After looking up places to stay in the vicinity of the hospital, he made the necessary reservations for a one-night stay at a hotel that was highly recommended and reported back to her that he’d booked a twin-bedded room for himself and Alex and a single one for her, and had also arranged for them to dine there on Saturday night.
As they drove out of the village on the Saturday morning, with Alex chattering excitedly to Kate in the back seat of the car, Daniel was thinking that this was the nearest he was ever likely to get to a family outing, and it was a chastening thought.
He’d felt that the decisions he’d made that had come from his grief when he’d lost Lucy would be easy enough to keep, and they had been. Until Kate had arrived in his life and turned it upside down, and now he felt that he was coming out of darkness into light.
He knew what Tom would say if he knew what was in his mind. ‘Don’t make your love for my girl into a shrine, Daniel,’ he’d once said.
‘I won’t,’ he’d told him.
Yet he had, and now it was taking all his strength of will to keep to his resolves.
The two on the back seat weren’t having any such dismal thoughts, he noticed. They were playing a board game that required a throw of the dice to be a six for the player to begin and Alex was laughing gleefully. He had gone almost round the board while Kate, who was pretending dismay, still hadn’t shaken the required number.
His spirits lifted. Live for the moment just this once, he told himself.
Make the most of this time together and see if you are still so captivated by Kate at the end of it.
Daniel had been quiet at breakfast, Kate was thinking, and he hadn’t said much since they’d set off. But was it surprising when the focal point of the weekend was a visit to Tom whose life had been changed so drastically since the accident?
Yet he was smiling when they stopped on the motorway for coffee and a soft drink for Alex, and she thought that when he was happy she was happy, and when he asked whimsically if she was sure that there was a six on the dice, she sparkled across at him.
When they arrived on the ward Tom had just come back from physiotherapy and was looking pale and drawn, but when he saw Alex his face lit up and Kate wanted to weep for the pain of the separation from his son that he was having to endure, as well as the pain from his injuries.
They’d brought the drawing and Alex was pushing it into his hand and perching on the side of the bed as if hospital visiting was the normal. When his father had duly admired it, Daniel introduced Kate to him, and as they shook hands it felt strange to Kate to be in the company of the pleasant, middle-aged man who was Lucy’s father.
‘It’s grand to meet you,’ he said warmly, and with an affectionate glance in Daniel’s direction, ‘I will owe you both a great debt of gratitude when all this is over. I can tell that Alex is happy just by looking at him. They’ve screwed me together with nuts and bolts and suchlike, and have warned me that it will be some time before I am really mobile, but I promise that the moment I know I can cope, I’ll relieve you of the responsibility.’
‘There’s no rush as far as we are concerned, is there, Kate?’ Daniel said.
‘Have they given you any idea how long you might be here?’
He sighed. ‘No. Not yet. But when they do I shall ask for a carer to come in each day until I’ve got my strength back.’
That would be a grim time for him and Alex, Kate was thinking, and she was already planning how they could sort out the sleeping arrangements for Tom to join them at Jasmine Cottage. If Daniel didn’t mind moving into the smaller of the two guest rooms, Alex and his father could have his room, with Alex sleeping on the blow-up bed that they used for that kind of occasion.
They left father and son together for a while and went for a walk in the hospital grounds, and as a chill wind whipped the colour up in her cheeks, Kate said, ‘Tom could come straight to us when he’s discharged.’
‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’ he asked in amazement.
‘Yes. And before you bring the subject up, my mother won’t mind. She’s a pushover when it comes to helping people.’
‘So are you.’
‘Maybe. But it’s an idea, isn’t it? We’ll just have to play it as it comes and when the right moment presents itself, put the plan to Tom.’
‘You really are quite something,’ he said, shaking his head in wonder.
‘You’re quite something yourself,’ she replied. ‘It might have been a lot less painful for you if you’d separated yourself from Lucy’s family after she died, instead of being constantly reminded of her in Tom and Alex.’
‘Is that what you would have done in my place?’ he asked evenly.
‘No. I suppose not.’
‘So there you have your answer. And I’d made a promise, don’t forget.’
‘Hmm…of course you had. Why don’t you tell me to mind my own business?’
Daniel didn’t reply. He was wishing that Kate would stop doing things that increased his awareness of her because that was what was happening. He’d been going through the motions of living and not expecting anything to change.
But meeting her was bringing him back into the real world, making him remember that with love there was a special kind of joy as well as pain, and as they went back into the warmth of the hospital building and sought out a snack bar for a quick sandwich, he thought back to when they’d first met, and how much their lives had changed since that first, rather prickly encounter.
As she sat facing him, warming her hands around a steaming mug of hot chocolate, Kate would have been amazed if she’d known where his thoughts had just been, as the next thing he had to say was, ‘What sort of a sandwich do you think Alex would like?’
‘Ham or chicken, I would think,’ she told him, and watched him make his purchase with the easy efficiency that he did most things.
No one observing him would have expected the smile of the tall, dark-haired man at the counter to belong to someone who had committed himself to the sad past, and who was now being gently coaxed out of his protective cocoon.
When they’d finished their drinks he said, ‘Shall we make our way back to the ward? Tom looked washed out and we don’t want to overtire him. There’s always tomorrow for him to spend some more time with Alex.’
When Kate nodded and got to her feet he said, ‘I could soon get a guilt complex about swallowing up your weekend like this. What would you have been doing if you hadn’t come?’
She smiled across at him. ‘Nothing. Your conscience can remain clear. I came because I wanted to and nothing has changed.’
He touched her cheek gently. ‘Bless you for that. We’ve been short of a woman’s touch in our lives, Alex, Tom and myself.’ Me most of all, he thought, and if I’m ready to admit it, where do I go from here?
They left Tom at five o’clock. His evening meal was due and he looked very tired, but he was smiling as he waved them goodbye because he knew that he would see Alex again in the morning.
When they arrived at the hotel Kate and Alex stood to one side in the foyer while Daniel confirmed their reservations with the people on Reception and Alex said suddenly, ‘I told Dad that I’m going to pretend that you’re my big sister.’
‘I see,’ she said slowly, ‘and what did he have to say?’
‘He said that Lucy would like that.’
‘Have you told Daniel?’
‘Yes.’
‘And what did he say?’ she asked, swallowing hard as she thought that in all innocence Alex would have hit Daniel’s sore spot. The man who was turning away from the hotel desk with their room keys in his hand wouldn’t have said anything to upset Lucy’s young brother, but he could have seen it as a possible source of more disruption of his life coming from her direction, even though she had known nothing about it.
‘He said that it was all right,’ Alex replied.
‘Everything is in order,’ Daniel announced. ‘Once we’ve tidied ourselves up there i
s a table reserved for us in the dining room, and after we’ve eaten there’s a games room downstairs that might appeal to Alex.’
Kate was smiling a strained sort of smile and he wondered why. They had been in tune from the moment of leaving the village that morning and it was a good feeling.
As they were about to separate on the corridor outside their rooms he said, ‘Give us a knock when you’re ready to go down, Kate.’ And when she nodded without speaking, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I’m fine,’ she told him unconvincingly, and went in and closed the door. She was deeply touched that Alex should want to pretend that she was his sister, and hoped that Daniel had meant it when he’d said that it was all right.
Tears had been pricking ever since he’d told her and she hadn’t wanted to shed them in front of Daniel. He would want to know why she was weeping and then she might discover that he’d only said what he had for the boy’s sake.
It was clear that those who had loved Lucy were never going to forget her and that was how it should be. But where Tom and Alex had accepted that she was gone, Daniel wasn’t as ready to let go.
She could tell that he was attracted to her, but apart from just that one time, he had been steadfast and unchanging in the promises he’d made to himself.
As she showered and towelled herself dry before putting on the change of clothing that she’d brought with her, the evening ahead was beginning to feel like an ordeal to be faced, instead of something that she’d been looking forward to.
But no one would have believed she’d been having those sorts of thoughts as she and Daniel kept Alex entertained while they were waiting to be served in the dining room. Or afterwards when she and he played table tennis in the games room with Daniel looking on in amusement as she kept missing the ball on purpose.
‘You should have children, lots of them,’ he said laughingly as she scrabbled around under the table to get it after a wild serve.
‘I intend to, circumstances permitting,’ she told him from a squatting position.
‘And what does that mean?’
‘That it takes two to make a baby, and for me it would have to be because we loved each other very much. But I’m not having much joy in finding someone who would love me as much as I loved them.’
‘There’s plenty of time,’ he pointed out abruptly. ‘Look at it from the point of view that you’ve been spared from making a big mistake. Another time you’ll know what to look out for.’ He glanced across at Alex who was playing skittles. ‘I think that we should call it a day for Alex. He’s been on the go since early this morning.’
She already knew what to look out for, she was thinking, and she’d found it. Why couldn’t she have met him before she’d got involved with Craig? Yet would it have made any difference if she had? Daniel would still be looking backwards instead of moving on.
It must be a humbling experience to be loved like that, but did he have to sound so patronising? Or maybe he was just letting her know that she needn’t expect him to be in the running.
‘Don’t patronise me, Daniel,’ she said in a low voice.
‘What? That’s a ridiculous thing to say.’
‘Well, I am ridiculous, aren’t I?’
‘Not to me.’
‘To you more than anyone.’
He shook his head. ‘To me you are kind, funny, delightful in every way. If I ever caused you hurt I would never forgive myself. I’ve been living the kind of life I chose for quite some time. It came out of grief and devastation. If I’m going to change, I need time. Can you understand that, Kate?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said gently, after listening to his toneless description of how his hopes and dreams had been blown away.
As they went up in the lift he said, ‘I’m not intending leaving Alex alone once he’s asleep. I’ve brought a book with me and will pass the time with that if you want some space. I feel sometimes that we don’t give you a moment to yourself. But promise me that you won’t go into the bar alone, or leave the hotel without telling me.’
‘I’m not proposing to do anything like that,’ she said with calm dignity. ‘I thought we were a threesome, but enjoy your book. I’ll watch TV for a while and then have an early night.’
When they stopped outside the door of Daniel’s room she bent and gave Alex a hug. ‘Goodnight, you precious child,’ she said gently, and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Go fast asleep for Daniel, won’t you? We’re going to see your dad again in the morning, and you don’t want to be falling asleep beside his bed.’
As he nodded obediently she turned to the man standing silently beside him and said in the same soft tone that belied the hurt in her eyes, ‘Goodnight to you too, Daniel. Sleep well.’
Sleep well, he thought dismally as the door closed behind Alex and himself. He was insane. How was he going to be able to sleep at all after letting Kate think he’d rather read a book than be with her? Every second spent with her was delightful. Yet he’d still backed off at the thought of them being alone together when Alex was asleep. But why, when the more he was with Kate the more the pain of losing Lucy was becoming just a memory?
He groaned inwardly. Having crossed that barrier, there were others to contend with. He knew that Kate was drawn to him. The way she’d kissed him back the other night had told him that. But would she feel she could trust him with her heart, knowing his past? Was he the one she would want children with at some time in the future? He wouldn’t be if he carried on the way he was doing, that was for sure.
CHAPTER SIX
WHEN Kate went into her own room she undressed slowly and lay on top of the bed covers, gazing blankly up at the ceiling, but as the warmth of the room began to wrap itself around her she found her eyelids drooping and thought that at this rate she was going to be asleep before Alex.
A couple of hours went by and it was the ringing of the phone beside the bed that brought her back to wakefulness.
‘Kate?’ Daniel’s voice said in her ear.
‘Yes, what is it?’ she answered drowsily.
‘You were asleep! I’m sorry to have disturbed you.’
She was raising herself up on to the pillows. Was there something wrong with Alex?
‘Is it Alex?’ she asked.
‘No. He’s fast asleep. I’ve just been onto room service and ordered hot chocolate for two in the hope that you might still be awake. Do you feel like joining me, or shall I leave you to go back to sleep?’
She was on her feet and reaching for the white towelling robe that the hotel provided for its guests. ‘I’ll be right with you,’ she told him, and padded into the room next door.
Her cheeks were flushed from sleep, her eye make-up smudged, and as she closed the door behind her Kate gave a big yawn. When she saw Daniel smile, she glanced in the mirror and grimaced.
‘I look a mess,’ she moaned, and now he was laughing.
‘You’ll have to console yourself with the thought that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’
‘Oh, yes,’ she agreed doubtfully, and moved across the room to look down at Alex, sleeping the sleep of the innocent in pyjamas with a superhero design on the front.
‘Life is so uncomplicated at their age, isn’t it?’ she said softly.
He had come to stand beside her. ‘It should be, but I’m not so sure in Alex’s case. For one thing, I can’t see Tom ever being able to work again. He will probably gain some degree of mobility eventually but it will take time, and even then just coping with the basics will be difficult.’
‘What exactly happened to him?’ she asked. ‘I know he had a fall, but not how, or why.’
‘He fell off scaffolding and landed with his full weight on his knees, causing multiple fractures. I just wish my house was finished so that I could bring him and Alex to the village to live. That way I would always be on hand if they needed me.’
‘Yes, but I have offered you a solution with regard to the immediate future, haven’t I?’ she said, looking up at him
with her smudged eyes. ‘And if you are still concerned about what my mother will say, when we get back we’ll ask her. Just in case we have to put plan Jasmine Cottage into action.’
They were almost touching in their borrowed dressing-gowns and Kate was wishing she didn’t look such a sight as he said in a low voice, ‘You are too kind to me.’
A knock on the door announcing room service interrupted them, and they went to sit on the sofa and composed themselves. When they’d drunk the hot chocolate Kate got up to go. ‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ she told him softly.
He was smiling across at her. ‘Don’t go yet, Kate.’
Framed in the doorway, she became still. ‘Make up your mind. A couple of hours ago you couldn’t wait to get rid of me. Now you’ve invited me to join you and when I’m ready to leave, you don’t want me to go. What is it with you, Daniel?’
The smile had gone. ‘I’m sorry. Forget I said that, and for the record the last thing I fancied doing earlier was spending the evening reading a book when you were only yards away. But apart from the fact that I knew that neither of us would want Alex to wake up and find us in bed together, I didn’t want to send out any false signals that I mightn’t be able to live up to.’
‘And so what has changed since then?’
‘Nothing,’ he said flatly. ‘I asked you to come and join me because I wouldn’t leave Alex in here on his own, and I wanted to see you one more time before the day was over.’
‘And now that you’ve seen me?’
‘I’ll be able to do what you told me to do.’
‘What was that?’
‘Sleep well, and I hope you do too.’
I doubt it she thought as she shut the door quietly behind her and went back to her own room. The man she’d just left had said that he didn’t want to send out any false signals. Had Daniel meant that he wouldn’t want her to confuse desire with real love?
It was still daylight when they returned to the village the following afternoon after a more subdued journey than the one going and Daniel said, ‘Do you mind if we stop off at the building site, Kate? Some of the men were going to work yesterday and I’m keen to see what progress they’ve made.’
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