearance. And truth be told, she found the notion of Conrad on the catwalk to be something she didn’t want to miss.
The dinner portion of the Mikkelson-Steele charity fund-raiser had concluded. The partiers had relocated to the barn for the bachelor auction.
Tally stood next to her, red hair falling in loose, romantic curls. If she didn’t know her friend better, she would have assumed Tally was happy. She certainly kept a ready smile in place.
Years of training told Felicity otherwise. Her friend’s relentlessly straight shoulders spoke volumes about the tension she was feeling. Pain radiated from her.
Risk and trust were close cousins. They accompanied each other. Sometimes they did damage together. A fact she knew all too well.
And a fact that caused Felicity unease of her own. She watched Conrad button his tuxedo jacket. He caught her eye, gave her a wink.
Conrad moved quickly with determination and charm. His romance game unsettled her, scared her. The wounds of her failed marriage still stung. For all her skill with communication and people, she couldn’t seem to find the words to tell her appealing suitor that things needed to move slower. Why couldn’t he understand given his own relationship failures?
The auctioneer for the event cleared his throat, effectively extinguishing the conversation in the room. Felicity looked at the runway. Tally had a hand in helping the event come together. Her friend had hung heart-shaped snowflake formations from the barn’s rafters. Faux snow blanketed the runway. Tall, skinny pine trees decorated the back of the stage. A mini winter wonderland.
Conrad walked down the runway. Slow, determined strides. Women in the audience murmured about his sexy, tight-lipped half smile. A bid
ding war began between a bleached-blonde woman in a gown of sapphire and a brunette in a deep burgundy. Cheering erupted as the women drove Conrad’s price higher and higher.
Deep in Felicity’s stomach, a pang of jealousy bubbled. She had no claim, no right to the emotion and no room in her life for romance. She didn’t have the emotional reserves to risk another heartbreak.
With a deep breath, she did her best to not be distracted by how downright handsome Conrad looked in his custom-fitted tuxedo. The blonde raised her paddle, and the woman in red tapped out. The auctioneer almost called it until Naomi Steele, one of Conrad’s nieces, shot her paddle into the air, upping the bid substantially. The blonde shook her head.
The auctioneer nodded, attributing the bet to...
“Felicity Hunt.”
Felicity stifled a gasp through sheer willpower. All eyes turned to her. Anger iced her. She knew a setup when she saw it. And Conrad had very clearly maneuvered this to push forward his agenda.
Conrad descended from the runway, heading toward where she and Tally were seated at the back of the rows of chairs. For a brief moment, Felicity felt like a hypocrite, turning away, needing to put space between herself and the admittedly sexy man. It didn’t matter that she’d just spouted romantic encouragement to her friend Tally. Felicity wasn’t in the market for following her own advice, for being open to deeper feelings.
The truth was, as much as she’d hoped she could indulge in a light relationship with this man, she just wasn’t ready. Her divorce had left her too raw.
Practically out the door, or at least around the corner, Felicity searched for her coat-check ticket so she could leave. She needed to get out of this barn with all its confusing tensions. Conrad closed the distance between them, cornering her just outside the tack room, out of sight from the rest of the crowd.
“Is everything okay?”
Felicity wanted to say yes and just walk away, but she’d never been any good at lying. “You orchestrated that winning bid.”
“I thought you would find the gesture romantic.”
And perhaps it was. But she couldn’t allow this flirtation to continue. “It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. Might as well make the best of it.”
“Other men might be insulted by the horror in your voice,” he said dryly.
“I’m more frustrated with myself. I think I’ve given you the wrong impression with our lunches.” Felicity searched for the right words to put an end to this in a diplomatic way, but above all to be up-front and honest. “I just want to make sure you understand. I’ve already suffered through a divorce. It was a hell I’m not interested in repeating.”
“As I’ve said before, we’re not talking about getting married. We were discussing a date.” He arched a brow.
She was starting to feel foolish. Had she read too much into his attention? “I’ll honor the bid, but to be fair, I’m not at a place where I’m ready to let someone into my life.”
“You don’t plan to date? Or remarry? You’re planning to live a nun’s life, taking care of orphans?”
She didn’t like his tone of voice one bit. “And if that’s my plan, what’s so wrong with it?”
“I could swear I saw interest in your eyes.” He clasped her shoulders, drawing her near.
“That’s why I’m not officially a nun.” She tipped her face defiantly, wanting to kiss him, to lose herself in his embrace. But just as she couldn’t lie to him, she also couldn’t lie to herself.
There could never be anything simple between them. The draw was too potent. Too powerful.
“And you’re not interested in taking a risk?”
“No, I’m not.” She infused her voice with resolution, because if she weakened at all and he noticed... She wasn’t sure how long she could hold out.
Sighing, he stepped back, the air crackling between them with desire and regret. “Damn shame. We could have had something special.” Conrad straightened his tie. “No worries about going on the date. I’ll use the purchased time to volunteer somewhere like the hospital. Just say where your office needs the help most.”
She watched him disappear into the crowd, and even knowing she’d made the right decision, she wondered what might have happened if she’d met him a decade earlier.
* * *
Marshall thrust his hand through his hair, the bow tie damn near choking him.
Still, his least favorite part of the fund-raiser was complete—the bachelor bid. It had been difficult for him to parade around on the best days. It had been far harder knowing Tally was in the audience, watching. The winning bid had been a grand dame whose family were major sponsors of bringing rodeos to town. She’d bought his promotional presence.
At least he didn’t have to navigate the waters of an awkward date. His eyes were drawn to Tally, her elegance and poise.
Live music hung in the air, a song about love at Christmastime. His jaw taut, he did his best to stay anchored. Marshall had gone to an AA meeting and spent an extra hour with his sponsor prior to tonight, shoring himself up on so many levels.
Naomi’s husband, Royce, made his way to Marshall. The Alaska Oil Barons, Inc.’s environmental scientist looked at the cluster of people and did his best to walk by without being bogged down in idle conversation. Marshall assumed that as a reclusive, introverted and brilliant scientist, Royce was probably as eager to finish up this party as he was.
Naomi’s husband leaned against a barn beam. “You’ve been hugging the wall mighty hard tonight.”
Marshall sipped his sparkling water and looked out on the crowd, where the waitstaff seamlessly weaved through the long gowns and winter floral arrangements, filling drinks for the guests engaged in deep conversation. He flickered his eyes to Royce. “I’m here. I’ve fulfilled the family’s wishes. It’s no secret the news about Breanna has rocked us all.”
He hadn’t been able to get his feet back under him since that day. He’d carried on, of course, getting ready for this event. And the charity fund-raiser had clearly succeeded. The bachelor auction brought in a good deal of money, and other donations were already being made by impressed and intrigued guests. Judging by the sounds of the conversation, the party would continue for a time.
“How are you coping?” Royce tapped Marshall’s glass and pinned him with a look.
No need to hide the truth any longer. “Did Dad tell you?”
Marshall had been meaning to get the word out, but with everything that had happened with Brea, and then Tally, he hadn’t gotten around to it.
A waiter came by with a plate of appetizers—smoked salmon, avocado and cucumber. Tally had done a good job finding foods that appealed to everyone tonight. Both Royce and Marshall snagged some of the food.
Marshall popped the treat in his mouth, bracing himself for discussion about his alcoholism.
“No,” Royce said. “I only had a suspicion. You just confirmed it. Jack knows?”
Marshall swirled his glass in time to “O Holy Night.” Shaking his head, a ragged sigh escaped his lips. Every new person to know simultaneously alleviated the burden and highlighted his struggle. “I told him a few weeks ago. I planned to tell the rest of the family, but with the news about Breanna, I haven’t gotten around to it. Who else suspects?”
“No one’s heard it from me. So I’ll ask again, how are you handling the news?”
Not well, afraid as hell to hope his sister could really be alive. Finding it tough to look into the future. “You said it yourself—I’m hugging the wall.”
“Reaching out might be more beneficial.”
Marshall snorted on a laugh. “You’re one to talk.”
“Exactly,” Royce said, going silent for a moment. Marshall could see his brother-in-law process his thoughts. “I’ve existed on the outskirts of people’s lives for a very long time. It can be a lonely place even in a crowd.”
Royce clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m lucky I found Naomi. Because sometimes support isn’t about having twenty people to talk to. It’s about having one right person who really gets you.”
The scientist strode off, melting into the crowd, making Marshall wonder for a moment if the guy had intended to give him romantic advice, or if his timing had been a matter of luck. A little bit of Christmas cheer where he’d least expected it.
Because his brother-in-law had a point.
A knowing rose in his chest as he gazed at Tally. She had been there for him, since that first day she’d jumped in his pool to rescue his dog. She’d supported him and really listened to him. Yet he’d turned her away. Sure, he wished she’d told him everything sooner, but no one was perfect. Damn ironic that he, of all people, would forget that for a single minute.
He needed to show her how important she was to him. Hell, how much he loved her.
He just hoped he wasn’t too late.
* * *
Sixteen hours ago, Tally had moved through the Steele-Mikkelson charity event in a daze. Even now, she remembered the night in flashes of dreamlike images and feelings. Marshall’s face, his distance, her regret.
Her own regret over not having found a way to be honest with him sooner.
This morning, she found solace in the routine of the hospital. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and her contract working for the Steeles would come to a close. She still needed to make one more trip back to Marshall’s house to pack and clear out before the family’s holiday, and she dreaded that with a deep, slicing grief.
For now, she would remain here in the moment. Present. Focused on baby Erica in her arms. Gently rocking the sweet girl back and forth as hospital staff milled about checking charts. One of her favorite nurses waved at Tally, green eyes bright in spite of having to work over the holidays, in spite of the critically ill children all around. The nurse wore scrubs patterned with tiny wreaths. A silver tinsel tree was parked in a corner. Little touches to make the next few days more bearable for the families.
The Rancher's Seduction Page 15
