by Fleur Smith
I only wanted Clay.
“You have to relax.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“RELAX,” A SOFT voice spoke to me as I shifted positions and cried out with pain.
“Clay?” I asked as I risked opening my eyes, allowing the disorientation to sink in further. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital.” His hand stroked the top of my head, gently caressing my hair. It was one of the few places on my body that didn’t ache. “You seem to be making a bad habit of this.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
He scoffed. “As if I could stay away. Besides, I couldn’t have you sneaking out on me like last time.”
I flushed with embarrassment at his words.
“Relax,” he said. “I’m only joking.” His smile fell, revealing a small chink in his armor. “Mostly,” he whispered.
Leaning my head against his hand, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment for a second. When I was completely relaxed, my panic over the situation set in. The last time I’d been in the hospital, the police had chained me to the bed and danger had surrounded me.
“We can’t stay here,” I said, as I attempted to ignore the pain I was in and pull myself into a seated position. I was surprised but relieved when my hands moved freely and I saw there were no handcuffs. At first, Clay tried to stop me from sitting, but when he saw how determined I was to be upright, he lifted the back of the bed up to help me.
“I need to get out of here,” I said, taking a better look around the room. It was a standard hospital room and there didn’t seem to be a guard . . . yet. It was only a matter of time though; I was certain of it. A machine somewhere beside me, which had been issuing a rhythmic sound at regular intervals, began beeping incessantly as my heart sped with fear. My fists gripped at the sheet beneath me so tightly I was certain there would be blackened marks where my fingers had curled around the white material when I released my grip.
“You need to rest.” Clay’s voice was firm but the tender edge was still there.
“But the police. The Rain. They can’t be far off.” I released the sheets from my death grip and reached across my body to pull the drip out of my arm.
Clay placed his hand over mine, stilling it before I could remove the needle. “No one knows you’re here. The police won’t find out, and by the time the Rain does, we’ll be long gone. At least, that’s what my inside man has told me.”
I froze and glanced up at him. He wore an enigmatic smile that made my brow furrow in confusion.
“Inside man?”
“Let’s just say you have more than one ally now, Evie. Things have changed, in ways I never could have imagined, but that give me so much hope. If the momentum continues, it could mean a whole new life.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted.
Clay chuckled. “You can’t just save a man’s life and not expect him to be indebted to you somehow,” he stated, stroking my hair.
I raised my hand and placed it on Clay’s cheek, confused by his words. “There was never a choice but to save your life. I still don’t see how that changes anything though.”
Clay chuckled again. The sound of his genuine mirth warmed me from the pit of my stomach, in ways that had nothing to do with the sunbird. It made me long to kiss him, to forget about the fact that I was in hospital and draw his lips to mine—maybe even pull him into the bed beside me.
“He meant me,” a voice called from the doorway.
Looking over at the sound, I found Ethan standing in the doorframe sporting a sling that forced a bandaged arm to rest against his chest. I stiffened at the sight, and all of my contentment and desire drained away in an instant.
I recoiled from him, expecting a raised gun and further threats to my life. We might have formed an uneasy alliance during the fight with the wendigo, but I knew that was only because at that moment his brother’s life was on the line and I’d been the lesser threat.
It didn’t change anything though. Not really. Ethan was still a merciless hunter, and I was still not human—a monster in his eyes.
The fear that coursed through my body, forcing the machine beside me to beep loudly again, must have been evident on my face too because instead of focusing on the equipment, Ethan stared at me with an odd expression. He held up both of his hands in surrender—it was almost comical due to the angle at which the sling held his arm across his chest.
“That was a pretty amazing and selfless thing you did out there for us, Evie,” he murmured, his eyes meeting mine, almost as if I was his equal and not something to fear. Or to hate.
Clay’s face beamed with pride next to me.
“I’ll be the first to admit I’ve thought the worst of you for a long time. Especially after Charlotte. Man you scared the shit of me when you jumped from your truck like that.”
What other choice did I have? I opened my mouth to defend myself but his next words made it unnecessary.
“This morning you showed me just how much you love my brother and how perfect for each other you are.” He laughed. “I can’t even believe I’m saying that.” He took a step closer to me. “I have to say that you are handy person to have around. That little skill of yours can definitely help in a tight spot.”
I scoffed. “You could say that,” I said. More to myself, I added, “I’ve certainly had to use it more than once over the years.” The memory of Tallahassee burned in me, and I wondered whether Ethan remembered—or if he even knew it was me. With the tenuous peace between us, I wasn’t going to mention it.
Clay stroked my hair soothingly. “Hopefully all that running might be a thing of the past soon.”
I doubted my life would ever be as simple as Clay seemed to think it could be. I couldn’t see a time when I would be able to walk down the street not governed by fear.
Glancing over Clay’s shoulder at his brother’s expression, an understanding passed between Ethan and me. Everything about his stance and expression confirmed my thoughts. There was no way for it to get easier when dealing with the long-standing prejudice of people like the Rain.
Ethan’s frown deepened.
“Not so quick, little bro,” he said. “There’s still a rash of unexplained deaths surrounding her that need to be investigated before I’m fully on Team Evie. I just said I wouldn’t let anyone else know she was alive or in here. Yet.”
“Unexplained deaths?” I snapped. “You mean like my father? Because you know that wasn’t me.”
Ethan’s face filled with regret. “Your father wasn’t supposed to . . . It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. There was an accident, Lou—” He stopped, perhaps realizing that he’d given away too much.
“Louise killed him?” I asked quietly. “Did she kill Luke and his mother too? What about Nancy?”
“Luke?” Clay asked quietly.
“The boy. The one in the newspaper,” I said in explanation, and Clay nodded his understanding.
Turning away for a minute, I took a deep breath. “He was just a stupid kid who helped the wrong person,” I said, brushing away the tears that threatened to fall as I thought about the small kindness that he’d shown me—and the punishment he’d received for it. “He was nice to me, and someone killed him because of it.”
Ethan frowned in confusion. “You really didn’t do it?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I assumed it was the Rain.”
“It wasn’t us,” he said in a tone that implied it should have been obvious. “That isn’t how we do things. We’re not murderers.”
I didn’t think it was the best time to debate his choice of words, but that was exactly what the Rain was. They’d killed my mother. They would kill me. Even though I had saved Ethan’s life, even though he was showing me some small mercy in not immediately killing me, he was still convinced I was evil.
One thought circled my mind louder than any other. If it wasn’t them, and it wasn’t me, who killed all those people?
I shook my head to
clear my confused thoughts. “It wasn’t me,” I said again. “Even though someone seems to be trying their hardest to make it appear that I’m a killer, that thing today, was the first . . .” I swallowed heavily. “The first time I’ve . . .” I couldn’t breathe, but I needed to finish. “I’ve ever . . .” I couldn’t force the words past my lips as I gulped for air.
The memory of the horror-filled shrieks coming from the wendigo as it burned alive beneath me filled my mind and stole my voice. I tried to take a deep breath, but it shuddered through my body, choking on the guilt of the choice I’d made.
“Oh God!” I gagged as my stomach rolled.
I’d killed to save my own life. I couldn’t even blame the sunbird for the choice because I had been the one in control as I forced the fire into the wendigo. My breaths became desperate pants as I tried to get my breathing and heart rate under control. I had no doubt that a new terror would fill my nights and twist my dreams to nightmares.
“Hey,” Clay whispered in my ear as he leaned in to calm me. “You had no choice. It was kill or be killed.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I rested my head against his.
“Maybe,” I said. Now that the heat of the moment had passed, it was hard to say with conviction that there was no other choice beside the one I’d made. I tried to rationalize my decision, reminding myself that Clay was safe and we were together again. That wouldn’t have been the case if the wendigo had finished its meal.
“What about Lou?” Ethan asked.
“I never . . .” I took a deep breath as I tried to compile my thoughts into a logical order to explain them—without hyperventilating again. “I hated myself when I thought I’d killed her. That fire was an accident. If . . . if she hadn’t poured gasoline everywhere, it might have been different.” A shiver ran down my spine, and I looked up at Ethan, imploring him to understand even though I didn’t think he would. “It’s why I ran from Clay—I didn’t see how he could possibly forgive me for destroying his family.”
Even the thought of the scars that wound and twisted across Louise’s once perfect skin caused a fresh bought of nausea to rise in my throat. My fingers curled into a fist, the blistered skin on my knuckles aching in protest as I forced my hands closed. The fire that burned just beneath the surface of my body had caused so many of my issues.
But it had also saved Clay’s life, the sunbird whispered.
“I never intended to hurt her,” I whispered, raising my gaze to meet Ethan’s to implore him to understand as tears flooded my eyes over the memory of Louise’s knife against my throat, and the scent of gasoline lingering in the air. “I—I tried to warn her. I told her to get out, but she wouldn’t. She didn’t.” I sobbed.
The weight of Ethan’s gaze settled heavily on me, and I glanced up at his assessing expression.
“There—” I took a deep breath to stop my sobs. “There is a part of me that I can’t control, not when I’m threatened with death,” I admitted quietly. It might have been a deadly admission, but he had to have seen the evidence of it himself when he’d examined my empty truck after the chase in Charlotte, and he’d probably seen the destruction in the Detroit apartment and hospital first hand too. “But I could never hurt another person on purpose.”
His stare made me nervous, as though he could see the truth of me, right down to my core—the place that was no longer as innocent as it once had been now that I’d made the choice to kill the wendigo. In addition to all of the other disgusting things I’d had to do to keep myself alive, I’d deliberately chosen to take a life. I would never be able to forget that.
“You really didn’t kill those people.”
I was certain his comment was supposed to be a question, but it came out as a statement.
“I really didn’t,” I murmured. “And if the Rain didn’t either, then I don’t know who did. Or why.”
“I think I might,” Clay said softly as he met his brother’s eyes.
“Who?” I asked, whipping my attention straight to him. Did he have some information that I didn’t?
He turned back to me. Regret and sorrow filled his eyes. “Someone who hates you and would like to ensure you never went off the Rain’s radar. Someone willing to do anything to hurt you.”
“Louise?” I guessed, trying to follow the direction of his thoughts. It had been my suspicion earlier too, so I could understand his reasoning.
He nodded to confirm.
“Would she really do that?” I glanced between Ethan and Clay. Neither of them leaped to her defense.
“If she was crazy enough to fake her own death just to give me drive what else could she do?” Clay seethed.
“That was Dad’s choice too,” Ethan defended his sister, a little halfheartedly.
“Yeah, and you went along with it as well,” Clay shot back with an irritated tone before turning back to me. He caressed my cheek. “I don’t think she’s ever forgiven you for driving a wedge between us.”
“I never meant—” I was unable to finish my sentence because Clay pressed his finger softly against my lips.
“I never said you did. It’s just how Louise sees the world, through her own special filter. Family is everything to her. But when we hit puberty, I found new friendships outside of the close relationship we’d always shared as twins. I think she felt like we were losing our connection. It was worse than ever after I first met you. When I ran to you in Charlotte, I think she needed there to be a supernatural cause.”
Ethan nodded in agreement. “She has a very black and white viewpoint. But you can’t—”
“Can’t what? Blame her?” I snapped. Clay’s comments made perfect sense in my mind. “She had something terrible happen to her when she was a baby, but she’s not the only one who has suffered. It’s no excuse for being a terrible person. It’s no excuse for murder.”
“No, it’s not,” Clay agreed. “I just wish I knew how to make her see reason.”
“It’s hard to trust a monster,” Ethan said quietly.
I flinched in response to the word. He pushed off the doorframe and crossed the room to me.
“I’ve been wrong about you, and when I’m wrong I admit it.” He offered me his non-bandaged hand to shake. “I wish I could promise things will change, but I don’t think it will be that easy. I just don’t think it can.”
Nodding in agreement, I took his offered hand. I didn’t argue with him or begrudge his statements. After all, he had merely voiced the things I already knew. I didn’t trust him, but if it made Clay’s life even a little easier, I was willing to play nice.
“I’m sorry for any pain my family has caused you,” Ethan added.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Clay’s frown at Ethan’s words turn to a smile as I shook Ethan’s hand. My own lips twisted upward in response, and I gave my hand to Clay, who took it between his own.
“Your family hasn’t only brought me pain,” I whispered.
Ethan grinned in response. “I can see that. I still can’t believe he turned his back on everything he knew for you.” Clay opened his mouth to argue, but Ethan pressed on. “But I think I am beginning to understand it.”
“It’s nice to know that I’ve got someone else on my side,” I said. “It was lonely there for a while. And I never meant to force Clay to have to choose.”
“It’s not going to help much in the long term though; there are a lot of people in the Rain who subscribe to Lou’s world view.”
“I know. Honestly, I don’t expect anything to change, but I would just love a break. Even just a month or two where I can spend some time alone with Clay without having to watch over our shoulders constantly. I just wish that wasn’t too much to ask of the world.”
“I might be able to help you there,” Ethan said thoughtfully. He smiled at me. For once, he didn’t leave me desperate to flee. In fact, when he turned on the charm, he was quite charismatic. “Leave it with me.”
I gave him a questioning look, and when I didn’t get a respon
se, I turned to Clay who just shrugged.
“Just don’t leave here until I’ve come back,” Ethan said as he headed for the door. “Two days tops.”
“What was that about?” I asked after Ethan had left.
“I have no idea but knowing Ethan and his connections, I’m sure we’ll find out before too long.”
“Are you sure he won’t tell the others I’m here?” Despite the accord we’d struck with each other, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy where any member of the Rain was concerned.
Clay shook his head. “Everyone else thinks you’re dead and that I’ve left the country in mourning. Eth helped convince them of that.”
“Is that what you would have done?”
The corners of his mouth tightened and he frowned at the thought. “Maybe, if I’d thought you were actually dead.” He winced as he forced out the word.
“You didn’t think I was?” It was what I’d hoped for, but I wanted to know that I hadn’t put him through undue heartbreak—we’d already caused enough of that in each other.
“I had no idea what your plan was. I still don’t know how you survived that fall, but I trusted you. Just like you asked me to.”
I smiled as the warmth of his gaze heated me from the inside out. “I’d tell you if I knew.” I chuckled at the thought of why I’d done it. Separated from the urgency of the situation it was impossible to fully explain my state of mind or why I’d been so confident it would work. “It was actually something Ethan said that gave me faith to do it. But I just felt like I would survive. It was weird, like I knew the limits of my body even though I’d never tested it. The sunbird assured me that I’d be safe.”
He tilted his head quizzically.
“Ethan said I couldn’t have survived the jump unless I sprouted wings and flew away.”
Clay’s jaw hung open, and his eyes were wide. He looked like he was battling between shock and anger. “You do realize that you aren’t actually a bird, don’t you?”
“Yes, I am in fact aware of that,” I said with a laugh. “But the sunbird is . . . or was . . . before we became what we are, if you know what I mean. I don’t really understand it all, but she heated the air to save me.”
