by mike Evans
Lambert was walking in a daze and Chuck’s heart broke for him and for the news that he knew was coming. Nick looked up to his friend with tears in his eyes. His emotional limit had been reached and seeing Chuck’s tired eyes was the breaking point. He walked up and gave his friend a hug, a long one. “It’s okay Nick, I know you did everything you could. I know that you did your best”
Nick said, “Chuck, I don’t know what to say, brother. We did everything we could. That son of a bitch was waiting for us. He took three of my men…..three of my good men out today. I just don’t know what to say. We got him though, but unfortunately it was too little too late.”
Chuck pointed down to Nick’s pants. “Is that your blood Nick?”
“The killer was rigged with bombs. After he shot Traci we unloaded on him. I’m sure it will come up as police brutality somehow by the fucking liberals if there would have been some way to account for how many shots he took. But I don’t feel bad about it. Not for one goddamn moment. When he fell over a bomb that he had rigged to the tree detonated and I took a piece of wood in the leg. Three more men were killed from the blast. Pieces of the tree shot through their necks, ripping them in half and leaving them to bleed to death. There was nothing that we could do to help them. “
Chuck asked, “But you got the son of a bitch? He won’t be able to hurt anyone else?”
“Yeah, when I say that there isn’t anything else left of him I am not saying that subtly. That bomb fucking destroyed him completely. Traci's friend Katy is still missing. We have a APB out on her, but I'm pretty sure after everything that I've seen today that she’s dead. God knows how, but dead is dead, and if she’s gone the pain is no longer for her. Is there anything I can do for you though?”
“No brother, you go home to Tricia. I'll let you know what details there are later and when the services will be. I appreciate you trying. It was all that you could do and I know you did your best.”
Nick said, “It won’t ever be enough. This is going to be waiting for me every night for as long as I can imagine.”
Chuck went to go inside. Nick asked, “What are you going to do now?”
Chuck turned around and he looked like he’d aged ten years in a matter of five minutes. Tears were starting to roll down his face. “I’m going to go and break my daughter’s mother’s heart and tell her that we won’t ever see our baby again.”
Nick nodded slowly, knowing there wasn’t anything he could say to make anything better. Chuck tried to smile, but the face he made actually made Nick feel worse, which wasn’t something he thought that he could feel right now. As he walked slowly to his pickup, the screams and cries poured out from the house by Rosa and Chuck in unison. The block was filled with the sounds of horror and sadness and grief all put together in one terrible orchestra of emotions.
Chapter 25
Tuesday
"Thank you for joining us today on this occasion. I know that this is heartbreaking for many. No one wants to be thinking about how temporary our life is. I would be sad and I would feel sorrow if it was not for the fact that I know that Traci Pendergrast is resting with the angels of heaven. She feels no pain and has no fear. She is smiling in the heavens, watching us from above. Please join hands as we send the final blessings to God above. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
When the preacher finished his speech Chuck helped Rosa to her feet and walked her to the casket almost in a dazed state. Rosa knelt next to the coffin, giving it a kiss. They stood next to each other as they slowly lowered it to its final resting place. Chuck and Rosa both dropped a white rose on top of it. Rosa's shoulders began to shake and Chuck did what he could to console her. He had been telling himself over and over again for the last few days that it was not too late to grieve when this was done. He knew that he needed to be a crutch for Rosa, but didn’t know if his heart would be able to handle any more pain. He did not know if his mind could handle that.
When the funeral was over, those in attendance gave their condolences. They could tell just by looking at them that there was nothing they could possibly say to make them feel any better. Rosa had been sick of people telling them how Traci was in a better place, how she would feel no pain. She didn’t even have the opportunity to see her baby whole before being laid to rest.
She had fought back and forth with Chuck and Nick to see her daughter. The two of them had both been without question when they told her that in whatever way she could remember her daughter was better than trying to remember what was left of her now. The blast had been horrible and left nothing positive of her daughter to remember. In the end she had decided that the beautiful daughter that she could remember was better than trying to add fuel to the guaranteed nightmares that would haunt her until the end of her days.
Nick came across to shake Chuck’s hand and when he came to Rosa gave her a hug and kiss. Tricia gave her a hug as well. She was an emotional wreck over what had happened and it wasn’t so much about the loss of Traci but the idea, that at any given moment could lose one of her boys, or god forbid her grandchildren.
Later, when the people who had only come for the service had left, those left sat around reminiscing about Traci's life and all the good that she had done. Her mother had gotten even worse when personal belongings had been returned to them and there was an engagement ring that she had not had the pleasure to be able to share the joy of her news with.
Nick came up to hand a beer to Chuck, patting him on the shoulder. “Chuck, how are you doing, brother? You look like shit. Did you get any sleep the last few days?”
“Yeah, I sleep like a baby for about twenty minutes until the nightmares set in and then after that I wake up screaming in a cold sweat. I go out to the kitchen and get a glass of water. I’m old, so after that I go try and take a piss for another five minutes. Then I start the process over again.”
“A simple no would have worked. I’m sorry man, I just want to say something. I just don’t know what else-”
“Jesus Christ Lambert, right now isn’t the time to talk about this. Today isn’t the time to talk about it. If you keep apologizing for this I’m gonna knock your ass out. I can’t have this extra emotional stress right now, do you understand me?”
“You know that’d be assaulting an officer of the law, right?”
“Your wife would stick you on the couch for a month if you tried to put me in jail.”
“One month, are you kidding me? I’d have to buy a damn air mattress. I’d never make my way back in after that. I just feel horrible.”
“That just means that you have a soul, Lambert. Not that I ever questioned that before. Why don’t we go into the garage, that’s where I keep the good stuff. If I pulled out a bottle today Rosa would have my balls in a vice.”
Nick followed him out to the garage and Chuck took a bottle of Maker’s Mark down, blowing the dust off of the bottle. “I’ve been saving this. Originally it was for a special occasion, but I need something to dull the pain.”
“You know a shrink would probably tell you that isn’t healthy behavior, Chuck.”
“Well, fucking lucky for me that I’m not seeing one nor will I, damn it. I don’t care what Rosa says. That bastard that killed her is dead, and that’s all the closure I need. If I feel pain it’s because I loved her and that’s what you are supposed to feel. I don’t need a head shrink quack telling me that I’ll be better over time. The only thing that is going to make me feel any better is when I’m dead and I can reunite with her in heaven.”
Nick held up a glass and did the sign of the cross. He thought about the son of a bitch and couldn't get the mistakes out of his head, the tripwire attached, the explosion going off, the duct tape around them. It just didn’t add up. Serial killers didn’t tire of killing, that is how they became serial killers. Chuck was staring at his friend and after knowing him for over forty years he knew that he wouldn’t let
anything go. Nick said, “Do you need some help clearing out their place?”
Chuck said, “No, I already talked to their landlord, Peter. He said that we could have as long as we needed to do. I asked for a week and then we'll go in after that and clean it out. I can’t imagine the two of them having too much shit to go through.”
“Well, I think that you might want to think about that. There might be a good chance that they can collect more stuff than you can imagine.”
“No, we will be okay. I’m going to donate all the furniture to the Goodwill, we have all that we need and more now.”
“There isn’t any reason at all to give yourself more things to remember her.”
“I don’t have any problems remember her. This is one bad memory where I have a million good ones. It is just this one time, which is enough to haunt me for the rest of my life. Someone so beautiful, so wonderful, is going to leave me dreams that I cannot find a way to get rid of. I never thought that after Vietnam there would be a reason to have to deal with this again.”
Nick said, “I don’t know, brother, but you let me know if you want any help. I know that Tricia and I can take off any time that we need to, to come and help.”
“I appreciate that, Nick. I will take you up on that though more than likely. I’m no use when it comes to packing up kitchen shit. If I do it wrong then I won’t ever hear the end of it from Rosa. Because it’s a crime to not properly wrap some dishes just so a dumbass minimum wage immigrant can go and throw half the shit and break it anyways.”
Chapter 26
Two weeks after burial
Rosa had been collecting boxes for a week from the grocery store. Chuck was going through his shop, grabbing a toolbox to take with them to disassemble bed frames and anything else that they might want to take apart to make it easier to get things ready for when Goodwill showed up. Rosa came out to the shop. “Chuck, are you ready to go? I don't think we can put this off any longer.”
Chuck was moving a screwdriver back and forth in front of him at the workbench. He had the thousand yard stare that she hadn’t seen since he had come back from Vietnam when she was barely of drinking age. She remembered the night terrors, not being able to sleep, being tense and cranky. Rosa said, “You know this doesn’t have to be like when you came back, honey.”
Chuck, who’d been snapping for a week, said, “I swear, woman if you bring up going to a fucking shrink-”
Rosa slammed the garage door and marched to her husband, putting her hands on his shoulders. He was still looking at the screwdriver. Rosa took it, put it in the toolbox, and closed it. She lifted his chin. “You aren’t going to go back down that road. You and your mind aren’t old enough to come back from it. You need to let it out. You need to mourn, to cry, to let your heart break, honey.”
“Has crying yourself to sleep made you feel any better? Is your mourning process going easier because of it?”
“Yes. Do I still miss her each and every day? Of course I do, Chuck, but that pain hurts a little bit less. Not a lot, but a little, and moving forward is what we have to do. She wouldn’t want you to be killing yourself every day over it. It isn’t your fault. She was probably living the best day of her life from the size of that beautiful engagement ring.”
Chuck closed the toolbox whispering, “She probably thought she had….that she had….had her entire life in front of her.”
Chuck had met his breaking point. Rosa pulled him in, letting his head rest on her chest, and brushed his hair as the tears began to fall down his face. His shoulders shook and she whispered, “It’s going to get better, baby. I swear it.”
Chuck gripped her hard, crying so he could barely be understood. “It just hurts so much? She was so young, Rosa.”
“I know she was. You are taking the first step in a long process. Come one, let's go over there and get the place cleaned up. It’ll do us some good to do something besides sitting here and looking at each other. The landlord is only going to be patient for so long.”
Chuck pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping at his face and nose. “That son of a bitch won’t say anything as long as he keeps getting the checks. I already sent him a extra check for her rent to give us all the time that we needed. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go in there or not. If you want to figure out their dishes and box those up, I’m going to go through all the paperwork and get their bills in order. I’m just going to pay for everything. I’m not sending all those bloodsuckers their death certificates. We pay it, we are done.”
Rosa patted his back. “You know they will write that stuff off if someone passes away, especially like this. There is usually a no questions asked policy. I read through the information we received at the funeral home on how to help deal with loss.”
“Let me grab the truck keys and we can get going. Do you have all the boxes that you think we’ll need?”
Rosa said, “We will probably need more, but that is just a matter of time. We can only fit so much in there before we need to take it all back downstairs.”
“The Goodwill people will bring some, you just fill it up and they will take it. I doubt it will take that long to go through paperwork, then I’ll start taking down the beds and lamps so it’ll be easier for them to get it out the door. I just want everything taken care of and handled. The more things we put past them the easier I think things will be.”
Rosa kissed his forehead and said, “Honey, are you telling me that, or are you telling yourself that?”
Chuck gave her a long hug. “Mostly myself. I think you are handling this the way that people should. I’m handling it like-”
“There is no perfect way to handle these things, Chuck. You are an old stubborn ex-marine. I wouldn’t expect anything else from you.”
They made their way into the apartment, already having a spare key. Rosa and Chuck made a few trips up and down to the truck getting all of the boxes that she had been stashing over the last week. Chuck went to their file folders and tossed them on the coffee table, separating Isaac’s from Traci’s. He went through her’s finding nothing but a few small bills from a few nothing companies she had credit cards for and then started looking through Isaac’s finances. He was shaking his head trying to figure out how the boy had made a living. “Jesus Christ, I can’t believe our daughter was going to marry someone who was this disorganized. It looks like he spent most of his money every month on that damn wedding ring.”
“Well, him wanting to give our daughter the best isn’t necessarily a bad thing is it, Chuck?”
“No, but being able to eat is more important than a ring.”
“Not to a young woman that has been waiting for years to get an invitation to get married. She had subtly hinted more than once to me that she was more than ready to settle down. She loved that boy Chuck, more than she had ever loved anyone else. She was the best thing that ever happened to that boy after him losing his own parents. I don’t think he ever thought that he would have someone love him again.”
“Well, he lucked out getting our Traci. I’ll stop talking bad about him. Sorry honey, I ought to know better.”
“You don’t want bad karma, honey. If you need any help going through all that paperwork you let me know and I’ll be happy to take a break. I think I’m going to have to call Tricia up after all, there’s so many cups I think I could wrap them up for hours.”
“Nick said that she’d be happy to help. They are feeling as horrible as we are. Especially Nick.”
“She told me he isn’t doing so well. We weren’t the only house he had to stop at that night. He had union reps who had said that they would go and break the news but turned them all down. Nick said he took them in there, got them killed, and that he was going to finish by letting them all know what had happened.”
Chuck nodded, rubbing his hands through his hair as he looked around the apartment filled with memories, pictures, and reminders above all. He pushed up off the couch, grabbing a micro craft beer from the fridge. He la
ughed at it as he was walking past saying, “The least they could do was have a light beer in the fridge for dear old dad.”
“We can stop and buy you a six pack on the way home, Chuck.”
“I have beer at home, dear, that doesn’t do me any good here though. I guess that I’m going to have to try and force myself to drink-”
He stopped talking, looking down at more papers sitting on the table. He picked one up that stuck out to him, showing past due, end of service termination ninety days past due. When he pulled it up he started reading it. Rosa asked, “What is it, hon?”
“Nothing, I just…..I don’t know.”
“Well, get it done so you can help me out here.”
“Yeah I will, quick as I can.”
Chuck took back the papers with him staring at the past due notices and trying to think why he cared. He kept staring at the one for the truck until it finally hit home. He took Rosa’s cell phone and headed outside out of earshot. He dialed Nick from memory and after a few rings got an answer.
“Good morning to you, my beautiful Rosa. How are you doing?”
“Quit hitting on my wife you old shit. You probably can’t even get it up anymore.”
Nick laughed. “Oh great it’s you. Good morning to you sweetheart. What can I do for you?”
“I just had a question for you, I’m over cleaning stuff up at Traci and Isaac’s house.”
“Sure, I’m still working on some reports but if you give me like a half hour I will swing by and we can do everything you need help with. I know how it is with you old guys trying to lift things.”
“You’re just a riot. I had a question from what you had told me when you were leaving to head to the state park.”
“Look Chuck...brother, you need to try not to think about that. It isn’t going to do any good for you.”
