by Fleur Smith
“I know,” he said, gently lifting my chin so that I would meet his eyes. He gave me a watery smile, and my own lips twisted slightly in response. “And it’s not your fault.”
“I’m really glad you tried to find me,” I said, leaning my cheek against his hand. “Whatever the reason, I’m glad you did.”
My words sparked something for Clay. He pulled away from me.
“Sit,” he instructed, pointing to the blanket. After pulling on his jeans, he rummaged through the backpack he’d brought with him and grabbed out a handful of papers.
“I almost forgot. This is the reason I left you the note,” he said, holding out the paper. After I grabbed the sheets, he pulled on his shirt and sat beside me. “That’s all the information I found out about you, well, about where you come from—about the phoenix and the sunbird.”
There were pages and pages of information, some notes hastily written in his handwriting, others were printed pages that two different sets of hands had added details to.
“There’s so much here,” I whispered in awe. “You probably know me better than I do.”
“Like I said, I needed to know.” He paused and his gaze shifted away from me. His words hung in the air between us for time unmeasured. “That you’d be okay,” he added in a rush.
“And you realized I wouldn’t be?” I prompted, remembering his words.
He shuffled the pages and went to hand one to me. As I reached for it, he grasped my arm gently and his thumb grazed over the scar on my wrist. His eyes met mine and in them swum a number of unvoiced questions. Because I didn’t feel ready to go into the story of how I’d escaped the hospital just yet, I shook my head and implored him silently not to ask about it. He traced his thumb over the now healed skin one more time before releasing my wrist.
Reaching for the paper, I glanced over the sheet he’d given me. It was a series of incomplete notes pieced together from different sources. Over the page, handwritten notes added information, including one word scrawled over and over.
“What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the word agape.
“It’s Greek.” He wouldn’t meet my eye and didn’t elaborate further. Instead, he pointed to another place on the page. “The phoenix passes from mother to daughter, as you know,” Clay explained the notes while I read the page.
Nodding absently, I scanned the scribbled observations.
“It sleeps in the child until it is woken by a key event. Once the sunbird wakes, she sings a song that warms the blood in the phoenix for the passage of seven years. This allows the phoenix time to protect the sunbird’s city. Once this time has passed, the sunbird rests again and waits in peace to be passed on to the next generation of phoenix through death.”
I nodded again.
“Or birth,” Clay added.
I pulled the papers closer to me and reread the sections he’d pointed out. “But that’s impossible.”
He shook his head. “It’s not.”
“But that means . . .” Flashes of a normal life, of a normal family, rushed through my mind. It couldn’t be true.
My eyes scanned the page again, trying to absorb the information.
“Mom never knew this,” I said as I reread the page. “She’d told Dad that she couldn’t have kids, not until . . .”
I left the thought unfinished, but I didn’t need to elaborate for Clay, especially not with the amount of research he’d done.
“It’s not surprising. There appears to be a long period where the sunbird passed through many generations without being woken at all. Then the last five generations have all died young. A lot of the verbal history was lost. Some of these legends have been destroyed or distilled over the years. The books that the Rain have on phoenixes don’t cover any of this. They just mention how to spot a phoenix and how to destroy one, that’s why the Rain wanted you to face the Assessors. They wanted to know more about a phoenix’s weaknesses.”
I shuddered in response to the undisguised disgust in his voice. With a growing horror, I recalled what I could of the story Dad had told me years ago—there were seven children of the sunbird. I wondered how many of those seven still existed in the world. Could the sunbird inside me be destroyed eventually or would capture have resulted in endless years of torture for the sunbird? Relief flowed through me at the thought that if the Rain still wanted to capture me, they obviously hadn’t found one of the other six phoenixes who could be out in the world.
A smile blossomed across Clay’s lips, one full of pride and radiating love. He reached for my hair, brushing his fingers through the curls. “They certainly never had anything that talks about the sunbird being a protector, about them being essentially good.”
My mind struggled to reconcile the blind hatred the Rain had shown over the years to the love that Clay demonstrated for me. The word—good—echoed in my mind and tears sprung to my eyes. I’d spent years worried that the Rain might be right, that somehow I was inherently evil. The guilt had grown especially strong as the death toll around me had risen. To hear that Clay thought I was inherently good was almost enough to cause me to break down.
“I guess some people will only listen to what they want to hear,” I said as I tried to pull myself together.
He nodded. “I know. Ever since you opened my eyes, I’ve been able to see with a greater clarity than I ever thought I could. I’ve managed to get some of this information out there though, and there are people willing to listen. Since I’ve been back in the States, I’ve spent every spare moment trying to assimilate this information into the Rain’s lore. I can’t help but wonder whether some other beings are hunted needlessly as well.”
I couldn’t believe what he’d been doing for me, and the whole time I’d thought the worst of him. I was about to say something to that effect when he continued, cutting me off.
“But as useful as that information is, it isn’t the reason I had to call you,” he muttered urgently. “If these legends I’ve found are true, and I have no reason to doubt them, it means that all of your defenses will soon disappear. In little more than a year, the sunbird within you will rest.”
Fear and concern weighted his words. It made me realize that my earlier visions of a normal life were just that. Visions. Dream. Nothing more. “Even if they do disappear, it doesn’t change anything does it?” I asked. “The Rain won’t stop hunting me, will they?”
He shook his head sadly.
Losing my abilities was effectively a death sentence. My chin dropped to my chest, and I sighed heavily. For a brief moment, my mind filled with the possibility that the sunbird resting would bring me a peace I longed for, but I dismissed it. I didn’t want to die; I just didn’t want to live a life filled with jeopardy and death. I wanted to be with Clay and have us grow old together. Was that really too much to ask out of life?
“What does this mean for us?” I asked quietly. I’d just found him again; I wasn’t willing to give him up again so soon.
“I don’t understand.”
“You’ve just told me that my life is about to become even more dangerous and that I’ll be defenseless.”
“And?”
“And I don’t want to force that on you.”
He scoffed. “It’s not forcing if I volunteer. I can keep you safe. I will.”
“You can’t be with me every second of every day.” It had only taken the smallest window for his sister to attack after all.
“Just watch me,” he said before sighing when I opened my mouth to argue. He pressed his fingers against my lips. “But I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, I can teach you everything I know about self-defense. You’ve survived this long without it, but you’ve been lucky. Plus you’ve had your fire. You can’t rely on that for much longer.”
Discarding the paper, I crawled into his lap and anchored myself to him. The fact was I probably shouldn’t stay with him, but I couldn’t force myself to leave him again either. Not now I knew he didn’t want to hurt me. That he’d missed me and h
ad spent so much time trying to help me even though I’d run from him and broken his heart.
“I don’t want you to risk your life for me.” I laid my ear to his chest to listen to that very life beat within. The whole thing was almost a reverse of the first time fate had torn us apart, except then he’d been the one who was worried about being the danger. There was one other key difference too: he’d loved me enough to leave, but I loved him too much to go.
He squeezed me gently, holding me in place as if I might flee at any moment. “I could never live with myself if I could have saved you and didn’t. Won’t you let me save you?”
I knew he meant more than just physically. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” I asked, the thought causing hope to rise within me.
A small chuckle made his chest vibrate beneath my cheek. “No, not unless you really mean it. The only thing that’s kept me away for this long was because I thought you didn’t want me.”
“And I ran because I thought you hated me,” I said, squeezing his waist as tightly as I dared.
“We both made some stupid assumptions,” he whispered darkly. He reached for my wrist. Placing my hand over his heart, he rubbed his thumb over the scar. “And some bad choices.” His gaze was piercing when he lifted his eyes to look at me. “Is this from the hospital?”
It was clear he was ready for answers and wouldn’t back down this time.
It’s only fair after the information he’s found for you. About you.
I ran my other hand through my hair and nodded coyly. Then I looked up at him and smiled. “I thought that was the smart choice at the time. And for a while, I actually thought my decision to come back to Charlotte to visit Dad’s grave was the stupidest one I’d made. But it wasn’t. It brought me here, back to you.”
“So you’re not going to run away again?” A glimpse of his impish smile lifted the corners of his lips and lit him from within.
It was clear his mood had turned playful, and I was right there with him. Being close to Clay, knowing everything I’d assumed about him hunting me was a lie, made it easy to fall into our old patterns.
“I am,” I said, before forcing a sigh. “But, I guess, if I have no other choice, I’ll have to take you with me.”
He laughed. “I’m sorry to be such a burden.”
“And don’t you forget it,” I joked.
His gaze turned solemn as he dropped his arms from around my waist. He considered the pages laid out around us for a moment.
“Before we go, there is something else I need to tell you.” His words, coupled with a sudden shift in his demeanor instantly set me on edge again. “Something else I found.” He coughed nervously as he picked up a page.
“What is it?”
“There are only two events that will cause the sunbird to wake.”
“Which are?”
“Mortal danger or . . .” he trailed off in a mumble. Whatever else he was trying to say obviously made him uncomfortable. He ran his hand through his hair and scrubbed at the back of his neck.
“Or what?” I certainly hadn’t been in mortal danger when the sunbird woke in me. Quite the opposite in fact—it had been her waking that had caused my danger.
“You’re going to laugh.”
“I can read it for myself if you just give me the paper,” I said, reaching for the stack in his hands.
He lifted his arm to keep them away from me, and I leaned over him, grabbing at his hand to try to reach the pages. When I’d almost grabbed them, he reached his arm backward as far as it would go and twisted his shoulders to increase the distance between me and the papers. I had to lean right across his body to reach them, which sent us both toppling to the ground. With laughter on my lips and one hand against his chest to anchor myself, I reached for the pages again.
“Fine,” he said, drawing my gaze away from the page back to his face, “or finding your true love.”
The words tumbled from his lips so fast that I almost didn’t hear them. As they registered in my mind, I froze. I was still leaning against his body with one hand reaching for his and the other planted against his chest.
An involuntary giggle slipped from my lips as I sat back on the blanket. The words were over the top. “True love?”
He sat up and scrubbed the back of his neck as the tops of his ears turned pink. “At least that’s the best English approximation.”
“Is that agape?” I asked.
His lip twitched as if at a memory. “Something like that.”
Watching his awkwardness, an odd feeling bubbled in my own stomach.
Despite having spent significantly more time apart than we had together, I did love Clay. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, it had seemed like we had an unexplained connection that had little to do with how long we’d been together. To think it might not have been my choice—that it was somehow predestined—was just weird.
Then again, even Aiden had said our love sounded like something more than just normal human love. I wasn’t entirely sure that having some supernatural booster deciding who I wanted to be with was something to be celebrated though.
“Like what, soul mates?” I voiced my thoughts aloud as I tried to wrap my head around the information. “Are you trying to say this was all fate or something?” Like the entwined auras thing that Aiden described.
“It’s not really like that,” Clay said. “At first I thought it might be too, but I read more about the concept and that’s not what it’s about. It’s about finding the other part of yourself, the one who understands you. Or the part of you that holds the sunbird at least. Apparently, the sunbird mates for life.”
“But what happens when she sleeps?” A little over a year from now.
I gasped as I considered the timing and his words.
Meeting Clay in the park.
The scent of magnolia blossoms around us.
Soft lips pressed against mine.
Heated body.
Hate-filled words.
The date he listed on the note.
It suddenly made perfect sense; it was the anniversary of our first kiss.
“I don’t know,” he admitted as he stroked my cheek softly. A shadow of doubt crossed his face. Did he think it could all end? Could it? He swallowed heavily, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously, before speaking again. “All I know is that I love you and you’re the one that I want to be with. Since the very first time I met you, I’ve felt a connection to you. I’ve barely been able to get you off my mind since.”
“I feel the same way,” I admitted. “From almost the first moment we met, I thought I could rely on you as a friend. Even when I thought you hated me, I trusted you. Is that weird?”
“Only a friend?” He pouted.
I swatted his arm lightly. “So you’re perfectly fine with being my true love?”
He flinched in response to the question. “Are you not okay with being mine?”
“No, I am,” I said. “It just feels weird. I’ve never believed in fate. I always believed I was in control of my own choices.”
“You are,” he said as he frowned. It seemed like he was trying to figure out how to explain what he’d discovered. “It’s not that your life has been planned out, just that there’s one person you will be closer to than any other.”
“The whole thing really doesn’t bother you at all?”
He shrugged. “I guess I’ve had a little longer to come to terms with it.”
“How long have you known?”
“The full details? About six months.”
“Six months? And you’ve only just found me now?”
“Well, first I had to come to terms with it, then I had to get back to America. After that, I had to work out how to find you. I knew I couldn’t just track you down. I couldn’t handle another rejection like the one in Rolla.” He paused and a cheeky smile lifted his cheeks. “Especially considering I didn’t have any spare cars.”
He chuckled, and I laughed in response
.
“Two months ago, I left the note on your father’s grave. I’ve been hiding out, trying to evade the devout Rain followers while I poured over the rest of my research and set it up ready to be distributed among those operatives who are willing to listen.”
“Maybe I did make a stupid decision coming here after all,” I murmured. A flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. I lifted my fingers to wipe it away. “I should have come back sooner.”
He smiled at me. “But then you might have been here too early. I think we just need to be thankful for what we have now.”
I traced my hand o ver his bearded cheek. “When did you become so philosophical?”
“I guess backpacking across a foreign continent without a dime to your name will do that to you.”
“I might have to try it sometime.”
“You should—we should. It was,” his eyes grew unfocused and I had no doubts he was reliving something of his time overseas, “peaceful.”
“It’s not that easy, otherwise I would have done it long ago. In case you’re forgetting, I can’t exactly apply for a passport. Not to mention the fact that I’m wanted by the police. I’m sure my photo is already flagged on every database known to law enforcement, not to mention that lovely facial recognition software you used to find me before.”
“The Rain really hasn’t made your life easy, have they?”
I rolled my eyes and huffed out an exasperated breath. “That’s an understatement.”
“Don’t worry about that though. I have ways of getting you out of the country. Now that we’re back together, I can use all the training they gave me against them.”
I wanted to ask how he knew they wouldn’t track us again. “You do know that’s your family you’re talking about?” I questioned. It wasn’t that I was trying to convince him to go back to them or their ways, it just didn’t sit right that he had to turn his back on everything he knew for me . . .
Again.
“They fractured our relationship when they killed your father,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine. “And they stopped being my family when they put you in the hospital and showed their willingness to use you against me.”
