by L. A. Fiore
And she wasn’t wrong when the timer for the cookies went off a few seconds later.
Mom had managed to find a date for dinner that worked for everyone, well everyone but Ryder and Kimber. The guys were on their way…Damian was on his way. And I could talk a big game about mellowed feelings and being friends, but my heart was pounding in my chest with excitement at the thought of seeing him again. Tempered only by the lukewarm response I had received from him that night at his gym and the fact that he had neglected to tell me he was home.
I tried to distract myself by helping Mom. I stood in her kitchen whipping up a salad.
“I’m sorry the girls couldn’t make it.”
“They’re sorry too. But we’ll get them here the next time. How did you tie these three down?”
“Anton took care of it for me.”
He would. He loved Mom.
“And they’re all coming?”
“Yes. It’ll be nice having a house full of voices again.” Her voice broke a bit and I reached for her hand.
“He’s here too.” I was referring to Dad.
“I know.”
The doorbell rang. “Can you get that? I need to warm up the buns.”
“Sure.”
Unlike Thanksgiving from so long ago, I was prepared for the sight of Damian. And even being prepared, my body went haywire. Our eyes locked and all those old feelings came flooding back. I wanted to jump into his arms, but like he was reading my thoughts he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. My heart cracked at his rejection.
Cam pulled me close for a hug. “Twice in as many weeks. You’re going to get tired of seeing me, sis.”
I tried to play it off, tried to be as remote as Damian and turned my attention on Cam. “Not likely.”
Anton sniffed the air before he pressed a kiss on my cheek and started for the kitchen. “Is that the cheeseburger casserole?”
“Yes.”
I heard Mom’s delighted laughter. He probably just kissed her in appreciation.
“I’m starved,” Cam said then walked to the kitchen, which left me alone with Damian.
He had always been a huge presence but now it was like he sucked all the air from the room. The need to curl up against him was strong, like the pull of the moon on the tide. And I loved knowing that hadn’t changed, that he still tugged on all the right strings for me even if he didn’t feel the same anymore.
Hi was on the tip of my tongue, but remembering how sweet and erotic that one word could be coming from his lips, I swallowed that greeting and instead said, “Damian.”
He studied me for a second or two before my name rolled off his tongue in a sexy whisper. “Thea.” It was almost as good as hi.
We heard Cam’s greeting when he entered the kitchen. “Yo, Ma.”
“Cameron Edward Ahern. You give me a hug this minute.”
“She’ll want one from you too.”
Damian smiled, the sight making my heart slam into my ribs because I could count on one hand the number of times I’d been gifted with one from him. Then he followed after Cam. I wanted a hug from him too, but I didn’t think it was wise to say as much.
Fuck. For all the training and discipline I’d developed over the years, one look at Thea and it all went to shit. We weren’t teenagers anymore. Our lives went in very different directions, but seeing the woman, the girl I loved grew into, was bittersweet because even with all the time that separated us, and the circumstances, I was still in love with her. So instead of yanking her into my arms and keeping her there, I pushed my hands into my pockets.
“It was just as good as I remembered,” Anton said as he leaned back in his chair. “Thank you, Rosalie.”
“My pleasure. It’s so good having you all under the same roof again. Damian, I heard you’ve come home for good.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And you’re settling down here in the Bronx?”
“That’s the plan.”
“I like this plan. You’ve been gone long enough. Don’t you agree, Thea?”
I had been looking at Damian. It was safe because he was looking at Mom, but with her last comment his attention shifted to me. My eyes lowered to my plate. “Yes.”
“I’ll get the dessert,” Mom announced.
“I’ll help you,” Anton offered.
“I need to make a call. I’ll be right back,” Cam said as he too walked from the table while reaching for his cell.
Damian sat across from me. His long fingers playing with the tines on an unused fork, his focus on what he was doing. I liked the signs of aging on his face, the lines at the corner of his eyes and near his mouth. I hoped they were laugh lines…hoped that he’d found what he’d been missing. The man in front of me was practically a stranger and that observation twisted my heart. I knew how many times he had been deployed and I had a theoretical idea of what his unit did overseas, but what had it really been like? What had he endured to forge the man that sat across from me now? And even with him being different, with us both being different, I still felt that pull and connection. I still loved him.
The words were out before I could stop them. “I can’t believe you’re here. I have so many questions and yet I could happily sit across from you and say nothing and just look my fill. I’ve missed you.”
His focus shifted to me and I was treated to the beauty of those pale green eyes, but it wasn’t sadness I saw in them like I had when he was younger, instead I saw nothing. No emotion at all. He wasn’t just older. He was harder and more closed off. And considering how he had spent the past thirteen years, I understood. “Cam mentioned you were a graphic designer.”
I tried to keep the disappointment and pain from my voice because I wanted him to say he had missed me too. “I do mostly book covers and branding, but I love the work and the commute is ideal because I get to work from home. And you? I heard you were a Green Beret? What was that like?”
“Have you been back to McGinty’s?” That was the bar he had taken me that night, Dad’s favorite watering hole. Clearly he wasn’t big on conversation that revolved around him.
“On his birthday. You?”
“On the anniversary of his memorial.”
“But you were overseas.”
“Some things are more important.”
Tears burned the back of my eyes. He and I had missed our chance, but I loved hearing his loyalty to Dad even now. “You should have called me. I would have joined you.”
“That’s why I didn’t.”
I managed to control my reaction to that, my harsh inhale was muffled as I glanced down at the table. I never knew words could feel like a slap in the face. What the hell had he meant by that? He didn’t want me to join him? Before I could call him on his comment, Mom and Anton returned.
“Who wants coffee with their cake?”
Damian was once again looking at the table. We might be different and what had been was no longer, but he sure as hell would be explaining that comment.
I was working, finishing a book cover for a paranormal themed book but the dinner at Mom’s consumed my thoughts; particularly Damian and how different he was. It was naïve to believe things between us would be as they had been, but never once in all the times I imagined our reunion did I imagine the cold and impersonal conversation we had shared at dinner. Regrets sucked.
I didn’t usually have the television on while working, but the verdict to the McKay case was about to be read. I was conflicted because of course I wanted to see Uncle Tim win, but in this case I really did believe they had found the killer and he was going to walk. News crews were lined up outside the courthouse just waiting to get first reactions.
The jury filed back in as the cameras panned from the prosecution to the defense to the McKay family. Chris McKay upfront, his eyes blank as he waited for the verdict. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his head. The lead juror handed the verdict to the bailiff who carried it to the judge. He silently read it before folding up the slip
and handing it back to the bailiff.
“Have you reached a verdict?”
“We have, your honor.”
“And how do you find?”
“We find the defendant, Jacob Hunter, on the charges of murder in the second degree, not guilty.”
The courtroom exploded with shouts, but the camera was focused on Chris McKay. The person behind that camera would likely receive accolades because he caught the single tear that rolled down the older man’s face. The judge called for order, the juror was reading off the lesser charges and all the while Chris McKay sat like a statue. The camera then panned to Uncle Tim and his client, both had the biggest smiles on their faces and I actually felt a sharp pang of anger. I understood it was a victory but we were talking about the murder of a young woman. It seemed to me it was more humane to curtail the celebrating until after the cameras were off.
The judge dismissed the case, released the defendant and about a half an hour later Uncle Tim and his client were standing on the steps outside the courtroom. There were camera flashes and reporters shouting questions as Uncle Tim took the podium.
“Justice was carried out here today. The verdict may not be the popular one, but it was the legal one.”
“And what about Chris McKay, his grandchildren. What words do you have for them?”
“This isn’t personal. I’m very sorry for their loss. I’ve been there and know the helplessness, the anger, the need to find someone to blame. Unfortunately, the law proved beyond a reasonable doubt that my client is not that person.”
“And what of popular opinion that the cops had it right? That they are even now following a few leads that may prove he did in fact murder Cathy McKay.”
“It’s neither here nor there. A jury of his peers found him not guilty. He can’t be tried again, double jeopardy. The case, as it pertained to Jacob Hunter, is closed. Thank you.”
I really hoped Jacob wasn’t the killer because not getting another shot at him if new evidence did come to light, that he was protected by double jeopardy, would be a really hard pill to swallow for Cathy’s family.
I had spent the morning running errands and was now famished. I had stopped off at Ryder’s for a large coffee and something sinful, grabbing a treat for Mrs. Cooke too. I had just left Cup of Joe when my phone rang. Seeing it was Cam, I rearranged my bags so I could answer.
“Hey, Cam. What’s up?”
“Just saying hi. What are you doing right now?”
“I was running errands, but I’m on my way home. Why?”
“Want to grab a bite to eat later?”
“Yeah.”
“Damian is joining us too.”
Excitement rushed through me before I could stop it. “Sounds good. Where were you thinking?”
“Opal. We might get Anton to put his quest for world domination on hold to join us.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Catch a cab. I’ll cover it.”
“I can afford a cab.”
“And I’m your brother so shut up.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“See you soon.”
He was seriously a clown, but the idea of dinner with my three favorite guys had me walking with a little extra pep in my step.
At Opal, I was shown to our table. I was the first to arrive and while I waited the hostess sent the waitress over to take my drink order. I wasn’t there long when Cam arrived and with him was Damian. I felt a wicked case of déjà vu seeing the two of them together and how similar and yet different the picture was that they made now.
“You beat us,” Cam said as he bent in half and pressed a kiss on my forehead.
“Not by much.”
“Thea.” Despite myself, I really liked this new form of greeting—my name from his lips.
“Damian.”
“Have you seen Anton?” Cam asked.
“No.”
“I’ll go hunt him down,” Cam said, but he was already on the move. Damian took his seat, leaned back and leveled those eyes on me.
I didn’t hedge because I didn’t know how much time I would have him alone. “You said you didn’t call me when you came home because you knew I would want to join you. What did you mean by that?”
He didn’t answer right away, just kind of studied me like someone would a painting or in my case a large slice of cake. “Considering how it ended the last time it seemed wiser to avoid temptation.”
His or mine? Before I could ask, Cam returned with Anton and instead of clarification I was only more confused. We seriously needed to work on our timing.
Anton greeted me with a kiss on the head. He always did, so did Cam. Not Damian, at least not now. But when we were younger, those hands had roamed over every inch of me. And just the memory had an ache forming between my legs. I shifted in my seat and reached for the cold water. My eyes collided with Damian’s. I would have sold my soul to know what he was thinking.
“Any preference on food or should I just have them send out a sampling?”
“A sampling works,” Cam said and since that sounded good to me too I just nodded a reply. Besides words were difficult with how parched my throat had grown thinking about Damian and his hands.
Anton took his seat and folded one leg over the other. “You’re ready to catch Thea up?”
I’m sure I looked comical with how fast my head whipped around to Anton. I made myself light-headed. “Catch me up?”
“You wanted to know what I had learned about Dad’s death.”
“Yeah. I do.” Anton’s choice of words penetrated then. Catch me up. “Why do I have the sense that this is solely for my benefit?”
“It is. Anton and Damian are already in the loop.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that…them being in the loop but not me. “How long have they been in the loop?”
Cam pulled a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture. “Since Dad’s memorial.”
“Both of them?”
“Yes.”
Anger whipped through me as I glared at Damian. “You’ve been communicating with Cam for two years, but you never contacted me?” It was fucking personal him not reaching out, but I forced myself to shake it off. “Never mind. So the three of you have been playing Hardy Boys for two years and no one thought to include me?”
“We needed to get a handle on what we were dealing with.”
“And do you have a handle on it?”
“We’re getting there.”
“What do you know?”
“The pending investigation at the precinct into evidence tampering, there’s a link to that and some of the cold cases Dad was investigating. I think he might have uncovered some dirty cops.”
That was not at all the direction I thought this was going. Dirty cops. I felt ill at the implication.
“I haven’t shared this with Mom and I don’t intend to until I know more.”
“Are these cops we know?”
“So far, no. But I’m still digging.” He leaned closer to me. “I don’t know the extent of this, how far up it goes. I’m being discreet, so I don’t expect blowback, but I want you to be extra cautious. Don’t take any unnecessary risks.”
“Like paying someone a visit at one in the morning.” The words were barely off Damian’s tongue when Cam and Anton started talking at once. To be accurate in the retelling they were shouting at me, but I was fuming that Damian could ignore me but he didn’t have a problem with ratting me out.
“If you hadn’t kept me in the dark about being home, letting me learn you were finally home from Anton, I wouldn’t have needed to make that late night trip.” Silence fell over the table and two very angry sets of eyes turned on Damian. “It’s not important. Ancient history, right Damian?”
If that comment had any impact on him, I couldn’t tell.
Cam was still glaring at Damian but it was me he reprimanded. “You can’t pull that shit, Thea. I’m serious. I don’t think this will touch you, but you need to be smart.�
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“I am smart, I just act foolishly sometimes.”
“Don’t be fucking foolish.”
Damian’s comment had my temper boiling. He left, chose to stay out of my life, demanded I stay out of his, and yet he was sitting here like he had any say in my life now. The rational part of my brain acknowledged we were family, but the emotional part of my brain thought he should mind his own fucking business because he had been communicating, probably daily, with Cam for over two years and had been home for a month but never called me. The emotional side won.
“You gave up a right to thoughts on my behavior a long time ago.”
“Let’s calm down.” Cam directed that at Damian because he looked stupendously pissed at me. So that comment got through.
Anton was as always the calm presence. “Alright, she knows. Leave her alone.” And then he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You ever pull a stunt like that again though and I’ll put you over my knee.”
“Why couldn’t you have been girls?”
My muscles ached as I hammered into the bag. My body was exhausted and still I kept at it because the pain helped battle the ghosts. This time the ghosts were my own fucking fault. After that first attempt at seeing Thea, I had picked up the phone countless times to call her, but I never did. I reasoned that she had to have known I was home, Anton or Cam would have told her, and she made no attempt to contact me. She had done it before, sought to avoid me because it was easier than dealing with all the emotions stirred up at seeing me. I didn’t realize she didn’t know I was home. She must think I was a real fucker being home for a month and never calling her. I was a fucker because I’d acted like a fucking pussy and in the process I hurt her. Her comment that I lost my right, she wasn’t wrong, and yet I refused to accept that because she was mine. Always had been. There was more than anger in her words though—the shadow just behind her eyes…pain or maybe regret. I had regrets, a whole fucking footlocker full of them, but dwelling on the past was pointless.
She’d been beautiful as a teenager, but she was exquisite now. I’d bet money she still took a moment to appreciate the bloom of a rose and the flight of hummingbird. That genuine love of life had been one of the things that had drawn me to her. It still did. Regrets sucked, looking back on your choices and knowing you made some of the wrong ones. Especially when they cost you the one you wanted more than breath, they really fucking sucked.
